30 Day writing challenge … Day 19

19. Discuss your first love

” The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love and be loved, just to love and be loved”.

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I was going to write about my first serious relationship. Instead of writing about where I loved, but I’m not entirely sure I was loved back. Liked, sure…But loved? Not so sure…So I want to write about my first love, where I loved and actually feel loved in return. The first time I was able to believe in love.

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With all my relationships, I always know that I care, the first time I get jealous. Take my current partner, as an example. I felt so hurt by my previous “relationship”…or should I relationshit,lol…That I found it incredibly hard to trust my current partner. It was funny, because inbetween my last and my current, was the least amount of time I have spent single between a relationship. So, part of the reason I stayed with my current partner, though I was having a hard time trusting him. Was because of the instant connection and knowing it was MY issue, that he had not caused.

So the first time I became jealous. There was a really pretty girl at a party, and even I couldn’t help but stare at her. So I cried happy and insecurity tears when I noticed him staring too,lol…If I wasn’t jealous, it meant that I probably didn’t really care. The whole way back, I couldn’t stop crying and he was so worried. He said that he didn’t realise he was staring at her, I actually believed him. All my others I may have said I believed them, but, inside, I didn’t.

Okay, it’s probably not hard to guess who my first love is now,lol.

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30 Day writing challenge … Day 18

18. Post 30 facts about yourself

  1. I’m pretty open on here really. I don’t really hide that much on here, and I don’t think that I’m that interesting to be honest,lol. I am a basic biotch.
  2. The word biotch is the only thing I’ve kept from my time of liking Khloe Kardashian.
  3. I have liked all the Kardashians/Jenners at some point…All, but never Kim. Also, I don’t like any of them anymore…Except for Scott, funnily enough. I really like him. He’s a character. He should has his own show, but I don’t think he could handle it.
  4. I wish I was more confident with my body. I would like to do a boudoir picture for my picture for my partner…But I would just start laughing.
  5. Even though I’ve been told in the past, that I’m annoyingly sexy. I have never felt sexy, as a person.Cute, but never sexy,lol…By annoyingly, they meant, because I don’t even realise how sexy I am,lol.
  6. When I take a good selfie of myself, there are probably about 10 more after and/or before where I make stupid faces purposely…and sometimes I keep them!lol
  7. I annoy myself, because I would love to be a vegan…But just can’t make myself.
  8. I can’t eat anything that has eyes on it still (so like prawns/shrimps. Those spit roasts).
  9. I actually REALLY like vegan food. I just don’t like it being shoved down my throat.
  10. I used to play the piano, but my brother actually played it well.
  11. I think The Golden Girls may be the best tv show ever!
  12. Then Death in Paradise and Poirot
  13. I love running my own Discord channel…*hint hint* There’s not a lot of people on it, but it’s been a lot of fun! I love having the responsibility of having to come up with ideas to talk about. It keeps me distracted. Thinking about other things, other than the harshest of life.
  14. I think Kim Jong Un was in a coma
  15. I think I’m allergic to calamari, but I don’t want to find out. So I can still eat it.
  16. I wish, a lot, that I looked like Liv Tyler.
  17. I prefer action movies over romantic ones.
  18. I had never heard the song “We’ll meet again”until I went to my Poppa’s funeral, a bit over 10 years ago now.
  19. I have really enjoyed the live action movies. Not better than the animated ones, but still really enjoyed them.
  20. I love plushies, after Pippy, they are the best to hug! They don’t complain like my partner and cat,lol
  21. If I won a big lottery, I would probably have a room full of plushies, and Charlie Bears,lol.
  22. I would LOVE to swim with whales.
  23. And stay with a pride (if I wouldn’t get eaten, which I probably would).
  24. I wish mythical beasts exist. It’d make life more interesting! Like your Loch Ness, Bigfoot. I know they don’t exist, but I wish they did,lol
  25. When I went to the UK to visit family, I didn’t think and my great uncle didn’t think to get a picture of me. But apparently when he saw me, he said he knew because I looked exactly like his sister…My gran,lol.
  26. Sometimes I really think I would be okay with having just furbabies over human babies.
  27. I am terrified of not having children.
  28. But I am also terrified of being pregnant.
  29. I really enjoy playing Planet Zoo, but I have no idea what I’m doing to be honest,lol.
  30. I hate wearing bottoms, except for tracksuit pants.

Nurture Thursday – Re-Direction

Nurt Thurs – Re-Direction

Who isn’t feeling like this is what’s happening to them lately?

I have actually been thinking that during this time, maybe it’s time to start a hobby or to do something constructive with all this free time. The funny thing is so though, just this morning I was asked to come back to work. But it’ll still be a casual position and there is no guarantee it’d be to the end of the year. I think it’ll be for a months.

So while, I start work again and will probably still not work every day. Maybe NOW’s the time to rethink things. About my career. What do I really want to do? Am I willing to stick it out in any position, till I can figure out what I want?



30 Day writing challenge … Day 17

17. Post about your zodiac sign, and do you think it fits you or not.

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I have to say that whenever I read a description of what a “Taurus” is, I always find myself nodding along. Even the bad points. Like the stubbornness that Taurus’s are famous for. Oh, boy have I got that! Once I get something in my head, I can’t be stopped. Or if there’s something I REALLY don’t want too do. I find it SO hard to do it. Mentally, I really have to push myself.

The anger, I’ve got that too. But like a lot of descriptions say, it does take a lot to get us angry, but once we do…watch out! Which I think is the reason why I find social media hard to deal with. The stupid unkindness over things that should be common sense. Like people not understanding what the protests are about, the constant deflect. The purposely not “getting it”. They know why, they just want to “own the libs”. The gif is a very good representation of what happens in my mind when I get angry,lol

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Taurus’s are also known for enjoying the “finer things in life” Although I freak out with anything fancy. Somehow, as an example, during a sale. I still manage to like the most expensive thing that’s on sale. I prefer hotels over camping,lol…I am not a camping girl. I’ll do it, but I hate it. I absolutely love caravans though. So while this one is kind of true, it’s more true in that I look for more practical things. I just seem to know “fancier” things without knowing that I know,lol

The other interesting that I agree with about Taurus’s, is that though we seems to have expense tastes. We absolutely LOVE to share, which is something that I love to do. Especially with food, I don’t enjoy cooking. But I love making and giving food to people. I always say to guest, if they stay especially. My only rule is that they can eat/drink whatever they want, just let me know if you finish it.

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So both bad and good qualities, I’ve got them all. Of course there are exceptions to the rule. One thing, Taurus find it hard to cope with changes. Although I do and I don’t like it, if it’s something like changes at work. You HAVE to just suck it up,really. If it’s something like food, then I can be a bit more “I don’t like it”lol. I’m still not really like that though. It’s kind of where the stubbornness goes hand and hand together really.

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30 Day writing challenge … Day 16

16.Write about something that you miss

I think it goes without saying that I miss my Pippy the most.

2015-09-14 19.01.58

I mean, look at that face. I can’t tell whether or not she was thinking “There, there” or “there, there…shut up and love me”lol…When I got really down then other day, I was having a shower, thinking it might make me feel better. I couldn’t stop crying about how miss I miss the Pee-pee. See, she did not like the horrible side of my family, she was constantly barking and growling at them. Even when she got older and calmed a little, she did not trust them.

It made me feel like she was on my side. She’s one of the very sentient beings on this planet, that I 100% felt was on my side. And I trust animals, better than I trust humans.

Animals, our pets, just have this way of making us feel unconditionally loved. I really feel like I’m missing that right now. Pippy died at the most horrible time, really. She could have waited a few more months,lol. I miss just being able to hug her and lay down with her. Just to simply lie and do nothing else, you know what I mean? Cats aren’t really into that and my partner, only likes doing it when he wants something. You know what I mean by that too,lol.

30 day writing challenge … Day 15

15. Bullpoint your whole day

  • Woke up (lol)
  • Had a conversation with partner about how they changed his schedule, but in a good way!
  • Offered to make him lunch, then he reminded me that the bread had mould.
  • Put on socks that had come off during the night.
  • Gave Travie his pill
  • Filled up Travies bowls
  • Gave him a treat (for swallowing the pill)
  • Took my pills
  • Organised my pills for the week…How old do I sound?lol
  • Cup of tea
  • Open shutters
  • Decide if I should wash the towels or not. Weather doesn’t look the greatest.
  • Let Travie outside. (Sometimes I’ll let him out sooner or later depending on how he seems to be acting. Sometimes he’ll mew a lot when he really wants to go to the toilet and didn’t during the night).
  • Check on the plants…The chamomile and spring onions are doing well. Not sure about the spinach though.
  • Open up email – buy lottery ticket
  • Log into school work
  • Have Law and Order playing in the back ground.
  • Hop onto twitter for about 10 minutes
  • Order Subway for lunch…and the cookies! Mainly for the cookies.
  • Did homework.
  • Ate lunch
  • Spoke with partner on phone.
  • Went back to homework
  • Cleaned toilets
  • Regretted cleaning toilet
  • Feed cat
  • Would normally put made dinner, but partner made it tonight =D
  • Ate dinner…and it was good!
  • Took second cholesterol tablet…I’m on 20mg at the moment, doctor wants me to increase it to 80mg. But he wants me to take it slowly. So two tablets, over the day for the next two weeks.
  • Closed doors so cat couldn’t get out into the cold for the night.
  • Played Sims
  • Make cup of tea and ate little tub of yoghurt
  • Watched Father Brown
  • Take chamomile tablet before before bed.
  • Read some of my Mrs Sherlock Holmes book.
  • Turned everything off.
  • Sleep
  • Ate all the subway cookies >.<

I would have put things like “went to toilet”, but you probably don’t want to know that.

30 Day writing challenge … Day 14

14. Write about your favourite movies. (in no particular order).

  1. Moulin Rouge – Probably one of my favourite top movies all time. Definitely in the top three. I have always loved musicals, and this has to be one of my favourite musicals. The music, the story, the acting, the costumes (I LOVE the costumes). I know it’s not the best singing of all time, but it still works. No matter how many times I’ve seen it, I always cry at the end. I always hope for the happy ending.
  2. The Red Shoes (Moira Shearer) – I have been obsessed with this movie ever since I was little. In fact, just recently I thought about it and I am really surprised that my mum and dad let me watch it. It’s kind of dark, have any of you watched it? It’s a ballet movie based on the story “The Red Shoes”. It’s a fascinating movie.
  3. Robin Hood – Men in Tights – If I ever need a really good laugh, then this is the movie to watch for me. Now, I can watch it and comment on it whenever I want. I had a friend who hated it beacause Mel Brook insulted Michael Jackson.
  4. The Mummy 1 & 2 – I don’t like number 3 and I haven’t seen the one with Tom Cruise in it. It’s just a good movie to sit down and watch. Those two have got a little bit of everything that I like. Ancient Egypt, comedy and curses.
  5. LotR & The Hobbit – I just love how I feel like I’m taken away into a world of magic. I always felt that Middle Earth was more grown up and was more mythical than Hogwarts.


30 Day writing challenge … Day 13

13. Write what you are excited about

I am excited for the future. I am excited to be really help myself. It was interesting, because last night, I was really depressed. I haven’t felt like that for a LONG time. I felt very alone. All because of family, but as I’m sure you all know. What comes from those moments, is that we are shown who we really are. I started to think about how over the years. When ever something bad happened to me.

When ever someone treated me badly, everyone agrees that what they did was wrong. But yet, I would always be left feeling, like I deserve the way I was treated. Because others would do nothing, and then ask me to step up for them. Tonight, family who I thought didn’t like what part of my family had done. Originally none of them were going to their birthday, in support of me. Now they’ve all decided that they’re going, because…I guess they haven’t gone to a party in a long time? I only found out last night, hence, the very dark low last night.

Last night, I had never felt so alone in my life. Thinking of every single time, I’m treated badly. Literally everyone agrees what they do is wrong…But, they still go to their parties? Then turn around and say “I care about your health”…No, you don’t. It’s not rocket science, when you care about someone’s health. You don’t make it worse!

36 years into my life and I realised for the first time,I am alone. But that’s okay. It’s makes when I finally get married, easier for one,lol.  I’m not even married or engaged, but I get hassled all the time about who I can and cannot invite too MY wedding. My mum has already what colour dress I can’t have at MY wedding. I’m continually hassled by the horrible people in my family about the music at MY wedding. I thought a long time ago, I’d never get the chance to be a bridezilla, because I’d never be in charge of MY wedding,lol. But everyone keeps telling me how the family need a big happy party, like a wedding.

Last night I said to myself and my partner. Fuck them, they don’t deserve it. Where do they think they deserve a party? At MY expense? My partner and I can elope. Then I can wear whatever colour dress I want, play whatever music we want. Just thinking about it, makes me feel SO much better already. And that makes me excited.

Update: My horrible part of my family party is CANCELLED!!! The whole backyard flooded. I couldn’t help but thank all those have passed on for making it happen either. It’s nice to know that even in death I still have “homies” for life. 

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I’ll see you soon…Just, hopefully not THAT soon. I got some living to down here. Tomorrow is another day. 

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30 Day writing challenge … Day 12

12. Write about five of your blessings…

  1. Anyone in my life who has passed, that I love and still love.
  2. Anyone in my life whose still living that I love.
  3. That I was brought up to help others, not just myself.
  4. I have a roof over my head. Which is pretty secure.
  5. I have this Blog =D Shamelessly corny, but it’s true! I don’t know where else I can write out my thoughts and have discussions about them. Finding like minded people. We’re all different, from different countries most of us. Yet, we all think alike. Help others, be kind to others. None of us can figure out how other people spend their days just hating people.

30 Day writing challenge … Day 11

11. Write something where you have been left feeling “What if…”about

Sometimes I feel there is no point wondering “what if”, because it happened and you have to deal with it the best that you can. The only really big thing that I can think of is “what if”. What if I had never gone to America?

However, then I start thinking to myself, but my life would probably would have taken a completely different turn to the one that I have now. I may never have met my partner, but then I think to myself I still might have. Adelaide is small. There’s a good chance I would have. As it is, he plays a game that some of my other friends do play. But would I have dated him? Then I get sad, because I love him and he’s the best boyfriend and one of the best things to have ever happened to me.

I find people who really ask themselves a lot of “what if’s”, usually do it because they’re unhappy about something. I am happy. The biggest reason I wonder to myself “what if” about America is mainly job related. Over the 4 years I was coming back and forth between America and Australia, I would work at call centres…And I HATED it…You can make a lot of money really quickly. If I had never done that though, would I have gone for the library degree earlier in my life? Probably getting a job in a library earlier. Now, I’m kind of stuck.