Describe me

What is one word that describes you?

*Warning* Long Post incoming

The “funny” thing is, I have really been thinking about myself this week, haha. I don’t think that I could think of one word. Mainly because I’ve been wondering how I’ve turned out the way I’ve turned out. How am I this person? I am not questioning who I am, I am pretty sure that I know who I am, just…how?

How am I me?

I am pretty different from the rest of my family. I don’t even mean, I am vanilla and they’re all not. I mean I am just different, the way my mind works. A couple of nights ago my mum said something that was just “No one raised you like that”.

For those who don’t know, when you get dementia, it can take a while, but you start to not only lose your memory, but more often than not, the person affected has a complete personality change. My mother is perfectly well aware of this. She made me watch enough videos about it.

So you can only imagine what goes through my head when my mum will call her mother a “liar”. A couple of nights ago my Mum was talking about how she took my Gran out to this new fish and chip place. For some reason, only known to my mother she got my Gran battered fish, my Gran has never liked battered fish. My mother also complained how she “had” to get it, since she asked my Gran what kind of fish my Gran wanted. Even though Gran has never liked battered fish. So my Gran ate so little of it. Here’s the weird thing though, my Mum kept saying how has her mother lied her whole life, and has she actually liked battered fish her whole life. I had to remind her, that my Gran didn’t actually eat the fish. That was her first complaint. From anyone else, I would take that as joke. I just don’t trust my mother.

She also went on about people would accuse her of abuse. As you get older you tend to feel the cold more, and having dementia. So many things forget how to regulate. So my Gran was sitting in the sun with layer after layer. My mother was more concerned about what other people were thinking (she does that a LOT) than trying to create last memories with her mother.

I will be honest here, I don’t know like anyway that my mother treats my Gran, since her dementia diagnosis. She not only calls Gran a liar, a lot. She also gets pissed off at my Gran when someone calls my Gran a liar about one of her stories. My Gran was going around telling everyone that she used to live next door to the Queen, which I thought was cute. My mother complained about how everyone was going to think she’s a liar. WHO CARES?!

On top of which, for some reason, my Mum unblocked her ex-husband of 30 years, after blocking him at the beginning of the year.

As for my Dad, the only thing I have in common with him, is my hypochondria.

No one in my family, has a single ounce of self – awareness. Its just weird. So since I was so surrounded by people with such lack of awareness. How have I turned out so aware?

Did I just find my word? Aware, haha

See? When you write it out and “ground” it. It will all reveal itself.


Words …

I am Lauren, I am a women, I am a daughter, a sister, , a niece, a granddaughter, a teacher, a leader, a listener, a dancer, a basic bitch. I am a female, a thinker, a Goddess, a nerdess, a student, a researcher and full of faults.

If even one or all of these words, change or became useless tomorrow, it doesn’t matter. Because I will still be all of those still, just new words instead. Because I am still me and I am still here.

Erasing the word “woman”, doesn’t erase women. There’s no big pencil with a eraser on the end ready to erase “women” out, just because the WORD women doesn’t exist anymore. It didn’t happen when we went from wifman to women, and it wont happen. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, women and wifman are still here. Heck, we’re also called wimman, wibman.

Tell your TERF friends. And remind them, that hanging one’s existence entirely on one word, is not a good way to love yourself, and doesn’t do any good to your self esteem. Please don’t teach your children, that their entire existence depends on a word.

Weekly Wisdom Wednesday #2

My great grand father has this on his grave head stone…My great grand father was also the one who was the reason, I was the only Year 12 to understand Shakespeare =D I truly believe that being true to yourself, is one of the hardest and most rewarding things you can do. I believe the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is how to love yourself.


This post kind of follows on from the post I wrote yesterday. My brain gets literally confused with certain people though. The people I wrote about yesterday, how they’re don’t think YouTube or Twitter should change at all. How they are so dead set against these platforms being safer and just better mentally for people.

They are probably the same people who say things like “reverse” racism for white people, or the people that pick and choose sentences from the 2A rather than the whole thing.

Too myself “reverse racism” means that you are not actually racist. Reverse doesn’t mean the same, it means the opposite. I also find it funny though (not really haha funny) that a lot of people who claim reverse racism, are usually white. What I find funny is that these white people don’t see the irony in trying to make a special racism meaning for white people either. You are either racist or your not. There’s no other word, no other meaning.

Heed these Words!

Stressing is your body’s way of not trusting. Today, trust that all things are working together in your favor! With Love, Dr. KL Author of “Every Day Isn’t Perfect”:

via Monday Motivation — Dr. K. L. Register

I remember two days before I had my first panic attack. I was sick, I couldn’t move without throwing up. Yet everyone kept “demanding” that I show up and help them out. I was SO not okay and I did not listen to my body and how angry I was with pretty much everyone at this point. I was sick and they just did not care.

Restart 2018

Restart – The Daily Post – One Word Prompt

I have been doing a lot of thinking today and it’s been interesting. It was a huge coincidence that a lot of things I’ve been thinking about had to do with the one word prompt from the Daily Post – Restart.

I have not had the best start to 2018. In fact it’s been pretty terrible, my casual position with the Library was terminated…and no one told me.  I “lost” three best friends. I just recently discovered that one of my other “friends” from High School unfriended me as well, but kept my mother…Bizarre? (My mother unfriended her). The poor fool, none of the other girls like her. She keeps popping out babies (6 kids to four different dads) and the others HATE kids…Let alone the lack of respect of her and her children. My other casual job has given me less hours.

Sad Will Ferrell GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

However, while I’ve been frustrated…I’m perfectly fine…I haven’t cried once. I am in fact…feeling the best I’ve felt for a really long time.

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I know right?!lol

For everything that’s gone wrong…So much is going right! I’m now in talks right now to help volunteer at a writing club! I am completely scared out of my mind, but completely excited about it too…For every person that has “unfriended” me recently, I have gotten close to others. All the people that keep unfriending me, they have always been toxic to my life. Which mean that I am being left with those who really love me and care about me. Getting less hours, it’s been a kind of compliment as well, I am worth more than new workers, like literally…Because I’ve been working there longer, I get more per hour than they do…So it’s not a personal thing…I’m just worth way too much,lol…I have also become really social…I now have the skills to talk to strangers and make general chit-chat…Even two months ago, I would never have been able to do that. Having to see different people (doctors, hospitals etc) to talk about my health and my issues, it’s made me more upfront…This is it…This is me…

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So while I wish some things hadn’t happened, or had happened at different times…If wasn’t for those people, those moments…I wouldn’t be here now. I’m even getting WAY more views on my Blog that I was before…I’m not sure what happened there,lol

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Published on 26 Oct 2017
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