*Warning* Long Post incoming
The “funny” thing is, I have really been thinking about myself this week, haha. I don’t think that I could think of one word. Mainly because I’ve been wondering how I’ve turned out the way I’ve turned out. How am I this person? I am not questioning who I am, I am pretty sure that I know who I am, just…how?
How am I me?
I am pretty different from the rest of my family. I don’t even mean, I am vanilla and they’re all not. I mean I am just different, the way my mind works. A couple of nights ago my mum said something that was just “No one raised you like that”.
For those who don’t know, when you get dementia, it can take a while, but you start to not only lose your memory, but more often than not, the person affected has a complete personality change. My mother is perfectly well aware of this. She made me watch enough videos about it.
So you can only imagine what goes through my head when my mum will call her mother a “liar”. A couple of nights ago my Mum was talking about how she took my Gran out to this new fish and chip place. For some reason, only known to my mother she got my Gran battered fish, my Gran has never liked battered fish. My mother also complained how she “had” to get it, since she asked my Gran what kind of fish my Gran wanted. Even though Gran has never liked battered fish. So my Gran ate so little of it. Here’s the weird thing though, my Mum kept saying how has her mother lied her whole life, and has she actually liked battered fish her whole life. I had to remind her, that my Gran didn’t actually eat the fish. That was her first complaint. From anyone else, I would take that as joke. I just don’t trust my mother.
She also went on about people would accuse her of abuse. As you get older you tend to feel the cold more, and having dementia. So many things forget how to regulate. So my Gran was sitting in the sun with layer after layer. My mother was more concerned about what other people were thinking (she does that a LOT) than trying to create last memories with her mother.
I will be honest here, I don’t know like anyway that my mother treats my Gran, since her dementia diagnosis. She not only calls Gran a liar, a lot. She also gets pissed off at my Gran when someone calls my Gran a liar about one of her stories. My Gran was going around telling everyone that she used to live next door to the Queen, which I thought was cute. My mother complained about how everyone was going to think she’s a liar. WHO CARES?!
On top of which, for some reason, my Mum unblocked her ex-husband of 30 years, after blocking him at the beginning of the year.
As for my Dad, the only thing I have in common with him, is my hypochondria.
No one in my family, has a single ounce of self – awareness. Its just weird. So since I was so surrounded by people with such lack of awareness. How have I turned out so aware?
Did I just find my word? Aware, haha
See? When you write it out and “ground” it. It will all reveal itself.