Who do you not trust?

We have a “new age guru” chef called Pete Evans. I don’t know how many readers on here are aware of him. He’s a chef, but he’s also a tv host on numerous “cook off” type tv shows in Australia. Also one of my ex-friends was really obsessed with him. Even though she hates children, like the others did. She would tell people like me, who were probably going to have children one day. That I should give my newborn bone throth soup, because he said so. For those who don’t know, the quantities that he suggested, are actually dangerous for newborns.

He has also been fired recently from a lot of his television shows, as a result of selling a $15,000 coronavirus “crystal health” machine. He is also anti-vaccine. Just your average new day “healthy” manic. Never liked him…

But I also have never trusted him. For one very big reason.

The mister (and his wife) and the mrs anti-vaccine, only crystal healing…Get botox. Amazingly enough, I have seen a LOT who do.

 

These are my confessions

I’m not sure if I’ve actually written about this before…but if I have I apologise if you feel like you are just rereading something.

(I actually thought about this while I was “in the bathroom”)

I love my partner, I love him SO much…I don’t even think about not being with him.  I know he gets frustrated sometime because he’s not a very expressive person and isn’t great with his word…But his actions…I LOVE his actions! He is definitely an action man. Considering my other ex’s were definitely all talk, no action…I freaking love it!lol..I just want to cuddle him all the time!

Adorable Cat GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Here is my confession though…

My last ex has totally ruined me.

My last “relationship” was really weird! My last ex chased me for months and I kept saying no. There was a huge age gap…I was 29 going on 30 and he 19 going 20. After 7-7 months after spending a night together, just talking…I finally said Yes…A month later he ghosted me.

Not Interested Iliza Shlesinger GIF by Iliza - Find & Share on GIPHY

For those who don’t know what “Ghosting” is. It is pretty much anyone you’re dating/seeing…and they just literally stop all contact with you. After chasing you for months and months. They wont return calls, emails, they wont meet up with you anymore. No reason, they just disappear. My ex stopped talking to me and went to a party and did not invite me. I had to send a text saying “I guess you’re trying to tell me you want to break up with me?”.

It has completely ruined my ability to trust and open quickly anymore. The thing that upset me most was when I finally said yes and let my guard down, I fell pretty hard, pretty quickly. Within that one month I was so happy, I allowed myself to look at “wedding” things, because it just felt so right. Usually it takes me forever to get to that point…The guy made me feel like a silly old fool.

The only reason I am starting to look at wedding things now is because my partner and I have been through so much together already. It makes me love him more and more each time.

This isn’t at all too say that I am expecting an proposal anytime soon…It’s more when I start looking at those sorts of things, for me, it means I’m at a certain stage, myself, personally.

 

 

 

 

Self-Love Questions

So I found these UH-MAZING questions that help you to reflect on what you deserve as an individual…I feel like I wanted to do these questions, I want to be more about the self-love this year for myself…Please feel free to do these as well!

The Truth Practice – 10 Journal Questions for Self-Love

Self Love Questions

1. What do I believe I deserve in life? Why?

I believe I deserve to be really happy. I feel like it’s starting to happen for me as well. I cannot control everything, but there are things I can do to make more things happen, things that are within my control. I deserve to be happy NOW…But I always did.

2. What does trust mean to me? How can I learn to trust more?

Trust to me is knowing that you can stop speaking to someone…Even in anger and know that the other person would still not tell your secrets. Doesn’t matter who it is, it can be a romantic relationship, a friendly relationship or even a work relationship.

3. There is a quote from Jack Kornfield that says, “ Like a sandcastle, all is temporary. Build it, tend it, enjoy it. And when the time comes, let it go.” What do you need to let go of in your life? How do you think you will feel once you let it go?

I need to let of not believing in myself enough. I have this terrible habit of really wanting to do something but then thinking of every single way that I could mess up, or if I’d look silly. If I’m not good enough and so it just never happens. I really NEED to let go, I feel like if I could let go of it and then my life would be so much more fulfilling.

4. The Dalai Lama once said, “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” When was the last time you didn’t get something you wanted, but it worked out for the better?

Very recently actually. If you’ve been reading some of my most recent blogs you’ll know that I recently lost some life long friends. It’s not the why I wanted it to go, but I can honestly say that it’s working out for the better for me. I’ve been so much more productive and I am organising a lot more things to do for myself this year already.

5. Make a list of 10 things you do to relax. How can you incorporate these things into the week ahead of you?

  • Read a book
  • Listen to “mood music” (Depends on my mood what music I listen too)
  • I’ll take a little longer in the shower than I should
  • I hug my plushies!
  • I have about 10 different colouring in books.
  • I’ll just lounge with my pets
  • I’ve recently just started taking walks and listening to music, it’s been great!
  • Online retail window shopping…Especially when I don’t buy anything!
  • I love to play computer games
  • Watching safari live, especially when there’s not hunting and we just see baby animals,lol

6. What is your favorite song? Why do you like it? How does the song make you feel? What do you think about when you listen to it?

My favourite song probably of all time is “Happy” by Pharell Williams. I cannot not be happy whenever I hear it come on. No matter the mood I will get up and dance. If I’m lying on the bed, crying, I hear that song I am up and dancing and thinking of all the good things in my life.

7. “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson If you knew this statement were true, what would you do differently in your life? What if you could do these things every day?

I almost feel sad saying that there would be a lot I would differently, but a lot of the reasons why I can’t do what I want to do, is of course…money issues. I would do craft things to sell every day, I would probably also do computer/internet streaming a few times a weeks. There’s a lot in my life that would be different. I’ve been thinking about someone, and there’s some that I could do…I just have to watch the wallet!

8. What does love mean to you? How do you show these emotions and actions to yourself?

Love to me means that you are kind, but tough. Love doesn’t mean you just do what whatever the person you loves tells you to do. You don’t just go along with whatever, you can stand up and say when you think something is wrong. You don’t just always go with the flow. Sometimes you have to stand up and be tough.

I find this is the same when it comes to loving myself as well. I love myself, but as the general consensus we are toughest on ourselves and sometimes we have to be tough on ourselves.

It’s not about being unkind, it’s more about not wanting us and the people who we love, not to suffer anymore.

9. In what areas of your life do you show a lot of faith? Why does faith come easily to you in these circumstances?

I show a lot of faith in my family, especially my mothers side. I honestly don’t know what I would do without them! I feel and know that I am safe whenever I’m around them.

10. What would your daily habits look like if you chose to live life with an open heart?

I would probably get up at roughly 6amish, instead of 7:20am and start my day with a meditation and a glass of water. I have no idea what I’d have for breakfast, probably a banana. I’ve got a lot of cereals in my cupboard, but who eats those for breakfast!lol…I would go for a walk every day, no matter the weather. I would get to bed at 10:30pm and be asleep at 11pm. I would love to do a craft every day. Making people’s Christmas cards last year, was great! I sat there for hours, trying to make them all different. It was great and very therapeutic.

Can ex’s be friends?

Simple Answer…Yes

Clearly each situation is different. Myself, personally, I am friends and on good terms with at least 80% of mine. One I just can’t see myself ever being friends with for a variety of reasons and the other one…I just don’t trust him…at all. I don’t think anyone should and you should never have anyone in your life if you don’t trust them, that’s not just for ex’s.

I think it always takes time, for every single one of my ex’s that I haven’t or have ended up being friends with, it took time. That’s one of the things about living in a small city, you tend to bump into people a lot…Or at least you know people who know that person.

What brought this topic you may ask? I was recently on Instagram (I’m mainly on there as a lot of the guides from #safarilive post a lot of pictures on there). There was a picture of a guy who had broken up with his girlfriend (ex) and he wrote a respectful tweet about how they had broken but they still respected each other. And the comments were all about how pathetic they are. It was kind of like they’d prefer him to completely trash her instead? What is actually wrong with people?

Personally I would have loved it if any of my ex’s had spoken about me in a respectful way, instead of stabbing me in the back…Repeatedly.

What about you readers, do you think it’s possible to be friends with an ex?

Honour

I had an interesting conversation last night with a friend who was surprised to learnt that I have no plans on having a Maid of Honour.

See to me a Maid of Honour should be someone that you have been able to rely on 100% your whole life. Now my girlfriends have let me down a lot in my life and although I’ve forgiven them, there’s still that element of mistrust.

It’s kind of a symbolic thing as well. Think about the way the Maid of Honour and Bridesmaids stand while the Bride and Groom are pledging themselves to each other, the Bride and Groom stand with theirs backs to them. The people who stand behind you as a Bride and Groom are the people who literally have your back. I have actually considered having my brother as my Maid of Honour.

Sometimes your stuck in these situations, but I am going to refuse to have a Maid of Honour.

p.s. I’m not getting married by the way,lol

My Hearts Biggest Chance

Daily Post … Take a chance on me

What’s the biggest chance you ever took? Did it work out? Do tell!

I can honestly saying that going on a date with someone that I met on an Internet date site after I was done with dating. When I say done, I mean done. I had all given up at the age of 30. I have to be honest my last ex I went off on because I was tired of the way I had been treated for years.

I took a huge chance on going on my first date after all that heartbreak because I was determined to set up my life by myself and if I ever fell in love again, I was so sure that it wasn’t going to be for many years. I was single and proud.

It’s been working out for me so well, I’ve been with my partner and we haven’t had a fight in all that time. My partner has given me so much more confidence and I’ve put on weight instead of losing it from being stressed out all the time, like I had been in previous relationships. It’s like that cliche saying “It always happens when you’re not looking for it”. I went on this date pretty much being pushed into it. “What’s the worse that can happen? You’ll get a free meal at least”(which didn’t happen, I paid my part).

I’m not sure anybody I know in my life that will understand how hard it was for me to go on that date.

A year ago today…

I am not sure how many of my readers have a Facebook, but on Facebook ever so randomly they have this “app” called “TimeHop” and what it does is it allows brings up a post from say a year ago from today or 5 years ago and you can post it onto your Facebook. I don’t actually have this app on my Facebook, but it still randomly shares posts and today it decided to share a post today. Reminding me that a year ago I broke up with my ex.

One of my roughest break ups ever for myself personally. My ex had been chasing me for months and then when I finally decided to break down and say “Yes” it moved very quickly and then it was over a month later. It wasn’t just over but my ex treated me very cruelly afterwards as well and honestly I still believe, till this day that he never cared. I hated the song by “A Great Big World, feat Christina Aguilera” … “Say Something” because that’s pretty much what happened. He wanted to break up and then refused to talk to me and decided, of all the friends he had, to go and tell the first person we had broken up, the person who hated me the most? The guy was horrible to me….Obviously. Made no sense.

A year ago

I never thought that I could trust someone, let alone love someone ever again.

Yet, here I am a year later and I am in love with someone who is like the most incredible person I have ever met and takes such good care of me. I can’t even explain how happy he makes me. He’s honestly also the first boyfriend I’ve had that actually makes me feel he really wants me around. That is SUCH  an unusual feeling for me and sometimes it still makes me a little sad that it’s taken me this long to find someone who treats me like that =/

It amazes me where my life has taken me since this day. I never thought that a year later I would be here. Stronger, happier, feeling more fulfilled. When I think about how I felt and how long it took for me to trust my current partner, it still astounds me that I am here.

Yet, always there is hope…

Dear You,

I need to write this to you, but I can never show you, I can never open my heart up to you again. In the rest of my days, you can never actually know this.

It’s weird this feeling that I have. I hate you, I don’t trust you and now you have made me feel unsafe and unwanted. Yet at the same time, I am completely, madly in love with you still. Isn’t that weird? I know that I can’t ever be with you and with the attitude that you have seemed to develop over night I don’t want to, but yet here I am. Flirting, chatting with other guys and opening my heart to them, but still in love with you?

Yet, if anyone were to tell me that I have no self respect for myself, I know that they’re in the wrong. I don’t want you back, ever again. Not in a millions years would I ever, and sometimes I think it’s because I miss who I thought you were, not who you turned out to be.

You were the first person that I could really see myself settling down with, getting married, having babies, doing the whole grown up thing. I get scared sometimes that now I am far too damaged to feel like that again, yet there is hope. I can hear her calling in the back of my mind “Don’t give up!”