Realise!

Have you ever realised, in one single moment, what bad friends you have had in your life?lol…I was actually writing a comment on another fellow Bloggers post and was talking about the bad friends I’ve had in my life, and I realised that DAMN. I’ve had a lot of bad friends in my life!lol

When I started to think about it even more, there’s probably about 5-6 people who I would even consider a friend (other than family). Considering I’ve got over 300 “friends” on Facebook. That’s a very small percentage of people I actually consider to be a friend.

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Now there’s people I don’t necessarily dislike, but apart from a like here and there, are they really my friend? I’m old enough to know better, that a Facebook “friend” isn’t necessarily a friend. But it was just that moment where I realised, I have had some REALLY bad “friends” in my life. People I actually considered to be a friend, were not a friend at all! The people that I like their stuff here and there, have treated me better than actual friends.

Through various different situations and different friendship type groups, I have pretty much been treated pretty badly for a very long time by “friends”.

Whether it’s not letting me heal properly by sending me long emails telling me I’m wrong. Too suddenly getting dump because a group of guys can only handle being friends with one girl at a time. Too the entire situation with my ex best friends.

Why!?…How does this happen?

Friendship breakups 2 of 2

This is a continuation of my previous post Friendship breakup 1 of 2.

Too me it’s crazy how much my ex-friends have in common with the “Mean Girls” from Mean Girls. There is a definite Regina George to the group. Gretchen is definitely L, always trying to please the ex S Regina in my life, no matter how much she insults her to her face. Then Karen aka A and how vague she always seems to be. You can’t really trust her.

What I didn’t write about in the last post was about what signs you should look out for if you think your friendships are toxic or possibly your friend could be an abuser.

One of the things that I’ve realised now is that especially the “Regina George” of the group can insult you right to your face and you’d think she’s standing up for you. Hindsight is always 20/20. I remember when we had the argument that made me look at her differently. After that argument the Gretchen Wiener of the group decided to do what she always did, post passive aggressive posts about what great friends ‘are’ and I was ‘accidentally’ left out. I was told instead of the Regina and the Karen Smith say “Yes, she shouldn’t have done that” or “I’m sure it was accidental, Gretchen is a really good person, she’d never do something like that on purpose”. They said “That’s just who she is” and Gretchen liked it because she thought they were standing up for her. Notice something though in that quote for quote, something I’ve only just know realised myself now.

  • They didn’t say something along the lines of “Gretchen would never do something like that. She’s a good mature adult who considers you a friend”.
  • So who just does things like that? Petty, Immature? Nothing flattering anyway.

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There are a lot of thing I’m only just starting to realise.

That’s part of the problem with breaking free from any type of toxic or abusive relationship. You don’t always notice the signs or the problem until AFTER. That’s how they get away with it. You don’t realise the backhand  “compliments” or you think they’re standing up for you…when they are actually putting you down or insulting you.

Even when you’re having an argument with them, they place the blame on you and make you feel like you are at fault. They make you think you’re the crazy one. For example, when they attacked me and all I’d get is a “That’s who they are” type speech. When I started to realise how wrong it was, and started to say “I want better than this” all of a sudden I was attacking them and they don’t like to be attacked (like I enjoy it or something?lol).

They try to make you feel crazy and that you are too blame.

Another good example, the big fight that I had with them. I was told that it was my fault we heard bad things about my ex friend boyfriend. When I said how wrong that is, I was told “That’s just how I feel”. Everything they feel, say and do is right and you are just wrong.

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Friendship breakups 1 of 2

*So I was going to write a really long post, but I thought that it may bore people to read my point of view. So I’m going to write it in two parts. One talking about a basis of where I’m coming from with friendship break ups. The other will be about how to spot if you’re in a toxic friendship and how to get out of it. Purely from my personal experience*

I was replying to an answer on Quora (Quora is fabulous by the way). Someone asked the question about how do you know when your relationship/partner is toxic. I started off by saying that I think they already knew the answer. Normally I would respond with just that. However, since the other people who answered were about how wonderful their partners are…

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I decided to talk about how the hardest, but most toxic relationships I have had trouble letting go of are, which are friendships. Romantic relationships have been much easier for myself to let go of, especially when it’s right. All I needed was one toxic romantic relationship that I hung onto, to realise how I should just let them go.

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Why Do People Believe Narcissists Rather Than Their Victims?

The most obvious answer is, this is what Narcissists are really good at. It’s what they do.

For myself, when I wanted to start letting go was when I got into an argument with my now ex-best friend about her on again off again abusive relationship. It didn’t start off as that but it deteriorated. It was when she “slipped” and admitted that the reason we hear about all his abuse was because I was single and when she’s single she doesn’t like hearing how happy we are. That comment was my ah ha moment. It disturbed me to no end, what also disturbed me though was the other two were not disturbed at all that she’s only happy when we’re miserable.

I’ve started to realise that it is possible to have or be in an abusive friendship. We put so much emphasis on romantic relationships that we forget that the relationships that we have the longest can possibly be abusive as well. Family, friendship etc. Every time I’ve heard of what people who are abusers have done to other people, I’ve started to realise that it is extremely possible to have a friend that’s abusive towards you. I mean why not, right? Why think that abusers are only relegated to family and romantic. I’m sure they don’t.

It’s why I think we find it so hard to let go of friendships. Because socially, we’re really only told about abuse is abuse when it’s domestic or romantic. Why not friends?

When you take a look at incidents of manipulation of gas-lighting…I wonder how many of us can relate to a friend who has done this to us?

There is good news though, once you recognise the signs. You then get the choice to leave or stay. I think that is one difference with friendships, once you have decided to leave, you tend to be able too. You’ll probably get gossip and you’ll probably lose friends, but friendships tend to be easier to leave than other types of relationships.

Knowledge is ALWAYS powerful!

 

Jacksonville

I am sure by now that everybody has heard of the Jacksonville Mass Shooting and why the shooter…shoot…

I love gaming, it has helped me so much when it comes to my anxiety and trying not to think about it. It helps me get lost for hours and hours till I have forgotten why I was anxious in the first place.

So, what is going on?

When it became apparent why the shooter was upset. The first reaction to a lot of (mainly white men) were them getting triggered SO easily, like it’s not normal to get upset by comments that SHOULDN’T be about them. Mass Shooters are mainly men! There’s clearly an issue there. Women are gamer’s and suffer from mental health. Yet we’re not mass shooting people. It’s time men start asking their friends what the heck is going on. We cant solve it for them, because we are not men and we don’t know why they’re doing this. I know emotions are scary, but they gotta do it.

It’s like the whole #notallmen…We know it’s not all men. However, there are clearly issues there. Just like I am able to sit there and say although I suffer from mental health. I don’t get upset when someone tries accuse me of being a horrible being, because I know I am not like that. HOWEVER, even if the people who have hated on me this year wanted my help, I would help, because their issues are not about me.

I hate to bring this up again…When my now ex friend accused me of all this stuff, I was shocked, not angry, because I KNOW that is not me. I had no reason to be angry, because everything she accused me of, I had not done and it was not me. It was all her.

Which means I don’t really understand why these guys are concentrating on being accused of something, that they are not being accused of. Rather than going “There’s a problem here”. Getting upset by something that isn’t about you, is not good either. My brother is really witty and very funny, and he makes fun of people all the time, myself especially,lol. Yet, what he says doesn’t make me upset. A lot of the time, it’s true!

The Ever lasting Effect of an Empath

Over the weekend Safari Live had a very special fireside chat that was dedicated to the Queen that is the Leopardess Karula. It got me too thinking, about those things, people, animals, that leave us with an impression forever, even though those things that we’ve never actually met before. How do they affect us so much?

Take the situation with Karula, I’ve never actually physically seen her, not to face to face (not that I would have wanted too), but through a tv screen, yet whenever I see a picture of her or a screen shot I started getting emotional. Or take the Manchester bombings, I don’t even live in the same country, let alone in Manchester, yet the whole day I was crying. Even with people I dislike, or people who have done me wrong. I get upset for them when I hear something terrible has happened, I just cannot revel in their misery.

EmpathTest.com

(My super serious title is : The Moon Goddess Empath)

Any fellow Empaths in here?

I think that the issue I have most with being empathetic, is that unfortunately, I tend to “suck in” other people’s emotions and I have to constantly suck myself back out of situations before I am completely and utterly sucked in by the toxicity, and there is a lot of that out there!

So what as one empath to another, what suggestions that people who are empathetic, what direction, what suggestions can we make to one another to make our lives a little easier. It’s very hard to function in the world if we consistently let the world upset us. I have a few suggestions:

  • Make a commitment to yourself to take yourself off of all social media for at least once a day a week.
  • Eat and drink healthy…I know it may seem like a cliche, but I have taken out coffee recently and I have really noticed the difference.
  • On those days off from social media, fill your mind with something fulfilling, completely personal for you.
  • Understand that you do not have to go to any party or gathering, if you feel you don’t want too. Make sure though you do treat your mind instead!

One thing you should understand though is that being an Empath is not the same as having depression or a mental illness, that is a completely different thing. Although the two can overlap and correlate a lot.

Toxic

I think I figured out yesterday after thinking about my post from yesterday (Unexpected). Facebook is just SO toxic and I don’t really understand why. There are a lot of people on there who just want to be “right” with no actual facts, with no compassion and a lot of “the majority think that way, so you’re right” even when a lot of time most of the comments are thinking the opposite way. I have yet to see someone go “You know? Maybe I should (first of all) get all the facts” and “Maybe I should have thought about this more”. I honestly used to feel not “normal” before Facebook came along and since it has, I’ve started to realise that I have a lot of my s#@t together,lol

Nup, it’s all about “Truth hurts!” Although a lot of the time there are no facts whatsoever. Don’t these people just feel…stupid…Why do they do it?

I just don’t think Facebook is for me anymore. Maybe it’s just time for me to spend even more time off of it. I don’t know about anyone else, but are you just bored with it? It feels like a popularity contest, people make judgement with no communication towards the people, even though I still think it’s a great tool for keeping in contact with people. Others just don’t use that way.

Time for reading and exploring and just getting out there! Doing things I actually enjoy doing rather than arguing with stupid people,lol

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Karma

KARMA:

I see a lot of people who want Karma towards a lot of people who have hurt them or harmed them in some way or another. By this it seems that a lot of people want them to have some big event or other (and sometimes for the other person to have this overwhelming need to apologise).

This is how I see Karma. It’s not a one big event thing and they more than likely are not ever going to apologise. Take comfort in this though. Every day they are living their Karma. Every day they have to live with being caught with their lie, or how they’ve hurt someone. They are feeling it, trust me. The only type of person who can hurt another and not feel it…Well that’s just psychopathic.

Take myself, for example. I had someone who decided to impress me by insulting his sister and his best friend, just to get into my pants, which did not work. I was then not invited to anymore parties and slowly I have not heard from anyone since (It’s a common theme for them. They do something wrong and you get “punished”) Now I could be hurt by this, except I feel sorry for him.

Can you imagine it? He doesn’t like his sister being there and he has to live with his friends saying disgusting things about her ALL THE TIME. Trust me he knows they are…How do I know this? Because he used to do it about other girls. You know the Trump “locker talk” stuff? Well they do that. Even if they didn’t too his face and I have seen some of them do it, he knows exactly what is going on. He must be SO pissed off. I don’t need need some big event, he must feel so alone, not being able to say he doesn’t actually want her around. Knowing the horrible things the say about her, knowing they don’t actually respect her, for her.

I don’t need to do a damn thing. If people wont talk to me about why I was suddenly not invited either, they have to live with that too. Which has happened to me over this situation as well. It’s not surprising, but it’s still disappointing.

mean-girls

Are you wounded?

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/the-toxic-attraction-between-an-empath-a-narcissist/

Oh wow! Just Wow! This describes so many of my past relationships. A lot of my ex’s would go on and on about what “terrible childhoods” they’d have. They weren’t abused or anything, a lot of them had parents that would overcompensate. The reason I would post this in a “Single” Blog? Mainly because I think that if you are one of these, you can look out of the warning signs of the other before you become any more serious. If you are dating someone new and you are feeling unsure then you can look for these signs.