Wobble…Like Jelly…

So tonight I had a bit of a freak out and a bit of a wobble. Currently here in South Australia we are experiencing a major devastating bush fire, people lives are being lost, homes and property completely gone and we unfortunately had one well known kennel and cattery burnt down with many of the dogs and all of the cats still on the property.

Anyways this same night I had a date with the number one guy (there is no number two guy anymore). I heard that the suburbs that three different ex’s of mine are from, were required to evacuate. I couldn’t help myself, I got worried and I realised that I still cared. Not in love care, but worry something will go wrong kind of caring. Then I got angry at myself for caring at all. My mum told me it was perfectly naturally to still care and worry while not being in love with that person.

I hate though that I still care about these people who obviously never cared about me. I highly doubt that if they heard that I had to be evacuated that they would worry about me at all. I got so upset that I still care and I know that they don’t and now I’m frightened that it’ll happen to me all over again.

I can already tell it’s happening, everything that the number one guy did tonight bugged the crap out of me and yet I know in the back of my head none of it’s any of his fault, so I managed to fake a “sickie” and get myself out of the date earlier than anticipated and then collapsed in tears when I got home. 30 years of being treated like hell and I think that I broke tonight. I can feel myself cutting off and becoming cold.

p.s. I will be fine, I just can’t seem to stop crying tonight.

 brokengirl

This Matthew West guy seems to get it…

Uploaded by QueenGalaxii

Published on 14 May 2012

Lyric Video..

TWITTER: https://twitter.com/JessicarJiggins

Are You Okay? No…Really…Are you?

Just to start off with, I do really love the whole idea of the “R U Okay” day (which is an Australian depression awareness day). I think it’s great to see so many people getting into it and asking people on their Facebook, Social Media sites “asking” people “R U Okay”.

Find out more about R U Okay day (from Australia).

The only problem I have with this idea is that as someone who suffers from depression, I don’t necessarily open up to someone who just asks me “Are you okay?”. I’m not sure about others, but a lot of people (myself included) when we are in the time of being depressed, I have SUCH a hard time telling anybody anything. Then what about the other 364 days of the year? I never heard anyone talk about it again. Plus people tend to say it on their wall, or post some link and that’s it.

I literally woke up letting people know that I had an extremely bad night, full of nightmares and tears…Only one person asked me “R U okay”…So as far as I am concerned, the whole day was a failure. Then people went to posting cute animals videos and posting political links that no one really cares about. In fact the best responses I got today was on my status on how great Lasagne is =S So even on a day dedicated to making sure people are okay, writing two different statuses only the positive one got any responses…What does that say?

So even if you felt like “R U Okay” is a bit of a let down (like me). I think anyway to promote awareness of depression and suicidal issues can only ever been a good thing. I repeatedly tell people that I am always here day or night. I don’t need one day to tell people that.

Published on 16 Jun 2012

Michael Jackson- Smooth Criminal, The King of POP