It’s time to say Goodbye

I had a very Oprah, light-bulb, ah -uh moment over the weekend when I was trying to explain to someone about a past relationship, where it was the room mate who was abusive and bully to me, rather than my partner. However, my partner looked me dead in the face when I finally asked for help after having a shoe flown at my head “Please do something” I kid you not my then partner looked me in the face and said

“You deserve it and you have it coming”

As much as I hate it, and even though I left straight away after that comment, and it’s been years. That comment still stays with me. However, that’s for another post.

I met my “that partner” through mutual friends who were still my friends every after we broke up, but we are pretty much no longer friends. After thinking about it for a while I’ve come to realise that the reason my partners comments have shocked me less and less over the years is because of this group of “friends” It has recently occurred to me why my partner felt that was the best thing he could do. My ex-partner is such a chicken, like he’s definitely a weakling.For him, instead of doing anything, because he “had to live” with this guy, it was just easier to blame me. It’s occurred to me recently the entire group is like that.

I have un-followed all of them on my Facebook and have for nearly the whole year now. I am starting to think of unfriending them in the new year. I have been publicly humiliated because I didn’t want to date someone, I have been told that headbands look stupid on me. Someone told me something disrespectful about their sister and best friend, and yet I wasn’t invited to the party.

I have had my phone yanked out of my hand, checking up on a girlfriend, because that’s being rude and unsociable. Yet, the girl right next to them, was playing on her phone because she’s “bored”, the whole time I was being berated and being put down, she was there, playing on her phone, which is why I initially thought it’d be okay to check up on my girlfriend. That whole situation is an exact representation of my “friendship” with these people. They’ll treat what they think you’re worth. How is that not a form of emotional bullying, borderline psychological abuse?

With it coming up to New Years Eve and with people thinking about who they want to bring in the new year in, who they want to start off the year. Please, REALLY think about it. Think about being your own best friend. Please think about who you really truly believe in your gut who deserves to be with you on a brand new journey.

World Mental Health Day

Today is World Mental Health Day and its a great time to make a mental health promise to yourself. I usually do this every year, but I keep the promise to myself and usually don’t share but I felt like this year I will.

Make a Promise to Yourself – MENTAL HEALTH BEGINS WITH YOU (Australia)

You can either write your own personal promise to yourself or you can select one of theirs, and I went with one of theirs. My promise to myself was to cut out my bad habits…They had a lot like eating healthier, sleeping better…But I felt like getting rid of bad habits, kind of covers that all?  Below I’ve listed a few bad habits I want to get rid of, or good habits I want get into:

  • More home cook meals, from scratch, not just heating them up in the oven.
  • Drink more juices (except for orange because I’m allergic).
  • Stay off of Facebook for 24 hours once a week, even if there is nothing bad on there.
  • Get back into making my leg stronger (I’ve got sciatica, I need to make my leg stronger again).

Feelings, they change

It’s an interesting way they way I feel these days. I had a random thought about it on the bus. These days I am still surprised when people let me down, or stab in the back or even chuck me for a “different model”. Yet somehow I am not disappointed any-more. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around, or have I been hurt that much?

My life keeps going even when my circle becomes smaller. Years ago that would have really devastated me, but these days I feel like it makes me happier, because then I know who is really apart of my life. Who is really there for me because of me, who really is apart of my life and is encouraging me in my life to get better and stronger every day.

A long weekend…

So it’s a long weekend here in the Down Under country and I have got a few things happenings this week, seeing people that I haven’t seen in quite a while. (Which had nothing to do with my previous relationship, I just haven’t seen these people all year).

However yesterday was the last time I have ever expected to “talk” (I use that term very loosely, very hard to have a conversation with someone who wont talk back) or see my ex ever again. There was one question that I needed an answer too and he did give it. I think though he’s answer didn’t really explain why he had started to treat me so badly AFTER we broke up. I have never before had to beg anyone to talk too me and I have never had to stop being friends with an ex so soon after we broke up. I have honestly been appalled and disgusted by my ex’s actions, but when people ask me why do I think he’s done it…All I can say is…I honestly don’t know.

What I can say though with 100% certainty is that it is on him and it is absolutely not a reflection on me or the type of person I am. I feel so happy about this. For 30 years I have struggled to feel good about myself and I can finally be at a place where I can say “Nope, it’s definitely you”lol…I am not a bad person and do not deserve to be treated as such, I might like you, but I like myself best =D

Deserve