Where does the blame lie?

This is something that I’ve noticed in the last couple of years, and I don’t know if it’s just me or is it something that you have all noticed too?

I’ve started to noticed a thing these days instead of people taking any responsibility when they blame someone, they then turn around and say “Oh, but I’m not blaming them/you”

YES THEY ARE!

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I’ll use a couple of examples that I’ve seen or seen others use against me personally.

Last week I talked about how women are STILL the main culprits when it comes to attacking other women when they come out about assault (See the blog here). One of the main things that they kept saying was “I’m not blaming her…but…(or then goes on about how she should have left)” Yes you are blaming the victim! That is blaming someone!

Myself personally, one of the life long friends that I’ve recently banished for life. A couple of years ago when I was trying to tell her to leave her abusive boyfriend. Her whole excuse for why we didn’t hear about the “good things” he had done. The whole reason was because when she is single, she was really jealous about hearing how happy we were in relationships…I was the only single one at the time…I have been single more than I’ve been in relationships…I have NEVER EVER been jealous of my friends being happy…In fact I have been the complete opposite for my friends…Especially when they’re actually being treated been well…When I pointed out this too her…Not the fact that I am nothing like this, nothing about the fact that his abuse SHOULD outweigh the good. Of course my response was but you are blaming me, for your way of thinking……She just kept saying “I’m not blaming you, I’m just saying that’s how I think”….Which you’d think my so called “best friend” of half my life should know me better than that…and it is still blaming me.

Hence why we will no longer been friends after she blamed me of treating her like dirt the last couple of years…She’s still with the boyfriend by the way…Abuse 101!

Anyway…What is up with this trend lately? How about you just say what you mean. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’d better Stop

I want you to stop…Right now

Stop what you’re doing and read this!

YOU ARE KIND, INTELLIGENT, GOOD-HEARTED AND BEAUTIFUL…Despite your size

Your size doesn’t make you the person you are

I want to see the body shamers stop right now…I don’t care if you’ve been big and you don’t like smaller people or you’re smaller and you make fun of bigger people…Or people make fun of you because of your size…No matter who you are, if you shame someone for their size. It’s a reflection on you, not them. It shows your insecurities.

I just really wish that people would stop shaming each other, over things that are just not that important. If you’re healthy, that’s the main thing. Just remember, at the end of the day it’s your health that’s either going to keep you happy and allow you to enjoy life, not what someone else thinks of you.

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Uploaded on 5 Feb 2007

Beautiful voice.

Barbie

Straight to the point.

So last week there was a massive Ho Ha about Amy Schumer playing the Iconic “Barbie” doll. Although I think she isn’t playing actual Barbie, just a Barbie in a Barbie world.

Once again though it’s brought up a lot of “real body” issues. I HATE that term and I hate that people will bring it up because of their own insecurities. I don’t actually like Amy Schumer (she just isn’t my kind of funny) but some of the comments about her were really gross. They honestly proved her points as well. There are both tall and skinny, chubby and short, REAL bodies, that are perfectly healthy bodies. They DO exist. The guys in my family, for example, are all tall and skinny, and are perfectly healthy. Yet people think it’s appropriate to send me messages to ask if they’re alright, they don’t look like they’ve been eating. Stop with the “Real Body” shame. if there are people who are living, breathing, human body shapes, they are, in fact real.

The other issue that I have is blaming Barbie for body issues. I feel like saying “Duh, she’s unrealistic” she’s a 20cm doll, she is actually not real. I want to say if you are basing your body appearance on a non-living plastic thing, maybe you should be looking deeper? Maybe question the people you are allowing around your life instead. Barbie’s not putting a gun to anyone’s head. There were aspects of my Barbies “life” that I wish were mine. That was more to do with they were Rock-stars, and one of them was only allowed to eat junk food, if she ate vegetables she would die! How many parents are actually telling their children “You should look like Barbie?” If they are, don’t blame the doll, blame your parents. Barbie, for me, was able to live a life I wasn’t able too.

There is not a single doll out there that is realistic! Even the new Barbies they have been made to be more “realistic”. They are dolls, to help you create an imagination with, not for you to base your appearance on. How about we teach children to use their imagination rather than their image? What if you buy a child a short chubby doll and they grow up tall and skinny and they feel bad about themselves because they didn’t turn out short and chubby, who do you blame then?

As adults we need to stop pushing our issues onto our children. It’s time for the adults to stop focusing on image, because that’s where the children are getting it from.

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Uploaded on 20 Aug 2010

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The Shame of it all!

I have been reading a lot of article about “plus-size” or about “skinny shaming” and I say STOP THE SHAMING!!!

Personally I’ve had a lot of problems with this from others and it is something that I’ve noticed has been happening a lot more in the last couple of years. When I’ve had a lot of problems with this, all the guys in my family are tall and skinny. Now for some reason over the last couple of years I have continually been asked if my brother, cousin, Uncle are alright, because they don’t like they’ve been eating. Hereditary-wise my family are all skinny until we get to about 30 and then it’s all downhill. Even my Dad’s nickname was “Bones” because of how skinny he was, and he’s not any-more.

The main issue I have with this topic is I have yet to see someone take responsibility for how they feel. No one is saying “Why do I feel this way?” Everyone just blames magazines and models and celebrities (or is some cases I’ve seen some women blame men) “We can’t control what our kids do and see”. I’m sorry, these people don’t owe us anything. The model, the magazine, the celebrity…They don’t actually owe us anything and I highly doubt that their intentions are too make us feel bad about ourselves? When did it become the responsibility of those who are unknown to us, the outer influences, to make ourselves feel good about ourselves?

The “Good Guy” Syndrome

I usually don’t like writing/talking about this subject mainly because it brings up so many issues and problems and no one actually listening, just all fights. This is a major problem that a lot of girls face when they’re single. I’m not sure if being in a relationships means that I just don’t see it anymore, but I know it’s a huge problem.

Deciding to write this blog post come about when someone posted to me in a private message. The article comes from the website Distractify and I really had to share it with you.

The guy is shaming women who reject him and it backfires.

To summarise this article, a person (assuming he’s a guy here) writes an anonymous note about how ‘hard’ it is to be a good guy, opening doors and not getting thanked for it…blah, blah, blah…And the responses that come from this anon note. The reason I wanted to share it with you all was this one classic line from the backfire:

“Did Batman give up on Gotham because people weren’t thanking him for saving the city?”.

I can personally relate to this issue, I was actually shamed on Facebook because I didn’t want to date a “good guy” cause nothing says “I’m a good guy” like shaming someone because they rejected you…three times…*insert sarcasm* Being shamed publicly on Facebook completely made me rethink and made me realised how wrong I was when I saw that if I didn’t do what this guy wanted me to, he’d get his friends and they’d just humiliate me…I wasn’t happy with my choice of not dating this guy at all*end of sarcasm*

I did learn from this situation…Make a game out of it ladies (and guys if this happens to as well). What I used to do was with the last guy I was with  and when he would do the cliche “good guy things”. For example, having to make a comment on any girls picture asking “where the good guys are”…Everyone takes a shot/drink.

Guys you need ask yourself two questions, if you need to try and convince someone else you’re a “good guy” ask yourself why do you have no other qualities to offer? And, if you are SO convinced that the girl you “like” is chasing someone who you think is such a “douche” why do YOU want a girl like that? What does it say about you?

#NoShameDay … Love!

I think that this could be a thing! You see all these “Days” like recently Facebook had it’s “Friends Day”. I didn’t even end up sharing my cause the first few pictures were all of people I either don’t talk to any-more or don’t even like.

I think though us women need the day more than anything, we are horrible to one another! As soon as one of us shows a little confidence we try to tear her down and it is usually because of our own insecurities.

I proclaim #NoShameDay shall be about everyone posting one thing they really love about themselves and there shall be no putting that person down. No “well they’re just trying to put my life down” no name calling, no c,w and s words, no derogatory comments. Instead, if you don’t like it or it makes you feel insecure you shall scroll past it and post something that you love about yourself.

What do you all think? I think it might be a little naive of me, but I also think it’s better than what it currently going on.

Also this week you will see a lot of my posts are “loved theme” this week and can be about book love, couple love, friend love, family love, loving yourself) What more powerful feeling is there than love!

So what a better way to start off the “love week” than a post about loving yourself and others!

What is earned…

respect

Last weekend was a particularly bad weekend, I was abused all weekend about how I didn’t “respect” them, which is a joke since pretty much so far 3/4 quarters of my life he never wanted anything to do with me. When I was a kid he would disappear for weeks, drunk. When I was a teenager he would abandon us to try and hurt my mother (because hurting my mothers children was such a turn on =/)…Drunk…Now in my adult years he “demands” that he is personally invited to everything, and then pulls out every time and a few days later, we all get threatening messages,

Yet, he’s done nothing wrong to us, he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way…Who in HELL is this guy kidding?!!!

Who is this person? My “father”.

The reason I am now writing posts like these. I am tired of being threatened and abused. Does my father have a clue how lucky he is that my siblings and I even bother still talking to him as already is? I am tired of being ashamed like I’ve done something wrong, he should be the one to be ashamed! Not US!

This is it though, all my life I’ve been ashamed when people have told me that I deserve to get hit and have partners stand by and do and say nothing when there friends attack me over nothing. I mean literally nothing, I asked them what I had done to them…No response. Why do I always end up being the one that feels ashamed? These guys are a joke!

Yeah, that’s gonna stop…I’m not having another 30 years of this.

Facebook? The new mortifying diary?

Last night my Mum and I were talking about how we both have had diaries from our younger years and how mortified we were by what we had written in there. My mother was so ashamed by one of her diaries that she actually burnt it.

Which then brought us to talk about all these people who post these posts on Facebook. In ten years time will they look back at those posts like we “older” people look back at our diaries and cringe, except there is a huge glaring difference…Facebook is public.For example, there is this girl who is ALWAYS talking about how she’s better than her boyfriends ex and calling her all sorts of names. In a recent post she’s talking about she got into a fight with her boyfriends ex and writes about how this girl needs to stop being weak and get up and fight?

How is she proud enough of this? Then her next status is about how everyone should stay out of her business, because of course we don’t know what she’s dealing with. If she wants people to stay out of her business, why write a PUBLIC post? It’s also amazing how many times her and her boyfriend also just always seem to bump into their exs. That is just one of the many MANY example I can think of posts that make myself cringe.I know most of these people wont understand for years (if ever) how others must be viewing this.

A lot of these problems are also down to their friends though. A lot of this girls friends are calling this girl boyfriends ex a “whore” because she’s contacting this girls boyfriends and saying she misses him. My first question was “Why does she feel comfortable enough to text him that?”. If he REALLY didn’t want her contacting him, he can definitely take steps to stop this from happening. They don’t have a kid together or anything. Stupid girls, this guy must be in HEAVEN!lol