Gifts to myself

I had a really nice birthday “weekend”. I didn’t really do much, haha. I had breakfast at my house with my Mum and Dad. That actually went really well. There was one moment when my Dad brought up Drag Queens and how he doesn’t “get them” Both my mum and were like “Well you don’t have to get them. You just have to not harass them”…Too give him some “credit” he doesn’t get the Wiggles either, haha.

I had a lot of Nana naps, which I’ve needed. Partner “allowed” me too watch BritBox, which I am completely addicted too! lol

One thing I need to focus on now, since things have calmed down a little bit. Is a little bit on myself. You’d think Id be able too, but life keeps reminding me that it’s not always about me. So I have to look at the things I can actually do for myself.

  • Stop going on Twitter
  • Write more
  • Hand write letters more
  • Send out more birthday cards
  • Eat better.
  • Drink more water, even if it is getting colder. No excuse not to drink more water.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask questions (there is a job that had an essential criteria that I didn’t have. I asked and they told me to still apply anyway).

Describe me

What is one word that describes you?

*Warning* Long Post incoming

The “funny” thing is, I have really been thinking about myself this week, haha. I don’t think that I could think of one word. Mainly because I’ve been wondering how I’ve turned out the way I’ve turned out. How am I this person? I am not questioning who I am, I am pretty sure that I know who I am, just…how?

How am I me?

I am pretty different from the rest of my family. I don’t even mean, I am vanilla and they’re all not. I mean I am just different, the way my mind works. A couple of nights ago my mum said something that was just “No one raised you like that”.

For those who don’t know, when you get dementia, it can take a while, but you start to not only lose your memory, but more often than not, the person affected has a complete personality change. My mother is perfectly well aware of this. She made me watch enough videos about it.

So you can only imagine what goes through my head when my mum will call her mother a “liar”. A couple of nights ago my Mum was talking about how she took my Gran out to this new fish and chip place. For some reason, only known to my mother she got my Gran battered fish, my Gran has never liked battered fish. My mother also complained how she “had” to get it, since she asked my Gran what kind of fish my Gran wanted. Even though Gran has never liked battered fish. So my Gran ate so little of it. Here’s the weird thing though, my Mum kept saying how has her mother lied her whole life, and has she actually liked battered fish her whole life. I had to remind her, that my Gran didn’t actually eat the fish. That was her first complaint. From anyone else, I would take that as joke. I just don’t trust my mother.

She also went on about people would accuse her of abuse. As you get older you tend to feel the cold more, and having dementia. So many things forget how to regulate. So my Gran was sitting in the sun with layer after layer. My mother was more concerned about what other people were thinking (she does that a LOT) than trying to create last memories with her mother.

I will be honest here, I don’t know like anyway that my mother treats my Gran, since her dementia diagnosis. She not only calls Gran a liar, a lot. She also gets pissed off at my Gran when someone calls my Gran a liar about one of her stories. My Gran was going around telling everyone that she used to live next door to the Queen, which I thought was cute. My mother complained about how everyone was going to think she’s a liar. WHO CARES?!

On top of which, for some reason, my Mum unblocked her ex-husband of 30 years, after blocking him at the beginning of the year.

As for my Dad, the only thing I have in common with him, is my hypochondria.

No one in my family, has a single ounce of self – awareness. Its just weird. So since I was so surrounded by people with such lack of awareness. How have I turned out so aware?

Did I just find my word? Aware, haha

See? When you write it out and “ground” it. It will all reveal itself.

100% Absolutely Agree

Just for reference, when talking about Sam Smith, please use they/them pronouns. Once you start using they/them pronouns, I’ve found anyway, that when you start to use them regularly, they actually become quiet easier.

I have seen some vile comments about Sam Smith. The biggest irony has been, of course, the denial of course that it has anything to do with someone sexuality. When it clearly is their issue. But how many people complaining about Sam Smith, have, in fact dressed way more “scandalous” than they have. One old lady, was complaining about them, and everyone showed her “get up” at the…get this…ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!

And they were NOT dressed as Janice.

I always was like “Yeah, Sam Smith is alright” but now I am like…” I’M NOT WORTHY, I’M NOT WORTHY”


With the Western New Year, coming on by. I’ve been trying to think of new resolutions, or goals. I am writing a longer post about that tomorrow.

Personally, though, for me, is to give myself permission. Permission to not write a blog post all the time. There’s no reason too not write a post all the time. I can still read them though. Who knows, maybe it’ll inspire me.

Just ever since, I had my wisdom teeth removed, I haven’t felt really inspired since. It could be from the operation itself, or it could be just the timing. One the same day as the removal, it was overly humid, and since I couldn’t even water, I really nearly fainted. So I’ve not been feeling it since, and that needs to be okay with me. I cant expect to be “on it” 100% of the time. Forcing myself to be 100% will just mean that I take longer to be 100%.

“To be given permission to be confused — and remain confused — for as long as it takes would have been a huge gift.”
― Janet Jackson, True You: A Journey to Finding and Loving Yourself

I can’t believe it…

I cannot believe what I’m about to say. I got into an “argument” with people yesterday about Rowling, lol

I came to a conclusion afterwards. I would actually trust Trump more, than Rowling or any of her cult.

Hear me out, lol

The whole Jan 6th thing, and the whole transphobe thing is really eye opening. When I hear about things from Jan 6th, it’s not surprising. When I hear about anti-trans things, it keeps shocking me, because it KEEPS getting worse. And it’s not just that it keeps getting worse, it’s that grown adults, who apparently don’t like Trump, don’t care, just like Trump. They keep making excuses for Rowling.

But the difference is, unlike Rowling. You know that’s what Trump’s like. You know, there’s no surprises. Like you can’t sit there and say that you didn’t see what Trump’s done, totally coming.

Yet, Rowling had said SO much crap, and that’s all it’s been, is crap. Like when you look back, she always shady. Yet, people put it down too, oh I/she didn’t mean it like that” And she would ALWAYS say “that’s not how I meant it”. She clearly did. How does ONE person get it wrong so many bloody times, and they don’t mean it “that way”.

Because I never really got into Harry Potter, I never really paid attention. It was actually a fellow reader, who made me pay attention. They give out great reviews and they call authors as they see it. Which is nice. She was the first person who talked about Rowling’s problematic history. It was more to do with her anti-Semitism, which is really iffy.

In “Harry Potter and the Philospher’s Stone” (2001) The Floor of the Wizarding Bank Gringotts is decorated with the Star of David, this is a reference to the fact that it’s run by a race of anti-Semitic caricatures.

The “woman” whose Tweet “accidentally” Rowling liked, I kid you not, that’s what she said. Wasn’t just horrifically transphobic, but she was also horrifically anti-Semitic. She routinely accused George Soros of funding the trans lobby. Like, again, this stuff keeps happening over and over.

You just KNOW if Trump did a SINGLE ONE of those things, that they would be all over him. You just KNOW it, because it IS wrong.

Never been cool

I thought that this was a good one to carry on with after this mornings post.

This may astound a lot of you to know, I have never been cool. I know, it’s completely shocking, right! The thing is, I really don’t mind.

All the people who are popular, well, they seem to have a lot of issues. I guess that’s why my self esteem is pretty alright, I’ve already had to look out for me. I didn’t get excuses for my “behaviour”, in fact sometimes if my brother did something, we both got told off.

Then with my friends in high school, people liked me, I was a quite good girl. In fact, more people remember me from my Primary school then my high school! lol. I could “slip into” any group that I wanted too.

If I have children, I want them to learn that being popular isn’t the most important thing in life, it can be quiet constricting sometimes. It’s very rare to be popular and not feel the pressure to be what everyone else wants you too be. So don’t go out of your way to achieve popularity, achieve to be the best you can be =D


A lot of bigot people just do not have it.

Which is why they fall very easily for propaganda.

And it never stops amazing me how many people, being rich = a good person. When most of the time, it is very much the opposite of that. How jealous we are because they’re so good looking and rich, and have successful…

Well you may be rich, good looking (well a little bit) and have a great career.

But you’re still a terrible person, haha.

Being rich, good looking and a great career, doesn’t mean for a second that you’re a good person.

I could be the poorest of the poor, no career and be “ugly”, and I would still be a better person than you.

Because that’s how self-esteem works.

The anti-trans people may have the Republicans, the Tories, the Religious Right Christians and a lot of the right mainstream media’s ear. But I have the majority of people who stand with me when I say “trans rights are human rights”. That makes me the richest, the best looking and the best life ever!

So when you say to someone like me, after your “tweet” got 3000 “likes” of people who think cis is offensive (that’s pathetic by the way). You laugh and say to me “How does it feel to be part of a minority” I can reply “I’m not”, because one, I don’t NEED Twitter likes to determine who or who not is correct. Two, I’m not part of a minority and I can show all the facts and figure. You’ve got anon twitter accounts. Thirdly, I’m a straight white cis woman, I have a LOT of privileges and that shows a distinct lack of morality to call me a “minority”, because you got a lot of Twitter likes. That’s not what a minority is.

Also there are 330million twitter users.

Selfie Positivity

I recently read a “news” story about (you’ve probably seen it before), about selfish “social influencers”. Taking stupid life-risking selfies for a “shot”.

What I would love to hear about, is maybe let us know what do you think is either your most POSITIVE selfie, or maybe tell us about someone you actually know that is a social media positive influence on yourself? I would LOVE to know!

I am trying to find some more positive social influences, they have to be out there.

So, how’s my temper going?

So I’m wondering, how is my temper? Lately I have been getting emotional over trans rights and protecting the trans community. And while I will not apoligise for it. Since, if you’ve been paying attention, it’s completely justifiable. #protecttransyouth (by the way).

For myself though, getting angry probably raises my blood pressure. So I am trying to control it, think first, react if necessary later.

I think it’s working for me?lol

Like it’s not even been just about the trans community. There are SO many Putin apologists out there! As it’s gotten worse with Putin, they’ve sort of recanted and I’m like…

I found one!

I’ve only ever heard of these elusive creatures, little did I know…I’ve been sitting next to one, pretty much, the whole time at my new place of work.

The ever lasting “victim”…

And oh my god, aren’t they ever such a drain!

I have known NPDs my entire life, but never a self suffering victim. I don’t know which is worst to be honest, lol.

What is a self sufferer?

It’s someone, who always suffering, they’re always the victim. No matter how much you may appease them, they are never happy. And if they don’t want to do something, they will complain about EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME! You can NEVER make them happy. When you try to explain something, you’re just taking “sides”.

And I sit next to them all day at work! I have never met a more draining human being in my life before.

Like, someone was trying to talk to her, and I was trying to “mime” to tell them to stop talking to her. There is no literal point. These people just like to complain about everything and you just sit there and nod your head. She has said to me she was going to go over our bosses head about our boss. Who if you met is really lovely. Everything she says about him, is just not him. She constantly complains about everything wrong with our work place, the work and the equipment. And we all agree a lot of it is annoying, but you keep pushing through. We currently have a building going up next door. Some of the records we have are not easy to read, BUT, we’re all going through this. The way she talks though, you’d think it was all against just her. When someone tries to explain this, she’s all “Your just taking their side”.

I ended up taking a day off of work because of her last week. After everything with the cat missing over Christmas, and we didn’t get a break from work. We kept going, as we only close on public holidays. Too go from that huge stress, to someone complain for at least 8 hours a day…constantly…I couldn’t do it anymore.

Luckily for me, and thank you COVID (never thought I’d say that), we had to change our desks around. She’s now working upstairs and I am still downstairs, and I have NO problem about that.

I can’t begin to stress to you, how horribly draining someone like that can be. I actually nearly cried at work when I thought that she was going to be going upstairs. That’s the thing, they bring you down. Like every day is “I’m going to be sacked today, I’m going to slow still” and yet does nothing to help herself. And just lies really about how she can’t do the work. There were even a couple of days where I actually started to write down everything she did, she’s on her phone … a lot. She was complaining how she’s being “picked on” because she was late. Her excuse was others were late that day. Which they were, but she is ALWAYS late, and I mean like at least 20 minutes late.

Oh my god, I could go on.

But I don’t want to drain you too!lol

Phil Collins
Phil Collins