Relationships

These two…Too me, this is what a grown up relationship looks like…

The video itself is about 42 minutes.

With so many people breaking up during this virus, it’s made me wonder what is a successful relationship? Of course, each relationship is different, and each human being is different. But why have so many people broken up during this pandemic? It’s just interesting to me. Whether people have been spending too much time together, or not spending enough time together. I know one thing for sure, if one person doesn’t want it to work, it won’t. But is it just me, but do a LOT of people seem to be breaking up? My partner and I didn’t, we actually did really well,lol.

I think that this pandemic, really showed couples who they are together. It showed good things or bad things in our relationships, and not just the romantic ones.

I was going to write more, but I think that their video is pretty great really!

Share Your World – 25/05/2020

I just wanted to point this out, because I keep forgetting to mention it. I will/have started to write the date as dd/mm/yyyy…As that is part of my world. Being Australian, we put the day first, instead of the month.

Share Your World – 05/25/2020

Share Your World

Questions:

In your opinion, does patriotism require the belief that one’s country is the greatest on earth?

No. You’ll have moments where you think it is, but nothing and nobody is perfect forever. We all have our moments.

Why is patriotism considered by some to be the highest of virtues? What is so important about love of country? Shouldn’t we be more concerned about humankind, or the planet as a whole, rather than a single country?

I think it’s more of a “pride” thing. Some people feel like they choose to live where they live, so it must be perfect, like them. They wouldn’t be living there if it wasn’t perfect. I love Australia, but I think (and I think a lot of others can relate) our current Government. Has shown the very worst flaws in our Government systems, and our Country. There’s nothing wrong with having a flaw, the problem happens when you don’t want to acknowledge it. It’s like having a cancer, all that happens if you don’t acknowledge it…well, you die.

What is the relationship between decisions and consequences?

They are related by, whatever decision you decide to take, will have some kind of action. it might be good, it might have consequences. But it all starts with that first decision.

What is social justice?

Social Justice is usually used by your every day human being. It’s kind of like taking the Law into your own hands. Most of the time, people don’t break the Law. When I think of social justice, I think of people like Martin Luther King Jr, Gandhi, Mother Teresa. People who protest peacefully, people who make the point with no violence. People who want to make a difference for others, like Greta Thunberg.

and one ‘easy’ one because those others?  Fairly difficult.

What’s one body part you wouldn’t mind losing? (told you.  Silly).

Either one arm or one leg. I think that I could get by still if I lost one of them. Okay, maybe a leg, I still want to be able to open jars, open my own packet of chips/crisps.


Gratitude:

gratitudehappy

What is something that made you smile during the past week?

I started watching John Oliver’s “Last Week Tonight”, last week. Anyways, he was talking about sports, and those missing them, those who are already over it. You have to watch the segment. All I’ll say though “Jelle’s Marble Run League”.

All my life.

As I said in my post “All that I’ve learnt “. One thing that I learnt a lot this year was how someone can know you for your entire life, but not know you. Take my Dad, I blocked him earlier this year and I’ve had moments where I’ve said “I’ll contact him” today and then he’ll contact someone else, and he clearly has learnt nothing. I don’t know why but this lesson was the toughest one I learnt this year.

Think before you “Do”

I still think it’s funny about my category “Single in a small city”. For those who don’t know, when I created the category “Single in a small city”. I think literally, I went on a date the next week and that was 4 years ago and I’m still with the same guy. So a couple of months later I felt a little like a fraud writing about being single, when I wasn’t anymore. It felt a little rude, writing about being single, when I was not.

Before getting into a relationship, here’s what to consider.

  1. Probably the most important thing to do before you get into a relationship. LOVE YOURSELF…In every way possible!
  2. I know it sounds unromantic, but make sure you can get out if you get in.
  3. Never lose your friendship with your friends. Keep them around. Don’t dump them. But know it’s okay if your new partner becomes friends with them too.
  4. Be prepared to not give up things, if they’re not willing to be respectful either.
  5. Take the time to sleep together, it’s so much better with the waiting.
  6. Saying that too, it’s okay to take you time to trust a new partner. My trust in people was broken after my last relationship. It took time to trust my new partner, even though nothing was his fault. You gotta heal yourself.

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Any advice readers?

Friendship breakups 1 of 2

*So I was going to write a really long post, but I thought that it may bore people to read my point of view. So I’m going to write it in two parts. One talking about a basis of where I’m coming from with friendship break ups. The other will be about how to spot if you’re in a toxic friendship and how to get out of it. Purely from my personal experience*

I was replying to an answer on Quora (Quora is fabulous by the way). Someone asked the question about how do you know when your relationship/partner is toxic. I started off by saying that I think they already knew the answer. Normally I would respond with just that. However, since the other people who answered were about how wonderful their partners are…

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I decided to talk about how the hardest, but most toxic relationships I have had trouble letting go of are, which are friendships. Romantic relationships have been much easier for myself to let go of, especially when it’s right. All I needed was one toxic romantic relationship that I hung onto, to realise how I should just let them go.

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Why Do People Believe Narcissists Rather Than Their Victims?

The most obvious answer is, this is what Narcissists are really good at. It’s what they do.

For myself, when I wanted to start letting go was when I got into an argument with my now ex-best friend about her on again off again abusive relationship. It didn’t start off as that but it deteriorated. It was when she “slipped” and admitted that the reason we hear about all his abuse was because I was single and when she’s single she doesn’t like hearing how happy we are. That comment was my ah ha moment. It disturbed me to no end, what also disturbed me though was the other two were not disturbed at all that she’s only happy when we’re miserable.

I’ve started to realise that it is possible to have or be in an abusive friendship. We put so much emphasis on romantic relationships that we forget that the relationships that we have the longest can possibly be abusive as well. Family, friendship etc. Every time I’ve heard of what people who are abusers have done to other people, I’ve started to realise that it is extremely possible to have a friend that’s abusive towards you. I mean why not, right? Why think that abusers are only relegated to family and romantic. I’m sure they don’t.

It’s why I think we find it so hard to let go of friendships. Because socially, we’re really only told about abuse is abuse when it’s domestic or romantic. Why not friends?

When you take a look at incidents of manipulation of gas-lighting…I wonder how many of us can relate to a friend who has done this to us?

There is good news though, once you recognise the signs. You then get the choice to leave or stay. I think that is one difference with friendships, once you have decided to leave, you tend to be able too. You’ll probably get gossip and you’ll probably lose friends, but friendships tend to be easier to leave than other types of relationships.

Knowledge is ALWAYS powerful!

 

Share Your World…April Wk2, 2019

Share Your World  – 4-8-19

Share Your World

QUESTION:

  • What does a successful relationship look like to you?

I think there are definitely varieties of “success” and what would make a successful relationship to each individual. For myself,personally there are a couple of things.

  1. You’re not constantly having “dramas”, including breaking up and getting back together.
  2. No matter how hard the subject is, you feel comfortable enough to go and talk with your partner.
  3. Saying that, you can say that your partner is your best friend. Maybe not your only best friend, but at least one of them.
  4. In the day of social media, if you have a partner that doesn’t really like using social media or having their picture taken (like mine). You actually respect that, you don’t push them into anything.
  • If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance at winning medal for?

The only thing I could really think of was honestly “listening”. I know that I am really good at that. People tell me that one all the time and also how I’m nice and how rare that is.

  • What do you wish you knew more about?

Everything! Honestly everything! I always feel like I don’t know everything, about anything.

  • What is better in your opinion – asking for forgiveness or permission?

I think it’s better to ask for permission. Forgiveness, implies that you, or them, have already done something that maybe they should have asked for permission!

GRATITUDE QUESTION

  • What’s the best thing about your life right now?

It’s been a frustrating week for myself, it’s gotten pretty dark to be honest.  I am just fed up with a lot in my life right now. However, what keeps getting me through is everything in my life. Those who are close and personal to me, I mean. Not just the general population.

All the Lovers

All the loves, in all the world and I love you ❤

What I am really starting to “love” about Valentines Day (Get it…Get it) How people are embracing Valentines Days differently these days. You’ve got Library Lovers Day, Galentines Day (single girls getting together…I don’t think there’s one for guys yet, cause do they really care?lol).

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However you love, love…I love, love and I hope you do too! How are you going to spread love today? With people’s permission of course!

You ARE Enough – Mandy Hale Days 21 – 30

Mandy Hale – You are Enough 30 day challenge

Day 22: In Chapter Sixteen, I discuss “Why We Cling to People Who Don’t Love Us.” Talk about a time when you clung to someone who didn’t love you, why you think you had such a hard time letting go, and how you finally tapped into your inner “enough-ness” to walk away.

As I have mentioned before, when my Grandfather passed away, I really didn’t like the guy I was dating at the time. When my Pa died I realised one of two things 1)He’s a coward and 2) I think unless I cheated on him, he was never going to love me. I know why now I still didn’t want to break up. I was worried about losing anyone else, literally anyone else. So I put up with a lot, but in the end, I know that I was making problems. Though it honestly, it wasn’t that hard. My ex’s room mate was such a bully towards me, which is why initially I didn’t leave my ex, because it was his room mate, not him, and his room mate is SO easy to rile up. I still think they slept together.

There was a definite me being a third wheel in my own relationship deal.

The day we broke up, I had just done clothes washing. Their clothes dryer, you had to clean out a filter, his room mate had been washing before and did NOT clean it out, laziest person ever! So I come along, clean it out, put my clothes in, didn’t put the washing on, I went off to do a couple of other things. He comes in and starts going off his top, never seen such an over reaction, not only did my ex not stick up for me over a ridiculous over reactions over his room mates not cleaning up after himself. When my ex came into his bedroom, I made a joke “Has the Princess calm down yet?” and he STORMED OUT! Then I go to work, on my way back I ring to see if they want anything and my “boyfriend” says to me “You’re only welcomed back if you don’t cause trouble”. We broke up that day. I actually nearly didn’t go back, I hang up on him and I was shaking, I was SO angry. He still thinks my phone stopped working. I also pretended to cry when we broke up.

Day 23: Today is my 40th birthday! Write about a milestone or significant birthday.

I’d have to say it was my 30th, not only was it a fantastic party. I had a “Fantasy Theme: Moulin Fantasy”. Dress up as your favourite character, but Moulin Rouge theme. Things really started to change for me when I turned 30 though. Finally got sick of my ex’s back stabbing me within 24 hours of us breaking up, went off. Found a job, not my dream job, but I adore the people who work there. Also the year that I met my current partner, and we still haven’t had a fight! It’s also the year though, that my health started to deteriorate. Ironically it was my ex that caused it, but that’s a story for another day!

Day 24: In Chapter Seventeen, I talk about “Moving On,” metaphorically and literally. Discuss a time when you found the courage to move on from a toxic situation, relationship, or environment.

As I’ve mentioned before, my now ex-friend actually blocked me and accused me of being this horrible human being. Although I had wanted too stopped being friends with them. There was so much relief after all that. Who would have thought saying “I don’t want to be treated like s^!t anymore” Got rid of the people who were treating me like s^!t”. Although only one of them blocked me, the other accused me of being passive aggressive, which was hilarious, since that’s what she has been doing herself. The other… the other didn’t notice what had happened for at least two weeks. Yet she apparently still keeps posting about how she may be quiet, but she’s observant -.- That should tell you everything! They are like those “Christians” who are not actually that Christian.

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Day 25: In Chapter Eighteen, I become a “Church Chaser”!  Share your own story of faith. Your beliefs, your journey to find a church or place of worship, and how believing in a higher power has impacted your life.

I am not really religious, I am definitely more agnostic than anything else. Spiritual, not religious. It gives me an incredible feeling to find out more about the religions. I also find sometimes, people will use their Religion to discriminate. It’s very much like Chinese Whispers. I definitely feel like there are things that we don’t understand about out there, and all those “gut moments”.

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Day 26: In Chapter Nineteen, I share the story of a dear friend who took her own life. Talk about how suicide has touched your life or the life of someone dear to you.

I have not had any really close to me “suffered” from suicide. I know of people close to me. The sad thing is, I think they use it at lot for their own bad behaviour. I think she loved her father, but that doesn’t stop her from having NPD. There is someone who I haven’t actually met, but she is dear too me (online buddy) and I think she recently lost her brother suddenly, but I didn’t want to indulge to deep, unless she was okay with it.

Day 27: In Chapter Twenty, I talk about how I finally learned to “Let It Be.” Talk about what these three words mean to you. What does “letting it be” look like? How do you practice just “letting it be”?

“Let it Be” comes to me, in a song. Honestly when I hear “Let It Be” and what honestly it means to me, is “The Beatles” song “Let It Be”.

Day 28: Also in Chapter Twenty, I talk about what my own “Happy Ending” looks like now, after everything I’ve learned. What does YOUR Happy Ending look like? In love and in life?

I’d love to be married to my best friend, I am so lame! I just want all the usual stuff, marriage, a couple of babies. I would love to have my own little business, enough so I can live comfortably. I just want everyone I love to be happy and healthy, that’s it. I would love to be able to make enough to take care about everybody.

Day 29: In the epilogue, I talk about how the journey to “enough-ness” is never complete. Talk about your own journey to enough-ness, and how you’ve learned to embrace who you are, flaws and all.

Over the last couple of years, I have stopped worrying so much. It still hurts when I think someone wants to disappear from my life (but ironically, a lot of people I’ve lost. I was the one that introduced them to my friends that still are there). I’ve been having to let that go a whole lot, it’s too hard to keep worrying. I AM a good person, am I perfect? Most definitely not, but I also find that’s what gives me a step up. A lot of people want to do the whole social media “My life is perfect” and I am so not like that anymore,lol. I also find though a lot of people on here, are going through the same thing I am. It’s great, I think it’s helped me a lot, to embrace my flaws.

Day 30: The book is called, You Are Enough: Heartbreak, Healing, and Becoming Whole. Which one are you? Talk about which phase you’re in right now – heartbreak, healing, or becoming whole – and the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself in this season.

Honestly, I am clearly in heartbreak. My dog hasn’t passed, but she’s definitely not going to be here for more years, like we thought. She’s 13 a Chihuahua and apart from a couple of ear infections, she’s never had any health issues. She’s wobbly and is sleeping a lot, but she’s eating, not pooping (which worries me a little). She has started to perk up again whenever someone heads to the front door. It’s hard. I know that’s not what this question relates too, but it’s all I can think about right now. Not only do I completely love her, but I’ve always called her my unofficial therapy dog.

Pippy Loo

Mate

I have probably written about this before, in fact, I am sure that if I went to search, I would find it. However, lets write a refresher! Things change, people change. In Australia, we abbreviate a lot of words…Like…a lot! Nearly every word has an abbreviation. The word I’m focusing on today is “Mate” as in Soul Mate.

soul mates

Too me (and like I’ve said, I think I’ve written about this before). Soul Mates are not just for a romantic purpose, not to me.

Soul Mates are about yours and mine souls and all the human beings we bump into along the way. Not just the romantic partners, but everyone, even our family. Although born into a family, I believe we were supposed to be born into THAT family. All the souls we bump into along the way, they are a soul mate…Even the horrible ones. What we do once those souls have impacted us, are still left up to us.

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On a similar topic, I do believe that animals have “souls” as well, but they’re just much more purer than ours.

Mandy Hale – You are Enough Day 15 – 21

https://mandyhale.com/2018/10/31/the-you-are-enough-30-day-blogging-challenge/

Day 15: Also in Chapter Eleven, I talk about the power of SURRENDER. Share a time when you had nothing left to do but surrender, and how it impacted your life to just let go and let God.

I feel like I’m starting to repeat, but the night I ended up in hospital. I had been wanting to see a Doctor about my anxiety for a long time. I literally had to surrender and finally go.

Day 16: In Chapter Twelve, I share about how my group therapy family became like family to me. Talk about a friend or friends who are like family to you…and how they remind you just how ENOUGH you are when you’ve forgotten.

Despite losing my ex best friends last year (we all called each other “sisters”). There was a time when I refused to call friends, family, ever again. However, as time has gone on I’ve let that go and I started to do it again. There’s only a couple of people that I still do it for. Some people let me down after that whole incident too, that had nothing to do with those people. There was one girl who I’d call my baby sister and she was sick all the time. Myself and a couple of others would stay up all night as she’d go on and on about how bad she’d feel, and we believe her. However, once she got better and they figured out what was wrong, we’ve not heard from her since. Not even a thank you. Since then, the other girl who was even kinder than me has lost her brother and her father in a only a few months. Still not a peep!

However, there are still people out there who have not forgotten me. Which is nice. I get forgotten a lot, as sad at that sounds. Some times it’s really good, then people aren’t looking at me. It’s not about the quantity, it’s about the quality. Calling friends, family, have cut down drastically and it’s great! Especially when it seems so less fake now.

Day 17: Also in Chapter Twelve, I talk about how sunflowers are called sunflowers because they literally “turn toward the sun.” Talk about a time in your life when you turned toward the sun and chose the light when it would have been easier to settle for darkness.

It has to be the time after ending up in Hospital. I sometimes have “bad” days and by that I get so frustrated by how I can now tell how much my brain has changed. It would be so much easier to just be “angry” and not take any control over myself. I know I could be anxious all the time, if I wanted. Just stop and be anxious. But it’s not worth it at the same time. I’m still me, I just have trouble going into places now, that’s all. It’d be easier to be angry and drama driven all the time, I just can’t and I don’t want too…Sometimes it is a battle, but I’m up for the challenge! I also know though when to stop myself.

Day 18: In Chapter Thirteen, I talk about a favorite movie that has had an indelible impact on my life. Talk about YOUR favorite movie or movies that help you reconnect with who you are.

Well if you’ve been a reader of mine for a while now, you’ll know that the movie I love the most are generally all of the JRR Tolkien movies. It’s the movie I watch when I need to get lost and just remind myself…That there is some good fighting for in this world. I cannot watch it while other people are around. The only way I can watch it with other people around is if it’s on tv, and then there are commercials anyway. That is MY movie, if that makes sense?

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Day 19: In Chapter Fourteen, I get “An Unexpected Apology.” Share a time when YOU got an unexpected apology from someone, and how it impacted your life.

That was in the last couple of years actually, and it was all thanks to Facebook! When I was in Year 6, I was bullied pretty badly and someone who had once been a best friend of mine was one of the bullies. Pretty much my whole class gave me a hard time. I had never been “hated” before. I wasn’t a spoilt princess, but neither was I hated on. So it was such a shock to me.

Come to 2017 and one of my old classmates sent me a random message on Facebook and apologised. Even though they weren’t the worst of the bullies, they sort of stood more to the side. Apparently apart of AA, they had to reach out and apologise to someone they’ve hurt and still feel bad about hurting. It did shape my life in the belief that people do understand what is wrong and what is right. It also made me realise how much I had learnt in that time. How I’ve handle bullies since then, they weren’t the last, but hopefully now…No more bullies.

Day 20: In Chapter Fifteen, I talk about losing someone precious to me, my grandmother. Talk about someone you’ve loved and lost, either to death or circumstance…and how loving them made you a better person. 

As I mentioned in my last challenge, losing my Grandfather (my mums Dads) was probably the biggest lost of my life. No breakup, not even when my parents split up. Apart from losing my first dog. I cried when I lost my other pets, but I still mourn her. I don’t even like thinking about my Grandmother dying. My Pa loving me made a huge part of who I am today. Let me put it to you this way. This is the kind of man my Pa was.

My baby brother is a Drag Queen, he’s pretty well known in Melbourne, but he started in Adelaide. My brother also makes a lot of his own and other Drag Queen outfits. My Pa would sit there with my brother talking about his sewing, because like my Pa and his Carpenter type skills, they are both freakishly good at it. Perfect lining, they just know how to put something together. Once my Pa had past away, my Brother made a dress for his Drag persona, out of my Pa’s ties. I’ll have to see if I can find the picture. My brother hardly talks to my Dad, with good reason, but he’ll make a gorgeous drag dress out of my Pa’s ties.

Day 21: Also in Chapter Fifteen, I talk about falling for a “lost boy,” someone who was too broken and too selfish to ever be able to love me like I deserved. Talk about your own experiences with a Lost Boy. What did he teach you? And how did you learn and grow from finally letting him go?

Oh my goodness, as sweet as all my ex’s are (I don’t hate any of them, I hate what they did to me, but not them…If that makes sense?) I think they were all “Lost Boys”. Each one taught me something different. It’s very much a “Thank U, Next” situation. I think though even with the worst of people, you still learn something from them.

Uploaded by: Ariana Grande`

Premiered on 30 Nov 2018

One taught me love
One taught me patience
And one taught me pain
Now, I’m so amazing
I’ve loved and I’ve lost
But that’s not what I see
So, look what I got
Look what you taught me
And for that, I say
Thank you, next (next)
Just wanted to add here as well One taught me friendship