Think before you “Do”

I still think it’s funny about my category “Single in a small city”. For those who don’t know, when I created the category “Single in a small city”. I think literally, I went on a date the next week and that was 4 years ago and I’m still with the same guy. So a couple of months later I felt a little like a fraud writing about being single, when I wasn’t anymore. It felt a little rude, writing about being single, when I was not.

Before getting into a relationship, here’s what to consider.

  1. Probably the most important thing to do before you get into a relationship. LOVE YOURSELF…In every way possible!
  2. I know it sounds unromantic, but make sure you can get out if you get in.
  3. Never lose your friendship with your friends. Keep them around. Don’t dump them. But know it’s okay if your new partner becomes friends with them too.
  4. Be prepared to not give up things, if they’re not willing to be respectful either.
  5. Take the time to sleep together, it’s so much better with the waiting.
  6. Saying that too, it’s okay to take you time to trust a new partner. My trust in people was broken after my last relationship. It took time to trust my new partner, even though nothing was his fault. You gotta heal yourself.

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Any advice readers?

The other person

I am such an odd person, I feel like I have such a different view on life and how I view certain situations. I’m just going to have too say that I have been cheated on in pretty much every single relationship I’ve ever been in. I don’t understand it, what I don’t actually understand is why cheat when you can break up with me? I have never been married, I don’t have kids with any of these people, so why didn’t they just leave?

That’s not what my weird view of life is about though, I’m sure lots of people think that “Why didn’t they just leave”.

What I don’t do, I have never blamed the other person who cheated with my partner. I have had quiet a few of these ladies come to me after my break ups. Mainly, I think it’s because they thought when my ex and I had broken up, they were just going to jump into a relationship with my ex. When that didn’t happen, they thought coming to me would do something, I’m not exactly sure what. I was always thought it was an odd thing to do because why do these people think my ex’s respected me enough to listen to me, when they had cheated on me, and didn’t break up with me instead. That’s not respectful, they didn’t respect me, clearly. They’re not going to listen to me now.

I have always felt though, it’s not the “other persons” job to respect me and protect me and take care of my heart, that is 100% my partners job. Even if they actually know about me, it’s still not their job. They don’t know me, they may know of my existence, but they don’t KNOW me, they owe me absolutely nothing.

I’ve been tempted in the past and I don’t think a lot of people would have blamed me, and I’m like 99% sure the other person would have been up for it. I still didn’t do it though. I didn’t do it for me, I didn’t do it for my partner at the time. I realised something was wrong and I tried to fix it. My partner then continued to cheat on me, or tried too (that’s a whole other story for another day) and we broke up. I can look myself in the face/mirror though and be proud and happy with myself. It also gave me a huge amount of respect for the person I wanted to cheated with, since they didn’t do anything either. In all honestly as well, until I had met my current partner I always had a little “What if

The only time I would ever blame the “other person” is if they were a good friend or a family member, that’s it.

The Grudge

I had an interesting conversation with a friend over the weekend and it made me think how people will view grudges differently, depending on which side you are on That’s not too say that everyone is like this, after all we all experience things in different ways.

Let me explain…

Very recently both my friend and I both had people from our past that sent us friends on request on Facebook. Both people had been very cruel to both of us, for no good reasons. They both sent us a friends request with no message, apology or reasons why they felt like we should be “Facebook friends” and we both said no. One of us then heard about how their ex-friend was telling everybody how my friend was holding onto a grudge, and I was told “it’s in the past, why can’t I just let it go”.

I also have been in a situation where someone who used to bully me in primary school, wrote a message to me on Facebook and apologised. I accepted their friends request and I do not have one single regret.

I am a big believer in letting things go and forgiving people…not for them, but for yourself. Both of us can honestly say that we hold no grudge or even ill-will towards these people. We just don’t think we have to be friends with everybody. Clearly, the fact also that these people can’t even understand and instead of sending us a message to ask us “Why”, they decided to talk about it with everybody else, except for us. Which to both of us, shows us that really nothing has changed.

So, how about yourself, do you hold onto grudges?Are you good at letting things go? Do you believe some people will just never change? Have you ever been in a similar situation and what did you do?

How to move on

I have this friend…She’s what a lot of people who would call her “desperate” in terms of she REALLY wants to be in a relationship and because of that she has made some terrible choices. One of which was on and off and is, what I thought at the moment, off and had been for nearly a year. However, recently I’ve discovered through all her talk and Facebook statuses about not being able to move on and blah, blah, blah…I recently discovered she STILL texts him all the time and goes out with him on the weekend. I thought she was just hanging out with some friends and some of his family members…but now I’ve discovered, apparently, him too. Which was made apparent when she posted a photo with him…Which neither any of our friends liked.

Which part of this is her moving on, if she is still apart of his life in every single way?

It’s a mindset I just do not understand.

She’s not the only person I know who does it to an extreme either. I have a family member who doesn’t speak to pretty much all her family members except for one. Even then she only started speaking to her recently. Some she stopped speaking with for good reasons, but others are really stupid. For example, one of her brothers didn’t want to come to a party because he had just had a break down. BUT she has a friend who has taken tens of thousands of her dollars and retirement fund, not paying a single cent back for nearly two years, but gets hurt when they don’t want to hang out with her? Yet she keeps telling us that she’s moved on from all the other family members and she doesn’t care what they do or about their lives…YET AGAIN…She constantly stalks their Facebook and is always telling me or asking me about things on their Facebook. Things I haven’t seen because I am not stalking their profiles…But you know…She doesn’t care.

When I’ve had to let go of people, I admit, the first few months I am genuinely curious what is going in and I may go see their social media pages, depending on my mood. However, at some point I stop. I had once ex who I couldn’t even be in a pub or club with and I didn’t keep hanging out with their families and I have my own friends.

These are some things that I do when I want to move on:

  • I will un-follow people to being with and then after time I might even unfriend and block them.
  • If I block them I will always write to them beforehand why I’m doing that.
  • I try to distance myself for a little while from any mutual friends we have. I find that people who genuinely wanted to be friends with you, will stick around.
  • I will block their number from my phone and delete it. If I need there are other ways I can contact them most of the time.

Birthday Woes

Not so much woes…Just annoyances really. Not even really annoyance, just life happening.

My birthday is just in under a month away and it’s actually on a Saturday, so its not a “important birthday”, but because it’s on a Saturday, so I’d like to do something cool. I was thinking of having a games night…

None of that is the actual problem though…

The actual problem is at least half the group…have all broken up with each other, and I would consider myself a good friend to both parties. The other issue is none of them are getting back together, because within about two weeks to a month of the different breakups, one side was already in a new relationship. One can’t stop talking about her new partner, none of us have met him and she has no pictures of him on her Facebook, and they are already engaged. The other broke and the guys best-friend and his ex were dating within a month and they JUST had to make it “official” on Facebook straight away…Why…You’d have to ask them.

So I’m in a tad of a dilemma … Do I just invite them all and let them work it out, or another idea I had was to have a girls night and then a separate birthday party?

Share Your World … Week 37

Share Your World

Share Your World … Week 37

(I’m just warning you all, this ones a bit long!)

Have you ever owned a rock, pet rock, or gem that is not jewellery?

I don’t think that I have really ever owned a pet rock or jem that is Jewellery. I do remember once someone giving me a very pretty rock that was painted beautifully, but I never considered it to be a pet. I had a lot of plush toys, so I never really needed a rock pet, I guess?

What is your greatest strength or weakness?

Strength – A lot of people say that I am one of those people who is just there for others. I think it’s one of my strengths, sometimes I don’t even realise how weird it is how I’m there for people. One particular situation that stood out was after I broke up with an ex, there were all these girls who thought he was going to date them…And he didn’t, and they all came to me, trying to hurt me initially I guess, to get back at him? I managed to turn it around and ended up being their friend. I felt kind of bad for them really, he cheated on me with all these girls, but he also clearly made them feel like they were “the one”. He didn’t seem to really care how much he had led them on either. I helped them and I was over him before they were.

Weakness – As strong as I feel these days and I feel I can stand more on my own when it comes to my point of views and beliefs. I wish I just didn’t have so many “triggers”! There are some topics, especially on Facebook where I still get really wound up and get emotional with people and their comments, instead of just ignoring it. I recently unliked a page because of their refusal to even acknowledge, that men do in fact suffer from family and domestic violence.

What makes you feel grounded? 

Spending some times with my furbabies, they just want love really…Except for the cat, sometimes he just want food and for me to let him in and out of the house (we rent, so we can’t put in a cat flap). Other then them, I love having a shower and/or bath and listen to music that takes me away, like Enya, anything Celtic, anything “mythical”, if that is even a music genre,lol.

Would you rather never be able to eat warm food or never be able to eat cold food?

I think I would rather not eat cold food again, although a lot of salads are “cold”…Or are they more neutral? I love having hot food during Winter, it makes me feel warm on the inside, which then radiates through the rest of me. Whereas I don’t really feel like that with cold food, except for maybe ice blocks/ice cream.

Can ex’s be friends?

Simple Answer…Yes

Clearly each situation is different. Myself, personally, I am friends and on good terms with at least 80% of mine. One I just can’t see myself ever being friends with for a variety of reasons and the other one…I just don’t trust him…at all. I don’t think anyone should and you should never have anyone in your life if you don’t trust them, that’s not just for ex’s.

I think it always takes time, for every single one of my ex’s that I haven’t or have ended up being friends with, it took time. That’s one of the things about living in a small city, you tend to bump into people a lot…Or at least you know people who know that person.

What brought this topic you may ask? I was recently on Instagram (I’m mainly on there as a lot of the guides from #safarilive post a lot of pictures on there). There was a picture of a guy who had broken up with his girlfriend (ex) and he wrote a respectful tweet about how they had broken but they still respected each other. And the comments were all about how pathetic they are. It was kind of like they’d prefer him to completely trash her instead? What is actually wrong with people?

Personally I would have loved it if any of my ex’s had spoken about me in a respectful way, instead of stabbing me in the back…Repeatedly.

What about you readers, do you think it’s possible to be friends with an ex?

It’s all about love? Or is it?

The unhealthiest relationships in fiction

I found this article and it was so interesting because I had never realised how much I’ve read of watch these movies and television shows that have had so many unhealthy relationships in them. Or how many people I know that may worships these relationships. Even in the comments, because apparently there are so many unhealthy relationships in fiction. They’re is a whole debate going on about Romeo and Juliet…They were some how left out of the list.

How many of you are in love with these relationships?

I don’t think it necessarily equals in our own personal lives we have unhealthy relationships. I think a lot of us want these fictional relationships to work, I think it gives us a sense of a peace or it can give us a piece of disruption.

Life Lessons…The hardest of Lessons

This is a little different post for “Life Lessons of the Libraries” and I feel like it’s one of the hardest lessons to learn and I am learning it again…For the millionth times.

Sometimes I feel like heartbreak in a romantic relationship is more than a majority of the time, inevitable. The breaking of a friendship though can sometimes be if not just as hard, but sometimes harder than the break down of a romantic relationship. Clearly there are different variables.

I seem to be going through this with some friends who I thought I was really close with. They just seem to have cut themselves off from me and any-time that I plan to meet up with them, they keep cancelling. The biggest insult is when they’ll hang out with people I introduced them too!

I think the hardest things about these situations is you never seen them coming. You think you are really close and then suddenly you are completely blind-sided. Which is why I find friendship breakups really hard, because you very rarely see them coming. Especially when you are getting dumped for a group of people who are just horrible. Case example, Girls brother comes up to me (guys have been dumping me to be with this girl) and I feel uncomfortable talking to her brother about it. Except he says “They only like girls who can’t think for themselves”…That was the last time I saw that group. However, it’s kind of personally insulting to me to be dumped for a group like that -.- Where siblings have no respect for each other.

My Hearts Biggest Chance

Daily Post … Take a chance on me

What’s the biggest chance you ever took? Did it work out? Do tell!

I can honestly saying that going on a date with someone that I met on an Internet date site after I was done with dating. When I say done, I mean done. I had all given up at the age of 30. I have to be honest my last ex I went off on because I was tired of the way I had been treated for years.

I took a huge chance on going on my first date after all that heartbreak because I was determined to set up my life by myself and if I ever fell in love again, I was so sure that it wasn’t going to be for many years. I was single and proud.

It’s been working out for me so well, I’ve been with my partner and we haven’t had a fight in all that time. My partner has given me so much more confidence and I’ve put on weight instead of losing it from being stressed out all the time, like I had been in previous relationships. It’s like that cliche saying “It always happens when you’re not looking for it”. I went on this date pretty much being pushed into it. “What’s the worse that can happen? You’ll get a free meal at least”(which didn’t happen, I paid my part).

I’m not sure anybody I know in my life that will understand how hard it was for me to go on that date.