Mirror Mirror on the wall

Mirror Mirror Daily Prompts

Look in the mirror. Does the person you see match the person you feel like on the inside? How much stock do you put in appearances?

A very interesting topic and one that really made me think. I guess sometime you just reflect and birthdays seems to be the great time for reflections. I think a lot of people would be shocked by the reflection that they see compared to the reflection I see. I think a lot of people think because I am relatively good looking everything must be quiet simple, but that’s not the case. Women, women give you the most grief. I have women hate on me based on nothing, the two who gave me the most problems, I’ve never even met them. It is amazing the problems that stem from this as well. You lose friends, I used to get on guys really well because they caused a lot less drama, unfortunately as I’ve gotten older, those guys want to get “laid” more and these girls will at least give them the impression that they’ll get lucky. It’s basic, and kind of pathetic, but that’s the reality. Because of this treatment, for so many years, it has chipped away how I see myself. For a long time I saw myself a something completely ugly. However, as time as go on I am beginning to see the beautiful person that I am. This is due to realising these other people who hate on me, ARE hating on me because of THEIR issues. It actually has very little too do with me. Let’s be honest would you really want a lot of attention because people view you a certain way because you want to present yourself in a certain way. Wouldn’t you rather have a few good friends who know you for who you are, and don’t have to present yourself in anyways whatsoever? How sad and lonely of a life it must be to never really know if people like you for you.

It’s probably the biggest lesson someone can learn.

Based on my experiences, looks mean nothing to me. Beauty shines from the heart, the mind and who you truly are.

Positive Thinking =D

This year has been such a great year for myself, mentally, things would have crushed me a year barely bother me any-more. Although I do have days where I get down, as we all do, I feel that I know have the tools to help myself get through those days…As well as having the “right” people in my life, instead of the ones that are just…there…You know what I mean?

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A womans random thoughts

One of the things I do enjoy about “that time that nearly every single woman on this earth has” is that I get so wrapped in so much I come up with some many random thoughts. Here are a few that I’ve had today:

*Someone needs to come up with a new “couple Facebook profile picture” craze…Went through a friends list and every single couple on their list look like they were at the formal or something. Love is supposed to be crazy and fun! It’s supposed make you feel inspired, not formal and posed.

*Talking about “happy couple pictures”…Don’t ever judge a couple pictures by the profile picture they chose to share with you. Some of the best profile pictures I’ve ever had, or people just “loved of us” were taken after a MASSIVE horrible argument and it was their way of “shutting me up”.

*I am really over the cold…Like every time I go to work, or funerals or something like that. The weather has been beautiful and then I want to go out and have ‘fun’ its been wet, grey and cold. I am physically over it! Normally when I’m at home I try not to turn the heating and rug up, not today! All the heaters are on, because I just don’t care.

*Animals are cool, when you think people actually want Donald Trump as president, a lady not doing her job and is a homophone won’t be fired (when they are thousands of people looking for work and will happily do her job if she doesn’t want it), and the Australian Prime Minister wants to send out “security forces” to check people papers like were back in WWII…Animals are WAY cooler than us.

*What is with this whole “I’m not singling you out” after you are the only person that they’ve mentioned? Why can’t people just be adult and admit that your issue with you? “I’m not singling you out, even though you’re the only person I mentioned”.

*Having tattoos, swearing and drinking heavily does not make you “hardcore”. Being who you truly are, having the backbone to be honest with others and with yourself, taking responsibility for the pain you cause for others is “hardcore” to me.

Thank you <3

I don’t really have anything to complain about this year. Sure it’s not all been amazing and I was disappointed a lot, but most of it has been…The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant” That’s my theme for this year.

I got rid of a lot of toxic things, people and the way I think. I have had so much fun and when the good things have happened, they have been uh-mazing! I have great family, amazing friends and I am particularly proud of myself too, I have accomplished a lot personally =D

Thank you so much for those who have been SO amazing this year and my birthday…I don’t know how I am going to live up to it next year!lol…I take my hat off to my awesome life and every single person who has made it so =D

I hope you all have a happy and safe new year!

Perfection

Came home from the whole family Christmas do, full as you like with food…Most I have ever eaten ever at Christmas, I kid you not! Having a shower and feeling like I can finally wash the last couple of crazy days off of me for another year (until we have to clean up tomorrow of course). Just thinking as you do in a shower about the whole year in general and it occurred to me.

I never wanted the “perfect” boyfriend I wanted a real one. When I’d tell people how you’d changed in that one week after we broke up and how I felt like I had never known you at all. All people would say to me was “Aww, but he was trying to impress you”…But I never wanted to be impressed, I just wanted you to be real with me…How can you have never have gotten that? When I think about it now I have started to realise that I probably never knew the real you. I’m right, I never did know the real you…Not for one single second the entire time.

I don’t hate you any-more and I don’t miss you either. Quiet honestly it doesn’t matter whether your around or not any-more. I don’t really think about you, because the person I cared about, was never real. It feels like I was in some sort of Disney movie and you turned into my “Hans” of Frozen. Whatever happened between us and whatever we may have “gone through” together feels like some sort of horrible romance comedy now. None of it feels like it was ever real.

I guess the reason that I’m writing this is because I need to say goodbye. I have absolutely no idea why you decided to treat me the way that you did, but you did and I have to live with that, but I am not going to make this one chapter my whole book. I have a feeling that this may be one of those “Choose your own adventure” type chapters. Where I can have many different scenarios to choose from, but the ultimate ending is still the same.

30 Days of Gratitude…Days 8 – 14

(Well this one shall be very interesting since for half of it I’ll be at a family reunion).

Day 8: Alone – My mum is gone all weekend so this means that I have the entire weekend to myself! So far it’s been bliss (mind you though I’ve had to do homework all day). One of the things that I love at being home alone for a weekend by myself is the absolute solitude. Don’t get me wrong, living with my Mum isn’t all bad. Sometimes though you do a couple of days to yourself, so you can regather yourself back together. My mum has this habit of coming home and as soon as she walks through the door is complains. Sometimes, especially on bad days I actually dread her coming home because I know she’s going to complain about something and it makes me feel worse. I am grateful to have these rare moments alone.

Day 9: Study – I have finally managed to hand in a huge project and it was a huge effort to put since it was a topic I was not interested in and it took forever. Pretty much every spare day I had was taken up with it. This entire weekend I spent working on it and I have a test I really needed to study for. The reason I am grateful for my studies though is because not only is it helping me get into the career of my dreams. I am learning different things that help me in my work. At the moment we are learning how to make web Dewey numbers, every section of Dewey that I’ve learnt I’ve been able to then help customers out where I work. Sometimes work is busy so I don’t really have time stand back and learn.

Day 10: Drama Free: So there I was thinking what am I grateful for, because nothing really happened today…but there is something to be grateful in that alone…Nothing…Only two weeks ago I was angry beyond comprehension and my ex messing me about was beyond horrible. He made me feel worthless and the pain he had and was putting me through meant nothing to him. Like he didn’t care whether I was dead or alive and then he speaks so condescendingly to me….To NOT have anything like that in my life, is calming and beautiful.

Day 11: Single-hood – So I had a HUGE test today on my toughest subject. After the tests on this subject, my brain is completely fried and I fall asleep where ever I am. It was in this moment that I’m grateful that I don’t have children and I can rest easy. I’m also grateful because though by the time I have children I will be an expert on the subject, have a good job because of my studies and be able to comfortably provide for my children.

Day 12: My bed – I know this seems like an odd one, but I am very grateful to have a bed that I can get into a night and feel safe at night. I can dream at night, feeling safe with a roof over my head and safe in my bed.

Day 13: Brother – My brother came back today to visit us as we going on a family reunion trip this weekend. The reason I am grateful for my brother isn’t because he’s done anything amazing for me. He’s done great things for me, but the reason I am grateful to have the brother that I do is because he reminds me constantly what a MAN is. My brother is a Drag Queen, and a seriously good one at that too. He has won many Australia awards for the work that he had done. While I have all these “straight manly men” telling me that a man is only a man if he has a beard, or if he has big shoulders…My 6’4′ gangly brother is being a man, by being who he truly is. He is a constant reminder that a man is not made by what is on his face (neither Steve McQueen or James Dean had a beard can I just say too) or what he hides behind. A man is a man because he has the strength to be who he truly is. THAT’S a man!

Day 14: Family – By the time you read this I will be with my family at our family reunion. I LOVE my family we are all so different but we love each so much. It’s our differences that hold us together. A round up on the “labels” of people that will be at this reunions are: gay, straight, religious, athletic, creative, intellectual, spiritual. Yet, I can guarantee that we will have the most amazing time. From all of my other friends I know how incredibly lucky that I am too have the family (mothers side) that I do…My Dad’s side, don’t even talk to each other.

A long weekend…

So it’s a long weekend here in the Down Under country and I have got a few things happenings this week, seeing people that I haven’t seen in quite a while. (Which had nothing to do with my previous relationship, I just haven’t seen these people all year).

However yesterday was the last time I have ever expected to “talk” (I use that term very loosely, very hard to have a conversation with someone who wont talk back) or see my ex ever again. There was one question that I needed an answer too and he did give it. I think though he’s answer didn’t really explain why he had started to treat me so badly AFTER we broke up. I have never before had to beg anyone to talk too me and I have never had to stop being friends with an ex so soon after we broke up. I have honestly been appalled and disgusted by my ex’s actions, but when people ask me why do I think he’s done it…All I can say is…I honestly don’t know.

What I can say though with 100% certainty is that it is on him and it is absolutely not a reflection on me or the type of person I am. I feel so happy about this. For 30 years I have struggled to feel good about myself and I can finally be at a place where I can say “Nope, it’s definitely you”lol…I am not a bad person and do not deserve to be treated as such, I might like you, but I like myself best =D

Deserve

Getting ready…

Take a deep breathe,
Look at the phone,
Nope…No change,
Look in the mirror and roll my eyes at myself…(why would he call)

Tried to take the shower,
But the hot water hasn’t scaled the pain buried deep inside away,
Look at myself in the mirror again,
A million thoughts of how this night will probably turn out.

Look at the phone,
Nope…No change,
Step by step I put the shell on, already to defend myself,
The shell that the rest of the world will call a dress and make-up.

Check my phone again..Nope, no change,
I guess it’s time to accept that I have to go out,
Take that first step out into the horde,
The horde that is single life.

 

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