Reflection

If you follow me on Instagram (Lady Lolly) You will have seen that this past weekend I was very lucky to be able to travel with my family on a Houseboat for the weekend. I didn’t sleep very well (I realised later that I hadn’t taken my anxiety tablet >.<) I felt so happy there though.

The reason we were getting together (with some relatives from overseas) was to say the last goodbye to my Pa aka Grandfather.

It was an really interesting weekend. It was completely lovely spending time with my family, I always enjoy that part. However, there was probably 30 minutes to an hour or so where it was so sad. My Pa passed away about 8 years ago now (still can’t believe that!) but he was a very special human being. He loved travelling up and down the river, so that’s where we spread his and his dog’s ashes. That and that’s where he wanted the ashes to be spread. We were waiting for the right time and with his family coming over from England, what a better time!

I forgot to take an anxiety tablet before I fell asleep and had a bad sleep and didn’t realise till the morning what I had missed. No wonder I felt so bad!

When we went to spread the ashes, everyone else was crying except for me. I got a little teary and I could not watch the rest of them crying, that did make me cry. I felt so weird about not crying and being as upset as everyone else, and that did upset me, as well as seeing them cried.

I did, I got angry with myself.

Then I thought about it a little more and I realised that the reason I wasn’t as sad, is because I truly believe I got my mourning out around the time of his death. I was also happy because my Pa had emphysema and I would NOT wish that death on my worst enemy, let alone someone I love.

I still do get sad, on his birthday, the date of his death. Even just the sound of his laugh, he had an infectious laugh and no one else can say “Hey, Hey Poppenjay, hope you have a lovely day” like he can. It’s just not the same.

The reason I’m writing this today though is because I was fully expecting to break down and have a good cry, so I was a little surprised with myself when this did not happen. Once again became worried that maybe I am a horrible person, I know this is not the case though. I couldn’t look at the rest of my family because that did keep setting me off.

Mid Year Wrap up and beyond…

I’ve been reading a lot of other people’s mid year wrap up and I thought it’d be a fantastic idea for myself to take a look back at this first part of the year, reflect, and then look at what I can do for the rest of the year.

Reading – Reading wise I have been really good in that department. I think that giving myself the challenge of reading a certain amount of books this year. Then putting my goal onto Goodreads, has been able to help me focus. Most of the year so far, I have been able to keep on track. At the moment I’ve currently read 12 out of 24 books, so I am on track still. I originally had it has just 12…a book a month…The reason I changed though was because I just kept reading at the time. It was the beginning of the year, I had all these new books. I was on holidays, so I read a lot. I have actually read more than that, for example, I am not going to put all the books that I’m reading from the Agatha Christie on my Goodreads profile. So I’m actually ahead. I haven’t reread any books so far either, because I’ve had a lot of other things to read.

Anxiety –  Anxiety wise I have been really well. I’ve only had one week where I felt like I was falling off, but then I had a good cry and I felt so much better. Than it occurred to me that I have not cried since I ended up in hospital. I’ve been trying to keep it all together, sometimes you just have to let it go. I have been finding things that do work for me and what doesn’t.

What does work:

• No coffee
• No alcohol
• Back up plans ie if the power goes out…Books to read, crafts to do, exercises, series downloaded, food to cook from scratch – computer, usbs etc.

Side Projects – I have been getting together over the last month or so, projects that I have finally decided to do. I’ve got candle making things, polymer clay thing. I’ve also got bought card making materials. I made Christmas Cards last year and everyone loved them, they took me so long to make, but people like them. Whether they were just trying to be nice or not, doesn’t matter…As I have decided to continue with this.

The Rest of the Year:

1. I actually have something coming out next week, that I am excited/nervous about. I’ve been getting things ready for it. Some of the things have not turned up, but I’ve decided to go ahead with it anyway. I figure everything else will come together.
2. I am hoping to get at least my L’s for driving! I’ve already taken the theory test once and although I failed. I hate tests, I suck at tests. I need to do something before I take the test.
3. Reading wise I am not going to change my number of books that I am currently reading on Goodreads. Two books a month is going really well for myself.
4. Anxiety wise. I am seeing my Doctor soon and making a mental health plan. Which means that I am going to be seeing a therapist more regularly. I’ve been doing quiet well, but I want someone to talk too about it, without feeling like I’m putting everything on my family and friends and bothering them.
5. I AM going to make more of a routine of doing Yoga and Mediation more. I have been slacking off and I have been feeling it!
6. I have also decided since my viewership has being going up quite steadily. Right now it’s at 760ish…If I can it up to between 900-1000 by the end of the year…I am going to do a give away at the end of the year, after Christmas. So you can get an extra present!

One month gone…

Can you believe it’s already one month down for 2018?!

So far I’ve:

• Spent a weekend away
• Started the busy period at work again.
• Started really meditating
• There was one week where I was out every single day…For someone with an anxiety about travelling…That’s a lot of travelling, but I made it!
• Made two different journals…One every day and one random. I don’t think I’ll make a post about them. It’s not that they are really personal, I just don’t think anyone would be interested in them to be honest,lol.
• I’ve started chatting to the people who i watch Safari Live with, out of Safari Live time. It’s been lovely and we’ve talked about very personal things.
• I’m still currently reading the books that I started at the start of the month.

I have felt really busy and that has been great! I think I am finally learning not to procrastinate so much anymore and that can only be a good thing! I haven’t felt stressed out as well. I think it’s because I am doing what I actually want to do. Even getting back to work, I was starting to feel like I really needed to see how I’d go, see how I’d cope. I haven’t been back to work since about end of October.

I didn’t really make New Years Resolutions this year. I stated more what I didn’t want anymore and what I did want.

What about yourselves? Did you make resolutions? Are you keeping them?

A cup of tea and reflection

So it’s pretty much already been the first full day of 2018 and do I feel any different? As I sit here, with my first cup of tea for the morning…I take time to reflect.

• I didn’t drink or anything, but I didn’t get up until 11am this morning. Someone in the area had their “doof doof” music on until 3am! So as my Pa would say “that’s the whole day gone!” Suddenly I understand this saying! It definitely does feel like I’ve wasted a lot of the day.
• A lot of the stuff that I need to get the year started is at my Mums house, but I’m at my partners house. So I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to get it…BUT…I still have things I can use at my partners house…So NO excuses!
• I am glad that I went and posted my “Not quiet a resolution” on Facebook. I have had such a positive response and of course the people who were never there are suddenly “concerned”. I’m not dealing with them for the moment. I shouldn’t have to tell them “I was in hospital” to my “best friends” for them to notice me. They honestly make me feel like I’m 5 again wanting attention, which in turn makes me feel a like I am a really crappy friend.

Excuse me…I need to finish this cup of tea (that I got for Christmas) and have another nap,lol

 

Winter Wonderland

49. Things you like about Winter

Even though it’s Summer here, it still actually feels like Winter is here still. It was literally reported on the news that over the pass week, at the start of the week. That there was going to be 3 months of rain in three days and it has most have definitely felt like it!

I am also not really a big “Winter” person, I tend to get very miserable and not being able to just head out when I want too can be frustrating (but this can also happen in Summer, just with a little heat). I find it can also be easier to cool down, then to warm up. Nothing to seems to ache in Spring/Summer either.

However, there are a few things that I do enjoy about Winter:

• Having a hot drink, especially on a cold, rainy night. I like to just hold it in my hands.
• It’s more of an excuse for cuddling!
• Those long hot showers and baths.
• I look good in a coat!
• Wrap yourself up in bed with a good book!

 

Share Your World … October Week 3

Share Your World … October 16, 2017

If you had to move to a country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? 

Do I really have to choose? Australia is doing actually pretty well at the moment, all things considering. Apart from that SSM vote thing -.- I have always wanted to visit Greece a lot, could I live there? Probably…Especially with all that food!

What color would you like your bedroom to be?

I would like a light colour. Something that reflects beautiful colours in the Summer and Spring, without making the room warm. Also not too light though, that it gets dirty really quickly.

What makes you Happy? Make a list of things in your life that bring you joy.

• My dog Pippy
• My partners cat
• My partner
• My family (some of them anyway).
• Music
• Spring
• Funny YouTube Videos
• Safari Live
• A good cup of tea
• A good cup of what my Mum and I call “a proper” cup of coffee…A coffee that isn’t instant.
• A good cup of instant coffee.

What inspired you or what did you appreciate this past week?  Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination. 

I had an interesting moment of clarity with an old “enemy” of mine this week. She was probably one of the worst bullies I have ever encountered. I dropped down to 43kg (or 94 pounds) because of her and her little cronies. She apparently had a partner who died of cancer. This week one of our mutual friends put out there that she is walking for a cause, one of those ones you can donate too. Most people just donate it and that’s it. Then there’s this girl and is she is going on and on about how she’s donating.

It just irritated me to no end and made me realised how much I just still don’t like her. Then I had a moment where I realised that I have never made someone feel like that. I don’t hurt people, I don’t donate and brag about it. I don’t need someone to die to make me realise how I should help people. She could donate a million dollars and I am still a better person that her.

Summer and I

I usually do these posts on a Friday because it’s give me a whole week to reflect from the last one. I can’t help but start to dream of Summer though even before Friday. Due to me being in the Southern Hemisphere, we are heading towards the colder weather. Each day is getting that little more warmer. Hence why I am writing this Blog earlier than I usually do, because being cold makes me think of all the lovely warm things Summer brings with it.

• Dresses and Skirts
• Ice Blocks…I don’t really eat ice cream, mainly ice blocks.
• It feels easier to travel to places.
• Places just seem nicer to visit. Not only do I mean actual places seems nice to visit, but as my above answer says, travelling just seems more pleasant.
• It’s usually lighter outside for longer.
• For me, being in the southern hemisphere, means that Summer is during Christmas. Lots of public holidays, lots of seeing people you love.
• Going for leisurely walks with my dog, instead of rushed ones, hoping we don’t get wet and cold…and potentially getting ourselves sick.
• New Years is also over Summer and this year we’re going to be going to a hotel looking over a popular beach. It’s going to be fantastic!

Happy Weekend

One of the things I like to do on a Monday is by reflecting what I did over the weekend, over and over again, making sure I revisit all the good memories. Long weekends tend to always be good weekends. Whether they be public holidays long weekends, or if they are just not having to work on the weekend and then not working either the Friday or the Monday.

• I watched April the Giraffe give birth live…That was great!
• My brother flew in from interstate for the weekend.
• Got to spend a whole day with my family, mothers side.
• Ate so many hot cross buns.
• Two days in a row where I did absolutely nothing…BLISS! I was very organised this weekend. I got all the food shopping done before the weekend.
• Didn’t do any retail therapy, which is probably a first and a good thing really.
• Organised some things for my birthday coming up.
• I had a pleasant conversation about belief and politics, with no arguments.
• Reading a book in the sun, without getting burnt! Even though it’s supposed to be Autumn now.

What about yourselves? What do you like to do to cheer yourself up on a Monday? Did you have a good weekend?

5 things I like about myself…52 Weeks

10. List 5 things you like about yourself

• Motivating Procrastination: I do procrastinate a lot…But when I’ve decided to do something, it’s pretty hard to stop me. In both situations, both the procrastinating and then deciding to go with it, both allow me to look at the situation. Both taking care of myself and taking care of others by looking at all the options.

 

• Helper: In the past I have looked after those who may not have always deserved it. Not to help myself or to make myself look like the better person. Because I know they aren’t bad people, they just made bad choices. Which we all do at some point or in some way or another. I try not be hard on people, we’ve all got inner demons. HOWEVER, it doesn’t mean either I stick with them. I have had to block a few people in my life because I started to realise that I wasn’t helping them move on at all, while I was.

 

• Responsibility: I take responsibility for myself, I don’t blame others. If I stuff up, I admit and own up too it. I had no idea how rare that is until the last couple of years. I honestly believe that people need to take more responsibility for themselves and their life. Stop blaming others, we all have people and situations that seem impossible, but ultimately…it’s your life…Sometimes you just have to own your own life.

 

• Others: I honestly want to help people and I try to do what I can. I can’t live without helping someone. If I won the lottery, I would probably help my family put with so many of their finances. I can’t just turn my back over any injustices. Now this may sound like I’m a bit of a sucker, but I swear that I’m not. I just know when too take myself off out of the situation.

 

• Mind: I think the thing I like about myself the most is my mind. How I really do see people for what’s inside, rather than the outside. There is no point trying to fight with or for someone and I don’t like pretending that I like somebody. I tend to always give people a chance, until they do something to discredit that trust. We’ve only got one life to live, I don’t want to waste it hating on someone who doesn’t even deserve it for no good reason.

52 Weeks Grateful Challenge … Week 1

1. Why start this challenge?

I feel like I have a lot to be grateful for, but last year was such a downer and I’ve mentioned that a lot of the run up that was happening in 2016, but the real stuff was going to be happening in 2017 (Trump is now President, Brexit, etc). 2017 seems like a really scary year. Even though I am neither American or British. A lot of these changes are going to be affecting my country, Australia.

I’m mainly starting this Challenge, to constantly remind myself of everything that I have to be grateful for. Which I hope will help during those tough days. I find sometimes writing down and getting out it there, can “ground” the thought. I think it would also be nice to look back during the year and reflect.

As mentioned on my page for this category, I wont be doing this on a particular day either, I’ll be doing it when I feel like I need to do it…So please just keep an eye out for it ~.^