You are Enough – Mandy Hale Day 2 – 7

Mandy Hale – The “You are Enough 30 Day Blogging Challenge””

Now Mandy writes

So….here we go!

Daffodil - Mandy Hale

Day 2: In Chapter One, I have a very special encounter with someone that felt almost like an angelic experience. Talk about a time in your life when you have been “touched by an angel,” or had a God wink moment that helped get you back on track or see something in your life through new eyes.

I think I get them a lot, honestly. I’m not really religious, I am much more of a Spiritual person. It feels to me it’s more of a “you just know” feeling.

Day 3: Also in Chapter One, I talk about how sometimes it takes losing yourself to find yourself. Share a time you felt lost, and how you got “found.”

I’d have to say that it’s after my huge anxiety attack and how frustrated I have been with my own mind. Its been a frustrating battle. Just a few weeks ago I got so down on myself, because my family had gone to an escape room. Just before we had to go in and couldn’t come out without forfeiting. I felt the panic come on and I didn’t go in. Everyone in my family said it was a good choice, because as they went in, the lights went out. But it’s the worse I’ve felt about myself for a while.

However, when I find that I am kind to myself and realise that perhaps I might have to just accept this is the way my brain is now and it’s okay. I am still a lot luckier than most. I’m still a good person, I still have people that take care of me. That’s what helps me get myself “found again”.

Day 4: In Chapter Two, a phone call one Monday morning changes the course of my entire life and my family’s lives. Share a time that you received life altering news, good or bad, and how it impacted your life.

I guess it was the time my Mum texted me to let me know that my Pa had passed away (I write about it a bit more below). I actually laid down and just cried. Wow…I am just opening up here,lol…It wasn’t crying of grief, it was crying relief. My Pa had emphysema, the last week or so was so horrible. I wouldn’t wish his death on my worst enemy, let alone him. My mum was with him when he died and he died the day just after Midnight AFTER my cousins birthday, she told him he could go now, and he did. He was in a morphine coma and he wasn’t coming back. One of the things I regrets was I didn’t break up with my ex that day. Not only did he “forget” that he was supposed to come over so we could take care of my Mums pets and my Mum could be with my Pa/her father. Then he said to no bother ringing him because he’d have no credit.

So not only did my Pa die that night, but I had to lie to my Mum so she wouldn’t get pissed off with my now ex-boyfriend because we never spent time together. It’s why she waited until the morning to text me, because she didn’t want to interrupt our time together.  Can you imagine it? Her father DIES and she’s still thinking about others? Then I had to lie again, because she unexpectedly rocked by up at the house and she realised he had never been there. She told me not to ring him, that he was to ring me and make an effort. So I rang him, so she wouldn’t completely hate him and tell her that he had reached out. I regret that to this day. I should have NEVER rang him.

Day 5: In Chapter Three, “Your Life Will Be Different, But It Will Be Amazing,”I talk about how life can be beautiful again, even after unimaginable loss. Share a time when you faced unimaginable loss, and how you came to realize that you were ENOUGH to handle it.

I would have to say that it was when my Pa (Grandfather) passed away. My Pa was probably the most positive male role model I had in my life. When he passed I was not in a healthy relationship. I remember being at the funeral and as they lifted his casket to take him away I felt my heart break and I made this really odd loud noise. It wasn’t that I thought my family are going to live forever…Well, maybe a little bit.

What his death taught me though life is too short to keep people around that aren’t worth it. A few month later I broke up with my then boyfriend and since then I have been so much more realistic in relationships. It made me appreciate my family relationships so much more as well, and although my Mum side may be small, we are mighty! I think, now, the reason, I kept holding onto my then relationship, was because I just didn’t want to lose anyone else. I don’t think I even really liked him. He was such a wuss.

Day 6: In Chapter Four, I share my journey of “Looking for Love,” and how a dating app helped shake up my romantic life. Share your thoughts about online dating or an experience you had while doing online dating that made an impact on your life.

Well, I don’t actually know how many people you read my Blog are aware of this. My current partner and I met online and it was the same for me and my first serious relationship. So I completely believe that it can be great, but you have to be smart about it. I met my first partner in an AOL chat room (showing my age) and my current partner on an actual site.

Day 7: In Chapter Five, I write a letter to a past version of myself to share with her the struggles she would soon face. Write a letter to a past version of yourself, at any time in your life, letting her know that whatever is up ahead for her/him, she is ENOUGH to handle it.

Dear Lauren,

It’s okay. You will be okay. Never forget it’s okay to walk away and it’s okay to say it’s that it’s not okay anymore and you need to leave. IT IS OKAY!

This Meme

You know I used this meme a lot over the weekend and it occurred to me after a while. This face/photo was taken with him KNOWING what was coming? He KNEW that he was going to be asked questions about the assault. Still this is how he choose to be? Can you even begin to imagine how it would have been if Hillary or Dr Ford choose to react like this?

BK

Those moments

It has literally taken me all this time to realise that my ex best friend pretty much accused me of treating her WORSE than her abusive boyfriend.

Bitch had better never unblock or bump into me.

Scared Jim Carrey GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I’m half laughing, half REALLY angry…Laughing because it’s only now just occurred to me not only did she say that, but the other two ex friends of mine would have known that she said that and STILL attacked me and said nothing to support me…There is no way on this earth she wouldn’t have told them what she had said.

I also don’t particularly like being told I’ve treated someone else worse than a abuser. When I’m the only one who was really helping her.

Im Out Alan Rickman GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Every time I talk or write about them…I end up swearing, which is not good! -.-

Light-bulb moment for the month

I had a realisation about something that’s bugged me for pretty much my entire month. People are always asking me why can’t I make decisions easily. Why am I so indecisive? Which I’ve never really understood myself, because I am, except at work.

It occurred to me over the weekend, I noticed that I get told a lot what to do. For example, this weekend, I had all these plans with my partner before he goes back to school after the holidays. We ended up having to cancel 4-5 plans because we were “told” that the family were getting together at this time, on a certain day. We weren’t even asked if we actually able to make it. This happens to me all the time.  I was out drinking and was sent a text message telling me to not to drink because we had to go to a family thing the next day…So I got totally off my face.

When you don’t “ask” somebody basically you are telling that person that their time doesn’t matter, aren’t you really. Is there any other way to look at it? What if I can’t have children, does my time just not matter, does my LIFE not matter anymore? Then people can’t understand why I am so indecisive. I never get to decide, my time is not good enough to be consulted, so why would I make a decision when others just make it for me.

What do you all think?