Thursday Theories – Those stinkin “fans”

*Warning…Long Post*

I am feeling all sorts of out of sorts folks, lol. I started yesterday morning really well. I somehow managed to see that a lot of people were giving LGB “Alliance” a go at. It was truly wonderful too see. People saying things like to their supporters, hmmm…I wonder why Labor didn’t want LGB, but the Tories did? It was glorious!

The day ended also really happily. I live in a main city in Australia, but we are probably the smallest…Maybe Tasmania…But for such a small main city, and being the “City of Churches” we are quiet progressive. So progressive in fact, you know what I saw, front and center in my local library?

In between though…

I tire of humans, I really do. I’ve already some try to ruin LinkedIn, and the only place I feel any “sanity” is on mynameisTravies instagram page. Don’t animals just make everything better?! I was so happy to see Juno Dawson’s book, I nearly cried in the Library. So I am writing to them.

I tire of humans, I really do. All day, it was stupid people talking about people they don’t know, who don’t know they’re alive. Who wouldn’t care if they lived or die, celebrating celebrities making the world worse, OR, putting people in harms way…but all with “love”, of course.

Then as I’m trying to make these people “see sense” I know, I know…One I saw an article saying that Rowling had made a swiping threat at Emma Watson. Like someone tell her SHUT UP! But then I came to a realisation, it’s the freaking fans faults!

All of this is their fault. They’re the ones winding people up, instead of speaking common sense. Imaging saying to someone whose winding someone with bi-polar “Oh, I am so glad you told him off”. No, no no no…Bi polar is a serious disease and it is not just a “mood swing”. I should know, I was attacked by someone with bi-polar, and I’ve always had a twinge of fear since. I can’t help it. I get over it though. But you do not mess someone about who has it. Then people are agreeing that being called transphobic, is the exact same thing as Salman Rushdie being stabbed…

I am sitting there and it this hits me. I’m not sure if I’ve written about this before. But I have said, maybe written before, about this. In order to have any kind of big “presence” on social media. You need to have a strong “skin” and be able to get over your own ego. You need to be able to go “I am not perfect, and that’s okay”

There are SO few people who can do it, at all. I can’t even actually think of one person off the top of my head. Maybe Selena Gomez? As I mean, she’s been through a lot and a lot of it on social media. But, unlike a lot of them, takes breaks from social media. A lot these “celebrities” don’t know when to stop. Especially the Kardashians, I don’t know what they’re going to do, when it all dies down and it’s starting too. But I don’t care, because good riddance of bad rubbish.

The celebrities having literally thousands, sometimes hundreds of thousands telling them more than any of us will get in a life time. That no matter how wrong, or how bad a celebrity is. They will always have hundreds of thousands of people telling them how wonderful and perfect they are one in post. It must be SUCH an ego boost! You are not going to convince me that that is not powerful.

But we don’t have to do that. We’re adults. These people will never know us. There in lies this sickness. Too sit there and trying to impress people who don’t know whether your alive or dead, you gotta have self esteem issues.

It is a sickness and it’s a sad one. Hmmm, maybe I should look into becoming a therapist, ha!

There are approx 7.753 billion (2020) people on earth, and every single of them has an opinion. I’m sure newborns would, lol

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That sad moment

Well March has been a bit of a doozy for myself, with regards to losing respect for a few people. I have been really shocked by a few people this month. Mainly over the whole Royal situation, just because either they did “Piers Morgan…I don’t believe her suicidal thoughts” or the classic white person “She’s just being sensitive, I got bullied about my funny teeth”.

I was really saddened to read the comments, by people who I thought “Got It”. All white by the way. While I’m not saying that makes them racist, they are still a little close-minded to the fact of being a POC woman, or just a POC. They tend to get it a little rougher than getting bullied for having funny teeth or glasses, and I am sad that they can’t seem to acknowledge that.

George Floyd

Ahmaud Arbery

Breonna Taylor

Michelle Obama (even if she was a trans person, she’s still a better person that every single one who thinks calling her man is a “got you”)

I think it’s all part of my funk at the moment, just the continual disappoint of people who I thought were “better” than they’re turning out to be.

You are Enough – Mandy Hale Day 2 – 7

“Mandy Hale – The “You are Enough 30 Day Blogging Challenge””

Now Mandy writes

So….here we go!

Day 2: In Chapter One, I have a very special encounter with someone that felt almost like an angelic experience. Talk about a time in your life when you have been “touched by an angel,” or had a God wink moment that helped get you back on track or see something in your life through new eyes.

I think I get them a lot, honestly. I’m not really religious, I am much more of a Spiritual person. It feels to me it’s more of a “you just know” feeling.

Day 3: Also in Chapter One, I talk about how sometimes it takes losing yourself to find yourself. Share a time you felt lost, and how you got “found.”

I’d have to say that it’s after my huge anxiety attack and how frustrated I have been with my own mind. Its been a frustrating battle. Just a few weeks ago I got so down on myself, because my family had gone to an escape room. Just before we had to go in and couldn’t come out without forfeiting. I felt the panic come on and I didn’t go in. Everyone in my family said it was a good choice, because as they went in, the lights went out. But it’s the worse I’ve felt about myself for a while.

However, when I find that I am kind to myself and realise that perhaps I might have to just accept this is the way my brain is now and it’s okay. I am still a lot luckier than most. I’m still a good person, I still have people that take care of me. That’s what helps me get myself “found again”.

Day 4: In Chapter Two, a phone call one Monday morning changes the course of my entire life and my family’s lives. Share a time that you received life altering news, good or bad, and how it impacted your life.

I guess it was the time my Mum texted me to let me know that my Pa had passed away (I write about it a bit more below). I actually laid down and just cried. Wow…I am just opening up here,lol…It wasn’t crying of grief, it was crying relief. My Pa had emphysema, the last week or so was so horrible. I wouldn’t wish his death on my worst enemy, let alone him. My mum was with him when he died and he died the day just after Midnight AFTER my cousins birthday, she told him he could go now, and he did. He was in a morphine coma and he wasn’t coming back. One of the things I regrets was I didn’t break up with my ex that day. Not only did he “forget” that he was supposed to come over so we could take care of my Mums pets and my Mum could be with my Pa/her father. Then he said to no bother ringing him because he’d have no credit.

So not only did my Pa die that night, but I had to lie to my Mum so she wouldn’t get pissed off with my now ex-boyfriend because we never spent time together. It’s why she waited until the morning to text me, because she didn’t want to interrupt our time together.  Can you imagine it? Her father DIES and she’s still thinking about others? Then I had to lie again, because she unexpectedly rocked by up at the house and she realised he had never been there. She told me not to ring him, that he was to ring me and make an effort. So I rang him, so she wouldn’t completely hate him and tell her that he had reached out. I regret that to this day. I should have NEVER rang him.

Day 5: In Chapter Three, “Your Life Will Be Different, But It Will Be Amazing,”I talk about how life can be beautiful again, even after unimaginable loss. Share a time when you faced unimaginable loss, and how you came to realize that you were ENOUGH to handle it.

I would have to say that it was when my Pa (Grandfather) passed away. My Pa was probably the most positive male role model I had in my life. When he passed I was not in a healthy relationship. I remember being at the funeral and as they lifted his casket to take him away I felt my heart break and I made this really odd loud noise. It wasn’t that I thought my family are going to live forever…Well, maybe a little bit.

What his death taught me though life is too short to keep people around that aren’t worth it. A few month later I broke up with my then boyfriend and since then I have been so much more realistic in relationships. It made me appreciate my family relationships so much more as well, and although my Mum side may be small, we are mighty! I think, now, the reason, I kept holding onto my then relationship, was because I just didn’t want to lose anyone else. I don’t think I even really liked him. He was such a wuss.

Day 6: In Chapter Four, I share my journey of “Looking for Love,” and how a dating app helped shake up my romantic life. Share your thoughts about online dating or an experience you had while doing online dating that made an impact on your life.

Well, I don’t actually know how many people you read my Blog are aware of this. My current partner and I met online and it was the same for me and my first serious relationship. So I completely believe that it can be great, but you have to be smart about it. I met my first partner in an AOL chat room (showing my age) and my current partner on an actual site.

Day 7: In Chapter Five, I write a letter to a past version of myself to share with her the struggles she would soon face. Write a letter to a past version of yourself, at any time in your life, letting her know that whatever is up ahead for her/him, she is ENOUGH to handle it.

Dear Lauren,

It’s okay. You will be okay. Never forget it’s okay to walk away and it’s okay to say it’s that it’s not okay anymore and you need to leave. IT IS OKAY!

This Meme

You know I used this meme a lot over the weekend and it occurred to me after a while. This face/photo was taken with him KNOWING what was coming? He KNEW that he was going to be asked questions about the assault. Still this is how he choose to be? Can you even begin to imagine how it would have been if Hillary or Dr Ford choose to react like this?

Those moments

It has literally taken me all this time to realise that my ex best friend pretty much accused me of treating her WORSE than her abusive boyfriend.

Bitch had better never unblock or bump into me.

I’m half laughing, half REALLY angry…Laughing because it’s only now just occurred to me not only did she say that, but the other two ex friends of mine would have known that she said that and STILL attacked me and said nothing to support me…There is no way on this earth she wouldn’t have told them what she had said.

I also don’t particularly like being told I’ve treated someone else worse than a abuser. When I’m the only one who was really helping her.

Every time I talk or write about them…I end up swearing, which is not good! -.-

Light-bulb moment for the month

I had a realisation about something that’s bugged me for pretty much my entire month. People are always asking me why can’t I make decisions easily. Why am I so indecisive? Which I’ve never really understood myself, because I am, except at work.

It occurred to me over the weekend, I noticed that I get told a lot what to do. For example, this weekend, I had all these plans with my partner before he goes back to school after the holidays. We ended up having to cancel 4-5 plans because we were “told” that the family were getting together at this time, on a certain day. We weren’t even asked if we actually able to make it. This happens to me all the time.  I was out drinking and was sent a text message telling me to not to drink because we had to go to a family thing the next day…So I got totally off my face.

When you don’t “ask” somebody basically you are telling that person that their time doesn’t matter, aren’t you really. Is there any other way to look at it? What if I can’t have children, does my time just not matter, does my LIFE not matter anymore? Then people can’t understand why I am so indecisive. I never get to decide, my time is not good enough to be consulted, so why would I make a decision when others just make it for me.

What do you all think?