Why?

I think that there are a lot of questions we ask ourselves over the years, but one that has been making me really mad and upset lately is “Why did it take 30 years to meet someone who respects me, why did the others hurt me, what did I ever do to them?”.

It has really been playing on my mind at the moment and the ironic thing is it’s all because I’ve met someone who actual treats me with respect and dignity and I don’t get why it seems to have been so easy for him, but not for a single one of the others. Why have I been with people who treat everyone else BUT me with respect? Why?

Why have they felt it was okay to back-stab and betray me? Not only that, but I have only ever received an apology from one ex…What did I ever do to these guys?

Do I or Don’t I?

I am having a bit of an conundrum and I would love my readers to give me some advice. At the moment there are not many people who I know who would be able to help me with this ‘situation’. Once I’ve gotten a clearer mind and am more sure it’s what I really want to do, I will know which step to take next.

While fighting with my ex last year, I bumped into another ex of mine. Literally in the middle of a fight with my last ex and I literally bumped into the one before him. We had a pleasant exchange (apart from the total and utter fear on his face). Recently in my state we had huge devastating bush-fires and I know that his parents house was in this area. He doesn’t know that I know he now lives with his current girlfriend. However, it has made me think a lot because the place we “bumped” into each other was actually where I work.

I don’t hate him anymore and I don’t want him to fear coming into where I work. Especially with the bush-fires it’s made me realise that I know he wasn’t a bad guy and a lot of his lying was to protect me, in his own weird way. I was his first ever girlfriend and he was so used to being a “player” that lying is honestly the only way he knows of.

My question is, should I unblock him from my Facebook and write just a little message saying that I hope his family are alright and he does not have to fear coming into where I work?

 

7 Strange question that help you find your life purpose…

Scrawling through Facebook this morning and I see this article on my friends page and I go to read it thinking “Yeah, yeah another article telling us “What do you really love to do” and so on and so forth. I was genuinely surprised to read this article and I had so many “Wow” and Oprah lighting bulb moments reading and I just had to share this.

I’ve been so afraid to do things and I have felt like this is the year I start doing what I’ve been scared to do.

This article just almost spoke to me and made that lovely cold shiver down my spine happen. If you are feeling stuck or are at a cross roads about what you want to do, or what you think you should be doing, I highly, HIGHLY, suggest that you read this article.

7 Strange Questions That Help You Find your Life Purpose – Mark Manson

Manson, M 2014, ‘7 Strange questions that help you find your life purpose”, markmansonnet, blog,  <http://markmanson.net/life-purpose&gt; viewed 11/01/2015.

30 Days of Gratitude…Self Gratitude

Before I was going to write individually on each of these last few days what I was grateful for, but it’s been such a crazy week that I have decided to leave these last few days and write what I’m most grateful in one big go…So here I go…

Self Gratitude 

I have decided that I NEED to change my life. After months of going back and forth with my last ex, I realised I didn’t trust him any-more, especially not the way that I did once. I have to take my ownership in that. I don’t think that he was a bad person, but I needed to be more sensible in the choice that I was making. I needed to ask him hard questions before we started dating. Which started making me think about all of my past relationships and question why they have thought it was alright to treat me the way they did, when they don’t do it to anyone else? What made them look into the eyes of someone they were supposed to have loved and cared about and go “You’re going to get hurt by this and I don’t care”?

I have decided that I am too hard on myself. I trip myself up by worrying to much about how everyone else is feeling and doing and then I end up putting myself on the back burner. So then I don’t achieve all the things that I needed to, to get anywhere in this life. This includes family, friends, everything aspect of my life. Even if my family don’t think I cook, when I cook a lot (sorry I don’t put everything I make on Facebook *rolls eyes*) Doesn’t mean I have to stop cooking things I enjoy cooking.

I think that the hardest thing in this life is to be grateful for yourself. Its you who gets you through those tough days ultimately. Your mind, your body, your spirit. Its yourself who chooses to step up and take care of yourself.