Wonder

I don’t want to make people sad on a Monday with this post.

I’m sure that I am not the only one who think this. Do you ever wonder if people are proud of you? I don’t people, now, in this moment. I wonder about people who have already passed. I always wonder if my life would have been very different if my Great grand-father was still here. He loved me. I wonder sometimes wonder if he’s looking over me, proud of what I’m doing. Would he approve of me speaking out about politics now. He was a deep thinker, he didn’t really agree with a lot of Religion but admired the Ancient Romans and Greeks. We later found out he was learning Greek to travel to Greece. Is he happy with how how far I’m “conquering” my mental health.

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I’m doing it today!

I am doing it today! I am heading to the Doctor today and I am making them (this time) give me anxiety medication! I write (this time) in brackets because I have actually been to the Doctors and at first I respected the fact that they didn’t want to put me on tablets. They suggested I do hypnotherapy and it has worked to a point.

I feel like there is absolutely no shame in it. My life has definitely stopped and I’ve had to give up more work than I’ve ever had too recently…It is literally like my mind is tired of fighting it too. I just need a little help, it’s like taking flu medication that’s all. I do wonder sometimes if having that week off that I wanted too a month or so ago would have been helpful as well though.

 

Casually Me

You may have recently read that I got my first step into my dream job. I was SO excited, I don’t think most people understand what it takes to get that first step into the Library world in my little town. Once you’re in the Library world, you’re in, but you have to get in first. I have been applying for every single Library job in my town for the past 3 or so years. I actually started my training today.

So there I am all excited and most people have been so excited for me, and isn’t always the way that those very VERY few naysayers, we listen too. There are have been some who haven’t been so excited for me, and for one reason only, the work is casual. Which means that I am currently working two causal jobs, both of which I really do enjoy. However, some look down on casual work. Casual work doesn’t guarantee hours during a week, it doesn’t give you the calm that if you get sick, you can take days off and still get paid. You still pay taxes and you still have money taken out for your superannuation. You are STILL working.

In fact, I find that people who are casual workers tend to keep themselves healthier, because if they don’t work, they don’t get paid. There’s this one coworker of mine on contract for two days a week, I think they’ve shown up to about 5 of their shifts, for the whole year. It’s ridiculous and really annoying, he went from full time to 4,3 days and now he’s only on 2 and he still never shows up. You can’t get a contract, if that person wont leave.

It’s been really depressing to have fought so hard and be so happy, just to let a couple of people think it’s worth “nothing”. I am trying not to let it bother me, but it is really annoying.

Thank you … Part 2 … My Online life

Last week I promised myself that I was going to think at least 80% positively for the week and I have to say that I think I did really well. I was probably more 70%, but it was still a good number! I think that we are finally getting that first Spring weather is helping me a lot to think more positively. I am not a Winter person at all!

*Warning…Long post incoming*

Part of my positive thinking was saying thank you my local Chemist (as seen here: Thank you … My Local Chemist) and I thanked them for help they had given me during my time when I developed an odd form of anxiety.

This week I would LOVE to say thank you to my “online life” and the people I’ve met via the Internet.

I don’t think many people realise the amazingly positive impact that they’ve had on me through my online life. This includes people who I interact with via WordPress, my Safari Live family, sometimes Instagram etc. I have met someone awesome incredibly people on these sites, who have helped me expand my mind, shocked me (in a good way) and have become more a part of my daily life and probably know me better than even my real life ‘life’ people.

It’s introduced me to a world of people who think the same way as me, who will allow people in and out of their lives based on what’s on the inside rather than the outside, or what they want people to perceive them as. I was at a point in my life where I was SO tired of losing “friends” because I didn’t want to pretend anymore, because I wanted to fight for things, rather than swear all the time and be a certain way (I swear people told me I should swear more because a certain girl they want to sleep with swears…a lot) I was tired of feeling like a bad person because people would literally tell me I should be more like “Girl A, or Girl B” or had to impress people to make life easier for themselves. I had someone tell me once I shouldn’t wear headbands, so now I wear them all the time when they’re around…I think my headbands are gorgeous!

I was tired of the same dramas I have been involved since High School, especially when I’m supposed to be in my 30’s and all the people still doing the drama’s are in their 30’s.

This is what you all brought me, you brought me a family that accepted me as one of your own, because of what I already bring, not what you think I can bring, or what you *think* I should bring.  You actually like having me around, for me ❤ I’m not sure you will ever understand how much freedom you have all give me, how much power you have given back to me.

Girl Power!

I am SO happy to report that my friend who for one second seemed to want to go back to her emotionally abusive ex (they are all as bad as each other). Has decided NOT to and is already going out on another date!

I am SO proud of her, I know how hard this is for her. Being single is one of the worst things that can happen to her, I’m fine being single, she HATES it.

Being someone who is perfectly fine being single, I’ve never really understood those who would be willingly to go back to a relationships that is just unhealthy. I would love to understand it, I love being in my relationships, but if it’s time to go…It’s time to go. My friend is incredibly smart and strong, I guess we can’t all be perfect though ~.^

I post this video in honour of my friend (she would hate anything poppy and girly!lol)

Joan Jett “Bad Reputation”