The List!

So this year I wanted to get down what I’ve learnt and what I hope to achieve next year and what I achieved this year. Let’s do this! Please feel free to share with us anything about this year! I went with 19 initially because we are going from 2018 to 2019. This is actually what I have posted on my personal Facebook as well as reflecting on the year a bit. I just wasn’t sure that you’d all be interested in that.

19 Things that make me happy to be alive.

I saw this on a Blog that I enjoy reading and I thought it was a fantastic idea! I went with 19 because we’re heading into 2019. Instead of a get to know me type list, or a goals list. Last year I thought I was going to die and I didn’t, but it’s the closest I’ve felt like I’ve come to it. Instead of getting to know me, how about the things and people that make me happy to be alive.

  1. That I am still alive to make the choice to walk away and/or stay ❤
  2. Music…Some people pray to God, I pray to Music.
  3. When you are reading a new book from a new author and you love it and you don’t want to stop reading it.
  4. I have been reading classic novels and have read a huge amount of the Agatha Christie books this year, instead of just watching the movies and the tv shows. I love them! When you read the books, you realise WHY the author is a classic author. If you do want to follow me, I’m on Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/24833271-lauren
  5. The people in my life right now. When I think about it, the most toxic people are gone. Any doubts I have had about myself, have come from myself and not someone from the outside. Which I can’t even begin to explain how new that is to me. Or how freeing it is.
  6. Nature…Have you ever just sat outside and just looked up? Have you ever just gone for a walk in it, just to go for a walk in it? Have you just sat and listened to the birds?
  7. Food…Freaking food man…It’s the best!
  8. When the shower is that “perfect” temperature…You all know what I’M TALKIN’ BOUT!
  9. That I got to live in the generation who were able to really appreciate the awesome of the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy.
  10. Finding that even if you can’t get your dream or perfect job, as long as you like the people you work with. It doesn’t matter.
  11. Animals – Just am thankful that I get to live in a world with them, and hope to continue so! Except Mosquitos, lol
  12. My health…I may have Anxiety, but overall it’s made me go and get my entire health checked out. My cholesterol was a little high at the beginning of the year and now it’s good again. If it wasn’t for my anxiety, I would have never have gone and got it checked.
  13. Just being a kind person. I’m starting to realise, how little people are kind these days. Just simple acknowledgements of other people’s existence. It’s such a simple, but vital quality to have!
  14. Although I may not drive yet, and I’m not rich. I love being able to visit, pretty much, all over the country and see what a beautiful country I live in.
  15. During my time on medication and not being able to drink, I’m still a lot of fun when I’m sober, lol.
  16. I really love the Internet, for one major reason. It means I can watch live feeds. I can watch safari live, I can watch my friends on Twitch. Its part of the reason I love being alive, right this moment!
  17. That when I want, I can just turn off the Internet, into the arms of loving people.
  18. That we have the resources to take better care of ourselves, and each other. We have a good understanding of what we need to take care of ourselves, we live in a wonderful age.
  19. I’m thankful for the people who’ve attacked me and hated on me. They are the ones who make me realise how happy and how lucky I am.

I believe I’m loved when I’m completely by myself alone

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Published on 17 Mar 2011

New Years!

Another end of the year and I am sure that there will be thousands of posts today about today and all the resolutions.

I know people are waiting for some emo post (especially on my Facebook page) but I just want to say I don’t really have anything to complain about this year. Sure it’s not all been amazing and I was disappointed a lot, but most of it has been…“The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant” That’s my theme for this year. I got rid of a lot of toxic things, people and the way I think. I have had so much fun and when the good things have happened, they have been uh-mazing! I have great family, amazing friends and I am particularly proud of myself too, I have accomplished a lot personally =D

What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?

I swam with dolphins, I still can’t get over surreal that whole experience was! Amazing! I walked Mt Lofty and lived to tell the tale! (I did do it when I was younger, but I barely remember it). I changed my hair a different colour and it now it’s turned into this fabulous colour that I have actually always wanted my hair to be. I have done more little personal things that I’ve not done before. Going on an online dating site and actually meeting someone decent,lol

2014

2014I saw this picture and I couldn’t resist posting it since I have been let down this year, my past relationship and this “friend” of mine has decided to just stab me in the back…I will say it…Bitch!…BUT I had some really fantastic news today and I passed a really hard subject for me and I have decided to go to the online dating sites…I will NOT let two-face people who can’t take care of themselves, bring me down any-more!

 

Always here too me…

I promise that I will stop posting the depressing blog posts about break ups soon, I have a slight feeling that I am feeling a little better. I have stopped talking to my ex, cold turkey. He didn’t do anything wrong I just realised that I was not moving on and so far this actually seems to be working. I was just having this random thought and at the moment I’m not really sure that I even know how to talk to my friends and family about it, mainly because I am worried if I let them know how I’m feeling, they will become worried and there’s nothing to worry about. So I guess what I’m saying any advice would be much appreciated! (Am I glad or what my ex can’t see this either!lol)

This is the first break up that I have ever had where I feel truly alone. I feel a huge part of me is missing. It took me a long time to let my guard down with my ex and when I did, I fell pretty darn quickly after that. He became such a huge part of my life in such a big way in a short amount of time and I’m not even sure any-more what he was actually feeling. He made feel the happiest and the safest that I have ever felt before and now I have the hopeless feeling that he may have never cared for me as strongly as I felt for him. I’m tired of asking him if he did care about me, because why would he say no for? He’d be too terrified to tell me anything else,lol.

In all honesty, in thirty years, I have never felt like this after a break up. Sometimes it is extremely distressing and I completely zone out and pay no attention to what is going on around me (I nearly got hit by a car the other day). Has anyone else ever gone through this? Can you give any advice on how to help me through? What are some steps that I could take to get through this.

Cheers!*

*Update* I had this post scheduled and since then I am no longer in contact with my ex in anyway and have no plans of that changing shortly, but I would still appreciate the advice!

 

Date Yourself!

It’s amazing when we are in a  relationship how much of an effort we are willingly to “date” someone, the getting ready, the saving money, making sure that we are going somewhere they like. One of the things that used to frustrate me about my past partners was they’d always want to play games with their friends and I’d get ditched all the time, when I wanted to go out and have fun. If we ever went to the movies, it was always with their friends and it would never be a movie that I wanted to see.

At a very rough time in my life, I had gone to visit a boyfriend at work, and it was at a shopping mall that I had not been too for a very long time. I had planned to have a little look around and then come back to have lunch with my partner. I ended up spending all day by myself, shopping, eating, drinking coffee and seeing a movie that I had wanted to see. It was the most fun day I had had for so many months. It was then that I made a resolution to myself which I have applied too, even more so, being single.

Once a month I take myself out on a “date”. I go to the movies, I go too exhibitions I want and I treat myself to a lunch or a special treat at a nice cafe/restaurant. It is something that I HIGHLY recommend all single people and people in relationships do too. It has also made me more brave to go to more places by myself rather than relying on someone to end up taking me.

So take a spa day by yourself and for yourself. Buy the bad food and watch that movie that makes you cry. Dress up in your favourite clothes and dance to your favourite music.

Take the time to make an effort to date yourself!

Dating Day!

Beyond Blue

This week I had a bit of a scare…when I say ‘scare’ I mean it has been a scare about my mortality and I wont know for roughly a year about the outcome. This week has therefore been an extremely traumatic and thoughtful one. It has made me question a lot about what am I doing here, I had a breakdown over seeing a child singing…One of those types of week.

I have always believed that I suffer from a low depression, meaning that I do suffer from it but it doesn’t affect my life as badly as some of my other friends. It does help that I have learnt about my triggers and also have learnt tools to help me cope better. There are a lot of people in my life who suffer depression from extreme (physically debilitating) to the mild type I have.

One of the most well -known industries in Australia are called “Beyond Blue”, they are an industry that help people cope with Depression and Anxiety. They give advice, get you in contact with professional health experts and recommend treatments for people and genders of all ages.

If you are suffering from depression/anxiety or know someone who is, please click the link below:

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/