Mid Year Wrap up and beyond…

I’ve been reading a lot of other people’s mid year wrap up and I thought it’d be a fantastic idea for myself to take a look back at this first part of the year, reflect, and then look at what I can do for the rest of the year.

Reading – Reading wise I have been really good in that department. I think that giving myself the challenge of reading a certain amount of books this year. Then putting my goal onto Goodreads, has been able to help me focus. Most of the year so far, I have been able to keep on track. At the moment I’ve currently read 12 out of 24 books, so I am on track still. I originally had it has just 12…a book a month…The reason I changed though was because I just kept reading at the time. It was the beginning of the year, I had all these new books. I was on holidays, so I read a lot. I have actually read more than that, for example, I am not going to put all the books that I’m reading from the Agatha Christie on my Goodreads profile. So I’m actually ahead. I haven’t reread any books so far either, because I’ve had a lot of other things to read.

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Anxiety –  Anxiety wise I have been really well. I’ve only had one week where I felt like I was falling off, but then I had a good cry and I felt so much better. Than it occurred to me that I have not cried since I ended up in hospital. I’ve been trying to keep it all together, sometimes you just have to let it go. I have been finding things that do work for me and what doesn’t.

What does work:

  • No coffee
  • No alcohol
  • Back up plans ie if the power goes out…Books to read, crafts to do, exercises, series downloaded, food to cook from scratch – computer, usbs etc.

Side Projects – I have been getting together over the last month or so, projects that I have finally decided to do. I’ve got candle making things, polymer clay thing. I’ve also got bought card making materials. I made Christmas Cards last year and everyone loved them, they took me so long to make, but people like them. Whether they were just trying to be nice or not, doesn’t matter…As I have decided to continue with this.

The Rest of the Year:

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  1. I actually have something coming out next week, that I am excited/nervous about. I’ve been getting things ready for it. Some of the things have not turned up, but I’ve decided to go ahead with it anyway. I figure everything else will come together.
  2. I am hoping to get at least my L’s for driving! I’ve already taken the theory test once and although I failed. I hate tests, I suck at tests. I need to do something before I take the test.
  3. Reading wise I am not going to change my number of books that I am currently reading on Goodreads. Two books a month is going really well for myself.
  4. Anxiety wise. I am seeing my Doctor soon and making a mental health plan. Which means that I am going to be seeing a therapist more regularly. I’ve been doing quiet well, but I want someone to talk too about it, without feeling like I’m putting everything on my family and friends and bothering them.
  5. I AM going to make more of a routine of doing Yoga and Mediation more. I have been slacking off and I have been feeling it!
  6. I have also decided since my viewership has being going up quite steadily. Right now it’s at 760ish…If I can it up to between 900-1000 by the end of the year…I am going to do a give away at the end of the year, after Christmas. So you can get an extra present!

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Single Awareness Day

Apparently in Australia we have Single Awareness Day held on February the 15th. I’m not exactly sure why it’s called “Awareness”. I am sure that people who are single, are aware of this.

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However my post is not to go on about that.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being Single. We have such a cultural thing where we are made to believe that we “have” to be in a relationship. I think I’ve been lucky in that a lot of the women in my family, the biggest influences have been my mother and my Grandmother. Both of them chose to get divorced and have remained single for well over a decade now. This day and age, especially if you don’t have children and even if you do. It can work for you being single.

When I was single I use to go out with other single friends on Valentines Day, and it was great! We’d go to dinners have a couple of drinks and see a movie…Have you ever seen an independent film drunk? BEST THING EVER! They are so serious and you are so drunk

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(Not that I’m encouraging alcoholism!)

I used to have this friend who was desperate to be in a relationship and so she’d end up with horrible guys. Valentines Day she would get so depressed if she was single and I never really truly understood why someone would get so down on Valentines Day. Too me Valentines Day is just another Day. It’s not like a Christmas or a Birthday or something along those days. We don’t get a public holiday for it…Anywhere. Apart from coworkers no one is really going to know if you’re single or not, so why is it so important?

Remember get a group of other single friends/family and:

  • Get drunk
  • Have dinner
  • See a film…A fun one…No romantic ones…Even comedies!
  • Have a laugh
  • Only go out if you actually even want to go out.
  • Have a singles movies night inside or in a cinema

Not quiet a resolution…

 

*long post incoming*

Wow! This has been a year or what! I just need to thank some of you! Seriously if I had won the lotto this year, some of you would be reaping the benefits, lol…This has not been the happiest of years and I think we’ve all been through a lot…These types of years show us who is there for us, who makes things easier, who make things more toxic. Stop caring so much about those people who were never there for you and start relaxing a bit more that you are living your best life.

I want to do a BIG, Massive shout out to my family, my boyfriend and his family, the safarilive group and a couple of good close friends who have been the most amazingly supportive people ever! I could not have gotten through this year without any of you ❤ I really mean that! You reached out, you supported and you never once made me feel bad…Which would have made me feel even worse,lol. I literally have cried so many time with how bad I feel and how wonderful you all have been ❤

I’ve been debating a lot with myself whether to say this so publicly or not. However, I feel like I should share in case others have gone through the same and sometimes it can feel lonely, especially when you don’t really have other people who understand. I woke up in the middle of the night, for seemingly no reason at all and I couldn’t breathe. I ended up in hospital. Although it was just a massive panic attack, I had been suffering from anxiety for about a year previous. The drugs that I am now on, makes me so tired and my brain fuzzy and I am very careful with myself now…And I can’t drink alcohol for a year…Bugger! lol

The thoughts that the tablets can make happen almost make it not worth being on them, but you get through it all eventually. There was about two months where I felt like I was never going to be alright again. Sometimes every second felt like you had to keep control, because you were starting to lose. It was all very tiring. Night…Night is now the worst for me. So I’ve started to do things before I fall asleep, so it’s easier to fall asleep and not so scary.

I have been scared a lot this year and the only reason I feel half as good as I do now is because of you all ❤ I feel like every year I trust fewer and fewer people. Yet, I feel like this year some of my relationships/friendships have become stronger because of everything that’s happened. I guess what I want now in my life is for me to spend less time on people I chase and spend my time with people who want to spend time with me. I’m exhausted enough as it is, I don’t need to keep chasing people! I ironically now feel like I actually matter.

What I need: The biggest thing for me this year is because of you (and you know who you are) I am not worried anymore about asking for help when I need too. Asking for a break when I need too.

I guess it’s also why I’ve also been a lot more vocal on things that I believe matter. It may be annoying to see me comment on things especially about animals, lol…I just love them! Except for mosquitos and maggots, they are gross. I’ve been doing it a lot more lately, because I don’t want to leave this world not fighting for good! There is a lot of good in this world, even if this year has not felt like it, and it is worth fighting for!

I don’t really have a resolution this year, I just need to learn to not stress out so much. I tend to be one of those people who want to stress less, but then I stress that I’m stressing when I really don’t want to be, lol. I do however NEED to become more social again and learn to be around people again. So I will be doing more of the social gathering. I’ve already got quite a few ideas in mind!

 

Veronica Lodge

New Year “Plans”

I have a Blog Post coming up that is thanking a lot of people and what they have done for me this year (including you all). The post is kind of I’m not really making resolutions next year. Then I thought that instead of resolutions, I was going to make plans instead. I feel like if I write resolutions, they just wont happen. I don’t know what it is, but for some reason as soon I say or write “resolution”, it just wont happen. It has to be something psychological.

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Here are some plans that I have for 2018:

  1. Make my Blog more “book” orientated.
  2. Make my Instagram more blog orientated.
  3. I have bought a 2018 planner/organiser and I’ve already started using
  4. Get people phone numbers and addresses, I used to have them on my phone. Then one day (I must have had an update) and they were all gone!
  5. Exercise a lot more.
  6. Meditate a lot more.
  7. I want to start travelling again, this last year I haven’t been able to travel. Since I have travel anxiety.
  8. I want to throw a couple of parties and make one of them themed….Like a fun way of saying thank you to those who have helped me this year.
  9. I would love to get into streaming, but I am so nervous!
  10. I am definitely going to start doing more Christmas, people really loved my Christmas cards. They were great because you can make them to match the person’s personal personality or interests.
  11. Spend less money on clothes! I had one of those years where I bought things only on sale. After time though you realise you are still spending a lot on clothes.

Do you have resolutions or plans?

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Goals – September

Here we have it, my very first monthly goals…September version!

Let’s see how this goes!

  1. I will write at one least one Blog post under my Category “Single in a small city”. I always have trouble with this category.
  2. There are two books that I am reading at the same time…I will get through at least half of both of them and finish off at least one. The one that I finish I will write a review in October (can you believe one month from now it’ll be October!) for it. (Please see what I”m reading with my Goodreads profile)
  3. Go through my dresses and get rid of at least 3-5 of them.
  4. Head out to a movie and dinner with my partner. This is always an issue for me because of my anxiety issues. I tend to do better when we see a movie I actually want to see.
  5. Not take Panadol (Ibuprofen) for one of the long trips and start taking my new natural medicine instead.
  6. I am going to start meditating at least twice a week.
  7. I also want to buy a daily planner. My plan is to get one of these this week!
  8. I need to also work out a “planned” week off from all works that I go too. I need it!

I hope that I haven’t made to many goals! I’m kind of excited,lol

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Taking a step backward…Step FORWARD!

setback-set-up

Maybe not the best way to set up a Monday, but I felt like it was a point that I wanted to talk about, of something that happened to me over the weekend. I felt like I had taken a huge step back.

*Just warning…If you do suffer from a anxiety and you’re having a bad day, this post may not be for you today. Even though there is a positive message behind it. I don’t want to be responsible for any triggering.*

Friday morning i had the day off of work and with how well I had been on Thursday, I had decided to head out and do some shopping on the Friday morning. Lately I have been ordering pretty much everything online, because I don’t know how I am going to be from one day to the other.

Taking you back to last year, after an traumatic incident, I have developed an, well I think, a really odd form of anxiety. Too break it down, because someone, who will remain nameless at this point, decided that no, they could not pull over (even though we went past a McDonald’s, a gas station AND a public toilet) and let me out to get to a toilet. I spent 20 minutes basically trapped in a car, actually NEEDING to get out. After the person had left me hanging all day while I drunk tea all day and no food. We were supposed to go clothes shopping, but they had to do some things in the morning. Which was fine, but once it got to 3pm, I was starting to get annoyed. I didn’t know if we were eating, was I supposed to eat first. I was actually in the middle of a text to let them not to bother, when they finally showed up. Our clothes stores close at 5pm on the weekend.

So giving that they finally turned up, we basically run out of the door, which was a bad idea. I didn’t go to the toilet before we left and I had been drinking all day, to fill my stomach. I had been filling my bladder instead.Since then whenever I am in a car, or travelling. I get anxious and feel like I need to get to a toilet badly. I have been getting better with help of hypnotherapy.

I was actually getting better, until a couple of weeks ago. I had one bad night, where I don’t even know what happened, but my stomach hurt and I just had to go. Then it feels like it’s gotten worse, with a rare good day here and there, and just this Friday morning I nearly ended up crying in a shopping mall. It was horrible and I hate it.

I felt SO fed up, I’m tired of fighting it because it’s feels so stupid. When I do go, even in the woes of panic, nothing happens…I can’t even begin to tell you how frustrating it is, how tiring it is. I can’t just do things on a whim and even when I plan things, it still doesn’t always work out. I’m alright coming back and forth from work and sometimes travelling to my partners house I do really well.

Then I have mornings like I did Friday…

I try not to be too hard on myself, I’m doing well every well else, just more necessarily when I have a “duty”.

 That’s the whole thing though, I am so tired of it, that I now have a plan. I had stopped doing all the things that had helped when I started to get better, because I swear just that one bad moment has seemingly ruined it all.

  1. So instead of doing it once a week, like I was before. I’m not going to be mediating and listening to my hypnosis tapes, at LEAST every second day. Definitely the night before long trips.
  2. I have to promise to myself to not be so hard on myself.
  3. When I go shopping by myself, if I need to leave, then I need to leave…It’s alright
  4. I have to start walking my dog again, because that was what honestly what started to heal me before. Whether that be a 5 minute walk or a 30 minute walk, I handle what I can handle. That’s what I used to do before. The walks got longer and longer over time.
  5. No coffee before long drives.
  6. Mostly, it’s okay to admit I am not okay, but I will be. I am not going to let this defeat me.
  7. Trying to figure out a way to calm my mind down before I get into a car, especially with those unexpected trips.

I would actually really like any ideas, or any suggestions about any of the above, or if you want to share…Please feel free…No judgement!

Share Your World … Week 43

Share Your World

Share Your World … Week 43

What are you really glad you did yesterday?

Would you prefer a one floor house or multiple levels?

After developing sciatica last year, I’ve found that I now prefer one floor houses,lol. It was literally hell getting up the stairs, there were a few times where I was crawling up the stairs and my Mum kept trying to convince just to sleep on the couch for the night.  Before that though I honestly didn’t mind one way or the other.

Have you done something you truly want to do today?

What plans did you have as a teenager that didn’t happen? Are you happy it didn’t work out that way?

I never really had set plans, I was so angry when I was a teenager, I just wanted someone to care and reach out. I don’t think thinking of future plans was high on my list. My parents separated two days before I started high school and no one ever asked me if I was alright. People were making me take sides. I struggled with dyslexia and didn’t even know it until after I finished high school, when I look back on my assignments and the comments my teachers were leaving, it was so obvious and none of the teachers gave a poop, except for one. Just getting through the day without losing it was pretty much all I was thinking of.