Why don’t you know?

So, my father is an alcoholic.

My name is Lauren…and my father is an alcoholic…Not matter what he says, he is.

Just before Christmas he decided, after numerous goes at me, he decided he didn’t want to come down for Christmas. Then got mad at me when he decided he was going to come and he wouldn’t change our plans. Then he was not coming at all. Which was fine.

However the night before Christmas Eve, so Christmas Eve Eve. He decided to go on a rant about my brother. They’ve never had a good relationship, all on my father. Seeing us on average, once a month for about 3 hours…Does not a parent make. However he made a comment and I REALLY wanted to respond, if he had kept going I would have, I was in that kind of mood. The comment?

“I don’t know what happened to him”

Now, why oh WHY would you not know what happened to him?

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I wonder if my Dad has ever REALLY asked himself that? Why don’t you know what has happened to my brother? My brother, as much as I do love him, can be extremely selfish. As soon as my parents separated, we never saw my father again, other than when he tried to hurt my Mum, which never worked. It just hurt his own children, who still, kind of liked him. My brother never got told off ever again, it was always put on me.

Not only did I have to contend with people saying that I had to take my Mums side, full grown adults, telling a 12 year old she had take sides. My brother didn’t do any chores, didn’t finish high school and still got the same amount of pocket money I did. My brother is really smart, just one of those really lazy people.

Yet, to this day every adult I know says “Why is your brother like that?”

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Since my brother has moved away, he has gotten better with paying people back and just being generous…But still…I can tell them why!

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New Year Resolutions – Too the “bad” parents out there…

I have actually debated posting this one several times, because it such a sensitive topic. I have noticed though that there is a certain type of “parent” though and they seem to be getting worse. I don’t know if it’s just a generation thing, or a hereditary thing or just a lack of discipline thing. It might even be that these days people feel more okay with sharing their parenting on social media.

This isn’t a blog about the parents who’ve had enough, with their…usually…ex-partners. Now I just want to state as well, this comes from a person of a broken home…and although I love my Dad…He can be pretty disrespectful, while at the same time demanding respect. This is a plea from a child who is consistently now watching others go through what she went through. I have noticed a trend though:

  • They tend to never show up when they’re supposed to.
  • They think “spending time” with their kids is a couple of hours here and there.
  • They get angry and act like it’s an inconvenience if they HAVE or NEED to take care of their own children.
  • Funnily enough get really angry if their children decide they don’t want to spend time with them. Bad reflection on them I suppose.
  • They can’t understand (especially later in life) why they don’t have a good relationship with their children.
  • …And them blame their children for the bad relationships.
  • It’s always about “them”.
  • They usually have at least one failed relationship.
  • They tend to think they are “baby sitting” their own children…You are not, you are raising them.
  • They brag to the other parent how the children don’t misbehave with them…Never occurring to them, the kids don’t want to mess up because they want to treasure the little time YOU spend with them.
  • They usually think every else thinks they are a wonderful parent.
  • They think no one else has noticed how much they have failed as a parent.
  • It’s usually very rare that pay any child support and even if they eventually do, they question all the other parents spending…The one that is actually RAISING their children.
  • They think no one else has noticed how much they have failed as a parent.

Sounds like anyone you know?

This is my plea to *those* parents.

The funny thing is I think they genuinely want a good relationship with their children.  They are just usually have too much of an ego and are just generally lazy in their overall life.

Any relationship in your life IS work. You actually have to make an effort with anyone in your life, especially if you want a good relationship. You have to compromise no matter if you have a good relationship with your children, there are times when they are going to be bad or downright disrespectful. Usually when they “act up” they are actually asking for help, they just don’t want to seem “weak”.

Make this the year you make an effort to have a good relationship with your children.