A year ago today…

I am not sure how many of my readers have a Facebook, but on Facebook ever so randomly they have this “app” called “TimeHop” and what it does is it allows brings up a post from say a year ago from today or 5 years ago and you can post it onto your Facebook. I don’t actually have this app on my Facebook, but it still randomly shares posts and today it decided to share a post today. Reminding me that a year ago I broke up with my ex.

One of my roughest break ups ever for myself personally. My ex had been chasing me for months and then when I finally decided to break down and say “Yes” it moved very quickly and then it was over a month later. It wasn’t just over but my ex treated me very cruelly afterwards as well and honestly I still believe, till this day that he never cared. I hated the song by “A Great Big World, feat Christina Aguilera” … “Say Something” because that’s pretty much what happened. He wanted to break up and then refused to talk to me and decided, of all the friends he had, to go and tell the first person we had broken up, the person who hated me the most? The guy was horrible to me….Obviously. Made no sense.

A year ago

I never thought that I could trust someone, let alone love someone ever again.

Yet, here I am a year later and I am in love with someone who is like the most incredible person I have ever met and takes such good care of me. I can’t even explain how happy he makes me. He’s honestly also the first boyfriend I’ve had that actually makes me feel he really wants me around. That is SUCH  an unusual feeling for me and sometimes it still makes me a little sad that it’s taken me this long to find someone who treats me like that =/

It amazes me where my life has taken me since this day. I never thought that a year later I would be here. Stronger, happier, feeling more fulfilled. When I think about how I felt and how long it took for me to trust my current partner, it still astounds me that I am here.

I hate loving you…

I hate that you made me feel,
I hate that you made me happy,
I hate that you made me feel safe and loved,
I hate that I fell in love with you.

I hate that I was strong and never needed anyone,
I hate that now all I want is for someone to hold me,
I hate that now all I want is to fall in love,
I hate that you made the voices in my head quiet.

Because now they’re back, stronger than before,
Making me feel…That time at night, when all I want is too sleep,
I wont think of you and then…BAM! There you are, front and centre,
The nightmares wont stop…I just want them too stop.

I hate that I don’t think I’ll stop feeling like this until I start to feel for someone else again.

I say all this but I don’t want you back. I just want to stop feeling like this.

I feel like a little lost light.