Today is a kind of a new day for me. It terms of my job, I am going to be doing the exact same job, but just in a different location for at least the next month, with more hours and I am feeling just as anxious, as if I was starting a new job. That’s the problem with a new location, I don’t know the layout of the building, even though they have a great map. I still don’t know where everything is. So it’s a little scary, I’m sure that it’ll be fine…Just those “first day” nerves.
A week or so ago I made a post called “Nervouness” and it was about a job that I was going for. A job I really wanted and I really felt that I was going to get it, I nailed it. However in a little town, the ones who are already in a job in a Library, tend to get any job they go for. Which is what happened in this situation. Even though I was constantly told I would fit in so well. I’ve had a good cry about it, but I’m tired and I feel kind of stuck. I want my life to start and it’s kind of hard when you have a job that doesn’t guarantee hours. I had no work the last two months before Christmas. Luckily I’m a good saver and I start getting Christmas presents earlier. I just do not want to be in that position anymore.
I feel kind of stuck though, I want to try and maybe do something that you can do from home, but I have NO idea what to do. There are things that I could have a go at, but I can’t do too many of them cause, you know, money. It’s another reason I’m so appreciative of my Mum and my partner. I help out where I can, but I wish I could do more! I want my life to start and be able to start comfortably. My Gran wants me to keep up with my writing and I have recently restarted doing that again. I hadn’t had a good writing session in a year and it was GLORIOUS! I have a couple of fictional stories on the go, doubt I’ll ever get them published, but never say never!
Can you tell how stuck I am feeling? What have you done, readers, when you just feel like you can’t do anything, but you just have too? You don’t just want to sit around anymore?
I had a job interview today for a job that I really want. Getting a Library job around here is SO tough. Once people are in one, they tend to stay in Libraries for life. So to get any foot in, can take years…Literally years…It’s taken me over a year just to get this interview! I have Certificates and all sorts of things, I was volunteering, but I had to stop because it clashed with my paid work too much.
One of the other horrible things about living in a small town, dreams jobs are hard to come by. I have considered doing something else on the side, but what do you do?!
Last night I hung out with the number one guy (I don’t even talk to the number two guy…Craaaaaaazy!). At his house…all by ourselves…except for his cat (who loved me, hehe).
I forgot how nervous I get that first time around, nothing happened, except some cuddling up and watching truly terrible movies. I always find on that first time if I truly like them, if I don’t want to slap them while we’re cuddling, that is a good sign! Haha!
I know that I want to move slowly in this relationships, sometimes I do worry that I am going to slowly, but how do you keep bringing that topic up? I mean he seems perfectly alright with everything at the moment as is, but I don’t want to get to that point where I feel like I’m leading him on. Plus when I’m stressed out in a job, I never feel in a romantic mood any-ways….Ah, these stupid feelings!
So this week I am finally going to meet the two “contenders” that I’ve met on the online dating site. I am actually pretty excited, I think I already like one of them better than the other. It’s so weird! At the beginning of December I posted a picture onto Facebook that said “There is still one chapter to 2014, make it a great one!” It seems to be happening =D I was just hired in a new job and now I think that I’ve actually met someone.
I never expected any of this time and in all honest it’s been making everything else this year that’s happened to me look like, not a waste of time, but it really doesn’t matter any-more. I don’t care about my ex anymore, I rarely think of him at all. It’s so interesting because I thought that it’d take me forever to get over him, but it’s been so quick!
I want to be scared, but I’m not. I am really happy. Just when I had given up on this year, this all happens! It is so exciting!
I know that I’ve posted this video a lot this year, but it’s for a good reason!
So I did it…Last night I joined an online dating site.
So far it’s been a nervous wrecking process and I have absolutely no idea what I’m suppose to do. I’ve got quiet a few responses and just a little while ago the guy who I was initially interested in and the reason why I joined the site in the first place, said he was interested in talking to me! The funny thing was I had been waiting and waiting to hear from him and I knew that he was constantly looking at my profile, but he wasn’t saying anything!
I haven’t tried online dating for many years and it assumes me greatly that it feels exactly the same as if I was at a party. You know that feeling…There is that one person whose eye catches your fancies, but the entire night it’s every other person whose actually coming up and talking to you, and you and the person you are actually interested in, just make eye contact and then they’re gone.
It’s also quiet an intimidating process. In my past when I’ve rejected a guy they haven’t always responded well, so I really life in fear of having to reject anyone. Luckily with this particular site though (as a friend whose used this site told me) if you do reject them, they make it so they can’t contact you again, to stop them hassling you I guess.
Now if you excuse me I have to think of some funny and witty reply to reply to his guy with…Ah, the pressure!
Day 15 – 17: Family – Well I spent this time with my Family at our reunion and I get along well with my family. Couldn’t be more grateful for a family like mine.
Day 18: Walking – This one probably seems like a bit out of the blue =D Well at the family reunion we took a walk on a Summit and it was 4km all round…and extremely steep. Meaning when we woke up the next morning, none of could walk…I am not even kidding! As I walked up and down the stairs I started to realise what my life might be like at 80. For the first time in, even in the last couple of days, my life I have been eating so well and now I am saving up to go and get my health checked up.
Day 19: The Past – I have had a really nice day with two of my ex’s. The first was just being silly with one who I’ve been been friends with for a while now, he was my serious relationship. Which is nice, it’s nice to have someone who knows me as well as he does in my life. Knows all my darkness, but still hangs around me and thinks that I’m still pretty “neat”…BUT the best part of today was my last ex and I have been talking since my family reunion. We have decided that we will try to be friends, but we are going to wait until the New Year. I am SO happy, I never wanted it to end as ugly as it did. He’s so special to me and such a unique individual, I can’t describe how glad I am.
Day 20: The World Wide Web – Today I got to experience something amazing…a once in a life time experience. Thanks to the amazing wonder that is the Internet I got to see not one…but TWO baby Wilder Beast being born, live…Sure it wasn’t the same thing as seeing it in the “flesh”, but even probably 5 years ago I wouldn’t have been able to see it at all!
If you want to experience amazing live web feeds too, this is one that you should definitely watch!
Day 21: My “real” friends” – So today I told a bunch of people that I was tired of being treated like a second class friend and I do not like the way I’ve been treated. It amazed me how many people came out in support of ME! =D I had finally had enough and had the final insult today. I told them enough is enough. I have done nothing wrong to them and have continually be treated badly for not a single good reason, sure I don’t rub their ego’s, but that is not reason to treat someone badly…You earn respect, you don’t just ‘get it’.
Tonight is the Night!
Tonight is my first girls night out since my break up and I am ready for it! The break was what…Month and a half? Two weeks since we stopped being friends and I need a cute guy (or two) to get a bit flirty with, not dirty with…Just flirty. I might even have a glass of champagne first before I head out…Crazy! I’m a bit of “light weight” so I don’t drink when I go out and it’s not at a friends house…or mine own!lol
In all honesty I am really nervous about this night. You see, I had this really odd plan on staying with my ex for the rest of my life, definitely the rest of this year…at least. There is just something different about “A Girls Night out” that just feels automatically different from going out with a mixed sex group of people. There’s is honestly no one else I want to be on the planet with than my ex, but a girl has to move on and although I don’t expect to find the love of my night tonight. I do want to get a little flirty, not flirty dirty, just flirty =D…I’m not ready for dirty yet ~.^
Uploaded on 8 Oct 2009
Music video by Shania Twain performing Man! I Feel Like A Woman. (C) 2003 Mercury Records
So this weekend is a big test for me! It’s the first “supportive” thing I will be doing as my new ‘beau’s’ partner. I am nervous for a few various reasons:
- Posisbly will meet some members of his Family
- Will be meeting his friends for the first time.
- Will be in the same room as the friends who I do not like (and they don’t like me) and who I have not seen for a couple of months.
It’s a long story (as they always are) there are so many reason to feel uncomfortable and my mind is screaming “Don’t Go!!! Don’t do it!!!”. No! Super Girlfriend Mode is on and I will be dragging (and a couple of other friends) myself out. I think it’s one of the main things I will miss about being single, if I don’t want to go somewhere…I don’t have too. I could avoid meeting people for the first time for the rest of my life! I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why I wouldn’t want to go somewhere, I just wouldn’t go.
Hang onto your single life people!!!
Will be meeting his parents (at least)
Will be surrounded by his friends who apparently dislike me (but no one, including them, will tell me why)
All the people who were suppose to be coming with me, have now pulled out.)
If I can get through tonight’s social situations, I can get through anything!