Welcome and Wanted

One of the hardest things about being in a relationship (especially a new one) is trying to ‘decipher’ and decode your partners quirks and habits. It’s probably one of the biggest messages that I can say when you are single. You NEED to find out what makes you happy, what behaviour are you willing to put up with and you NEED to stick with it.

One of the hardest lessons that I’ve learnt throughout every single relationship, and in all honesty I mean friendships and family. The hardest thing in any relationship is to feel wanted. I can honestly say that every partner that I’ve had, they never wanted to be around me. They always seemed to prefer the company of their friends, even if they were bad-mouthing those friends (which should also be a clue). Even with my “friends” I have had friends who have dumped me for other people…Hence why “friends” are in quotation marks. I no longer consider them friends.

When you are single, you think there’s this whole world that you are missing out on. I was always good at being single personally. You have to figure you out, I cannot stress this one enough. My current relationship is tough for me because I have so many insecurities, I’ve had to deal with a lot on my own in the past. I am not used for asking for help, I am more used to being upset and crying it out on my own.

Before you get into a relationship do things on your own. Reconnect with yourself. The major reason I am doing alright now is because I know that I’m fine, my current partner is not my other ex-partners, he is a whole other human being and has never given me a reason to doubt him.

Online Dating Update

Thought that I would give a little update to my online dating experiences (and hopefully give you something fun to read on this Sunday night).

Guy Number one:

I shall call him number one because it seems to be going really well with him. The first date we couldn’t stop talking to each other and I knew that I liked him when we got home late and I needed to get up early the next day and so I kind of ran out of the car, but then, in true girl like fashion, I realised he hadn’t kissed me…and I wanted him to and woke up the next morning with regrets =/

Guy Number two:

This one is going nowhere. Guys there are only a certain type of girl that will like the needy “tell me everything and who you are talking to” guy…I am not one of those. I had to finally reject him and let him know that I was not interested. There was nothing “bad” about him, he is just not the type for me.

Advice:

My biggest advice is to meet anyone you meet online in public, do NOT meet in them in private. Do not let them pick you up or drop you off on the first date (possibly the second too if you’re unsure). Do pay attention to what they are saying, guy number two (for example) starting asking me pretty nearly straight away who else I was talking to. Although I am not very experienced in online dating, I felt uncomfortable about him asking me. DO listen to your gut instincts. Once I had turned him down I have now spent the past three days (I am not kidding) trying to explain to him I am just not interested. It really feels like I’ve broken up with him, rather than just letting him down.

Odd one out…

Last night my best friend came in from Interstate. I have about three female best friends and ironically I could probably pick a “Sex in the City” character for each one of us (I would be the Charlotte in the group…but probably more after being influenced by Samantha). The interesting thing about my little groups of girlfriend is…I am the only single one.

Last night was fun and we talked and giggled a lot, but it was hard to hear about the problems they were having, especially when their guys are completely nuts about them. They are mostly things that they knew could be an issue later. I think that’s the hardest thing about being single, especially when you are the only one, is listening to how bad a friends relationships is, when it really isn’t and that they knew this issue would be coming up later.

I would LOVE a man who was devoted to me, who had my back, who talked to me, who tried to cheer me up when I am down. I have always had the opposite in my life. I have always had the guy who never had my back, including watching me get bullied mentally and physically by his roommate, the one who’d rather play a computer game then take care of me the night my grandfather dies, would rather spend Valentine’s Day with his friends than me.

I don’t get into relationships a lot, in fact, after 30 years I have only been in three relationships. My main problem is once I find that guy, I jump right in, and instead of letting it build up slowly and making sure that I am not falling for a façade. Except if I knew about a major issue, like children, marriage, career plans are likely to become an issue later I would never get into that relationship. I seem to find a lot that I am the only one like that. A lot of girls will get into a relationship to be in a relationship and that’s when the problems start.

True, I have nights where I feel so alone that I hold onto that pillow like I never have before…but I also know that one of the worst feelings in this world is feeling completely alone while you have someone lying right next to you.

Am I the only one who might WANT a relationship, but don’t feel like I NEED one? Am I the only odd one out…I would rather be alone, than feel alone.