The Guilt

Don’t you hate it when you know you’ve moved on, or just never cared about someone or something. However you can’t let go of the guilt that you should be more upset? Take my current situation with my ex friends for an example.

I have actually been better and feel better since they’ve been gone. I write what i want to, I do what I want too. Mainly because now I don’t have the pressure of them telling me how boring or how they don’t like what ever it is I’m doing…Which always seemed to be a lot of things!…As if what they do and watch is so spectacular!

Adam Sandler = Craptacular! #notsorryatall

WIMBLEDON IS SO BORING!!! #notsorryatall

I can talk about Lord of the Rings, I can talk about the Hobbit, I can listen to Delta Goodrem. All the meanwhile without them going “Blergh” or “OMG THAT IS SO BORING” Literally every time I said I was watching something they didn’t like…EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME!!!!

Friends Tv Middle Finger GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

I have never felt so free in my life before! I swear so much now,lol.

The guilt that I can’t shake though is that I feel like I am supposed to be more sad? I’ve known them pretty much at least longer than half my life. Even though logically and when I’m honest with myself that I am so much better off without them. I have achieved so much without them already in the past 6 months. I can’t shake the guilt that I should have been more upset about it?

The first couple of months I kept waiting and waiting and waiting to fall in a heap and it just never happened.

Waiting Gif GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

This is what I am achieving…Great advice!

It’s not about proving to the other person that you have moved on with your life…it’s about being at peace while moving on with your life. With Love, Dr. KL ❤ Author of “Every Day Isn’t Perfect”: amazon.com/author/iamklregister

via Moving On — Dr. K. L. Register

I have honestly been feeling the best that I have ever felt in such a long time. I’ve been a lot more social. I’ve been worrying less and living more…When I looked back they literally brought nothing to my life, because it was always about them…So you can’t miss what you never had truly,lol

How to move on

I have this friend…She’s what a lot of people who would call her “desperate” in terms of she REALLY wants to be in a relationship and because of that she has made some terrible choices. One of which was on and off and is, what I thought at the moment, off and had been for nearly a year. However, recently I’ve discovered through all her talk and Facebook statuses about not being able to move on and blah, blah, blah…I recently discovered she STILL texts him all the time and goes out with him on the weekend. I thought she was just hanging out with some friends and some of his family members…but now I’ve discovered, apparently, him too. Which was made apparent when she posted a photo with him…Which neither any of our friends liked.

Which part of this is her moving on, if she is still apart of his life in every single way?

It’s a mindset I just do not understand.

She’s not the only person I know who does it to an extreme either. I have a family member who doesn’t speak to pretty much all her family members except for one. Even then she only started speaking to her recently. Some she stopped speaking with for good reasons, but others are really stupid. For example, one of her brothers didn’t want to come to a party because he had just had a break down. BUT she has a friend who has taken tens of thousands of her dollars and retirement fund, not paying a single cent back for nearly two years, but gets hurt when they don’t want to hang out with her? Yet she keeps telling us that she’s moved on from all the other family members and she doesn’t care what they do or about their lives…YET AGAIN…She constantly stalks their Facebook and is always telling me or asking me about things on their Facebook. Things I haven’t seen because I am not stalking their profiles…But you know…She doesn’t care.

When I’ve had to let go of people, I admit, the first few months I am genuinely curious what is going in and I may go see their social media pages, depending on my mood. However, at some point I stop. I had once ex who I couldn’t even be in a pub or club with and I didn’t keep hanging out with their families and I have my own friends.

These are some things that I do when I want to move on:

  • I will un-follow people to being with and then after time I might even unfriend and block them.
  • If I block them I will always write to them beforehand why I’m doing that.
  • I try to distance myself for a little while from any mutual friends we have. I find that people who genuinely wanted to be friends with you, will stick around.
  • I will block their number from my phone and delete it. If I need there are other ways I can contact them most of the time.

What do I do now?

So you’ve broken up with someone and you’ve gone through the whole “Why don’t they love me?” the drinking and the crying and the eating the really bad food. What next? I don’t know if anyone else has ever experienced it. There’s always a moment for me when I’ve gotten through all the bad stuff and I’m over it all. I think that’s the danger moment, when you can so easily fall back into a pattern.

We always hear about when we first break up with someone how hard it is and then how you’ll get through. What about that first moment when you realise, you are alright. Not the going to be moment, but…the moment…

It’s such a lost feeling you’ve been wrapped up in these feelings and emotions for so long and even with a short break up, a hard breakup can take a lot out of out. Yet, you’re not quite at the “I am SO over you” moment. You may not be over that person yet, but you know you’ll be alright.

Girl Power!

I am SO happy to report that my friend who for one second seemed to want to go back to her emotionally abusive ex (they are all as bad as each other). Has decided NOT to and is already going out on another date!

I am SO proud of her, I know how hard this is for her. Being single is one of the worst things that can happen to her, I’m fine being single, she HATES it.

Being someone who is perfectly fine being single, I’ve never really understood those who would be willingly to go back to a relationships that is just unhealthy. I would love to understand it, I love being in my relationships, but if it’s time to go…It’s time to go. My friend is incredibly smart and strong, I guess we can’t all be perfect though ~.^

I post this video in honour of my friend (she would hate anything poppy and girly!lol)

Joan Jett “Bad Reputation”

Slow and steady wins the race

Last night I hung out with the number one guy (I don’t even talk to the number two guy…Craaaaaaazy!). At his house…all by ourselves…except for his cat (who loved me, hehe).

I forgot how nervous I get that first time around, nothing happened, except some cuddling up and watching truly terrible movies. I always find on that first time if I truly like them, if I don’t want to slap them while we’re cuddling, that is a good sign! Haha!

I know that I want to move slowly in this relationships, sometimes I do worry that I am going to slowly, but how do you keep bringing that topic up? I mean he seems perfectly alright with everything at the moment as is, but I don’t want to get to that point where I feel like I’m leading him on. Plus when I’m stressed out in a job, I never feel in a romantic mood any-ways….Ah, these stupid feelings!

And that’s the end of that chapter (Credit: Homer Simpson)

It’s time to say goodbye,
It’s time to turn the page over and start anew.

It’s time to forget and move on,
It’s time to make you a fictional nightmare that will never happen again.

“I want to forgive you and I want to forget you”.

…And I will…You treated me like my life didn’t matter, I think it’s fair I treat like you never existed.

You were the worst mistake I have ever made and will never make again,
You taught me so much that was wrong.

Why…WHY can’t I just have one knight in shining armor, it is all that I have ever wanted,
Why do I keep the douche-bags wrapped up in aluminium instead?
Why is it only me they ever treat like the dirt beneath their feet.

I am tired of you making me feel like there is something wrong with me,
When it’s YOU who should be feeling like this, not me.

I will not allow you or any other “man” make me feel like this again,
I want to shine in the sun, where I belong.

“To live would be an awfully big adventure”

Published on 16 Jul 2012

S10E13

30 Days of Gratitude…Days 8 – 14

(Well this one shall be very interesting since for half of it I’ll be at a family reunion).

Day 8: Alone – My mum is gone all weekend so this means that I have the entire weekend to myself! So far it’s been bliss (mind you though I’ve had to do homework all day). One of the things that I love at being home alone for a weekend by myself is the absolute solitude. Don’t get me wrong, living with my Mum isn’t all bad. Sometimes though you do a couple of days to yourself, so you can regather yourself back together. My mum has this habit of coming home and as soon as she walks through the door is complains. Sometimes, especially on bad days I actually dread her coming home because I know she’s going to complain about something and it makes me feel worse. I am grateful to have these rare moments alone.

Day 9: Study – I have finally managed to hand in a huge project and it was a huge effort to put since it was a topic I was not interested in and it took forever. Pretty much every spare day I had was taken up with it. This entire weekend I spent working on it and I have a test I really needed to study for. The reason I am grateful for my studies though is because not only is it helping me get into the career of my dreams. I am learning different things that help me in my work. At the moment we are learning how to make web Dewey numbers, every section of Dewey that I’ve learnt I’ve been able to then help customers out where I work. Sometimes work is busy so I don’t really have time stand back and learn.

Day 10: Drama Free: So there I was thinking what am I grateful for, because nothing really happened today…but there is something to be grateful in that alone…Nothing…Only two weeks ago I was angry beyond comprehension and my ex messing me about was beyond horrible. He made me feel worthless and the pain he had and was putting me through meant nothing to him. Like he didn’t care whether I was dead or alive and then he speaks so condescendingly to me….To NOT have anything like that in my life, is calming and beautiful.

Day 11: Single-hood – So I had a HUGE test today on my toughest subject. After the tests on this subject, my brain is completely fried and I fall asleep where ever I am. It was in this moment that I’m grateful that I don’t have children and I can rest easy. I’m also grateful because though by the time I have children I will be an expert on the subject, have a good job because of my studies and be able to comfortably provide for my children.

Day 12: My bed – I know this seems like an odd one, but I am very grateful to have a bed that I can get into a night and feel safe at night. I can dream at night, feeling safe with a roof over my head and safe in my bed.

Day 13: Brother – My brother came back today to visit us as we going on a family reunion trip this weekend. The reason I am grateful for my brother isn’t because he’s done anything amazing for me. He’s done great things for me, but the reason I am grateful to have the brother that I do is because he reminds me constantly what a MAN is. My brother is a Drag Queen, and a seriously good one at that too. He has won many Australia awards for the work that he had done. While I have all these “straight manly men” telling me that a man is only a man if he has a beard, or if he has big shoulders…My 6’4′ gangly brother is being a man, by being who he truly is. He is a constant reminder that a man is not made by what is on his face (neither Steve McQueen or James Dean had a beard can I just say too) or what he hides behind. A man is a man because he has the strength to be who he truly is. THAT’S a man!

Day 14: Family – By the time you read this I will be with my family at our family reunion. I LOVE my family we are all so different but we love each so much. It’s our differences that hold us together. A round up on the “labels” of people that will be at this reunions are: gay, straight, religious, athletic, creative, intellectual, spiritual. Yet, I can guarantee that we will have the most amazing time. From all of my other friends I know how incredibly lucky that I am too have the family (mothers side) that I do…My Dad’s side, don’t even talk to each other.

A long weekend…

So it’s a long weekend here in the Down Under country and I have got a few things happenings this week, seeing people that I haven’t seen in quite a while. (Which had nothing to do with my previous relationship, I just haven’t seen these people all year).

However yesterday was the last time I have ever expected to “talk” (I use that term very loosely, very hard to have a conversation with someone who wont talk back) or see my ex ever again. There was one question that I needed an answer too and he did give it. I think though he’s answer didn’t really explain why he had started to treat me so badly AFTER we broke up. I have never before had to beg anyone to talk too me and I have never had to stop being friends with an ex so soon after we broke up. I have honestly been appalled and disgusted by my ex’s actions, but when people ask me why do I think he’s done it…All I can say is…I honestly don’t know.

What I can say though with 100% certainty is that it is on him and it is absolutely not a reflection on me or the type of person I am. I feel so happy about this. For 30 years I have struggled to feel good about myself and I can finally be at a place where I can say “Nope, it’s definitely you”lol…I am not a bad person and do not deserve to be treated as such, I might like you, but I like myself best =D

Deserve