The Guilt

Don’t you hate it when you know you’ve moved on, or just never cared about someone or something. However you can’t let go of the guilt that you should be more upset? Take my current situation with my ex friends for an example.

I have actually been better and feel better since they’ve been gone. I write what i want to, I do what I want too. Mainly because now I don’t have the pressure of them telling me how boring or how they don’t like what ever it is I’m doing…Which always seemed to be a lot of things!…As if what they do and watch is so spectacular!

Adam Sandler = Craptacular! #notsorryatall

WIMBLEDON IS SO BORING!!! #notsorryatall

I can talk about Lord of the Rings, I can talk about the Hobbit, I can listen to Delta Goodrem. All the meanwhile without them going “Blergh” or “OMG THAT IS SO BORING” Literally every time I said I was watching something they didn’t like…EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME!!!!

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I have never felt so free in my life before! I swear so much now,lol.

The guilt that I can’t shake though is that I feel like I am supposed to be more sad? I’ve known them pretty much at least longer than half my life. Even though logically and when I’m honest with myself that I am so much better off without them. I have achieved so much without them already in the past 6 months. I can’t shake the guilt that I should have been more upset about it?

The first couple of months I kept waiting and waiting and waiting to fall in a heap and it just never happened.

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How to move on

I have this friend…She’s what a lot of people who would call her “desperate” in terms of she REALLY wants to be in a relationship and because of that she has made some terrible choices. One of which was on and off and is, what I thought at the moment, off and had been for nearly a year. However, recently I’ve discovered through all her talk and Facebook statuses about not being able to move on and blah, blah, blah…I recently discovered she STILL texts him all the time and goes out with him on the weekend. I thought she was just hanging out with some friends and some of his family members…but now I’ve discovered, apparently, him too. Which was made apparent when she posted a photo with him…Which neither any of ourĀ friends liked.

Which part of this is her moving on, if she is still apart of his life in every single way?

It’s a mindset I just do not understand.

She’s not the only person I know who does it to an extreme either. I have a family member who doesn’t speak to pretty much all her family members except for one. Even then she only started speaking to her recently. Some she stopped speaking with for good reasons, but others are really stupid. For example, one of her brothers didn’t want to come to a party because he had just had a break down. BUT she has a friend who has taken tens of thousands of her dollars and retirement fund, not paying a single cent back for nearly two years, but gets hurt when they don’t want to hang out with her? Yet she keeps telling us that she’s moved on from all the other family members and she doesn’t care what they do or about their lives…YET AGAIN…She constantly stalks their Facebook and is always telling me or asking me about things on their Facebook. Things I haven’t seen because I am not stalking their profiles…But you know…She doesn’t care.

When I’ve had to let go of people, I admit, the first few months I am genuinely curious what is going in and I may go see their social media pages, depending on my mood. However, at some point I stop. I had once ex who I couldn’t even be in a pub or club with and I didn’t keep hanging out with their families and I have my own friends.

These are some things that I do when I want to move on:

  • I will un-follow people to being with and then after time I might even unfriend and block them.
  • If I block them I will always write to them beforehand why I’m doing that.
  • I try to distance myself for a little while from any mutual friends we have. I find that people who genuinely wanted to be friends with you, will stick around.
  • I will block their number from my phone and delete it. If I need there are other ways I can contact them most of the time.

Slow and steady wins the race

Last night I hung out with the number one guy (I don’t even talk to the number two guy…Craaaaaaazy!). At his house…all by ourselves…except for his cat (who loved me, hehe).

I forgot how nervous I get that first time around, nothing happened, except some cuddling up and watching truly terrible movies. I always find on that first time if I truly like them, if I don’t want to slap them while we’re cuddling, that is a good sign! Haha!

I know that I want to move slowly in this relationships, sometimes I do worry that I am going to slowly, but how do you keep bringing that topic up? I mean he seems perfectly alright with everything at the moment as is, but I don’t want to get to that point where I feel like I’m leading him on. Plus when I’m stressed out in a job, I never feel in a romantic mood any-ways….Ah, these stupid feelings!