Light-bulb! Bye bye toxicity

I had a really big light-bulb moment this week. The one big question that I’ve never really been able to answer is “Why did I keep my toxic ex-best friends for such a long time”. I’ve never really been able to answer why, I was trying to stop being friends with them a couple of years before we ultimately stopped being friends. But I had no idea how to let go.

Then I was talking to my Mum and how proud everyone is of her because she finally, after 20+ years finally said “No, we’re not changing the date”. Her ex sister-in-law, my aunt. Took my Mums side when my parents split. I think at first my mum felt happy and justified that they did. However, the problem is my Aunt and family are so far from perfect, but wont hear it but expect perfection from others. So even though I did not live with them, we still had to live up to their expectations. If we did not and they did a “poor you” to my Mum, we would hear about it!

Then there’s my Dad who complains how his brother winds him up, his friends wind him up. But guess who he takes it out on and guess who he keeps running back too. Even with my Gran, there’s a family ex friends of hers. Who literally said to her face “I don’t want to be friends anymore” They live in a small town and she constantly “accidentally” bumps into him, constantly talks about him. It’s been about 10+ since he told her he did not want to be friends with her. He’s apparently nearly died twice and has not reached out to her.

So, I’ve got all these adults whose strongest friendships and relationships are extremely toxic, some who have literally been told “I don’t want to be your friend anymore” And they wonder why I had a hard time letting go. At least I didn’t take so many years it took me into double digits!lol

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Those moments

It has literally taken me all this time to realise that my ex best friend pretty much accused me of treating her WORSE than her abusive boyfriend.

Bitch had better never unblock or bump into me.

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I’m half laughing, half REALLY angry…Laughing because it’s only now just occurred to me not only did she say that, but the other two ex friends of mine would have known that she said that and STILL attacked me and said nothing to support me…There is no way on this earth she wouldn’t have told them what she had said.

I also don’t particularly like being told I’ve treated someone else worse than a abuser. When I’m the only one who was really helping her.

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Every time I talk or write about them…I end up swearing, which is not good! -.-

A cup of tea and reflection

So it’s pretty much already been the first full day of 2018 and do I feel any different? As I sit here, with my first cup of tea for the morning…I take time to reflect.

  • I didn’t drink or anything, but I didn’t get up until 11am this morning. Someone in the area had their “doof doof” music on until 3am! So as my Pa would say “that’s the whole day gone!” Suddenly I understand this saying! It definitely does feel like I’ve wasted a lot of the day.
  • A lot of the stuff that I need to get the year started is at my Mums house, but I’m at my partners house. So I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to get it…BUT…I still have things I can use at my partners house…So NO excuses!
  • I am glad that I went and posted my “Not quiet a resolution” on Facebook. I have had such a positive response and of course the people who were never there are suddenly “concerned”. I’m not dealing with them for the moment. I shouldn’t have to tell them “I was in hospital” to my “best friends” for them to notice me. They honestly make me feel like I’m 5 again wanting attention, which in turn makes me feel a like I am a really crappy friend.

Excuse me…I need to finish this cup of tea (that I got for Christmas) and have another nap,lol

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