Oh my god, omg

Have I told you all how much I’ve missed you all!

It’s CRAZY, how things are going down at the the moment! Twitter is it’s usual mess. It’s been a little funny, because, I think in a way, I get why America may be the way it is. Take for example, the spats already happening with the Democrats. I had no idea that Lincoln Project was run by Republican Conservatives … Yet, I don’t think it matters either. People and places change, and they weren’t helping Trump either. While I get why people might be tense about them, I heard nothing about it before. At first I apologise, but then I was like “No, Lincoln Project HELPED Biden and the Democrats”. There are plenty of Republicans who don’t like Trump, or what the GOP have done…

Anyways!

I have written a post tomorrow, about some projects that I undertook while I took my social media leave. Just a quick update here with some of the things, that I don’t write about tomorrow, that also happened too me…Went to a funeral, and had a job interview.

Missing Her Sesame Street GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Literally, went to the funeral on the Wednesday (it was for my partners Aunt), had a good cry. She was literally born in-between my parents. So, wasn’t that old when she passed…alone. One of her sons lives in the UK, and the other in Ireland, leaving two new grand twins behind. What really made me cry though, she’s never going to be able to meet her twin grand bubbas. She lived in Melbourne. Well, she can…Depending how you look at the world.

Then the next day, got a call for a interview for the Friday. Went to that, oh my god, I don’t want it, lol. Everything that I thought it was, wasn’t. Don’t you just hate that?! I went for a PART TIME RECEPTIONIST role for a reputable towing company. They said with my skills, I could easily go to full-time. The worst part…They want me to be back up for their call center! If I wanted to do that, I would have applied for a call center place! Luckily, I don’t think I’ll get it. They’re interviewing all this week too.

Also, something about Christmas happened. Which I cannot talk about until a bit before Christmas, but I am already writing up that post. It’s all about being the bigger person, but also being completely “I got you” as well, lol

After those few days though, my stomach REALLY hurt. So I ended up being sick as well!

Also…Burn!

Yet, always there is hope…

Dear You,

I need to write this to you, but I can never show you, I can never open my heart up to you again. In the rest of my days, you can never actually know this.

It’s weird this feeling that I have. I hate you, I don’t trust you and now you have made me feel unsafe and unwanted. Yet at the same time, I am completely, madly in love with you still. Isn’t that weird? I know that I can’t ever be with you and with the attitude that you have seemed to develop over night I don’t want to, but yet here I am. Flirting, chatting with other guys and opening my heart to them, but still in love with you?

Yet, if anyone were to tell me that I have no self respect for myself, I know that they’re in the wrong. I don’t want you back, ever again. Not in a millions years would I ever, and sometimes I think it’s because I miss who I thought you were, not who you turned out to be.

You were the first person that I could really see myself settling down with, getting married, having babies, doing the whole grown up thing. I get scared sometimes that now I am far too damaged to feel like that again, yet there is hope. I can hear her calling in the back of my mind “Don’t give up!”

Why? Goodbye my almost lover <3

As you probably have guessed (and from me blogging about it constantly) I have broken up with my last ‘beau’.

We were at that stage when we were both “Lets be friends” and everything was hunky dorey and we kept telling each other how much we missed each other…and then…One of us (i.e. him) decided to do something stupid and I found out about it (mainly because his friend posted it on his Facebook account). So now we’re at the “don’t speak to me ever again” point.

I’m not sure why this seems to happen to me, but my ex’s always tend to run straight to the person (their friend) who made my life the most horrible/miserable. So the first thing that happens is this person makes sure that I am aware of this. I have no idea why this seems to happen to me every single break up (and I am not exaggerating). On the plus side though it makes letting go THAT much easier. I honestly believe who you CHOOSE to be friends with, no matter how much you may “claim” not respect or like them. If you hang around people…Doesn’t that make YOU much worse than them? At least they are truly being the morons everyone believes them too be.

This is something that I have struggled with every single break up. I am sitting there defending them to my friends and family (when necessary) and yet my ex’s run to the people who hurt me the most, while claiming they have no respect for them? Pretty much (to me at least) proving what truly kind of person you are? If you choose to hang out with someone who uses a private medical condition as a weapon to hurt someone, makes up stories that you tell everyone else EXCEPT the person you are actually apparently mad at and passively aggressively cut out your so-called “life-long best friends” and that’s who choose to be with…You, my ex-friend, have everything coming to you.

Even as I am writing this my views are constantly changing…Now I am at “I don’t even care…I always remember how you chose them over me…Too have a deep and meaningful, you have to be deep and meaningful to begin with -.-“…

Uploaded on 12 Jan 2009

Pre-VEVO play count: 13,883,350
Music video by Katy Perry performing Thinking of You. (C) 2008 Capitol Music Group, a division of Capitol Records, LLC

 

 

Random Rants for the win!

So I’m not really sure if it is because of my break up but things that have been bugging me have been bugging me plus 10 this weekend. I don’t really want to make a huge rant on Facebook…because ironically…That’s been one of my major pet peeves… So here is a list of things that have really been bugging me lately, you might find that you relate to a few of them:

  1. In ALL of the “self-help” type pictures, which one of them says “Clog up your friends Facebook news-feeds with pictures that have quotes and sayings on them to get over your problem, but don’t actually say what the problem is”….Where does one of this “self-help” pictures say to do that to help yourself?
  2. Girls (and guys I guess…Just haven’t seen any of them) who pose with no one else in the photo, but still squat in their Facebook profile pictures like they are going to the toilet.
  3. People who post their profile pictures on the side and they still get 200+ likes…Well they’re not liking you for your brains are there!lol (I don’t even know why that trend is taking off)
  4. Girls who complain about not being able to meet a decent guy…When they only go out to clubs all the time.
  5. When you miss someone so much and you wish you really knew what is going on in someone’s head and if they miss you at all.

I feel much better now =P

Last Friday Night…

Take me back to last Friday night,
where I was yours
And you were mine,
For that final time, though neither of us knew.

You’ve only just left,
My heart has never wanted you more,
Turn back around that corner,
Please don’t let me watch you drive away.

I don’t want you to go,
Please don’t go,
Please come back,
Take me back to Friday night…

I miss you, you don’t even know and I can’t tell you, not a bit, not a little bit…Not at all ❤

 

I hope you dance <3

(I am getting bad at making sure that these get posted on time!) This week I am going with more of a music magical Monday.

I have recently had a bit of a health scare and I wont know for roughly under a year what the outcome of that is going too be. So for the next year I think my mood is going to be very interesting to witness. However this experience has given me a massive mortality wake up call. Like with mortality scares it tends to make your mind think a little more morbidly.

There is a small amount of people in my life who know what’s really going on and by small I do mean less than the number of fingers I have on one hand…As well as you guys now. One of the beautiful things about this wake up call is it’s made me appreciate the real friendships and the real loves that I am lucky enough to have in my life. Especially of those who don’t actually know what’s going on, but are still by my side.

It has made me really stopped trying to impress everyone (which honestly I was getting no where with fast anyway). I am actually eating better now, instead of just going whatever, not that I’m obese or anything, just eating more healthier.

As I mentioned though my mind has gotten a little morbid including thinking about Funerals. At the same time there was only one song that I could think of that I would want to be played (I know, pretty morbid). The song I want though is so beautiful and absolutely reflects a lot of who I am and I could absolutely imagine myself saying this to a friend and I WANT my friends and family to remember this part of who I am ❤ Now there are two versions of this song, my personal favourite is sang by Ronan Keating the other is sang by Lee Ann Womack…I hope you enjoy!

Uploaded on November 30 2009

Music video by Ronan Keating performing I Hope You Dance
2004 Polydor Ltd. (UK)

 

Best Friends = Best Lovers?!

This has been something I have been thinking about a lot lately. When I look back on all of my lovers (because I’ve had oh so many =P) the ones that I can say were the best lovers I had, were also pretty much my best friends…The ones where it to satisfy an means to an end, I was never satisfied afterwards and those guys always ended up being the ones who caused me the most dramas.

I guess because they didn’t try to get to know me and because I am a girl who can find fun with a guy without  wanting to be in a relationship and they don’t think girls can handle it. I miss my best friends…Why did they have to go and get girlfriends for?lol…That is another thing though, even having  girlfriends, I can still go and talk to them about pretty much everything still. Whereas the other “ones” are being completely passive aggressive and you know that they are writing statuses and liking pictures to have a go at you.

I wish that I still had a special best friend like them in my life. I am so tired of ‘playing’ with these silly boys who think that liking a profile picture/status or tagging you in a picture is some kind of “flirting” Will Shakespeare would be turning in his grave! I miss mucking about with someone and then being able to giggle and cuddle afterwards (and nap) and then have both of us go on with our lives. I sincerely miss you! ❤

I am definitely proof that best friends can make the best lovers!

Best friends-Best lovers

My Friend

I miss you,
I never thought that I would,
I guess there is truth too,
“You never know what you’ve got till it’s gone”

Surrounded by boys playing with barbie dolls,
Guys who call me “beautiful” with no meaning behind it,
My heart aches,
For the special smile that only you could put on my face.

I want to scream,
I want to shout,
My heart is screaming out for you to reach out,
I miss you…My friend ❤