World Mental Health Day

I don’t usually post on the weekends, but this is too much of a important day to not post something on! As someone who fights mental health, I’ve written a list of what works for myself. I will also write a little about what it’s like having my mental health issues. See, if others can relate. At the end of the day, each of us who have a mental health condition is literally in a fight with themselves.

I’m going to write what works for myself first, because I don’t want to write about what my mental health is like first, in case, it does trigger someone, before I’ve even got to write about what might work.

Writing this list, please note, that I still get anxiety attacks. This can help lessen my wooooooooooooo.

  1. My last drink before bed is always either water or a chamomile tea.
  2. One of the reasons I love my plushies, is because they’re great cuddlers. They’re great when no one else wants to cuddle!
  3. Being aware of how your body reacts to certain foods and drinks. For an example, I can only drink one cup of hot chocolate a day, and I really shouldn’t do that either. It’s so sugary, that the come down after a hour or so makes me go weird.
  4. I wish I had started to Garden earlier! It’s the best! On a good day, you get out there, listen to the birds, and make your garden a bit tired…While getting some exercise too.
  5. Computer games that I can get lost in for hours! One of the big problems with anxiety, is that sometimes you can get stuck. So getting lost in something fun for a while, helps. When I first developed big anxiety, I’d play the Sims for literal hours.
  6. Be honest. If you’re having a bad mental health day, be honest with yourself. You can’t fix what you wont acknowledge.
  7. Music, it has to be up to you with what music you choose to listen too. Personally, I will listen to ye olde celtic music and meditation music, especially when I can’t sleep.

World Health Organization – Global challenge for movement on mental health kicks off

So, now we get into the potentially triggering section of the post.

Ignoring my big one, because I’ve only felt like one other time, but because I knew what was happening. I managed to figure myself out. When I can feel that I’m off, it’s a extremely odd feeling. You know something is wrong with your brain, but yet you can’t do anything about it.

A lot of the time, I just sit there going…well…saying to myself “Stop be silly. There’s nothing to worry about.” Some days that can work all on it’s own, but if I’ve had a bad day, or for some reason my brain just feels “lazy”. I can’t stop it. When everything first happened, I had a hard time showering, so I use to sing one sentence in my head over and over “I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy”. I was so frightened of having a anxiety attack, especially being wet and in the nude.

It’s a really annoying feeling, many times my Doctor and Therapist have asked me “What do I want to happen” and I always say to them “I just want to feel normal again”. You are literally fighting your brain to “behave” itself. It’s a really odd feeling.

One thing I have noticed though. When someone else is sick, or needs help, or take a few days ago, when we went looking for our cousins lost dog. Normally I can’t stand being in a car for long. Yet, I managed the other day to be in one for three hours with no problem. I wont mention times like that until I get back to the safety of home though, lol

I think it’s why I fight, not only do I understand the mental stress and strain that people MUST be under, but it’s also a positive distraction for myself. I look, fighting for trans people at the moment. We’ve all gone through so much this year, and the transphobia that Rowling is just throwing about, is just so unnecessary and cruel. How transphobics don’t “get it”…Well…I don’t get it…

Nurture Thursday – Letting Things Go

Nurt Thurs – Letting things go

How hard is it in 2020, to let things go?! My mum and I were just talking last night, that we don’t understand that hate the year has brought. It’s all been over the top and over aggressive. The main thing is, the hate, has been completely unnecessary.

You MUST find a way though, to be able to every now and then “let go”. It will do you mental and in turn, physical world of good. You can’t spend the whole time, going “Woe is me”. You need to let go and give yourself permission to relax, to turn off your brain. Or do something fun with your brain. Even if it’s only for a hour. Like today, I sat down and wrote out ALL my pen pal letters, all ready for posting tomorrow! I am so finally happy with them!

Disney UK



What to do with your bully

I was inspired to write this after, seeing Sparks from a combustible mind – Share Your Week – Rogers Magic question.

What happened to cause you to discover ‘bullies” were real?

I didn’t want to answer this question at the time, because at the time I was sick of people on Twitter. Just their stupid, stupidity. There was a trans kid who went missing. ALL the TERF twitter accounts REFUSED to call the kid by their chosen name. They also called the police pathetic, when they announced the child missing, they did let people know that they are a trans child, and their preferred name. Now this Twitter account apparently had former police officers in it. SO no, doubt in my mind, that they SHOULD understand the implications and danger they COULD have put that child in!

Luckily, for them, the child was found. But I felt physically ill when they started going on about how relieved they were. I personally, would kick their asses and sue.

However, I feel like NOW is a good time to talk about bullying because of the increase of social media bullying. The alt-right being ever so loud with their bigotry. People in power and influence, KNOWING the damage that they’re causing, and not caring.

My first case of bullying was when I was in Year 6, so I was about 9-10. It was a group of girls (of course), and to this day, I cannot tell you for the life of me why they bullied me. Somehow I ended up in a class with none of my friends and a weak ass teacher. My parents asked to just swap my classes, but for some reason they just wouldn’t. It was bizarre.

A couple of years ago, one of the people, who wasn’t that bad towards me. Actually apoligised to me via Facebook, they said it was part of their AA steps. Too apolgise to someone they feel, they had done wrong. At the time, I was in my mid-30’s, and I accepted their apology.

Probably the worst bullying I had ever encountered was cyber bullying. Again, a bunch…well two girls. For some reason, again, decided that they didn’t like me. Now I’m going to say, the girl who came after me the most. I have yet too actually meet her. She lives 20,000+ miles away, in Arizona. She came into the group, just after I left the last time.

So, what do you do? I think we’ve all heard that saying “Just laugh it off”, or something similar. Even if by some miracle you do laugh it off and they stop. What do you do after?! It still will affect you. I was talking about this with my mum as well the other day. One thing you can do is start to record any bullying incidents. One of the biggest problems we have these days, is that people don’t want to say anything. So If you keep a diary of what happens, even if it’s electronically (it doesn’t have to be a “old” fashioned diary). When you feel you can’t handle it anymore, you have a record to show, and you don’t have to say a thing. Accepting ALL your flaws, I find also gives them less power, because its like…

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Know yourself

One of the biggest lessons, that anyone should learn about themselves before they go on any social media platform.

KNOW YOURSELF

There are plenty of strangers, who will tell you what they think you are. Without knowing you at all, and want to make you believe their way of thinking about yourself. It’s probably the biggest lesson that I’ve learnt with social media.

I tend to see a lot of people who go on social media, who clearly not handle it. Even thought they’re on there all the time. I know my limits. I know when to get off of it. I know when to stop responding, because it’s not doing any good for me.

For so many years now, I have heard the same thing over and over and over again “Well,your brother can’t handle Twitter. So you can’t possibly”. I don’t know if others have noticed this, clearly they haven’t. I am not my brother. I’m Lauren. Hi!

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I’m not surprised that my brother can’t handle Twitter. Like above, he has always been worshipped, no matter what he does, he got away with everything, never punished, never did the chores and still got more money than me from my Mum. I remember when she said to me once “Oh, is that how you cook two minute noodles” and I said yes, showed her the packet instructions, her reply was “Oh, well your brother cooks it this other way”…Oh well, I guess then it can’t possibly be made any other way? He won “Bitch of the Year”. Because he is good at the come backs. Yet, when someone has a go at him, personally, he’s not used to that. He used to being worshipped.

I’m not.

I remember one time, I had had enough of doing his chores. So I left the dishes for a few days, my Gran came over, had a go at me for the dishes not being done. I told her, that this is what happened when it was my brothers turn ie, it never got done. When my brother got home, she didn’t have a go at him. So I ended up doing his chores … again … and he still got more money than me.

Like I said, I have never been worshipped. Even with my romantic relationships, I have always lived in the past of an ex-girlfriend. One ex-partner, bought a chair whose name rhymed with his ex, and so he kept calling the couch by her name.

Of course my brother can’t handle Twitter. Twitter is not a place for worship. There’s not enough family on there to worship him.

Social media is not a place to be worshipped. There is always going to be that one person who wont agree with you. There’s always that one person who doesn’t agree with you and stalks everything that you say. There’s always that one person who you thought that you were on the same thought level as you, until you realise they’re not. There are bullies on there, there are gas-lighters on there. Unless your social media platform is willing to actually do something about it, that’s just the way it is.

YOU HAVE TO KNOW YOURSELF FIRST

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Before you head onto any social media platform today, ask yourself “Do I really need to go on there today?”

Acknowledge

Let’s just admit, the world…right now…It’s a complete shambles.

Some people are outraged by fictional characters and clothing, instead of children dying in camps. Even when we voted in politicians who we thought were going to listen to the people, they don’t. Sometimes it’s just easier to admit that the world is kind of falling apart. For my personally, I think it’s how I ended up having my massive anxiety, just keeping it together when so much was wrong.

But that is all okay. I mean it’s not…but…wait…I’ve got more! In life when you can acknowledge something, then you can make steps to make it better. You can take steps to help cope with things better. Even if something isn’t 100% good, you can make things a little better for a while.

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Published on 1 Jul 2011

Moulin Rouge

 

Normal

What even is normal anymore? I refuse to let this be the new “normal”. It’s so draining, but the fight is worth it! It’s becoming more and more normal to think of self care, as the world is so draining. It’s becoming more and more normal to have people with mental health issues.

What are you best meme or gifs for Boris Johnson being the next Prime Minister of the UK?

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Losing My Mind

*I am inserting a big trigger warning here. I have not proofread this post in any way. I wrote this, just thinking. I got so upset writing this. If you are having a bad mental health day, do not read this until you are ready…You are here, we are listening.*

Maybe I should say other people are losing their minds? Do you ever read something about something like mental health…They clearly are not getting it and then say something about “Ask for help”…People with mental health issues, their brains are not wired “right” (I hope I write this right without offending anyone). If it was wired the “right way” we wouldn’t have mental health issues, we wouldn’t have depression, we wouldn’t have anxiety. It worries me when people say people who commit suicide are “selfish”. How is not being more compassionate and understanding, they literally cannot help it not being selfish yourself?

They have an ‘excuse’, you do not. You’re brain has been wired without the issues that we have. People who suffer from mental health are killing themselves in their brains every single day. Those with severe depression CANNOT HELP IT.

Suicide is NOT selfish. They literally don’t understand. If you’re going around calling people like that “selfish” they are not going to go to you for help. Because that is the LAST thing they need to hear and feel.

Instead of saying selfish…I can’t even finish that, just don’t say it. The people who are left do not need to hear that. I don’t want to write about this again. It makes me very angry, because it makes me feel like the couple of times I’ve had bad moments I’m being selfish. Despite fighting it. But I am also lucky in that my brain is luckily, not that severely wired.

I get being angry at those who committed suicide, especially if you “don’t get it”. It’s not as simple as thinking of something that makes you happy and that fixes it. Don’t you think if it was, there wouldn’t be any suicide? It’s clearly not a simple thing. No, they don’t think of you, because that’s not what it’s about. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU.

Instead of making those feel ashamed, try teaching people and saying “I am here…24/7.” But don’t just say it, MEAN IT.

MAFS AU

Probably not the best way to finish off a Friday. I just have to write about this sham of a show!

The “experts” are probably the worst experts of any experts that I have ever seen. A little story to start explaining what kind of “experts” these people are. A couple of years ago when my now ex best friend had broken up with her abusive boyfriend for the third time and she was considering getting back together with him for a fourth. Now, she told us that the therapist she was seeing had told her “Well he clearly loves you, because he keeps coming back”. So she took this as “Well I’m going to take him back then”.

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At the time I honestly thought that my ex-friend had to be lying, what kind of therapist would say something like that? Well now these “experts” have made me believe that the Therapist did actually say that, and that my friend wasn’t lying. I kind of wonder what my ex-friend says about this shows, because if it’s positive, then she’s a damn hypocrite. Anyways,

These experts are so horrible, I can’t even explain it. Too watch these “couples” abuse and bully and torment each other, and THEN the “experts” for SOME god only knows what reasons pick on the actual victims…It’s beyond angry. Watching what was happening, was making me literally shake with angry at the experts. For the first time in my life, I actually put a complaint in about a television show.

ABUSE AND BULLYING ARE NOT TELEVISION SHOWS!

Too lose friends because I stood up to the person bullying/abusing them and telling my ex-friends they can do and deserve better. Too watch these “experts” gaslight and get upset at the victims for stupidity. For example, one of the brides, is I think, a complete sociopath. When the “couple” were talking with the “experts” for some reason they just let the bride demean, bully and outright mentally abuse the Groom and THEN tell him off for him calling the Bride a “C” word. Now I don’t like that word, but this Bride totally is! If you looked up the word “C” in the dictionary, there would be her picture. This bride is the type of “woman” who gives the rest of us a VERY bad name. These experts give us women a VERY bad name, when they let her off. If it was reversed, there would be outrage from these “experts”.

It was interesting to watch the comments on Twitter as well though, as both Feminists and MRA (Men’s Right Activists) agreed that this Bride is a “C”, for some reason though the “experts” are the only ones who didn’t seem to see it.

The week after the experts then started (for some reason) to seemingly be gas-lighting ANOTHER bride, who was the victim. The bride wanted to leave, and the “experts” made her feel bad for it! I could not believe it! Now I know that this show is probably filmed a little in advance, but DAMN!

#mafs #mafsau

What truly irritates me about this show the most though. The first season, came out around the time that Australia was voting to make gay marriage, legal. So you have these bigots going around saying…

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Yet, a show is coming into people’s living rooms every night. Where people don’t know who they are “marrying”, and then I don’t think a single couple have even worked out to date. You have “experts” allowing grown adults to abuse and bully, each other on television, which is coming into peoples livings room. If one partner doesn’t want to leave, then their  “lucky” other half gets to stay, even if they don’t want? Every single night Monday-Thursday for at least an hour.

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The funny thing about anxiety…

Is that things you really used to enjoy, you start to feel sick at the mere smell of them. Take, for example, I’ve stopped drinking coffee. I wasn’t an addict, but I’d usually have two cups a day and one cup of tea. Ever since my anxiety attack, I’ve got right off of it. I can’t even stand the smell of it. We had a customer come in and he had this huge cup of take away coffee with him, and it made me feel as sick as the musty smell of cigarettes.

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The other thing that I’ve been finding funny, since my dog got sick I came off of them all together. Before you all panic, I was only on 5mg since I had spoken to my Doctor about coming off them all together. I didn’t want to come straight off, so I’ve been doing it slowly since then. While she was sick though, I came off of them, because I couldn’t remember if I had taken one that day or not…So guess what’s happening to me right now too?lol

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I am brain farting all over the place at the moment,lol

You have to find the humor some days!

 

You are Enough – Mandy Hale – Days 8-14

You are Enough – Mandy Hale 30 Day challenge

Day 8: Also in Chapter Five, I talk about unanswered prayers and how they can often be the biggest blessings in disguise. Share an unanswered prayer of your own and how it helped you see that sometimes God’s “no” is the most gracious answer of all.

The thing is I think you don’t realise that he’s said “No” until you realise. If that makes any sense? Kind of like hindsight in a way. I’ve also though never really prayed, I feel like a hypocrite if I do. I’ve mentioned before that I’m not really religious, but am more agnostic. I guess in ways I do “Pray” when I hug my plushies, it’s usually because I am hoping for something, to feel better, for some kind of answer, or when I wear my “Pa” bracelet, I play with it when I’m anxious.

Day 9: In Chapter Six, I talk about the end of a relationship that sent me spiraling into a dark place. Talk about a heartbreak of your own that you experienced, and what it taught you, about yourself and about life.

In terms of relationship heart break I haven’t really had one. That’s part of the problem, I did most of the breaking up, mainly because as well I knew it was ending, but I didn’t want to get to the point of hating each other.

The weird thing every single one of them within 24 hours had back stabbed me in some way. That did break my heart, because I had, clearly wrongly, assumed that they had cared about me. I’m not kidding every single one of them. Every time they did it, it made me even more cautious in my next relationship. I wouldn’t trust them to begin with. A good example is it took me longer and longer each time to actually sleep with the next guy.

My current partner, I didn’t sleep with him for about 3 months. Even then, we had already gone through a lot together. I had developed sciatica and couldn’t really walk, so he was driving me to my Doctors appointments and didn’t judge that I was using my Great Grandmothers walking stick to get around. I didn’t even say “I love you” for at least 5 months and I was so scared to say it I had to get drunk first…and he didn’t say it back! But he did the next morning,lol…I was so embarrassed!lol

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Day 10: In Chapter Seven, I talk about my experience with spiraling into clinical depression. Talk about your own experiences with depression, anxiety, or any other mental health struggle. If you haven’t been affected personally, share your insights into how you stay mentally healthy.

I think it’s all about being aware of yourself and how your mind and body work, imo. You know when something is off with yourself and you learn what you can and can’t handle. I know now that I can’t handle flashing lights, I can feel them messing up my eyes and my brain does not like it. I don’t drink coffee anymore unless I know for certain I am not going anywhere, but I can still handle coffee ice cream and love it!

Day 11: In Chapter Eight, I share all the reasons why I think I’m still single, the good…the bad…the ugly. Talk about all the reasons why you think you’re still single. Don’t be afraid to be really real and raw and honest. If you’re not still single, talk about a time when you were single and lonely and afraid that love would never arrive.

The only time in my life I have ever felt bad for being single was honestly when my now ex best friend  blamed me that she only told us the bad things about her boyfriend is because I was single. She didn’t want to make me “jealous”, because when she’s single and we’re in relationships, she gets jealous. Now, I have never ever been like that in the whole of my life. For a moment I felt bad though that she sees the world that way. This was about 2-3 years ago now and it was start of the downward spiral, because whether or not I’m not single, has absolutely no bearing on someone else’s behavior? I have never felt bad about being single though. Let me put it to you this way, I’d rather be single than in a abusive relationship or a relationship where I feel alone. My ex friends are the reasons I prefer being single, that was the irony about the situation. I considered my ex friends to be “smart” and they were making horrible choices with their relationships (mine weren’t much better). But I’d see the abuse and the bullying and that their boyfriends are nearly 60 and we’re in our early 30s and I’d think to myself “If they are that smart and make such horrible choices, why chance do I have?”. Now I know better.

Also though, HELL TO THE NO was I about to get blamed for another human being bullying and abusing my friends.

Day 12: In Chapter Nine, I hit “rock bottom.” Talk about your own rock bottom moment, and how you found the strength and the courage to rise.

I guess it was ending up in Hospital after my first massive anxiety, because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was so scary! Probably the scariest thing I’ve encountered and I swear it changed my brain chemicals or something. I had always been a worrier and an incident a few months earlier had made me anxious travelling in well, pretty much everything. I ended up in Hospital because I was ignoring all the warning signs, because I thought at some point that I’d snap out of it. I did have a lot going on apart from just my own stuff, but I thought I was “handling” it.

After being let out of hospital and after I got home (well back to my partners place). I did not move from the chair for three days, just to go to the toilet and get myself something to eat and drink. I found it hard to walk and I didn’t change the whole time either (three days in the same underwear…Ewww! I look back now and have no idea how I did it).

What eventually got me up was though, I didn’t want to be frightened anymore…I WANTED TO LIVE AGAIN!!!and that the Cat needed me to let him in, then out, then out…then in again. We’re renting and there’s no cat/dog door. I honestly felt really gross too. I just didn’t want to lie down anymore. It was really a combination of those three things.

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Day 13: In Chapter Ten, I talk about how sometimes survival is about whatever gets you through the day. Share what has “gotten you through the day” or held you together during tough times: faith, family, friends, alcohol, food, TV shows…whatever your glue is, don’t be afraid to get real. 

It depends what’s happening that day. For example, at the moment my cat is not very well, so that gives me something else to focus on. I can’t control what happens with him, but I can take care of him. Some days I can go on social media and other days I cannot. Sometimes it’s just been my partner holding me, there was a time where I didn’t want to say I wasn’t okay (it was in the middle of the night) but I clearly wasn’t, so he just hugged me.

Day 14: In Chapter Eleven, I share some of my experiences in group therapy. Talk about your own experience with therapy…what it has taught you, how it has helped (or not helped) you, how it has helped you see how ENOUGH you are. If you’ve never been to therapy, talk about why. And what you would hope to learn from it if you ever went.

I have been very lucky with Therapy. I’ve had two different kinds of therapy, one has just been your usual go and speak with someone. I’ve really been liking it, I don’t like the thought of burdening others, and this is her job. She’s completely lovely too, she gives me great ideas and because she deals with people who suffer the same things I do, she has suggestions that’s she has come by, by people who are going through it too.

The other was hypnotherapy and I think it worked for me, because I was so open to nearly anything that wasn’t a pill. It was helping me, but trying to see him was getting complicated. It worked too a point, it worked when I had time to sit and meditate. It was weird what happened, I couldn’t go to a session, because I was working and just never heard from them again. I took it as a sign.

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