She’s so lucky


Britney Spears

You know there was a really good reason I started to write this post and now I can’t remember why I write. The memory isn’t even coming back to me. So I am going to start writing and see if somewhere along the line, I remember what it was I originally was going to write.

If not, oh well.

Britney Spears,

Meghan Markle

and fabulous, wonderful me! Haha

Seem to have it all, and then comes … our fathers -.-

When I was younger I’d have a friend, who’d complain to us about how we couldn’t write things on Fathers Day, because her Father killed himself. And every year on Fathers Day she would remind us and try to make us feel bad if we wrote about our Dads.

I’m not friends with this person anymore.

But if she knew what my Dad was like. She would have realised that just because your Dad’s alive, doesn’t mean he treats you well. Her Dad had severe mental health issues. My Dad, Meghan Markle and Britney’s Dads are just utter bastards, lol

Now I’m allowed to say that, but the rule is, no one else is, haha.

I totally love my Dad, but he’s a complete bastard, just like Markle and Spears Dad seem to be as well.

However, saying all of that. I was lucky, and I am sure that Britney and Meghan are as well. You don’t need a Dad (or a Mum) to have a positive influences in your life. I actually have a lot of positive male role models in my life. Which is why I don’t hate men. I’ve been sexually assaulted by male friends, slut shamed by male friends. Which sounds HORRIBLE. However, I was still lucky, because throughout all of that. I had the opposite of males in my life too.

My great grand-father, my Pa (not my Poppa, he was horrible. Nice to me, but horrible to his own children, so he doesn’t count, lol). I’ve got “baby” male cousins who I just adore and are great men, and throughout my life I’ve been close too. I say “baby” because they’re like three months younger than me, lol. Quiet a few Uncles. And, of course, I’ve got males friends who are not completely bastards, lol

Good thing I did not post this on Fathers’ Day (which we celebrate in September in Australia).

So like the great Britney Spears sings “She’s so lucky, she’s a star”. It’s true, and while the song also says “But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there’s nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night”

That was me, I’m sure that Meghan and has been Britney. We are still lucky, because we are coming out on the other side of it.

Still though, every year I would still get annoyed that she would try to shame us into not celebrating our Dads on Fathers Day. A couple of years before we stopped being friends, I actually started too. When my Dads not drinking, he is actually a really funny and kind guy. But he not only denies being a alcoholic (every time he’s drinking and ranting at me). He moved to a town to get away from the noise of the city, which is totally understandable. However, he moved to a place that’s over two hours away, I don’t drive, the beginning of the outback (which means little to no public transport) and only has 4…that’s FOUR…Pubs. My alcoholic father, moved to a place where he is in walking distance to 4 pubs, and that’s really all there is to do.

So, when I guess when I heard that Harry was talking about breaking the cycle and everyone condemned him for it. I noticed that the main complainers, were all white men, who have very well known problems with their own children. I got what he was saying. I completely believe him as well. And it’s a GOOD thing as well. Like I don’t think people understand when you have a family so entrenched in tradition and blah blah, how hard it is for that cycle to be broken. What better way to break a toxic cycle than to watch the world’s most well-known family, break it?

My Dad, just last week, was ranting at me again. Then he started talking about how he had to every Christmas, travel two and half hours to spend the day with someone he doesn’t like (his brother). But do you think he ever says anything to his brother, nope. I so want to say to him “You are OVER 60, if you don’t want to go, then don’t go.” I also wanted to reply when he said “Why do we never do what I want to for Christmas”. NO ONE EVER DOES WHAT THEY WANT FOR CHRISTMAS! That’s the point of it! lol. You may not get to do what you want, like everyone wants Christmas at their house, without having to do the cooking (or washing) and all the presents sorted at least a week before. It’s not going to happen, lol…And NO ONE wants to go to the house of a grumpy old man, who abuses everyone who he apparently likes (?), two and a half hours away. When we all live with 30 minutes of each other. No one wants to go there.

Well, this has been a good little therapy session, lol.

Health

19. Health

In all honesty I have REALLY been struggling with this one, mainly because the last couple of years have been not great for me. I am talking about both physically and mentally my health has been all over the place and it’s only been the last couple of months I feel like it’s been getting better again.

Which makes it, as you can understand, hard to speak gratefully about Health, when I’ve been so unlucky with it.

I guess the one thing that I can say that I am grateful for, is that my body is still ticking. My body is still walking, I may have trouble with it sometimes, but it keeps going. I keep going…Which is something to be very grateful for, which I sometimes am. I can still trust my body most of the time. I am very lucky, that I am generally healthy and when it’s not I can handle mostly what it thrown at me, it keeps ticking over.

Quietly…

Quietly I’m sitting watching you,
I hope that you don’t find it creepy or weird,
I just can’t believe that we are lying here like this,
Six months ago, my life was completely different,

I can’t believe that I could feel like this,
Not so soon, not after everything else…and yet here we are,
In our little world, keeping the rest of the world shut out,
Who am I so lucky? How did this happen?