Another old age question…Do long distance relationships work?

I got another one!

As someone who once was in a long distance relationship on and once off again for 3 years, I feel like I’ve delved into this enough to write about it.

Short answer: Yes, they can work.

However, there are different factors have to consider.

  1. You have to both want it to work. Just with any relationship, not just long distance, means that both partners have to want it to work.
  2. You still have to have each others back. This was such a huge problem for me. My now ex partner liked this girl who hated me (I still, 7 years later, have never actually met this girl). So I felt very alone, which is dangerous in a long distance relationship. The ONLY reason I knew he wasn’t cheating on me with her was because I knew that she didn’t like him. It was weird, she liked him using him as a pretend boyfriend, as she called him, but wasn’t interested in him. I felt like an idiot having to fight with my own boyfriend about how another girl was using him, like he was only my friend.
  3. You still have to make an effort. Especially with today’s technology, there’s no real reason to not face time or to text. Although you may not be able to afford the most expensive technology, you can still do sweet things. I used to like writing letters to my partner, for example.
  4. You HAVE to see each other for a good amount of time at least once or twice a year AND you both have to visit the other. This can be harder with international relationships. But my ex partner never once came out to Australia, it was always the other way around. Even when I offered to pay for him to come out here.
  5. Make sure when you go visit you have somewhere to go in case something “bad” happens. You don’t have to break up with someone when you are in different places, it can happen when you’re together. Make sure you have a back up plan, in case it goes wrong…Trust me. I found out years later that my ex had wanted to break up with me at one point while I was over there, but didn’t because he was worried I had nowhere else to go (which was not true).
  6. Remember their friends may not be yours! This was a hard lesson for me. Some of my ex’s friends I made good friendships over there and still am friends with them, and when I can afford too, I’ll go back and see them. Others were definitely a lot more “fake”.