I had a really big light-bulb moment this week. The one big question that I’ve never really been able to answer is “Why did I keep my toxic ex-best friends for such a long time”. I’ve never really been able to answer why, I was trying to stop being friends with them a couple of years before we ultimately stopped being friends. But I had no idea how to let go.
Then I was talking to my Mum and how proud everyone is of her because she finally, after 20+ years finally said “No, we’re not changing the date”. Her ex sister-in-law, my aunt. Took my Mums side when my parents split. I think at first my mum felt happy and justified that they did. However, the problem is my Aunt and family are so far from perfect, but wont hear it but expect perfection from others. So even though I did not live with them, we still had to live up to their expectations. If we did not and they did a “poor you” to my Mum, we would hear about it!
Then there’s my Dad who complains how his brother winds him up, his friends wind him up. But guess who he takes it out on and guess who he keeps running back too. Even with my Gran, there’s a family ex friends of hers. Who literally said to her face “I don’t want to be friends anymore” They live in a small town and she constantly “accidentally” bumps into him, constantly talks about him. It’s been about 10+ since he told her he did not want to be friends with her. He’s apparently nearly died twice and has not reached out to her.
So, I’ve got all these adults whose strongest friendships and relationships are extremely toxic, some who have literally been told “I don’t want to be your friend anymore” And they wonder why I had a hard time letting go. At least I didn’t take so many years it took me into double digits!lol