This is one of my new year resolutions:
I need to write this to you, but I can never show you, I can never open my heart up to you again. In the rest of my days, you can never actually know this.
It’s weird this feeling that I have. I hate you, I don’t trust you and now you have made me feel unsafe and unwanted. Yet at the same time, I am completely, madly in love with you still. Isn’t that weird? I know that I can’t ever be with you and with the attitude that you have seemed to develop over night I don’t want to, but yet here I am. Flirting, chatting with other guys and opening my heart to them, but still in love with you?
Yet, if anyone were to tell me that I have no self respect for myself, I know that they’re in the wrong. I don’t want you back, ever again. Not in a millions years would I ever, and sometimes I think it’s because I miss who I thought you were, not who you turned out to be.
You were the first person that I could really see myself settling down with, getting married, having babies, doing the whole grown up thing. I get scared sometimes that now I am far too damaged to feel like that again, yet there is hope. I can hear her calling in the back of my mind “Don’t give up!”
Sitting here with a great cup of coffee, getting ready for what should I post about next? Then realising I have not written about being single, I figure that I should =P For me any-ways, at the moment everything has been drama free and I have been loving the quiet and peace that comes along with not really having to answer to someone.
One interesting thing that I have found when you are single is how people will react to you about relationship matters. A lot of my friends wont even tell me that they’ve met someone else for fear or “upsetting” me. Some of my friends constantly complain about their relationships, making me feel really grateful that I don’t have to worry about any of that. Especially when most of them people complaining, don’t actually want to talk about their problems with their actual partner.
I never judge a relationship either by Facebook, its amazing what people will tell you when they’re drunk. So one of the best pieces of advice I can give about being single (or if you are having trouble watching an ex move on, on Facebook) … Chill … No one EVER posts about what a miserable time that they are having when it comes to their relationship on Facebook. Also staying away from Facebook all together and NOT stalking your ex’s Facebook is a good piece of advice, block them…Block them right now!
Even with the beginning of a new relationship, that can be full of such doubt for my friends. One of my girlfriends, the guy is clearly a player. Kissed her and then let her know he was seeing someone, so she thinks it can’t be that serious…but still I told her to stay away.
Nope…I am really enjoying being single, no problems and all drama free.
Ariana Grande feat. Iggy Azalea “Problem” is available to download now
Music video by Ariana Grande performing Problem. (C) 2014 Republic Records, a division of UMG Recordings, Inc.