Dear You

I recently sat down and wrote a letter to three ex friends of mine. I sat down and write what I would write to them if the one friend who attacked me out of nowhere decided to unblock me. I blocked the other two after they also attacked me as well and yet, were perfectly fine with every attacking me and accusing me of things I had never even done.

I decided to write my response. Although I doubt they would ever apologise, I have no intentions at all with being friends with them ever again.  I felt like I needed to write something, even if they never see it. I have spent time editing it and bringing up new points and rehashing at old points. It has made me feel a lot better. Any time that I’ve thought of something or a good point, I write it. It’s nearly two pages long at this point.

Points like:

  • The note that I had wrote about my anxiety it wasn’t about them. I was just writing what was going on with me and how I don’t want to be treated anymore. If they took that personally, that’s on them.
  • The fact before this, they do nothing but attack me over the years and that’s fine because “that’s just who they are”. I kid you not.
  • If you don’t like being “attacked” why are you with someone who abuses you?

So on and so forth.

I don’t know how many of you I actually told you. That they blocked me once they had had a go at me, so I couldn’t even respond…Probably because it was going to be this reaction and they knew it…

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Have you ever done something similar?

Feelings, they change

It’s an interesting way they way I feel these days. I had a random thought about it on the bus. These days I am still surprised when people let me down, or stab in the back or even chuck me for a “different model”. Yet somehow I am not disappointed any-more. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around, or have I been hurt that much?

My life keeps going even when my circle becomes smaller. Years ago that would have really devastated me, but these days I feel like it makes me happier, because then I know who is really apart of my life. Who is really there for me because of me, who really is apart of my life and is encouraging me in my life to get better and stronger every day.

Why?

I think that there are a lot of questions we ask ourselves over the years, but one that has been making me really mad and upset lately is “Why did it take 30 years to meet someone who respects me, why did the others hurt me, what did I ever do to them?”.

It has really been playing on my mind at the moment and the ironic thing is it’s all because I’ve met someone who actual treats me with respect and dignity and I don’t get why it seems to have been so easy for him, but not for a single one of the others. Why have I been with people who treat everyone else BUT me with respect? Why?

Why have they felt it was okay to back-stab and betray me? Not only that, but I have only ever received an apology from one ex…What did I ever do to these guys?

Slow and steady wins the race

Last night I hung out with the number one guy (I don’t even talk to the number two guy…Craaaaaaazy!). At his house…all by ourselves…except for his cat (who loved me, hehe).

I forgot how nervous I get that first time around, nothing happened, except some cuddling up and watching truly terrible movies. I always find on that first time if I truly like them, if I don’t want to slap them while we’re cuddling, that is a good sign! Haha!

I know that I want to move slowly in this relationships, sometimes I do worry that I am going to slowly, but how do you keep bringing that topic up? I mean he seems perfectly alright with everything at the moment as is, but I don’t want to get to that point where I feel like I’m leading him on. Plus when I’m stressed out in a job, I never feel in a romantic mood any-ways….Ah, these stupid feelings!

Healing Incantation

Although it is Magical Monday there’s nothing that can heal the heart like a good old Disney song and this may be one of the best there is! I have this on my iPod and I always listen to it before I have to deal with something I don’t want too…and then listen it too afterwards.

Uploaded on 10 Jun 2011 – Archie Budd

This song is from the “Tangled” animated movie. This film and the audio-visual content of the video is in property of Walt Disney Animation Studios and Walt Disney Pictures! I don’t own anything in this video.

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