Right now, I am nearly a week into getting my wisdom teeth removed, and its not been at all what I expected.
I had the operation done on Wednesday and I still am feeling a little pain, I’m handling it a lot better, and still freaking out about eating rice or anything with coconut. Every day it gets a little easier. Then on Sunday, my leg started up as well. At least I can understand a little better what chronic pain is about.
I am not saying that my pain has been worst, or that I’ve never had empathy. Normally when I have pain in my leg, it’s normally only for a couple of days. It usually doesn’t impede my eating either.
Which is another thing, when I went to get weighed before my anesthesia, I’m 78 kilos! Which is 171lb! At the time, I’m like after this, I am losing weight! This week, hasn’t been a problem so far. I think my body is compensating for the pain, and so I can’t eat as much.
It really has been a fascinating week, although I can’t lie when I write that I am looking forward to less pain, and hopefully, the less eating will continue to happen. Although last night, I had baked beans on toast and a quick steam up pudding with custard, haha.
I just feel so silly though! All these horrible horrible things are happening everywhere, and I’m complaining about my jaw!
One of my problems with the whole MAGA teenagers and the people who defend them, is the clear lack of ignorance. “How would you feel if a drum was being beaten in your face”? It’s not a rock and or roll band drum, it’s a healing drum/chant. So I’d be fine with it. However, I would not be fine with a red MAGA hat made in China, not moving out of the way.
I wonder sometimes if that’s why women can relate to Nathan Phillips, the Native American Man…That IS our life!
It’s interesting I wrote this when before I know that Trump was going to open the Government. Isn’t funny (and typical) that the same crowd, when a women says she was raped. The first thing they say is “What were you wearing” “What did you do to provoke him?” Yet, when someone wears a cap that represents racism and division it’s all “It’s just a hat”.
It’s such a shame, because those boys could have really learnt something from this as well. Instead of keeping them in a little bubble of safe racism, their parents really could have taught them. That this is not how the world works, if you go out on your own and you do something wrong, you need to take responsibility for it. The world is not going to be kind to that boy. Unless he stays in that little circle.
I couldn’t even get excited about Trump caving, because so much damage has been done. I have stopped though trying to speak with Trump supporters. They are so gone.
I am in a bit of a tizzle today and I am not really sure what to do.
My partner cat had a seizure last night and while we rushed him to the Vets and he recovered really well. This is the second this has happened and I feel helpless because there’s really not much that we can do.
The first time it happened we actually thought he was choking on something, but now we’re wondering if he was having a fit, and if he was, that means it was his first one ever, in his life. …. Do NOT go and watch videos of animals having seizures, it is extremely upsetting!
We’re going to to the Vets this week to get some blood tests done. It should both exclude and include what may be wrong…We are pretty sure that it is epilepsy. Rather know for certain though. Apparently the medication for it, once he’s on it he has to stay on it…So we need to cross out everything else.
I hate how we can’t communicate with animals, and them with us…I HATE it.
He’s been sleeping all day, but every time I get up he goes running to the door and he wants milk and he can’t have either. Does anyone else have experience with this?
One of the things that I absolutely hate about my last ‘relationship’, was that no matter how much I know I’m better off and no matter how much I love and adore my current boyfriend. I hate how the past can affect us and damage us for someone who has never done a thing to hurt us.
To make a long story short, my last “relationship” ended up being a disaster and have no idea why. The only way I can explain it to myself is that I honestly was just a bet. I am decade older than my last partner and he chased me for months (nearly a year) full well knowing that I’m much older than him, but we ended up dating…for a month. Now his reason was alright (after nearly a year he realised I was much older than him)…
But as all my ex’s seem to do, they just seem to turn on me? All my breakups have been “amicable” in that we’ve both realised it’s not going to work and somehow all of my ex’s, even when they not great friends with the person, they’ve all gone running to the person who hates me the most? It’s put some serious trust issues, deep embedded in me. My last ex, for example, using to complain about this “best friend” of his more than I did and I had more of a reason to dislike this guy, and does not respect the guy. Yet, the first person he goes to, out of all of his friends, is a guy he doesn’t respect and knows hates my guts?
The whole feeling though of feeling stupid for having such strong feelings for someone who thought me nothing more than a bet, still stays with me to this day and I just cannot shake it. It annoys me to no end. I am extremely happy with my relationship and I can tell it bothers my current partner that I seriously struggle to open up. I just cannot help it.
Yes, I have been taking natural medicine to help with my leg, and it’s been working. Apparently this must be all a “placebo” affect though because I really wanted it to work. Apparently I didn’t want my “Western” medicine to work because I loved walking around in pain?
This has become a big issue for me apparently. I am a big believer in using both western and eastern medicines both together as they both have great benefits. I strongly believe that they both cannot work without the other. Some people I know are under the impression that when I went to my naturopath I was only feeling the benefits because I “really wanted it too work”. As opposed to the 3-4 months I was trying to get Doctors to give me medicines that wouldn’t just temporarily fix the pain, but get rid of the problem all together. During those months I mustn’t have wanted to get rid of the pain that badly? I am a masochist, without even realising and not even wanting to be one.
The most frustrating people I despise meeting are the ones who don’t like something or haven’t even tried a particular something, but judge it, and call themselves “open-minded”. While putting you down for using something when it has indeed worked for you.
Talking with the girls (as one does) and we were talking about which ex’s do we regret the most. I’m not sure that I actually regret any of my past relationships, however there is one relationship that has an interesting way to view it and I wonder if I am alone in this.
My last relationship I felt like he was lying so much about who he was, that he never knew who I was. To me there is not way that he could possibly have cared about the real me, because if you don’t know who a person is…How can you possibly know what can hurt them? How would you know what they would consider to be a betrayal?
I put it down to this, it was like dating an actor, but dating their amazing fictional character and then realising, disappointingly, you were dating this whole other real reality. It’s the best way that I can think of to explain my last relationship. I think that’s why I find it so hard to get over what happened…Who did I date? Did I date the man, or the character?Any ways…Don’t matter no more ~.^ hehe
So last night I went out a date with the “guy”…(I really should give him a nickname…Sir, I’ll call him “Sir” He is a Sir =D). We’ve pretty much just been going out, but not hanging out if that makes sense. So I brought it up if he minded us going slowly. I think sometimes I forget (and others too) that only a couple of days before I decided to try out the online dating scenes I got into the last major fight with my ex.
I probably should have given myself more time, but I didn’t expect to actually meet someone. At the same time though, I have not a single doubt that that is the reason I need to take things slowly. I can feel in my heart that it’s very broken and it feels like trying to stick steel back together again. But it sticking back together, not exactly as it was of course, but it is.
Anyways we had “the talk” last night and I walked away very happy from it. I think he actually really listened to why I needed to take things slowly and he is actually in the same boat as me. I don’t know if he had a fight with his ex two days before he went on the online dating site, but he’s tired of being hurt too. So we are actually both wanting to take it slowly. It was such a good conversation and I am so glad that I brought it up, he really listens to me.
So tonight I had a bit of a freak out and a bit of a wobble. Currently here in South Australia we are experiencing a major devastating bush fire, people lives are being lost, homes and property completely gone and we unfortunately had one well known kennel and cattery burnt down with many of the dogs and all of the cats still on the property.
Anyways this same night I had a date with the number one guy (there is no number two guy anymore). I heard that the suburbs that three different ex’s of mine are from, were required to evacuate. I couldn’t help myself, I got worried and I realised that I still cared. Not in love care, but worry something will go wrong kind of caring. Then I got angry at myself for caring at all. My mum told me it was perfectly naturally to still care and worry while not being in love with that person.
I hate though that I still care about these people who obviously never cared about me. I highly doubt that if they heard that I had to be evacuated that they would worry about me at all. I got so upset that I still care and I know that they don’t and now I’m frightened that it’ll happen to me all over again.
I can already tell it’s happening, everything that the number one guy did tonight bugged the crap out of me and yet I know in the back of my head none of it’s any of his fault, so I managed to fake a “sickie” and get myself out of the date earlier than anticipated and then collapsed in tears when I got home. 30 years of being treated like hell and I think that I broke tonight. I can feel myself cutting off and becoming cold.
p.s. I will be fine, I just can’t seem to stop crying tonight.