One of the things that I absolutely hate about my last ‘relationship’, was that no matter how much I know I’m better off and no matter how much I love and adore my current boyfriend. I hate how the past can affect us and damage us for someone who has never done a thing to hurt us.
To make a long story short, my last “relationship” ended up being a disaster and have no idea why. The only way I can explain it to myself is that I honestly was just a bet. I am decade older than my last partner and he chased me for months (nearly a year) full well knowing that I’m much older than him, but we ended up dating…for a month. Now his reason was alright (after nearly a year he realised I was much older than him)…
But as all my ex’s seem to do, they just seem to turn on me? All my breakups have been “amicable” in that we’ve both realised it’s not going to work and somehow all of my ex’s, even when they not great friends with the person, they’ve all gone running to the person who hates me the most? It’s put some serious trust issues, deep embedded in me. My last ex, for example, using to complain about this “best friend” of his more than I did and I had more of a reason to dislike this guy, and does not respect the guy. Yet, the first person he goes to, out of all of his friends, is a guy he doesn’t respect and knows hates my guts?
The whole feeling though of feeling stupid for having such strong feelings for someone who thought me nothing more than a bet, still stays with me to this day and I just cannot shake it. It annoys me to no end. I am extremely happy with my relationship and I can tell it bothers my current partner that I seriously struggle to open up. I just cannot help it.
Before you go out this weekend read these articles! So you’ve just broken up with someone and if you are like me and the area that you live in is the same as mine. There is a a really good chance that you WILL run into your ex at some point.
The first thing is…DON’T PANIC! It’s a lot like little creepy crawlies, they are more scared of you, than you are of them!
This first article, I agreed with everything! The only one I would say is to take some thought first for Number 3 “Consider scheduling a meeting” (meeting with your ex first to discuss how you will handle what to do with mutual friends). Now the reason I disagree with this one is because:
a) You always should act with respect with your friends any way.
b) If your friends do take sides, they weren’t really your friend.
9 Things To Do If You Run Into An Ex, Because Hiding Is Rarely The Best Option
This second article might be written for the holiday period BUT I think it is still extremely written specifically for every day situations as well.
8 Ways to Survive The Dreaded Holiday Run-In With Your Ex
So you’ve broken up with someone and you’ve gone through the whole “Why don’t they love me?” the drinking and the crying and the eating the really bad food. What next? I don’t know if anyone else has ever experienced it. There’s always a moment for me when I’ve gotten through all the bad stuff and I’m over it all. I think that’s the danger moment, when you can so easily fall back into a pattern.
We always hear about when we first break up with someone how hard it is and then how you’ll get through. What about that first moment when you realise, you are alright. Not the going to be moment, but…the moment…
It’s such a lost feeling you’ve been wrapped up in these feelings and emotions for so long and even with a short break up, a hard breakup can take a lot out of out. Yet, you’re not quite at the “I am SO over you” moment. You may not be over that person yet, but you know you’ll be alright.
So it has been…Since I don’t know when I posted something under this topic. What happened (if you are a fairly new readers) I started a category on here, talking about being single in a small city (a clever take I thought on a famous television show with a similar title). I had set-up a dating site, was dating, all sorts of things.
I was determined to start looking at dating in a whole new light.
Then, I am not even joking, within probably a fortnight of starting the new category. I met someone and now we are all “Facebook Official”. I have learnt that you are not “official” until you are official Facebook. We’ve even said that the big “L” word.
HOWEVER, I do pretty much have 31 years of being single behind me. I have dated the worst, the best and the…well I don’t know what to call them really…behind me. So I will continue to use this category, just more about advice and things I’ve learnt about dating over the years.
For my piece of advice I am going to repost a post of mine, because this an important one! What we leave behind
When you are single you need to be able to have something “fun” and when you have someone in your life, doesn’t matter if it’s a boyfriend or a “lover” (I always say that word funnily). Do not let someone like this determine how good you’re getting it ~.^
I am having a bit of an conundrum and I would love my readers to give me some advice. At the moment there are not many people who I know who would be able to help me with this ‘situation’. Once I’ve gotten a clearer mind and am more sure it’s what I really want to do, I will know which step to take next.
While fighting with my ex last year, I bumped into another ex of mine. Literally in the middle of a fight with my last ex and I literally bumped into the one before him. We had a pleasant exchange (apart from the total and utter fear on his face). Recently in my state we had huge devastating bush-fires and I know that his parents house was in this area. He doesn’t know that I know he now lives with his current girlfriend. However, it has made me think a lot because the place we “bumped” into each other was actually where I work.
I don’t hate him anymore and I don’t want him to fear coming into where I work. Especially with the bush-fires it’s made me realise that I know he wasn’t a bad guy and a lot of his lying was to protect me, in his own weird way. I was his first ever girlfriend and he was so used to being a “player” that lying is honestly the only way he knows of.
My question is, should I unblock him from my Facebook and write just a little message saying that I hope his family are alright and he does not have to fear coming into where I work?
Thought that I would give a little update to my online dating experiences (and hopefully give you something fun to read on this Sunday night).
Guy Number one:
I shall call him number one because it seems to be going really well with him. The first date we couldn’t stop talking to each other and I knew that I liked him when we got home late and I needed to get up early the next day and so I kind of ran out of the car, but then, in true girl like fashion, I realised he hadn’t kissed me…and I wanted him to and woke up the next morning with regrets =/
Guy Number two:
This one is going nowhere. Guys there are only a certain type of girl that will like the needy “tell me everything and who you are talking to” guy…I am not one of those. I had to finally reject him and let him know that I was not interested. There was nothing “bad” about him, he is just not the type for me.
My biggest advice is to meet anyone you meet online in public, do NOT meet in them in private. Do not let them pick you up or drop you off on the first date (possibly the second too if you’re unsure). Do pay attention to what they are saying, guy number two (for example) starting asking me pretty nearly straight away who else I was talking to. Although I am not very experienced in online dating, I felt uncomfortable about him asking me. DO listen to your gut instincts. Once I had turned him down I have now spent the past three days (I am not kidding) trying to explain to him I am just not interested. It really feels like I’ve broken up with him, rather than just letting him down.