Too be grateful

I actually have had a pretty good weekend, considering everything that came before it. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I accept my mistakes, I accept my faults. I know that when I get upset, I can blow. I blame the Irish in me. But when I do blow, I’m blowing because I feel like no one’s listening. Also, when I do blow, I’m not lying when or why it happens. Do you know what I mean? I can walk away from a “fight” and go “you know, at least I was honest”.

I could talk about being true to myself. Just generally, when you are arguing, and I do not mean, debating, but also do that during debating too. When you are arguing with someone, ALWAYS, tell the truth. Even if it harsh, tell the truth, always. One of the things that my mum kept saying was “Your paranoid”

Which I totally am.

But it doesn’t mean I’m wrong in my paranoia. I didn’t say that to her though. She wasn’t calling me paranoid, for the right reasons.

Joseph Heller — ‘Just because you‘re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you.’ I am completely paranoid, but she also proved me correct.

The other thing that happened was, because my Mum did go on about how EVERYONE was saying how wrong I was, and everyone thought it was horrible how I’d put my partners family above my brother. Which is not what happened at all. I have a few family members helping me with the wedding. So I instantly went and just let them know what actually had happen. That I don’t want to put a divide in the family, and if they are uncomfortable, they don’t have to come. No one knew what I was talking about.

The funniest moment though came from one of my Mums friends, who has had no idea what’s been going on, lol. I wrote on FB about how I am really glad that I am not a young bride and trying to “remind” people that it’s two people getting married. That all you need are the partners, the celebrant and a couple of witnesses.

That’s it.

They said “If people really wish you well, then it will come with no strings attached!”

Don’t worry, I’m getting to the grateful part, haha.

This is what has been bugging me. My word should be enough to go “okay then”.

When my partner and I were choosing a date, there were only 3 dates available at the time, and when we wanted it.

One was my partner’s nephew’s birth date. That one was not up for debate.

One was an ex’s birthday

And Nov the 18th was just right.

At the same time there were other people looking at either the 11th of 18th of November. So we booked the 18th in. We then went and went let my partners family know. So they booked stuff in. It wasn’t until about a month later, that I saw the FB post.

As I started to say at the beginning there, I actually had a good weekend. Mainly because everything became clearer. I got some really amazing advice, and pretty much the only person with a problem, is my mum. At the moment anyway, it might become more difficult as time goes on and more and more people find, but, for the moment, it’s all good.

I also wrote down what I’m grateful for, because I found that also helped. You know something? I have a lot to be grateful for.

• Mashy
• My partner
• Good work place
• Roof over my head
• Ability to write
• The advice given too me today
• The lessons that my Gran taught me

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Are you happy?

So sometimes it can feel really silly and completely stupid at the moment. So sometimes it can feel like you’re not happy.

But when you sit there and really think about it, you are pretty happy really. There is so much, personally, that I have good reason to be happy with. I have a good job that I like and I like the people I work with. If I could become affiliate on Twitch, that’d be even better! I feel with my partner, despite my own insecurities, we will be together for a long time.

Australia has it’s problems, racism being one of them. Generally though, we’ve got it pretty together now. Especially after voting out our right winged party.

Also generally, I think I could confidently say who I care about, who I don’t. Who I don’t mind anymore, because that’s who they are. Who my friends are, and who are probably not. In those quiet moments, when I take myself out. I am really lucky really. I know that I will always have a roof over my head, I can get food. As much as my body annoys me, I can still move, even if sometimes, not well. I have ways I can get help from different sources. I am very lucky. I think sometimes that’s why I fight for others. No one should have suffer. Being alive can be hard enough.

If I could win the lotto though, that’d be even better!

I don’t mean to brag and I am always feeling like I need to do better with my privileges. For now though, I am happy.

Share Your World – 25/08/2020

Share Your World

I decided to go with the muggle questions this week. I just really liked them, haha!

Muggle Questions (of a more philosophical bent this week):

Is intelligence or wisdom more useful?  

Hmmm…Woo, another good one! I think Wisdom may be, just a little bit more useful than Intelligence. While intelligence may be useful, sometimes, depending on the type of intelligence. There are different kinds of intelligence.

How important is play in living a healthy and fulfilling life?

Oh the most important! You need to be able to play still, always. If you don’t play, life just becomes dreary. The play doesn’t even have to cost anything either!

Is happiness just chemicals flowing through your brain or something more?

I think it’s both. I think you can also chose to be happy. Kind of like that “fake it till you make it” kind of thing. Some days I need to make myself be happy.

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GRATITUDE SECTION (Always optional)

Feel free to share some photos, an image, a meme, a story or incident or a poem that helps you feel grateful.  

November is really not that far away,lol…Even if it’s a totally horrible outcome. December, which means Christmas, is just the next month.

Share Your World June Wk2, 2019

Share Your World 6-10-19

Plain & Simple Questions:

What do fish do all day?   What thoughts do you think they have?  (Credit to the awesome Teresa and her Fibbin’ Fridays for this one)

I think that they think about swimming, maybe a little eating…whatever those particular fish eat. Maybe a little fooling around, just a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

What celebrity would you have as a SPOUSE, if you HAD to choose?

If he wasn’t gay and I wasn’t taken. I’m not actually sure if he is? He’s very private…This gentleman below:

What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever broken?

I don’t know if it was even expensive, but when I was little my Grandparents had a large Michelangelo’s statue. Yes, in all his glory, but that’s not what I saw. I used to go up to him and give him a hug (when I was little) I’d talk to him. One time when I went up to hug him, i hugged him a little too hard and he fell over…he broke. I’m not exactly sure if it was hugely expensive, but it felt, it might have been.

When was the last time you slept more than 9 hours in a stretch?  Why?

Generally the last time I slept more than 9 hours, I was not feeling well. I keep finding that if I sleep for a long time, I get a really sore back. So no more huge sleep ins for me.

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An Attitude of Gratitude!

Share something you were really grateful for this year (so far):

I just got a cold yesterday, my partners been trying to care of me as well. As well as he can,lol

Share Your World – Memorial Style

Share Your World – Memorial Style

Questions:

Do you consider yourself a pessimist or an optimist?  I would say that I’m an optimist, but these last couple of years have slowly been testing me.

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Can War ever be just? I think that sometimes it can be, but I don’t think it is if you just want a “War”. I honestly think Trump would love it if there was a War that he started. You take a look at WWI and WWII, they always start over really dumb reasons, but they needed to be fought. The Allies couldn’t just sit back and do nothing. Well I say that and then remember how long it took for America to join in the Wars…Hmmm….

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Think about the people you love most in your life, what do you do for them? I try to do what I can really. There’s obviously only certain things I can do and can only go so far.

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Are you health conscious?  At the moment I definitely am! I have high cholesterol and since the rest of my family have it too. My doctor wants me to change my lifestyle for the next couple of months and see if I can lower it that way.

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Gratitude, Thankfulness, Wonder, Awe and Joy!   

This is the space where you share, if you’d like to, something that falls into those categories.

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I don’t know how to answer that this week. It feels rude of me to say, but a lot of people were sick at work this week, but that has meant that I got work. Of course it’s been all the nice people, who I actually working with too though, but I think they get it.

Share Your World…May Wk3,

Share Your World … 05/20/19

Some Silly Questions:

Is it better to suspect something (bad or hurtful) and not know or to have your worst fears confirmed by sure knowledge?

I would rather my worst fears confirmed. I’m kind of going through this at the moment, I am like 95% sure there is someone who doesn’t want to be friends with me. I tried to reach out a few months and it was such an awkward conversation, but I don’t get why they don’t just say something? I feel like it’s really rude. They keep liking things of people I’ve actually introduced them too, and ignore me. With everything that I’ve been through, I don’t feel hurt. I just feel annoyed. I’m in my mid-30s, I don’t got time for that!

What makes you laugh aloud?   Crack up?   Laugh until your sides split?   When was the last time you had a great big belly laugh?

It’d have to be watching “John Olivers – Last Week Tonight”. I really enjoy the show, but this particular show was about Australian voting. They paid particular attentions to one candidate, Clive Palmer (he didn’t get in…thank god…but it’s starting to sound like the Liberals are still keeping their promise to him…Look up #Adani). My mum and I knew he was a bit of a twit, but it was so funny this segment. Look up Clive Palmer, Titanic 2…Yep, Titanic 2. Let the spirit of Jack and Rose live on…

Do you suppose Noah had woodpeckers in the ark?  If he did, where did he keep them?   Apologies to the Darwinians in the crowd…this is merely for fun, okay?

I think he would have kept them possibly in a wooden cage, inside of a guilded cage. So they couldn’t really couldn’t get out, but still had something to “wood peck”. Probably need some back up wood.

Why is “Charlie” short for “Charles when they are the same number of letters?

Oh god, that’s like one of those “What is the meaning of life” questions…Nobody knows,lol…My mind is actually blown, I’ve never realised that before,lol

Thankful, Joyful, Grateful

What  happened in your world this past week that made you feel thankful, joyful or grateful?

I’m thankful, even though it was annoying, especially the night after I slept badly. I’m glad I got some more shifts at work rather than no shifts at all!

Share Your World May Wk2, 2019

Share Your World, 5-13-19

Questions:

1. What social stigma does society need to get over already? I think the easier and smaller list would be “what are they already over?”. The biggest one “social stigma” we just need to get over though, to me, are transsexuals. It’s honestly none of our business was in going on between complete strangers or strangers bodies. The whole “bathroom” thing is so stupid as well. An actual ‘pervert’ is not going to be stopped by a sign. I mean, how dumb do you have to be to believe that? It’s like some people actually believe an actual pervert will come up to a door and go “Oh, look this bathroom is only for women”? It’s just so stupid,lol. There are bigger things in the world, like ACTUAL perverts.
2. What was the last photo you took?
   

   

   It’s an Anne Stoke bed cover. It always looks crinkled and I finally was able to get a unwrinkled shot =D It’s a really beautiful bed cover

3. When was the last time you snooped and found something or found out something you wish you hadn’t? I haven’t done that for years, and for very good reasons. Heed my words young people, never snoop! You will only ever find bad things and you will only ever see things you wont want too, but it’s not what you think…Probably 90% of the time. Snooping is how I found out about Santa and an now ex felt about me at the beginning and how popular he was with the girls.
4. What’s the most comfortable bed or chair you’ve ever slept in? My mum’s lounge chair that she has right now, is probably the most comfortable. We fall asleep on it all the time. I don’t know what is in those cushions, but everyone who sits on them. Finds themselves asleep if they’re not careful.

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An Attitude of Gratitude

Can being grateful change Your World?

Without a doubt it can change your world. It reduces the toxicity in your life and less of a “victim”. I don’t think you can truly be happy unless you are grateful for even the bad in your life…Because I’m weird,lol

Your Blessing – Nurt Thursday

Nurt Thurs – Your Blessing

I have a lot of blessings, but I am going to focus on the furbabies this week. Because, at the moment, they are the only ones not really asking me for anything…You know, other than to pick up after them, feed them, cuddle them (even when they don’t want them). Other than that, they don’t ask anything of me. I guess though, as well, I don’t resent them for that either. I feed them, they love me unconditionally, it’s a good deal.

They have both been there for me when a lot of others haven’t. They were the reason that I got off of the couch, someone had to take care of them. They both wanted to go outside. They have both scared me in the past year, both of them are now on tablets for the rest of their lives. “Funnily” enough they both have neurological issues (maybe it’s something I said?) So we’re all going through this together, even though they would absolutely kill each other, if they actually met!

You are Enough – Mandy Hale Day 2 – 7

“Mandy Hale – The “You are Enough 30 Day Blogging Challenge””

Now Mandy writes

So….here we go!

Day 2: In Chapter One, I have a very special encounter with someone that felt almost like an angelic experience. Talk about a time in your life when you have been “touched by an angel,” or had a God wink moment that helped get you back on track or see something in your life through new eyes.

I think I get them a lot, honestly. I’m not really religious, I am much more of a Spiritual person. It feels to me it’s more of a “you just know” feeling.

Day 3: Also in Chapter One, I talk about how sometimes it takes losing yourself to find yourself. Share a time you felt lost, and how you got “found.”

I’d have to say that it’s after my huge anxiety attack and how frustrated I have been with my own mind. Its been a frustrating battle. Just a few weeks ago I got so down on myself, because my family had gone to an escape room. Just before we had to go in and couldn’t come out without forfeiting. I felt the panic come on and I didn’t go in. Everyone in my family said it was a good choice, because as they went in, the lights went out. But it’s the worse I’ve felt about myself for a while.

However, when I find that I am kind to myself and realise that perhaps I might have to just accept this is the way my brain is now and it’s okay. I am still a lot luckier than most. I’m still a good person, I still have people that take care of me. That’s what helps me get myself “found again”.

Day 4: In Chapter Two, a phone call one Monday morning changes the course of my entire life and my family’s lives. Share a time that you received life altering news, good or bad, and how it impacted your life.

I guess it was the time my Mum texted me to let me know that my Pa had passed away (I write about it a bit more below). I actually laid down and just cried. Wow…I am just opening up here,lol…It wasn’t crying of grief, it was crying relief. My Pa had emphysema, the last week or so was so horrible. I wouldn’t wish his death on my worst enemy, let alone him. My mum was with him when he died and he died the day just after Midnight AFTER my cousins birthday, she told him he could go now, and he did. He was in a morphine coma and he wasn’t coming back. One of the things I regrets was I didn’t break up with my ex that day. Not only did he “forget” that he was supposed to come over so we could take care of my Mums pets and my Mum could be with my Pa/her father. Then he said to no bother ringing him because he’d have no credit.

So not only did my Pa die that night, but I had to lie to my Mum so she wouldn’t get pissed off with my now ex-boyfriend because we never spent time together. It’s why she waited until the morning to text me, because she didn’t want to interrupt our time together.  Can you imagine it? Her father DIES and she’s still thinking about others? Then I had to lie again, because she unexpectedly rocked by up at the house and she realised he had never been there. She told me not to ring him, that he was to ring me and make an effort. So I rang him, so she wouldn’t completely hate him and tell her that he had reached out. I regret that to this day. I should have NEVER rang him.

Day 5: In Chapter Three, “Your Life Will Be Different, But It Will Be Amazing,”I talk about how life can be beautiful again, even after unimaginable loss. Share a time when you faced unimaginable loss, and how you came to realize that you were ENOUGH to handle it.

I would have to say that it was when my Pa (Grandfather) passed away. My Pa was probably the most positive male role model I had in my life. When he passed I was not in a healthy relationship. I remember being at the funeral and as they lifted his casket to take him away I felt my heart break and I made this really odd loud noise. It wasn’t that I thought my family are going to live forever…Well, maybe a little bit.

What his death taught me though life is too short to keep people around that aren’t worth it. A few month later I broke up with my then boyfriend and since then I have been so much more realistic in relationships. It made me appreciate my family relationships so much more as well, and although my Mum side may be small, we are mighty! I think, now, the reason, I kept holding onto my then relationship, was because I just didn’t want to lose anyone else. I don’t think I even really liked him. He was such a wuss.

Day 6: In Chapter Four, I share my journey of “Looking for Love,” and how a dating app helped shake up my romantic life. Share your thoughts about online dating or an experience you had while doing online dating that made an impact on your life.

Well, I don’t actually know how many people you read my Blog are aware of this. My current partner and I met online and it was the same for me and my first serious relationship. So I completely believe that it can be great, but you have to be smart about it. I met my first partner in an AOL chat room (showing my age) and my current partner on an actual site.

Day 7: In Chapter Five, I write a letter to a past version of myself to share with her the struggles she would soon face. Write a letter to a past version of yourself, at any time in your life, letting her know that whatever is up ahead for her/him, she is ENOUGH to handle it.

Dear Lauren,

It’s okay. You will be okay. Never forget it’s okay to walk away and it’s okay to say it’s that it’s not okay anymore and you need to leave. IT IS OKAY!

Share Your World, Nov Week 1, 2018

Share Your World Nov 5th, 2018

Is there one post on your site that is really special to you?  (credit for this one goes to CrushedCaramel )

I like any post of mine that had got people talking to each other. I like bringing people together. I can’t think of a specific post I’ve written. Any that has gotten people talking.

How Do You Deal With Negative People?  (Athling2001 gets credit for this one)

It depends on the person and the situation honestly. Negative people at work and people in my private life, I handle differently.

What Is The First Thing You Think Of When You Wake In The Morning?

At the moment it’s usually about whether or not I got to sleep well the night before. Since I’ve started weening myself off my anxiety tablets, I can feel it happening. A couple of nights ago I had a really bad night, but it’s been the only bad night. It’s all about learning, new ways to cope.

Honestly the first few night I had amazing, crazy dreams…I wish I was still having those!

Would You Rather Be Able To Talk With The Animals Or Speak All Foreign Languages?

Without question, talk with the animals.

This month the gratitude question will address your life and what things you’ve received or done, that have brought you joy and sometimes relief perhaps.

What small thing happened today (or in the past few days) that you were grateful for?   

Honestly, just for the totally sane people in my life. I see all these things happening in America and, even here in Australia. I just think…This is nuts! Then I talk to my Mum or my partner, or my colleagues at work and it feels “normal” again.