Perfection

Came home from the whole family Christmas do, full as you like with food…Most I have ever eaten ever at Christmas, I kid you not! Having a shower and feeling like I can finally wash the last couple of crazy days off of me for another year (until we have to clean up tomorrow of course). Just thinking as you do in a shower about the whole year in general and it occurred to me.

I never wanted the “perfect” boyfriend I wanted a real one. When I’d tell people how you’d changed in that one week after we broke up and how I felt like I had never known you at all. All people would say to me was “Aww, but he was trying to impress you”…But I never wanted to be impressed, I just wanted you to be real with me…How can you have never have gotten that? When I think about it now I have started to┬árealise that I probably never knew the real you. I’m right, I never did know the real you…Not for one single second the entire time.

I don’t hate you any-more and I don’t miss you either. Quiet honestly it doesn’t matter whether your around or not any-more. I don’t really think about you, because the person I cared about, was never real. It feels like I was in some sort of Disney movie and you turned into my “Hans” of Frozen. Whatever happened between us and whatever we may have “gone through” together feels like some sort of horrible romance comedy now. None of it feels like it was ever real.

I guess the reason that I’m writing this is because I need to say goodbye. I have absolutely no idea why you decided to treat me the way that you did, but you did and I have to live with that, but I am not going to make this one chapter my whole book. I have a feeling that this may be one of those “Choose your own adventure” type chapters. Where I can have many different scenarios to choose from, but the ultimate ending is still the same.

And that’s the end of that chapter (Credit: Homer Simpson)

It’s time to say goodbye,
It’s time to turn the page over and start anew.

It’s time to forget and move on,
It’s time to make you a fictional nightmare that will never happen again.

“I want to forgive you and I want to forget you”.

…And I will…You treated me like my life didn’t matter, I think it’s fair I treat like you never existed.

You were the worst mistake I have ever made and will never make again,
You taught me so much that was wrong.

Why…WHY can’t I just have one knight in shining armor, it is all that I have ever wanted,
Why do I keep the douche-bags wrapped up in aluminium instead?
Why is it only me they ever treat like the dirt beneath their feet.

I am tired of you making me feel like there is something wrong with me,
When it’s YOU who should be feeling like this, not me.

I will not allow you or any other “man” make me feel like this again,
I want to shine in the sun, where I belong.

“To live would be an awfully big adventure”

Published on 16 Jul 2012

S10E13