Every time

I have always felt like a new Monday, a new beginning to the week, is as good as time as any to say “Goodbye” to the old. Every time I feel like I’m saying goodbye to an old part of my life and starting anew, I always play this song…over and over…and over…and…over….and over again ~.^

What do you like to do when you say goodbye to an “old life?”

Uploaded by: Angelpuppets1234

Uploaded on 11 Mar 2008

(The description wouldn’t fit in, so its a link, tell me if it doesn’t work)
Song: GoodBye To You
Artist: Michelle Branch(?)

The struggle is real…

I have really been struggling to come up with things to write this week. I have been looking at all my upcoming scheduled posts and there is barely anything there. Usually I’ll have quiet a few posts as I try to write as my brain thinks. Otherwise I just forget to write about them. I have about 4 posts left and then that’s it and I just cannot think of anything else to write about.

IT IS SO WEIRD!!!

It might have something to do with this past week I haven’t really been “getting out there” so to speak. I have been in such a slump this week, I think it’s got a lot to do with having two jobs and yet not getting shifts, so it feels like I’m trying to get my life moving forward and it’s just not happening. Hence the posts about “Getting Started” because I want to do something else in the meantime. I’m hoping that getting my first foot into the Library door, now I’ll be able to go for more permanent positions and then feel more “set up”.

One of the ironic things though is that I have actually been getting more readers recently, so now the pressure feels on to being you all much more exciting posts.

I think that I need to get back to what I started writing this Blog for, to bring you, the readers some happy and fun news. That include things about books. Which I should be able to focus on more now that I’m actually working in a Library. I haven’t even done a Random Literature Quote since last year!

SO now it’s time to focus again!

We must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

As I write this I am having a pretty sad day, so I thought that I would write something that would cheer me up a lot and that is to write about things I have to look forward too this year. Whether that be they are GOING to happen or I just WANT them to happen. Sometimes I feel like having something to look forward too. even if it’s far in the future, I always find something to look forward to cheers me up. After all, time can sneak up really fast! So I have come up with a little list of what I have to look forward to this year:

  • Travelling to Melbourne and not just to see my brother for his birthday (since his birthday smack bang in the middle of Winter).
  • Take some serious looking into doing a “side business” even if it’s something tiny. See, I am incredibly bad at believing in myself.
  • Move in with my partner.
  • Getting a job with PERMANENT hours, no more casual work.
  • Do more writing…By that I don’t mean with my Blogging, I love to write Fiction stories, even if none of them get published. I have so many ideas in my head.
  • Going to Sydney at some point this year.
  • Instead of having a birthday party, looking into hosting a Winter Solstice party and what that might entail. They sound like fun!
  • This may not be *fun* but I want to start eating healthy and doing some sort of exercise and some exercise I’ll stick with. I’m not overweight BUT since I hurt my leg a couple of year ago I have gotten lazy.

 

Uploaded by: guardianmonkey

Published on Nov 5, 2012

Share Your World … Week 43

Share Your World

Share Your World … Week 43

What are you really glad you did yesterday?

Would you prefer a one floor house or multiple levels?

After developing sciatica last year, I’ve found that I now prefer one floor houses,lol. It was literally hell getting up the stairs, there were a few times where I was crawling up the stairs and my Mum kept trying to convince just to sleep on the couch for the night.  Before that though I honestly didn’t mind one way or the other.

Have you done something you truly want to do today?

What plans did you have as a teenager that didn’t happen? Are you happy it didn’t work out that way?

I never really had set plans, I was so angry when I was a teenager, I just wanted someone to care and reach out. I don’t think thinking of future plans was high on my list. My parents separated two days before I started high school and no one ever asked me if I was alright. People were making me take sides. I struggled with dyslexia and didn’t even know it until after I finished high school, when I look back on my assignments and the comments my teachers were leaving, it was so obvious and none of the teachers gave a poop, except for one. Just getting through the day without losing it was pretty much all I was thinking of.

Share Your World … Week 29

Share Your World

Share Your World … Week 29

What is the perfect pizza?

Without a doubt, when I’m in a hungry mood…or have had a few, I love myself a Domino double bacon cheeseburger…It is amazing! However when I want to feel a bit more “healthier”…As healthy as non-vegetarian pizza can be…I will have a Hawaiian type Pizza.

What is your favorite time of day?

Definitely that time of the day, when you’ve finally relaxed and not actually thinking. Just after you’ve made dinner and you’re sitting down to watch your favourite program.

Show us two of your favorites photographs?  The photos can be from anytime in your life span.  Explain why they are your favorite.

Only two?! I especially like the photos from when I was younger, but also all of my fur and feather babies.

Complete this sentence:  I’m looking forward to…. 

Spending any time at all with my partner this weekend. He’s been on holidays for the past two weeks and we’ve spent little time together. Due to other people, which is funny because everyone has a go at as not spending enough time together.

Disturbia

As a few of you know I have this eternal love/hate relationship with Facebook. I love that it has all the people I love from Australia and Overseas on it…I HATE what Facebook can do, the insecurities it can bring, the bad memories that it can bring up.

Well over the weekend I had one of those bad moments and I haven’t been on Facebook since. To explain a little bit, one of my past relationships, my ex was not the person harming me, it was his room mate. However, when I went to him for help, instead of getting the expected response of “It’s alright I’m here” All I got was instead was “You deserve to get hit”…”You have it coming”.

Even after we broke up it never really stopped. Thanks to one group where we both had mutual friends, well people I thought were friends…When I did things they didn’t understand, why I didn’t ‘behave’ the way they thought I should after my breakup, instead of having an adult conversation, they’d publicly ridicule you, quoting you in meme’s you never even said. Needless to say I have been taking myself out, bit by bit, from that group.

I found out over the weekend that this ex was honoured for learning how to do Jiu-Jitsu…The fear, the dread, going back to that place, just instantly flew all over me. My poor now partner, thought that he had done something wrong, because I started to have a panic attack and couldn’t stop crying.

It was a weird feeling, something I couldn’t really explain. It was something from a real life nightmare. Knowing someone who thought I deserved to be hurt, can suddenly hurt me if he wanted to and know how to not leave a mark. The disturbing factor that this group of horrible people (there’s very little good about them) was honouring him for learning how to hurt me. I know it’s irrational, he’s not suddenly going to come after me after all this time. Still…

At the same time though I had, through my moments of blank mindedness, realised how lucky I was to be out of that situation. How taking myself out of that situation resulted in my now happiness.

White Ribbon (Australia)

Uploaded on 13 Dec 2009

Get Rihanna’s eighth studio album ANTI now:
Download on TIDAL: http://smarturl.it/downloadANTI
Stream on TIDAL: http://smarturl.it/streamANTIdlx
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Download on Amazon: http://geni.us/amzANTI

Music video by Rihanna performing Disturbia. YouTube view counts pre-VEVO: 48,070,735. (C) 2008 The Island Def Jam Music Group

The Leper

One of my ex’s got married over the weekend and on the day in question, everyone treated me like a Leper, afraid I’ll break…I don’t care that my ex got married, this particular partner was the worst person I ever dated, but taught me the most about myself and my limits. What I cared about and got upset about was that, even if I had been broken I didn’t appreciate the fact that no one was talking to me and no one was asking me if I was upset.

“The Leper”

So you got married today, not that I cared, my heart become a ghost town over you for such a long time. You taught me the biggest lessons about myself, I had to everything drop off of me before I could pick it up and reattach myself again.

You were the one that taught me the most about how now to be surprised that people will disappoint you, the ones you think you are closest too, watch them. Don’t trust someone the moment they give you a reason not too. For this I thank you because this has been my hardest lesson to learn.

It’s been a few weird years since we broke up, people I once called family I barely know now, but still continue to talk about me, like they’ve known me at all. When I don’t believe they ever even did. Half the time I wonder what I even doing there to begin with. How did I know this people? They’ve not changed at all and yet I feel like I have changed in every way possible.

I am definitely not the same person I was. I’ve gotten rid of all the boil, the scars, the rotting flesh and I am re-emerging as a new person…Possibly even a Golden Goddess?

Welcome and Wanted

One of the hardest things about being in a relationship (especially a new one) is trying to ‘decipher’ and decode your partners quirks and habits. It’s probably one of the biggest messages that I can say when you are single. You NEED to find out what makes you happy, what behaviour are you willing to put up with and you NEED to stick with it.

One of the hardest lessons that I’ve learnt throughout every single relationship, and in all honesty I mean friendships and family. The hardest thing in any relationship is to feel wanted. I can honestly say that every partner that I’ve had, they never wanted to be around me. They always seemed to prefer the company of their friends, even if they were bad-mouthing those friends (which should also be a clue). Even with my “friends” I have had friends who have dumped me for other people…Hence why “friends” are in quotation marks. I no longer consider them friends.

When you are single, you think there’s this whole world that you are missing out on. I was always good at being single personally. You have to figure you out, I cannot stress this one enough. My current relationship is tough for me because I have so many insecurities, I’ve had to deal with a lot on my own in the past. I am not used for asking for help, I am more used to being upset and crying it out on my own.

Before you get into a relationship do things on your own. Reconnect with yourself. The major reason I am doing alright now is because I know that I’m fine, my current partner is not my other ex-partners, he is a whole other human being and has never given me a reason to doubt him.

That greener grass

I’ve had a few interesting times over this last year, just personally I’ve felt like I’ve changed a lot and have become a lot more sure of who I am.

As a general rule when someone goes through something like a lot of things, for example your friendships. Also though women I used to really admire, use to really look up too, I have down a full 180 on them. They’re all smart, successful in their careers, stunningly beautiful, they take really good care of their health. Even though they are some of my best friends

However there is one thing that I’ve never really realised before, they can’t be alone. They are always with someone. These smart, successful, beautiful women NEED to have a men in their life to make their life “credible”.

There’s this one girl who is actually one of my ex’s, ex’s before me. She cheated on my ex with his best friend and they eventually got married. Ever since I’ve known her though, my ex was planning on asking her to marry him, had the ring, everything, but she turned him down because she was in love with his best friend. I’ve noticed though, she seems to get remarried every couple of years. Recently I noticed that she was already dating someone (via taking a picture of herself in her underwear) and her last post with her husband has only been two weeks beforehand on Facebook. Yet, no one else seems to have noticed? It’s like she’s going through so many guys no one even cares any-more.

Then there’s one of my best friends, obsessed is an understatement with her finding a guy. It’s pretty much all our conversations have been over the last two years…I am not even kidding. She’s been hypnotherapy, all sorts of things…None of it seems to work. Then she’ll meet some guy and for the next month she’ll be in total love and then he turns out to be a jerk or just doesn’t like her as much as she likes him and it’s all over again.

One of the things that fascinates me though the most is that neither of these girls wants to have children. So what’s with the desperation? You can get married at any age.

That’s beside the point though, it’s just fascinating that these two women who I used to really admire and wish that I had their life, I’m glad that I don’t have their life.