She did what she did

Do you ever look back at something and think to yourself “Oh, I wish I had said that then”.

I had a moment like that recently, but I also thought to myself that they probably knew I knew what I actually wanted to say. They probably realised that I saw through them and that’s why they “cut me off”.

The thing is though, at the time, I didn’t realise I had seen through them, but they knew I had.

Where am I going with this? I had a moment where I thought if I had been who I had been know, but back then, I would have kicked my “best friends” butt and her grossness. You know something? I think she knew that. Imagine saying to your 30 year old “best friends” that you’re only happy when you’re single, when your ‘bfs’ are getting abused or are unhappy in their relationships.

After this thought I actually went and…okay…I stalked a little on my old “friends” FB pages. Except the one who said she likes hearing how her best friends are getting bullied and are having a hard time in their relationship, she blocked me.

One of them has a Eight with Kate, or whatever that show was called, haircut. Funniest thing ever. It’s a total Karen haircut! I found it even funnier because she hates kids.

The other is constantly changing her cover photo to say how confident she is, and how this is her year. You’re nearly 40 dear, it’s time to put away the 20 year old “I am confident” posts, you are not confident. I felt sorry for her actually. No one actually likes her, but she’s a useful tool at telling the narcissi’s what a good person she is. I am not surprised that at nearly 40, she still has to convince herself that she’s “confident”. She literally liked the comment when the narc said she was happier when we were miserable.

That’s the thing though, I think she knew that I got it, but I hadn’t got it, quiet yet. So she found an excuse to get rid of me, before I REALLY got it.

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What to write?

With all the dramas in my family, I can’t begin to tell you how hard it’s been to write or think about anything else. I’m sure though you have all been through it yourselves at some point. I didn’t even realise how much it must have affected myself until yesterday when I saw that I had taken several days to get back to comments.

That’s the annoying thing any mental health condition, anxiety, depression, etc. You don’t always realise until later what happened. I do think I’ve been depressed the last few days. Not because though, I am sad about what’s happened. I think its because for a long time, this what I thought was going to happen. I always thought it might happen when I have kids, and that life conflicts with what my mum, the Maskalls and brother think are “right”.

I think what annoys me the most, is the hypocrisy. My mum complains about the Maskalls the most, my brother did everything he could so they wouldn’t meet his last partner. Yet, of course they don’t do anything wrong too me. Why do I have to keep dealing with them, and be degraded and humiliated and they don’t treat anyone else like that.

This is the first birthday that I’ve looked forward too, for about 5 years now, because I don’t have to cater too them. The last two I have literally had to have my birthday on nights that suited them, and one…I wasn’t even invited too originally. That was probably the most embarrassed that I have ever been. I was only allowed to invite about 5 friends to “my” birthday, and that was last minute. My partner didn’t come because he was angry with them.

So, to say my writing has taken a bit of a dip lately, is a bit of an understatement.

Do you have a way to get out of a writing block funk?

• I forgive myself first of all. I always sit down and tell myself that it is okay to stop.
• This might sound “odd” but I try to eat better as well. That’s mainly because even I don’t feel any changes, mentally. I know I’ve done something well for my body.
• These days I’ve started to do gardening. Unfortunately, we’re heading towards Winter again. Still in Autumn, but it is getting darker earlier already. So gardening isn’t always an option.
• I also do a little cleaning, there’s always something to clean!

20 Songs to Pump You Up for Cleaning Your Home – July 22, 2020 12:47 pm ; The Maids . com

Dreaming

I know that I have written about this before, but it’s been a while. I love to dream, but unfortunately, we cannot always control what we dream of. As I experienced. It was a total nightmare, the most scariest dream I have ever had. I include the one that I still remember from childhood. Which was of a huge black and white snail eating me alive.

It was my ex best friend trying to apoligise.

Hahahahaha…

I always have wondered if she ever did (she will never), how I’d react. I know that dreams aren’t a 100% factual situation. When I woke up though, I don’t want her to apoligise. I just want to live my life, you know? If she did, would I have to say a thing? I did wonder what I’d say, but after that dream. I don’t have to say a damn thing.

Don’t know why, but felt this appropriate.

“Don’t watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.” ~ Sam Levenson

Online Safety

I’ve often thought about writing something like this. I figure though most of the readers on here are pretty cluey about that kind of stuff.

However, after reading Kemi Badenoch “article” on the Times. It made me feel sick to my stomach. She wanted to make LGB Alliance, who call themselves the new Stonewall. Which is so freaking laughable and the only ones who like them ARE Tories, she wanted to make them STAKEHOLDERS in the Government! She’s one of the worst than Johnson candidates.

What made me feel ill, was that she was mocking the online safety bill. The irony is, of course, it’s too protect people, from people like her. And, when I become unbanned again, I will tell her that. She calls it to help people from their “hurt feelings” Then to go on to say that she will tell people the truth. Seriously, I just want to slap some people.

My Mum does say though that to be a politcian, you have to be a little bit of a psychopath.

“Good ole days”

As bad as everything is now, I don’t want the “old days” back. The reason why NOW is so bad, is because the good ole days, let a lot of things slide. As much as I dislike Trump, I think his “Presidency” showed a LOT of what’s wrong with the world.

So what am I looking forward too in the hopeful not to distant future:

A MUCH better system of Government, there’s no way we can keep doing it the way it is. We need to make room for independent government members.

Finally people making actual equal rights for LGBTQIA + people.

Something to actually STOP Trump from running for POTUS again.

The Royal Commission, in Australia, into the Murdoch Media Enterprise.

World Peace…That may be a little bit unrealistic.

Becoming affiliate on Twitch.

My Discord channel is becoming more active, so that’s exciting!

A bit more about 2022

Well, maybe not the greatest of starts.

There must be something we’re all looking forward too though, in 2022? Personally, I am really looking forward to becoming a affiliate on Twitch. But I also want to get my partners spare room sorted out, and in the other create a little “escape” for myself. Until you know, baby makes 4…Hey, the cat is part of our family. I’m not saying I am pregnant, I’m saying if it happens. Then I can change my escape to babies room =D

Even though, it’s Summer here…I am also looking forward too the: lazy hot days where you lie around all day. Watching a favourite movie, and eating that favourite ice-cream. Taking off the bra, oh we know what I’m talking bout =D

Feeling a little lucky

No, I haven’t won the lottery or anything. Last week, I hadn’t been asked to work at all this week, other than Friday. Which means I had spent the last week doing a lot of my online studies and doing a lot of research into certain things.

The two main ones being a)Twitch and b) Redbubble.

Twitch is a gaming type platform. Where a lot of gamers can play games (usually pc and console games), but can choose to interact with others who can watch them play the games. I have a couple of friends who are already on there and they are so encouraging me too join. I even have names: The Tea Lady, Lolsy’s Tea, Napsy Lolsy Tea…Possibly changing Lolsy to Lollys…yeah, I think I’ll do that. I’m know what to do, I’m just scared to do it!lol

Redbubble is a platform where artists can sell their upload their art onto products, such as, phone cases, pillows, cards etc and sell them to the public. Now I don’t draw, but I say a lot of unusual things…Not creepy weird, just quotes. I say “I’ll be fine”, probably the one I best known for. However, over the last few months I have been writing down sayings I have. Completely random things, like having a pillow case that has on it “In case of favourite character dying…then on the other side…Hug me”…Things like that. I mean people are selling Lion King merchandise on there, don’t know how. Why can’t I do my quotes? I just need to find a program where I can put a nice background on.

 

Push!

Nurt Thursday – Push Foward

Push for the positivity,

Push for the positive thoughts,

Push, knowing that you can do it!

Push, knowing that you can overcome!

 

 

Dear You

I recently sat down and wrote a letter to three ex friends of mine. I sat down and write what I would write to them if the one friend who attacked me out of nowhere decided to unblock me. I blocked the other two after they also attacked me as well and yet, were perfectly fine with every attacking me and accusing me of things I had never even done.

I decided to write my response. Although I doubt they would ever apologise, I have no intentions at all with being friends with them ever again.  I felt like I needed to write something, even if they never see it. I have spent time editing it and bringing up new points and rehashing at old points. It has made me feel a lot better. Any time that I’ve thought of something or a good point, I write it. It’s nearly two pages long at this point.

Points like:

• The note that I had wrote about my anxiety it wasn’t about them. I was just writing what was going on with me and how I don’t want to be treated anymore. If they took that personally, that’s on them.
• The fact before this, they do nothing but attack me over the years and that’s fine because “that’s just who they are”. I kid you not.
• If you don’t like being “attacked” why are you with someone who abuses you?

So on and so forth.

I don’t know how many of you I actually told you. That they blocked me once they had had a go at me, so I couldn’t even respond…Probably because it was going to be this reaction and they knew it…

Have you ever done something similar?

Nurt Thursday – Past and Future

Nurt Thursday – Past and Future

Ditto