Wobble…Like Jelly…

So tonight I had a bit of a freak out and a bit of a wobble. Currently here in South Australia we are experiencing a major devastating bush fire, people lives are being lost, homes and property completely gone and we unfortunately had one well known kennel and cattery burnt down with many of the dogs and all of the cats still on the property.

Anyways this same night I had a date with the number one guy (there is no number two guy anymore). I heard that the suburbs that three different ex’s of mine are from, were required to evacuate. I couldn’t help myself, I got worried and I realised that I still cared. Not in love care, but worry something will go wrong kind of caring. Then I got angry at myself for caring at all. My mum told me it was perfectly naturally to still care and worry while not being in love with that person.

I hate though that I still care about these people who obviously never cared about me. I highly doubt that if they heard that I had to be evacuated that they would worry about me at all. I got so upset that I still care and I know that they don’t and now I’m frightened that it’ll happen to me all over again.

I can already tell it’s happening, everything that the number one guy did tonight bugged the crap out of me and yet I know in the back of my head none of it’s any of his fault, so I managed to fake a “sickie” and get myself out of the date earlier than anticipated and then collapsed in tears when I got home. 30 years of being treated like hell and I think that I broke tonight. I can feel myself cutting off and becoming cold.

p.s. I will be fine, I just can’t seem to stop crying tonight.

 brokengirl

This Matthew West guy seems to get it…

Uploaded by QueenGalaxii

Published on 14 May 2012

Lyric Video..

TWITTER: https://twitter.com/JessicarJiggins

Super Girlfriend Mode…

on-off

So this weekend is a big test for me! It’s the first “supportive” thing I will be doing as my new ‘beau’s’ partner. I am nervous for a few various reasons:

  • Posisbly will meet some members of his Family
  • Will be meeting his friends for the first time.
  • Will be in the same room as the friends who I do not like (and they don’t like me) and who I have not seen for a couple of months.

It’s a long story (as they always are) there are so many reason to feel uncomfortable and my mind is screaming “Don’t Go!!! Don’t do it!!!”.  No! Super Girlfriend Mode is on and I will be dragging (and a couple of other friends) myself out. I think it’s one of the main things I will miss about being single, if I don’t want to go somewhere…I don’t have too. I could avoid meeting people for the first time for the rest of my life! I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why I wouldn’t want to go somewhere, I just wouldn’t go.

Hang onto your single life people!!!

(*Edit….

Will be meeting his parents (at least)
Will be surrounded by his friends who apparently dislike me (but no one, including them, will tell me why)
All the people who were suppose to be coming with me, have now pulled out.)

If I can get through tonight’s social situations, I can get through anything!