She did what she did

Do you ever look back at something and think to yourself “Oh, I wish I had said that then”.

I had a moment like that recently, but I also thought to myself that they probably knew I knew what I actually wanted to say. They probably realised that I saw through them and that’s why they “cut me off”.

The thing is though, at the time, I didn’t realise I had seen through them, but they knew I had.

Where am I going with this? I had a moment where I thought if I had been who I had been know, but back then, I would have kicked my “best friends” butt and her grossness. You know something? I think she knew that. Imagine saying to your 30 year old “best friends” that you’re only happy when you’re single, when your ‘bfs’ are getting abused or are unhappy in their relationships.

After this thought I actually went and…okay…I stalked a little on my old “friends” FB pages. Except the one who said she likes hearing how her best friends are getting bullied and are having a hard time in their relationship, she blocked me.

One of them has a Eight with Kate, or whatever that show was called, haircut. Funniest thing ever. It’s a total Karen haircut! I found it even funnier because she hates kids.

The other is constantly changing her cover photo to say how confident she is, and how this is her year. You’re nearly 40 dear, it’s time to put away the 20 year old “I am confident” posts, you are not confident. I felt sorry for her actually. No one actually likes her, but she’s a useful tool at telling the narcissi’s what a good person she is. I am not surprised that at nearly 40, she still has to convince herself that she’s “confident”. She literally liked the comment when the narc said she was happier when we were miserable.

That’s the thing though, I think she knew that I got it, but I hadn’t got it, quiet yet. So she found an excuse to get rid of me, before I REALLY got it.

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Personal Choices…

I know that none of you are on my Facebook (it’s Lauren Boltron Bolton) by the way. However, I have decided at this time, to not post on their anymore. The only people I really hear from are from people I never hear from to tell how wrong they think I am. Or people who liked everything I post. Which is completely fine, but I can keep liking and commenting on their posts anyway.

I think what “annoys me” is that these are people I know in “real life”. Yet, I don’t think they know the first thing about me…Maybe it’s a South Australia thing? None of these people know about my blog, my streaming, my “other” Instagram book account. Which you all know about. I just feel like there is no reason to “be” on there anymore. I don’t really get that much fulfillment out of FB anyway.

My mum and I were just talking about it last night, and she was saying how she knows there are couple of people she can stay friends with. Mainly because, one of them, their partner had a bad reaction to the Astra vaccine, but her friend is still going to get the second dose anyway. Even though, she has a really good reason to be afraid, she’s sensible enough to realise, that just because her husband had a bad reaction, didn’t mean she did.

I said to my mum, I’ve got a couple of friends like that, but we all suffer from bad anxiety issues, lol. So it’s hard to meet up with them. The rest though. I’ve lost a lot of respect for quiet a few, and not all to do with COVID. Some, even though they’ve been in Australia since the 70’s/80’s, they’re still strong Monarchist’s. The Monarchy can do wrong. Meghans the devil. Not just “Hate” Meghan, but full on “I’m British, I know how the system works, she’s lying”.

One) You’ve lived in Australia since the 70’s.

Two) You’re not and have never been part of the Royal Family, or it’s “systems”.

Three) The place you do actually work in, you know how it works and that’s why you know it’s not working. On the outside you have to pretend that everything “works” where you work. Apart from the Royal Family, NONE, of us “know how the system works”.

The problem with the State I’m in, it’s not a big city. We were the first freely settled colony in Australia (meaning we weren’t settled by criminals, but “free people). We’re the third most livable city in the world. But the people…lol. Once you’re in a group, you’re in it. Think six degrees of Kevin Bacon. You can go with another group, but you have a high chance of bumping into the other people. As some “bitches” have realised. Too not really bump into people you know, you have to live on opposite sides of the state.

Can ex’s be friends?

I got one!lol

There’s a bit of a funny story that I have with one of my Categories “Single in a small city”. About a month or two after I category I got into my now relationship, haha. A part of me always feels awkward when I write about being single, since I am not.

I am sure that I have written about this before, but my mind has expanded on it since.

I believe you can be friends with an ex, and it’s not even about that if you can be friends were you ever in love. Of course you were! Also depending how serious you were as well, of course you can be! It just doesn’t work out. You don’t usually go into a relationship knowing a person, so after time, you can realise that you’re not just not compatible.

Saying that, as well though, sometimes you might still have feelings and pretending that you don’t. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t be friends with someone who has unrequited feelings for you.

I have a couple of exes that I’m friends with. Two of which I was with them for a while. I don’t think you can be friends straight away, but yeah, I believe you can.

Sometimes an ex can actually be a better friend than a friend friend. During a romantic relationship, and especially if you’re together for a while. You can go through quiet a lot together, that you don’t always with family or friends. Take, as an example, I was shocked to discover that my partner, smart, logical, is terrified of death. He doesn’t want to die. I was shocked by it, because it never occurred to me that he would be scared of death. I know most people are, but … you know what I mean? Because he’s not a spiritual person, he’s like “Once I’m dead, that’s it”. Whereas I believe I’ll see family, friends and furbabies again. So while I’m scared of death, I am also more scared of how I’ll go.

Long story, you share things with a romantic partner you don’t always with others. At the same time though, this doesn’t always happen.

Realise!

Have you ever realised, in one single moment, what bad friends you have had in your life?lol…I was actually writing a comment on another fellow Bloggers post and was talking about the bad friends I’ve had in my life, and I realised that DAMN. I’ve had a lot of bad friends in my life!lol

When I started to think about it even more, there’s probably about 5-6 people who I would even consider a friend (other than family). Considering I’ve got over 300 “friends” on Facebook. That’s a very small percentage of people I actually consider to be a friend.

Now there’s people I don’t necessarily dislike, but apart from a like here and there, are they really my friend? I’m old enough to know better, that a Facebook “friend” isn’t necessarily a friend. But it was just that moment where I realised, I have had some REALLY bad “friends” in my life. People I actually considered to be a friend, were not a friend at all! The people that I like their stuff here and there, have treated me better than actual friends.

Through various different situations and different friendship type groups, I have pretty much been treated pretty badly for a very long time by “friends”.

Whether it’s not letting me heal properly by sending me long emails telling me I’m wrong. Too suddenly getting dump because a group of guys can only handle being friends with one girl at a time. Too the entire situation with my ex best friends.

Why!?…How does this happen?

Friendship breakups 2 of 2

This is a continuation of my previous post Friendship breakup 1 of 2.

Too me it’s crazy how much my ex-friends have in common with the “Mean Girls” from Mean Girls. There is a definite Regina George to the group. Gretchen is definitely L, always trying to please the ex S Regina in my life, no matter how much she insults her to her face. Then Karen aka A and how vague she always seems to be. You can’t really trust her.

What I didn’t write about in the last post was about what signs you should look out for if you think your friendships are toxic or possibly your friend could be an abuser.

One of the things that I’ve realised now is that especially the “Regina George” of the group can insult you right to your face and you’d think she’s standing up for you. Hindsight is always 20/20. I remember when we had the argument that made me look at her differently. After that argument the Gretchen Wiener of the group decided to do what she always did, post passive aggressive posts about what great friends ‘are’ and I was ‘accidentally’ left out. I was told instead of the Regina and the Karen Smith say “Yes, she shouldn’t have done that” or “I’m sure it was accidental, Gretchen is a really good person, she’d never do something like that on purpose”. They said “That’s just who she is” and Gretchen liked it because she thought they were standing up for her. Notice something though in that quote for quote, something I’ve only just know realised myself now.

• They didn’t say something along the lines of “Gretchen would never do something like that. She’s a good mature adult who considers you a friend”.
• So who just does things like that? Petty, Immature? Nothing flattering anyway.

There are a lot of thing I’m only just starting to realise.

That’s part of the problem with breaking free from any type of toxic or abusive relationship. You don’t always notice the signs or the problem until AFTER. That’s how they get away with it. You don’t realise the backhand  “compliments” or you think they’re standing up for you…when they are actually putting you down or insulting you.

Even when you’re having an argument with them, they place the blame on you and make you feel like you are at fault. They make you think you’re the crazy one. For example, when they attacked me and all I’d get is a “That’s who they are” type speech. When I started to realise how wrong it was, and started to say “I want better than this” all of a sudden I was attacking them and they don’t like to be attacked (like I enjoy it or something?lol).

They try to make you feel crazy and that you are too blame.

Another good example, the big fight that I had with them. I was told that it was my fault we heard bad things about my ex friend boyfriend. When I said how wrong that is, I was told “That’s just how I feel”. Everything they feel, say and do is right and you are just wrong.

 

 

With friends like these…

Sorry, I pressed the Publish button instead of edit!

So, as I was writing before…I was watching an episode…of Friends…The one where Monica does some karaoke singing and the one where Rachel decides to move out from Ross’s with Emma, back to Joeys’.  “The One Where Monica Sings”.

Dismiss the Ross and Rachel thing. Phoebe let Monica keep singing even though the reason the guys are cheering is because they can see Monica’s ho-ahs. Even after she’s done singing Phoebe STILL doesn’t tell her. Then when Chandler comes by Phoebe makes a snarky comment about why the people are enjoying Monica’s singing, but STILL doesn’t say anything. Monica doesn’t even know!

Now, I don’t care that Monica doesn’t care in the end. GOOD friends will tell you even when you have a “nose things” let alone, everyone can see your boobs! GOOD FRIENDS do not make snarky comments, when they don’t even know and YOU haven’t told them!

Just don’t be this “friend!”

I’ve only just started to realise in the last couple of years how horrible these friends are actually to each other,lol.

Let’s be Friends <3

Today is International Friends Day…

From a young age, I always believed that everybody needed a friend. Even the most horrible of us. A real friend wont let you be a horrible person. So yes, everybody needs a friend. When you have good friends, you have everything!

Even though I don’t feel like I have a best friend anymore (other than the obvious) I feel like I have the best friends ever! We all are going through very similar things and I feel like I have become more of myself this year, than any other. I feel more brave and I feel like I’m doing more and this has been a good year for myself. Which is kind of funny considering what happened at the beginning of this year. I feel like my friends are more honest, more real and without a doubt in my mind more kind! I have loved hanging out with you all.

I don’t think you even realise how weird it is for me to say that I enjoy something without a whole barrage of “OMG LAUREN…THAT IS SO BORING AND IT SUCKS!”. It’s just nice…Like SO nice…Even if you don’t agree or like what I do, you don’t tell me how something that is apart of who I am, is boring and stupid…While saying how dare people saying they’re weird for liking Michael Jackson, like completely utterly in love with the guy…It is SO refreshing and so kind! We all like the music and the things we watch, because they are apart of who we are.

Too myself, being a good friend is not necessarily always “being” there for someone else. It’s about being real and honest, when no other person will. It’s not about trying to be the “best” friend…It’s about the best friend possible. It’s got nothing to do with telling someone what they want to hear, it’s about being able to tell them they NEED to hear. Especially if that means you might actually lose them as a friend.

Which is why I consider a lot of people on here, on WordPress, Safari Live and Twitch. a friend. We are so real with each other. We ask each other the tough questions, we ask to question ourselves and see something important from a different point of view. Being friends with someone doesn’t mean being in their pockets 24/7, it means being there when it matters. Not just when it matters for you.

Understanding that sometimes people just can’t be there for you at the moment in time. How they make you feel when they can’t be there for you. This is SO important as a friend. It’s basically impossible for someone to be there 24/7 for others ALL the time. I can’t think of a single person that I have in my life, right now, who makes me feel worse when they can’t be there. THAT’S what friendship is too me. Knowing that if they can’t be there, they don’t make you feel worse.

Would you…or would you not?

I was reading up about how Kim Catrall had at go at SJP sending her condolences about Catrall’s brother. A lot of people came to SJP’s defence. I have to say though and Kim Catrall said it as well

If we are not friends, and it is ABUNDANTLY clear that we are not friends…I would be pretty pissed at someone for sending condolences, especially on a sudden family death. I may not have a go at that person publicly, but I would certainly be pissed! If one of my ex’s friend sent me condolences, I wouldn’t say a word, but I would still be peeved. You should wait and see if the grieving person comes to you first.

Maybe it’s just me though?

New Rule from now until forever!

Beware the Narcissistic Sociopath!

Friendship…Just a perfect friendship?

This was something that I wanted to post forever ago, in the previous year to be exact…But I thought reflecting on my friendships would be better to start off in the New Year.

For me personally, a lot of my friendships have change. Even though I’m 33 now, I finally got to watch my 30th party a couple of weeks ago and it made me realise how much has changed for me friendship wise…How differently I feel from that couple of years ago.

I was thinking and talking about marriage the other day myself and too me bridesmaids are the ones who are supposed to have your back, that’s why they stand behind the Bride. How many friends do you have in your life you can honestly say that you feel you can say this confidently?

I would love to naively say that I would love to have a girlfriend group like Sex and the City. Even though I know it’s a tv show…It seems my little group is nowhere near this. One girl has just basically dumped us for an entirely different group for the last two years. The only time we see her now is when one of the other girls visits us from Interstate. That’s It. This girl that visits us from interstate, a couple of years ago she said that we were growing apart because for some reason she’s the only person I know that’s under the impression that when I’m single I’d rather hear my friends are being abused, then happy. You know what she’s done since then? Nothing. She hasn’t said let’s hang out and chat. She has hang out with our friends partners, more than me. Not only that when we were going through the rough patch, there was another one of our “friends” who started to attack me and all that was said “That’s who she is”…I didn’t feel better.

Now they’re all upset with me because I didn’t tell them I was in the hospital for a night. Well except the one that keeps attacking me of course,lol….And these are supposedly my oldest friends!lol

I want the Romy to my Michele (I am so Michele,lol)

The Fox to my Hound

The Carrie to my Charlotte (I will always be Charlotte too)

The Rose to my Blanche

The Jack to my Karen

The Chandler to my Joey.