Realise!

Have you ever realised, in one single moment, what bad friends you have had in your life?lol…I was actually writing a comment on another fellow Bloggers post and was talking about the bad friends I’ve had in my life, and I realised that DAMN. I’ve had a lot of bad friends in my life!lol

When I started to think about it even more, there’s probably about 5-6 people who I would even consider a friend (other than family). Considering I’ve got over 300 “friends” on Facebook. That’s a very small percentage of people I actually consider to be a friend.

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Now there’s people I don’t necessarily dislike, but apart from a like here and there, are they really my friend? I’m old enough to know better, that a Facebook “friend” isn’t necessarily a friend. But it was just that moment where I realised, I have had some REALLY bad “friends” in my life. People I actually considered to be a friend, were not a friend at all! The people that I like their stuff here and there, have treated me better than actual friends.

Through various different situations and different friendship type groups, I have pretty much been treated pretty badly for a very long time by “friends”.

Whether it’s not letting me heal properly by sending me long emails telling me I’m wrong. Too suddenly getting dump because a group of guys can only handle being friends with one girl at a time. Too the entire situation with my ex best friends.

Why!?…How does this happen?

Friendship breakups 2 of 2

This is a continuation of my previous post Friendship breakup 1 of 2.

Too me it’s crazy how much my ex-friends have in common with the “Mean Girls” from Mean Girls. There is a definite Regina George to the group. Gretchen is definitely L, always trying to please the ex S Regina in my life, no matter how much she insults her to her face. Then Karen aka A and how vague she always seems to be. You can’t really trust her.

What I didn’t write about in the last post was about what signs you should look out for if you think your friendships are toxic or possibly your friend could be an abuser.

One of the things that I’ve realised now is that especially the “Regina George” of the group can insult you right to your face and you’d think she’s standing up for you. Hindsight is always 20/20. I remember when we had the argument that made me look at her differently. After that argument the Gretchen Wiener of the group decided to do what she always did, post passive aggressive posts about what great friends ‘are’ and I was ‘accidentally’ left out. I was told instead of the Regina and the Karen Smith say “Yes, she shouldn’t have done that” or “I’m sure it was accidental, Gretchen is a really good person, she’d never do something like that on purpose”. They said “That’s just who she is” and Gretchen liked it because she thought they were standing up for her. Notice something though in that quote for quote, something I’ve only just know realised myself now.

  • They didn’t say something along the lines of “Gretchen would never do something like that. She’s a good mature adult who considers you a friend”.
  • So who just does things like that? Petty, Immature? Nothing flattering anyway.

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There are a lot of thing I’m only just starting to realise.

That’s part of the problem with breaking free from any type of toxic or abusive relationship. You don’t always notice the signs or the problem until AFTER. That’s how they get away with it. You don’t realise the backhand  “compliments” or you think they’re standing up for you…when they are actually putting you down or insulting you.

Even when you’re having an argument with them, they place the blame on you and make you feel like you are at fault. They make you think you’re the crazy one. For example, when they attacked me and all I’d get is a “That’s who they are” type speech. When I started to realise how wrong it was, and started to say “I want better than this” all of a sudden I was attacking them and they don’t like to be attacked (like I enjoy it or something?lol).

They try to make you feel crazy and that you are too blame.

Another good example, the big fight that I had with them. I was told that it was my fault we heard bad things about my ex friend boyfriend. When I said how wrong that is, I was told “That’s just how I feel”. Everything they feel, say and do is right and you are just wrong.

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With friends like these…

Sorry, I pressed the Publish button instead of edit!

So, as I was writing before…I was watching an episode…of Friends…The one where Monica does some karaoke singing and the one where Rachel decides to move out from Ross’s with Emma, back to Joeys’.  “The One Where Monica Sings”.

Dismiss the Ross and Rachel thing. Phoebe let Monica keep singing even though the reason the guys are cheering is because they can see Monica’s ho-ahs. Even after she’s done singing Phoebe STILL doesn’t tell her. Then when Chandler comes by Phoebe makes a snarky comment about why the people are enjoying Monica’s singing, but STILL doesn’t say anything. Monica doesn’t even know!

Now, I don’t care that Monica doesn’t care in the end. GOOD friends will tell you even when you have a “nose things” let alone, everyone can see your boobs! GOOD FRIENDS do not make snarky comments, when they don’t even know and YOU haven’t told them!

Just don’t be this “friend!”

I’ve only just started to realise in the last couple of years how horrible these friends are actually to each other,lol.

Let’s be Friends <3

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Today is International Friends Day…

From a young age, I always believed that everybody needed a friend. Even the most horrible of us. A real friend wont let you be a horrible person. So yes, everybody needs a friend. When you have good friends, you have everything!

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Even though I don’t feel like I have a best friend anymore (other than the obvious) I feel like I have the best friends ever! We all are going through very similar things and I feel like I have become more of myself this year, than any other. I feel more brave and I feel like I’m doing more and this has been a good year for myself. Which is kind of funny considering what happened at the beginning of this year. I feel like my friends are more honest, more real and without a doubt in my mind more kind! I have loved hanging out with you all.

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I don’t think you even realise how weird it is for me to say that I enjoy something without a whole barrage of “OMG LAUREN…THAT IS SO BORING AND IT SUCKS!”. It’s just nice…Like SO nice…Even if you don’t agree or like what I do, you don’t tell me how something that is apart of who I am, is boring and stupid…While saying how dare people saying they’re weird for liking Michael Jackson, like completely utterly in love with the guy…It is SO refreshing and so kind! We all like the music and the things we watch, because they are apart of who we are.

Too myself, being a good friend is not necessarily always “being” there for someone else. It’s about being real and honest, when no other person will. It’s not about trying to be the “best” friend…It’s about the best friend possible. It’s got nothing to do with telling someone what they want to hear, it’s about being able to tell them they NEED to hear. Especially if that means you might actually lose them as a friend.

Which is why I consider a lot of people on here, on WordPress, Safari Live and Twitch. a friend. We are so real with each other. We ask each other the tough questions, we ask to question ourselves and see something important from a different point of view. Being friends with someone doesn’t mean being in their pockets 24/7, it means being there when it matters. Not just when it matters for you.

Understanding that sometimes people just can’t be there for you at the moment in time. How they make you feel when they can’t be there for you. This is SO important as a friend. It’s basically impossible for someone to be there 24/7 for others ALL the time. I can’t think of a single person that I have in my life, right now, who makes me feel worse when they can’t be there. THAT’S what friendship is too me. Knowing that if they can’t be there, they don’t make you feel worse.

Would you…or would you not?

I was reading up about how Kim Catrall had at go at SJP sending her condolences about Catrall’s brother. A lot of people came to SJP’s defence. I have to say though and Kim Catrall said it as well

If we are not friends, and it is ABUNDANTLY clear that we are not friends…I would be pretty pissed at someone for sending condolences, especially on a sudden family death. I may not have a go at that person publicly, but I would certainly be pissed! If one of my ex’s friend sent me condolences, I wouldn’t say a word, but I would still be peeved. You should wait and see if the grieving person comes to you first.

Maybe it’s just me though?

Friendship…Just a perfect friendship?

This was something that I wanted to post forever ago, in the previous year to be exact…But I thought reflecting on my friendships would be better to start off in the New Year.

For me personally, a lot of my friendships have change. Even though I’m 33 now, I finally got to watch my 30th party a couple of weeks ago and it made me realise how much has changed for me friendship wise…How differently I feel from that couple of years ago.

I was thinking and talking about marriage the other day myself and too me bridesmaids are the ones who are supposed to have your back, that’s why they stand behind the Bride. How many friends do you have in your life you can honestly say that you feel you can say this confidently?

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I would love to naively say that I would love to have a girlfriend group like Sex and the City. Even though I know it’s a tv show…It seems my little group is nowhere near this. One girl has just basically dumped us for an entirely different group for the last two years. The only time we see her now is when one of the other girls visits us from Interstate. That’s It. This girl that visits us from interstate, a couple of years ago she said that we were growing apart because for some reason she’s the only person I know that’s under the impression that when I’m single I’d rather hear my friends are being abused, then happy. You know what she’s done since then? Nothing. She hasn’t said let’s hang out and chat. She has hang out with our friends partners, more than me. Not only that when we were going through the rough patch, there was another one of our “friends” who started to attack me and all that was said “That’s who she is”…I didn’t feel better.

Now they’re all upset with me because I didn’t tell them I was in the hospital for a night. Well except the one that keeps attacking me of course,lol….And these are supposedly my oldest friends!lol

I want the Romy to my Michele (I am so Michele,lol)

The Fox to my Hound

The Carrie to my Charlotte (I will always be Charlotte too)

The Rose to my Blanche

The Jack to my Karen

The Chandler to my Joey.

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Strange Friends

A couple of weeks ago I got a friends request from the weirdest of “friends”, why do people who you are no longer friends with…or were never friends with…Out of the blue, send you a friends request? Especially those ones that you haven’t seen in years, have nothing in common with…or some, who just plain outright bullied/s me/you?

I’d like to tell myself I am JUST that fabulous that people just miss me so much

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… I highly doubt it though.

I did accept the friends request … I figured I just don’t care enough as to why they sent it … I just think it’s really weird, but I like my life now and so don’t need the drama …  and if they are sending me a request to spy for my ex or to get back at my ex … Then they are going to be sorely disappointed…I don’t go on Facebook that much and I am happy in my life to not really care if they’re “spying”, and I am SO boring on Facebook,lol

I had someone who bullied me so badly I could barely keep any food down, and I loooooooooooove food…Send me a request…No message, no apology…I said No to that one…We are not friends…She is dating someone I am friends with, but her and I are not friends…I am definitely not going to accept a “friends” request from someone who attacked me for everything I wrote on my Myspace (showing my age) Whether or not it was directed at her…I do mean EVERYTHING…I’d get 4-5 page emails to tell me what a  “bitch” I was …

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What a weekend!

I promised more posts on the weekend and what a weekend it is turning out to be!…and it’s only Saturday morning…well…as I write this it is =P You will all be getting this in the evening, just because SO much has been happening!

First can I say to anyone who read this and is a Texas reader, though I am sure there are far more important things to worry about than my little blog…I hope you are all safe and that the damage is not too great! I will say that I’m praying for you, because I feel…apart from good hope…it’s all I can do.

Second, it is International Appreciation Dog...My little bundle of fluff, actually had to go to the Vets yesterday and get a few teeth out. She was very sleepy, but she’s doing great. She hasn’t had to go under at the Vets, very often…So there are a lot of nerves whenever she does. Although my little bundle of love isn’t an “official” therapy dog, she has probably been the most helpful when it comes to my anxiety…and she will never even know!

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I refuse to talk about what’s happening in the WH house though. Though a lot is going on. Where does one even begin with that?

The other bad bad news, I have to work tomorrow after only getting one day off and then working for another 5 days…So far looks like I’ll be getting two days off next weekend though =D I need a holiday!

Just walk away

I have usually gotten along better with guys than I do with girls. I don’t know if it’s less drama or they are appear more laid-back, but I had always gotten along better with guys…Until the last few years, where mainly the word S…E…X has gotten in the way, mainly theirs, lol…

I don’t know how, but I’ve been in the situation twice now, where I come along in a new group and think that I have made some new friends and they seem like a lot of fun. Then over the next couple of years, someone else has come along…You know more “exciting” than me, younger than me…I mean I think I look pretty good for 33. However, that’s when things change. I’m suddenly sitting at my birthday all alone, that was pretty horrible…Of course the girls don’t like me, one I have never met, the other I’ve never really hang out with. So over time you just lose “friends” and you don’t even know why…Other than they’re all a bunch of idiots.

The first girl I fought back against, because she was attacking me for no reason. Everything I said, everything I did was “wrong” and a reason to send me 4 page emails about how wrong I was. I’d wake up the next day and another “friend” would be gone. It was probably the most emotionally and mentally draining thing that has ever happened too me.

So, when it started happening again, I didn’t fight, I just walked away and it was probably the best thing that I have ever done for myself. No months of drama or how wrong I was, and I still lost friends and people still walked away.

It has been different this time…

People came back and I got unfriended by people who honestly, I don’t actually like that much too be honest. I stopped getting invited to their parties, but I had better ones to go to and had even better people to spend time with. I had more time to explore and discover where I live instead of going to the same parties, with the same people and the same dramas.

Do I wish that either party would apologise? Of course…The best advice I can give though, if you are in this situation, or something similar…Walk Away…

This applies to every single relationship in your life. Any relationship or any type of relationship, just walk away. There is a reason that this saying is a cliche…

If You Love Someone, Set Them Free. If They Come Back They’re Yours

It’s a true cliche, set them free, if they come back, they were always meant to be apart of your life. If they don’t, they just were not. It really is true and sometimes it can hurt and it can be frustrating because you can’t understand why. I’ve been there so many times “Why, what’s wrong with me?”. There is nothing wrong with you, as my Gran likes to say “They are just not part of your tribe”. It’s true…Most of the people I’ve lost during these situations, there are soooooooo boring, or annoying and they do the same dramas all the time. They just did not “interest” me, I guess you could say. I have never actually lost a really good friend.

Some of these people have come back into my life and they have seriously honestly missed me. The cliche is a cliche for a reason, even though it takes time. It might even take years. They do, the ones who matter, always do.

Walk Away

Have Faith 

Be Happy

And just keep being you