I want to hear about how YOU are going! I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself. I want to hear about the good things in your life.
Tell me, friend…What is at least one positive thing you can tell us that happened to you this week?
friendship
Did I miss it?
I think I did? Did I miss International Friendship Day???
This is for you, fellow bloggers. I feel as close to some of you as I do people in my real life. In fact, sometimes closer. I think that with all honesty, I am a lot more honest on here then I am with a lot of people. Thank you ❤
Ghosted: Love Gone Missing
I don’t normally write about tv shows, unless you know, it’s related to real life. Ghosted: Love Gone Missing is probably one of my most favourite reality tv shows. I didn’t put it in “” because I think it is actually based on reality.
It’s a really good show, and isn’t about your typical “love” stories, it’s mainly around friendship. It might be about romantic relationships, but I have yet to see any. The ones I have seen have all been about relationships.
The basis of the show is one person contacts the show, talking about how one day they were suddenly ghosted by someone. Now “Ghosted” means that you stop talking to someone day, usually someone that you are/were in a close relationship with. The hosts normally try to sus out why that person thinks they were ghosted. They normally can’t think of a reason…
That’s when they try to contact the “Ghoster”. That’s when the actual truth of the matter comes out. I have to yet to see one, where it wasn’t a REALLY good reason.
What makes this show different, is that after a conversation, that both parties get to choose whether or not they want to stay “Ghosted”. So far, I’ve only seen one friendship both say that they want to stay Ghosted, and again, it was a really good reason.
Can ex’s be friends?
I got one!lol
There’s a bit of a funny story that I have with one of my Categories “Single in a small city”. About a month or two after I category I got into my now relationship, haha. A part of me always feels awkward when I write about being single, since I am not.
I am sure that I have written about this before, but my mind has expanded on it since.
I believe you can be friends with an ex, and it’s not even about that if you can be friends were you ever in love. Of course you were! Also depending how serious you were as well, of course you can be! It just doesn’t work out. You don’t usually go into a relationship knowing a person, so after time, you can realise that you’re not just not compatible.
Saying that, as well though, sometimes you might still have feelings and pretending that you don’t. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t be friends with someone who has unrequited feelings for you.
I have a couple of exes that I’m friends with. Two of which I was with them for a while. I don’t think you can be friends straight away, but yeah, I believe you can.
Sometimes an ex can actually be a better friend than a friend friend. During a romantic relationship, and especially if you’re together for a while. You can go through quiet a lot together, that you don’t always with family or friends. Take, as an example, I was shocked to discover that my partner, smart, logical, is terrified of death. He doesn’t want to die. I was shocked by it, because it never occurred to me that he would be scared of death. I know most people are, but … you know what I mean? Because he’s not a spiritual person, he’s like “Once I’m dead, that’s it”. Whereas I believe I’ll see family, friends and furbabies again. So while I’m scared of death, I am also more scared of how I’ll go.
Long story, you share things with a romantic partner you don’t always with others. At the same time though, this doesn’t always happen.
Share Your World 17-19-19
QUESTIONS:
Courtesy of Rory:
Are we losing the art of listening in comparison to simply hearing?
I do believe that most definitely that is true. I have to say I think I’m one of them. It can depend on how I’m feeling as well, if I’m trying to get myself out of an anxiety attack. I may not listen as much, if I don’t really like the person. If it’s a situation, you know where someone just complains and does nothing about their situation? My mum complains a lot about her work, but has never applied for another job and only really says anything to me about it all. A lot of her mangers seems to be borderline treating their employees illegal. Their managers customer service is atrocious as well! People only like talking to my mum and she’s the receptionist, so there’s only so much she can do herself. Even saying that my Mum is still a good listener, hence why people keep wanting to talk to just her.
How often do you openly discuss with friends or here in WP with your readership topics that make you feel uncomfortable or may be taboo or stigma laden?
Not too many people know about my WordPress, my partner does and possibly others do. I actually just had a “real life” friend post a screen shot saying the link to my blog wasn’t working. So people do know about it, but I don’t talk about it. Unless they bring it up of course.
Do you think that these discussions should be freely discussed and written about more?
Too a point, sometimes constantly talking about something can bring you down. But you need to get the awareness out there as well.
Did you have a nickname as a child and if so, what was [or what is it now]?
I used to get called Smiley a lot when I was kid, I always apparently smiled…a lot. The only time I used to cry was when I put in restraints. Who can blame me though! So my baby play pen and when I got older, I hated being in a seat belt. I still do really,lol.
Why is there still ‘stuff’ we simply just don’t understand despite our progressive world?
I don’t think we’re always supposed to understand everything. Otherwise would we be here?
Would you rather double your height or lose half your weight? (In response to last week’s double your weight, half your height query). Thanks Leslie! Suggestion by Leslie – Swot8
I think double my height, I don’t think it’d hurt to be taller. If I lost half my weight, I’d be severely underweight. I’m trying to lose weight, jut not that much,lol
What is your most essential kitchen tool? (Can be a person you know. For the non-cooks in the crowd).
Courtesy of Roger Shipp
https://rogershipp.wordpress.com/2019/09/15/essential-kitchen-tools/
Gratitude Question:
Who is one blogger you really admire and why?
The blogger who I admire most is *drum roll please* BereavedSingleDad
Bereaved Single Dad has to be one of the most positive people I’ve “seen”, when with the things that have happened would break a normal person. I admire them because despite everything you just get the feeling that the ones he loves are never a burden to him. The places himself and his family have seen. His son is a very lucky person, I know far too many people who would have given up.
International Day of Friendship
Friendship Day is a day in mostly Latin American and Asian countries for celebrating friendship. It was first proposed in 1958 in Paraguay as the ‘International Friendship Day’. Amercia did actually start one in the 30’s on August the 2nd by Hallmark. However, it was seen by many to be tacky and just a money making type event, so it faded out. In 2011, it was declared an International Day by the United Nations.
So, what even is friendship?
I guess it depends what friendship means to you. Too some friendship is someone who you meet regularly. Too some friendship may be the family you choose. Too some friends are people who you just do not need, but rather it’s a privilege to be your friend.
Some of us love our friends, some of us have been burnt by our friends. Some of us were burnt and now we’ve recovered and are much better off now. Some of us are making new friends as we speak. Some of us are starting to end friendships as we speak.
What does friendship mean to me?
I honestly don’t even know how to answer my own question. Since being burnt a couple of years ago, I’ve learnt that I only need and want friends in my life, who are actually “friends” to not only myself, but others. It’s one big lesson I learnt, if they’re being nasty and mean about other people being their backs, whats to say they’re not doing it too you? I mean these girls would gossip about each other, how they didn’t agree with something one of the others did. I am pretty sure no one likes one girl, but no one says anything to her about her behavior. So the “circle of hell” continues,lol.
If you are friends to your friends behind their backs, as well as their faces. You are the type of friend I want.
Friendship breakups 2 of 2
This is a continuation of my previous post Friendship breakup 1 of 2.
Too me it’s crazy how much my ex-friends have in common with the “Mean Girls” from Mean Girls. There is a definite Regina George to the group. Gretchen is definitely L, always trying to please the ex S Regina in my life, no matter how much she insults her to her face. Then Karen aka A and how vague she always seems to be. You can’t really trust her.
What I didn’t write about in the last post was about what signs you should look out for if you think your friendships are toxic or possibly your friend could be an abuser.
One of the things that I’ve realised now is that especially the “Regina George” of the group can insult you right to your face and you’d think she’s standing up for you. Hindsight is always 20/20. I remember when we had the argument that made me look at her differently. After that argument the Gretchen Wiener of the group decided to do what she always did, post passive aggressive posts about what great friends ‘are’ and I was ‘accidentally’ left out. I was told instead of the Regina and the Karen Smith say “Yes, she shouldn’t have done that” or “I’m sure it was accidental, Gretchen is a really good person, she’d never do something like that on purpose”. They said “That’s just who she is” and Gretchen liked it because she thought they were standing up for her. Notice something though in that quote for quote, something I’ve only just know realised myself now.
- They didn’t say something along the lines of “Gretchen would never do something like that. She’s a good mature adult who considers you a friend”.
- So who just does things like that? Petty, Immature? Nothing flattering anyway.
There are a lot of thing I’m only just starting to realise.
That’s part of the problem with breaking free from any type of toxic or abusive relationship. You don’t always notice the signs or the problem until AFTER. That’s how they get away with it. You don’t realise the backhand “compliments” or you think they’re standing up for you…when they are actually putting you down or insulting you.
Even when you’re having an argument with them, they place the blame on you and make you feel like you are at fault. They make you think you’re the crazy one. For example, when they attacked me and all I’d get is a “That’s who they are” type speech. When I started to realise how wrong it was, and started to say “I want better than this” all of a sudden I was attacking them and they don’t like to be attacked (like I enjoy it or something?lol).
They try to make you feel crazy and that you are too blame.
Another good example, the big fight that I had with them. I was told that it was my fault we heard bad things about my ex friend boyfriend. When I said how wrong that is, I was told “That’s just how I feel”. Everything they feel, say and do is right and you are just wrong.
Friendship breakups 1 of 2
*So I was going to write a really long post, but I thought that it may bore people to read my point of view. So I’m going to write it in two parts. One talking about a basis of where I’m coming from with friendship break ups. The other will be about how to spot if you’re in a toxic friendship and how to get out of it. Purely from my personal experience*
I was replying to an answer on Quora (Quora is fabulous by the way). Someone asked the question about how do you know when your relationship/partner is toxic. I started off by saying that I think they already knew the answer. Normally I would respond with just that. However, since the other people who answered were about how wonderful their partners are…
I decided to talk about how the hardest, but most toxic relationships I have had trouble letting go of are, which are friendships. Romantic relationships have been much easier for myself to let go of, especially when it’s right. All I needed was one toxic romantic relationship that I hung onto, to realise how I should just let them go.
Why Do People Believe Narcissists Rather Than Their Victims?
The most obvious answer is, this is what Narcissists are really good at. It’s what they do.
For myself, when I wanted to start letting go was when I got into an argument with my now ex-best friend about her on again off again abusive relationship. It didn’t start off as that but it deteriorated. It was when she “slipped” and admitted that the reason we hear about all his abuse was because I was single and when she’s single she doesn’t like hearing how happy we are. That comment was my ah ha moment. It disturbed me to no end, what also disturbed me though was the other two were not disturbed at all that she’s only happy when we’re miserable.
I’ve started to realise that it is possible to have or be in an abusive friendship. We put so much emphasis on romantic relationships that we forget that the relationships that we have the longest can possibly be abusive as well. Family, friendship etc. Every time I’ve heard of what people who are abusers have done to other people, I’ve started to realise that it is extremely possible to have a friend that’s abusive towards you. I mean why not, right? Why think that abusers are only relegated to family and romantic. I’m sure they don’t.
It’s why I think we find it so hard to let go of friendships. Because socially, we’re really only told about abuse is abuse when it’s domestic or romantic. Why not friends?
When you take a look at incidents of manipulation of gas-lighting…I wonder how many of us can relate to a friend who has done this to us?
There is good news though, once you recognise the signs. You then get the choice to leave or stay. I think that is one difference with friendships, once you have decided to leave, you tend to be able too. You’ll probably get gossip and you’ll probably lose friends, but friendships tend to be easier to leave than other types of relationships.
Knowledge is ALWAYS powerful!
Dear Adelaide <3
Dear Adelaide or otherwise known as Radelaide (no, it really is)
We need to talk to you and I…What is going?!
What is this toxicity that I’ve noticed lately. Has it always been there? Have I just never noticed it before? There’s a extremely good chance that off in my own little dream world. With all the love I love putting out there, maybe I was just too blind to see it. Maybe because I’ve been changing, I’m only now realising it?
Adelaide, you are toxic.
You may be smaller than your sisters and brothers, and Sydney maybe the “hip place” for tourists to visit, Melbourne may have a little more variety. You are still so beautiful. Because you are smaller, need for quality over quantity is so much more imperative!
What is with this need lately you seem to have with wanting more friends, rather than the quality of the friendship. What is this toxic goo, that I’ve been noticing spread around Adelaide lately?
I’ve been very happy lately, but so many people who I thought were friends, don’t seem to be around anymore. They’d rather hang out with the people that caused me heartbreak. It seems to be becoming a common theme in Adelaide, I see the friends I do have, being hurt, for no good reason, other than people can. Adelaide it’s not good enough. What is your need to be the ‘most’ popular. Where is the need to just be a good friend?
Where is the need to just be kind to others?
Adelaide, you don’t know what you’re missing! There is NO way you are going to convince me, even though these “adults” choose to be this way, that they are happy.
Adelaide, you keep trying to pass yourselves off as Wednesday Addams, cool, dark, mysterious, clever, and individual…But you’re starting to come across as the “Mean Girls”
With friends like these…
Sorry, I pressed the Publish button instead of edit!
So, as I was writing before…I was watching an episode…of Friends…The one where Monica does some karaoke singing and the one where Rachel decides to move out from Ross’s with Emma, back to Joeys’. “The One Where Monica Sings”.
Dismiss the Ross and Rachel thing. Phoebe let Monica keep singing even though the reason the guys are cheering is because they can see Monica’s ho-ahs. Even after she’s done singing Phoebe STILL doesn’t tell her. Then when Chandler comes by Phoebe makes a snarky comment about why the people are enjoying Monica’s singing, but STILL doesn’t say anything. Monica doesn’t even know!
Now, I don’t care that Monica doesn’t care in the end. GOOD friends will tell you even when you have a “nose things” let alone, everyone can see your boobs! GOOD FRIENDS do not make snarky comments, when they don’t even know and YOU haven’t told them!
Just don’t be this “friend!”
I’ve only just started to realise in the last couple of years how horrible these friends are actually to each other,lol.
Lolsys Library 