Judge for Yourself…(I say yes they can ~.^)
Uploaded by: Stuff Mom Never Told You – HowStuffWorks
Cristen discuss how toxic friendships can be verbally and emotionally abusive and why those relationships probably aren’t worth trying to save.
I have made this entirely different New Years Blog just to express my thanks and gratitude for an entirely different group of people. We’ve gone through a lot together, from difficult technical issues to illnesses, to the death of beloved and favourite animals.
Most of us have never even actually met before, yet we feel loss without one another when one of us hasn’t been around for a while. I would definitely consider all of you to be my friend and good friends at that. Some of you are better friends to me than my friends that I see.
You have all brought so much happiness to my life and gotten me through some really rough days. I don’t know what I would have done with the awesomeness that you have brought to my life.
I raise my glass to you! I’m not sure you know what you’ve done for me, the happy you’ve brought into my life ❤
I had a very Oprah, light-bulb, ah -uh moment over the weekend when I was trying to explain to someone about a past relationship, where it was the room mate who was abusive and bully to me, rather than my partner. However, my partner looked me dead in the face when I finally asked for help after having a shoe flown at my head “Please do something” I kid you not my then partner looked me in the face and said
“You deserve it and you have it coming”
As much as I hate it, and even though I left straight away after that comment, and it’s been years. That comment still stays with me. However, that’s for another post.
I met my “that partner” through mutual friends who were still my friends every after we broke up, but we are pretty much no longer friends. After thinking about it for a while I’ve come to realise that the reason my partners comments have shocked me less and less over the years is because of this group of “friends” It has recently occurred to me why my partner felt that was the best thing he could do. My ex-partner is such a chicken, like he’s definitely a weakling.For him, instead of doing anything, because he “had to live” with this guy, it was just easier to blame me. It’s occurred to me recently the entire group is like that.
I have un-followed all of them on my Facebook and have for nearly the whole year now. I am starting to think of unfriending them in the new year. I have been publicly humiliated because I didn’t want to date someone, I have been told that headbands look stupid on me. Someone told me something disrespectful about their sister and best friend, and yet I wasn’t invited to the party.
I have had my phone yanked out of my hand, checking up on a girlfriend, because that’s being rude and unsociable. Yet, the girl right next to them, was playing on her phone because she’s “bored”, the whole time I was being berated and being put down, she was there, playing on her phone, which is why I initially thought it’d be okay to check up on my girlfriend. That whole situation is an exact representation of my “friendship” with these people. They’ll treat what they think you’re worth. How is that not a form of emotional bullying, borderline psychological abuse?
With it coming up to New Years Eve and with people thinking about who they want to bring in the new year in, who they want to start off the year. Please, REALLY think about it. Think about being your own best friend. Please think about who you really truly believe in your gut who deserves to be with you on a brand new journey.
What do you value most in a friendship?
Oh wow! This is an interesting one for me because I really don’t trust a lot of my friends at the moment. It’s gotten to the point with me it’s becoming more of a regular thing to be let down and realise how little some of my closest friends even know me. How disappointing it is that they can just leave me behind. It’s become such a “norm” for me that it doesn’t even bother me anymore.
So I guess what I value is just someone who wants to even get to know me. You don’t have to agree on everything, but just someone who actually wants to even know me? Does that make any sense at all?
Do you prefer eating the frosting of the cake or the cupcake first? Do you prefer a specific flavor?
My mum is well known for her cups and cupcakes and I love to try and eat both at the same time, but if it’s not possible, I tend to eat the icing first. You have to try Bubblegum flavour, it is amazing!
Have you ever been in a submarine? If you haven’t, would you want to?
No and No…I tend to get claustrophobic and even the thought of being on one freaks me a lot. One of the scariest episodes for me on Doctor Who are all the episodes that are underwater. There was one were they were stuck in a submarine and I can’t watch it.
If 100 people your age were chosen at random, how many do you think you’d find leading a more satisfying life than yours?
I think maybe about 25%. People my age have a tendency to want everything now and yet a lot tend to not want to really work for it. I mean this in different aspects of life, not just employment. The problem with them wanting it all, but not really willingly to look at what may be causing the problems tends to cause a lot of unsatisfied people. Take one of my best friends for example, she is pretty much, well, desperate to get married (not have kids) but just get married. She is so smart and successful in every other part of her life, but it’s not enough for her. She has dated some seriously terrible people. The last guy she date was an abusive ego-centric ass and the ONLY reason she left him for good, was he didn’t want to get married. He wanted to live with her, he was making plans for them to move in together for the rest of their lives, but didn’t want the piece of paper.
Lending a book to a friend and having it returned damaged or not returned at all?
Oh this is a good one! I think not having something returned is worse, especially if they just never mention it ever again. It’s just more of an annoyance for me if they damage it. That’s mainly because though, sometimes things getting damaged just happens, I try not to think that someone would intentionally damage property I’ve lent to them. Never returning it though can make situations very awkward, especially if they never own up to it.
Clearly each situation is different. Myself, personally, I am friends and on good terms with at least 80% of mine. One I just can’t see myself ever being friends with for a variety of reasons and the other one…I just don’t trust him…at all. I don’t think anyone should and you should never have anyone in your life if you don’t trust them, that’s not just for ex’s.
I think it always takes time, for every single one of my ex’s that I haven’t or have ended up being friends with, it took time. That’s one of the things about living in a small city, you tend to bump into people a lot…Or at least you know people who know that person.
What brought this topic you may ask? I was recently on Instagram (I’m mainly on there as a lot of the guides from #safarilive post a lot of pictures on there). There was a picture of a guy who had broken up with his girlfriend (ex) and he wrote a respectful tweet about how they had broken but they still respected each other. And the comments were all about how pathetic they are. It was kind of like they’d prefer him to completely trash her instead? What is actually wrong with people?
Personally I would have loved it if any of my ex’s had spoken about me in a respectful way, instead of stabbing me in the back…Repeatedly.
What about you readers, do you think it’s possible to be friends with an ex?
This is a little different post for “Life Lessons of the Libraries” and I feel like it’s one of the hardest lessons to learn and I am learning it again…For the millionth times.
Sometimes I feel like heartbreak in a romantic relationship is more than a majority of the time, inevitable. The breaking of a friendship though can sometimes be if not just as hard, but sometimes harder than the break down of a romantic relationship. Clearly there are different variables.
I seem to be going through this with some friends who I thought I was really close with. They just seem to have cut themselves off from me and any-time that I plan to meet up with them, they keep cancelling. The biggest insult is when they’ll hang out with people I introduced them too!
I think the hardest things about these situations is you never seen them coming. You think you are really close and then suddenly you are completely blind-sided. Which is why I find friendship breakups really hard, because you very rarely see them coming. Especially when you are getting dumped for a group of people who are just horrible. Case example, Girls brother comes up to me (guys have been dumping me to be with this girl) and I feel uncomfortable talking to her brother about it. Except he says “They only like girls who can’t think for themselves”…That was the last time I saw that group. However, it’s kind of personally insulting to me to be dumped for a group like that -.- Where siblings have no respect for each other.
I have been dealing with this problem over the last couple of months. As a few things have hit me about certain friendships. People who will tag you in those “Friends are like Family” type posts and your first thought “You are so full of it”…The type where you can literally write “I am not okay”, they ignore that (while tagging you in those “posts…Friends that are like Family) then you write how people suck and THAT one they seem to pay attention to and get all offended by?
Like Kenneth I have noticed a trend of people just not listening any-more other than when they want to prove someone wrong. Some people I only ever hear from when they want to tell me that I am doing something wrong…I admit, I tend to ignore these people. This is generally because you can’t just talk to someone and make bold comments on someone’s words, their thoughts and ideas if you are only ever talking to them when it suits you. Positive or Negative. In order to get a full novel of someone’s life, you have to have conservations with that person…Pleasant and Unpleasant.
This was something that occurred to me over the weekend. For anyone who has a Facebook account, on the right hand side of Facebook when you first sign in, it has a “trending bar” (all the latest and most popular news from: entertainment, politics, science, etc).
However a lot of people will only ever read the leading articles headings and not the actual articles and then make these absurd comments in the comments sections. That is exactly what “bad friends” are like. They’ll read a status, listen to someone else but never actually try to “read the article” and come speak with you directly persay. Then they make comments like they know you?