With friends like these…

Sorry, I pressed the Publish button instead of edit!

So, as I was writing before…I was watching an episode…of Friends…The one where Monica does some karaoke singing and the one where Rachel decides to move out from Ross’s with Emma, back to Joeys’.  “The One Where Monica Sings”.

Dismiss the Ross and Rachel thing. Phoebe let Monica keep singing even though the reason the guys are cheering is because they can see Monica’s ho-ahs. Even after she’s done singing Phoebe STILL doesn’t tell her. Then when Chandler comes by Phoebe makes a snarky comment about why the people are enjoying Monica’s singing, but STILL doesn’t say anything. Monica doesn’t even know!

Now, I don’t care that Monica doesn’t care in the end. GOOD friends will tell you even when you have a “nose things” let alone, everyone can see your boobs! GOOD FRIENDS do not make snarky comments, when they don’t even know and YOU haven’t told them!

Just don’t be this “friend!”

I’ve only just started to realise in the last couple of years how horrible these friends are actually to each other,lol.

Let’s be Friends <3

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Today is International Friends Day…

From a young age, I always believed that everybody needed a friend. Even the most horrible of us. A real friend wont let you be a horrible person. So yes, everybody needs a friend. When you have good friends, you have everything!

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Even though I don’t feel like I have a best friend anymore (other than the obvious) I feel like I have the best friends ever! We all are going through very similar things and I feel like I have become more of myself this year, than any other. I feel more brave and I feel like I’m doing more and this has been a good year for myself. Which is kind of funny considering what happened at the beginning of this year. I feel like my friends are more honest, more real and without a doubt in my mind more kind! I have loved hanging out with you all.

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I don’t think you even realise how weird it is for me to say that I enjoy something without a whole barrage of “OMG LAUREN…THAT IS SO BORING AND IT SUCKS!”. It’s just nice…Like SO nice…Even if you don’t agree or like what I do, you don’t tell me how something that is apart of who I am, is boring and stupid…While saying how dare people saying they’re weird for liking Michael Jackson, like completely utterly in love with the guy…It is SO refreshing and so kind! We all like the music and the things we watch, because they are apart of who we are.

Too myself, being a good friend is not necessarily always “being” there for someone else. It’s about being real and honest, when no other person will. It’s not about trying to be the “best” friend…It’s about the best friend possible. It’s got nothing to do with telling someone what they want to hear, it’s about being able to tell them they NEED to hear. Especially if that means you might actually lose them as a friend.

Which is why I consider a lot of people on here, on WordPress, Safari Live and Twitch. a friend. We are so real with each other. We ask each other the tough questions, we ask to question ourselves and see something important from a different point of view. Being friends with someone doesn’t mean being in their pockets 24/7, it means being there when it matters. Not just when it matters for you.

Understanding that sometimes people just can’t be there for you at the moment in time. How they make you feel when they can’t be there for you. This is SO important as a friend. It’s basically impossible for someone to be there 24/7 for others ALL the time. I can’t think of a single person that I have in my life, right now, who makes me feel worse when they can’t be there. THAT’S what friendship is too me. Knowing that if they can’t be there, they don’t make you feel worse.

Would you…or would you not?

I was reading up about how Kim Catrall had at go at SJP sending her condolences about Catrall’s brother. A lot of people came to SJP’s defence. I have to say though and Kim Catrall said it as well

If we are not friends, and it is ABUNDANTLY clear that we are not friends…I would be pretty pissed at someone for sending condolences, especially on a sudden family death. I may not have a go at that person publicly, but I would certainly be pissed! If one of my ex’s friend sent me condolences, I wouldn’t say a word, but I would still be peeved. You should wait and see if the grieving person comes to you first.

Maybe it’s just me though?

Never judge your friends or loved ones by how you think…Never Ever

Now you may be asking why have I placed this under “Single in a small City” category?

I feel like it’s important how you treat your friends when you are single and they are in a relationship.

Your friends are not dating someone to hurt YOU…If they are, then they are pretty terrible friend really.

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(I don’t like Lena Dunham by the way, this is just a really good quote)

I was told a few years ago by a friend that she extremely jealous of us (her “friends”) being happy in relationships when she is single. Which is why she only told us that her boyfriend was abusing her…I was the only one single at the time…This is just a bad way of thinking, this is not a mentally healthy way to be and to think.

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Everybody on this planet walks a different path, very rarely two people will follow the exact same path. How you are when you’re single will be different from how someone else would be single…Which is why you cannot put your thoughts onto somebody else. That’s not fair. Just because my “friend” gets jealous when she’s single and we’re not…Doesn’t mean I’m anything like that. It’s not always about you.

I would hope that my readers are not the type of people who would think this. I can’t imagine why my old friend would have thought I’d be happier to hear that she’s being abused, and since I lived in a different state, there was little I could do. Or that she even had that to talk about in the first place. I don’t think like that, never have.

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My point is, if you are the type of person who gets this jealous…That you’d rather hear your friend is getting abused, than hear that they are happy…Please work on this. This is not healthy. This is not a healthy way to think. There is nothing wrong with being single. There’s no shame to it, embrace it, enjoy the freedoms that come along with it.

Otherwise, you too, could end up with an abuser.

I personally would rather be single for the rest of my life, than someone who is abusive towards me.

Work on this before you get into another relationship.

Strange Friends

A couple of weeks ago I got a friends request from the weirdest of “friends”, why do people who you are no longer friends with…or were never friends with…Out of the blue, send you a friends request? Especially those ones that you haven’t seen in years, have nothing in common with…or some, who just plain outright bullied/s me/you?

I’d like to tell myself I am JUST that fabulous that people just miss me so much

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… I highly doubt it though.

I did accept the friends request … I figured I just don’t care enough as to why they sent it … I just think it’s really weird, but I like my life now and so don’t need the drama …  and if they are sending me a request to spy for my ex or to get back at my ex … Then they are going to be sorely disappointed…I don’t go on Facebook that much and I am happy in my life to not really care if they’re “spying”, and I am SO boring on Facebook,lol

I had someone who bullied me so badly I could barely keep any food down, and I loooooooooooove food…Send me a request…No message, no apology…I said No to that one…We are not friends…She is dating someone I am friends with, but her and I are not friends…I am definitely not going to accept a “friends” request from someone who attacked me for everything I wrote on my Myspace (showing my age) Whether or not it was directed at her…I do mean EVERYTHING…I’d get 4-5 page emails to tell me what a  “bitch” I was …

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Just walk away

I have usually gotten along better with guys than I do with girls. I don’t know if it’s less drama or they are appear more laid-back, but I had always gotten along better with guys…Until the last few years, where mainly the word S…E…X has gotten in the way, mainly theirs, lol…

I don’t know how, but I’ve been in the situation twice now, where I come along in a new group and think that I have made some new friends and they seem like a lot of fun. Then over the next couple of years, someone else has come along…You know more “exciting” than me, younger than me…I mean I think I look pretty good for 33. However, that’s when things change. I’m suddenly sitting at my birthday all alone, that was pretty horrible…Of course the girls don’t like me, one I have never met, the other I’ve never really hang out with. So over time you just lose “friends” and you don’t even know why…Other than they’re all a bunch of idiots.

The first girl I fought back against, because she was attacking me for no reason. Everything I said, everything I did was “wrong” and a reason to send me 4 page emails about how wrong I was. I’d wake up the next day and another “friend” would be gone. It was probably the most emotionally and mentally draining thing that has ever happened too me.

So, when it started happening again, I didn’t fight, I just walked away and it was probably the best thing that I have ever done for myself. No months of drama or how wrong I was, and I still lost friends and people still walked away.

It has been different this time…

People came back and I got unfriended by people who honestly, I don’t actually like that much too be honest. I stopped getting invited to their parties, but I had better ones to go to and had even better people to spend time with. I had more time to explore and discover where I live instead of going to the same parties, with the same people and the same dramas.

Do I wish that either party would apologise? Of course…The best advice I can give though, if you are in this situation, or something similar…Walk Away…

This applies to every single relationship in your life. Any relationship or any type of relationship, just walk away. There is a reason that this saying is a cliche…

If You Love Someone, Set Them Free. If They Come Back They’re Yours

It’s a true cliche, set them free, if they come back, they were always meant to be apart of your life. If they don’t, they just were not. It really is true and sometimes it can hurt and it can be frustrating because you can’t understand why. I’ve been there so many times “Why, what’s wrong with me?”. There is nothing wrong with you, as my Gran likes to say “They are just not part of your tribe”. It’s true…Most of the people I’ve lost during these situations, there are soooooooo boring, or annoying and they do the same dramas all the time. They just did not “interest” me, I guess you could say. I have never actually lost a really good friend.

Some of these people have come back into my life and they have seriously honestly missed me. The cliche is a cliche for a reason, even though it takes time. It might even take years. They do, the ones who matter, always do.

Walk Away

Have Faith 

Be Happy

And just keep being you

A Friend Pt 2

Well I am actually writing this in a word document today, because for some odd reason the letter “R” will not work on my WordPress…Odd, huh?! It’s just randomly working on and off…Just the letter R.

So this post today is supposed to be about another friend who I am grateful for. However, since I made the first post about being grateful for a friend, you’ve probably noticed that I’ve had some serious issues with my friends over the last couple of years. When I wrote Part 1 I talked about people who you wouldn’t necessarily call friends in the traditional sense, but more about people who support me and I them. The live feed that I watch called “Safari Live” I talk to them more than I talk to my friends that I can see any time and the talk is always cheery. Even when the death of a popular animal has occurred, we all understand and how devastating it is too lose one of the animals we watch pretty much daily. There is very few people in my “real life” that could even come close to understanding that.

I’ve also talked previously about how I don’t even think I actually have a “best friend” anymore. So it’s hard to talk about being grateful for a friend, when I’m struggling so much with those particular relationships.

I am really struggling to write anything to be grateful for…Oh this is terrible.

I still can’t think of anything to write,lol

Be your own best friend

These last couple of years have been pretty rough on me, friendship wise. I’ve lost a lot of friends, friendships have changed and I’m came to the conclusion this weekend, that I don’t really have a “best friend”. I thought I did…But I really don’t think I do. I have good friends and close friends and fun friends. I don’t think that I’ve ever really had a “best friend” though.  A couple of years ago the best friends I thought I had completely changed (you can read the start of my changes here from a year ago).

Too break it down, one of my best friends got into an abusive relationship and it was on and off and I got sick of it. I stood up and instead of telling, well if they love each other they should work it out, I told to her to leave. I got hated on for it and that’s when it began. One of my “best friends” started to “accidentally” leave me out of ‘best friend and sister’ posts on Facebook, and then got all upset with me when I told her off. Then the actual girl told me we had grown apart because I was single, she didn’t want to tell me all the good stuff in case I got jealous. When she’s single, she gets jealous of happy couples. Except I have never been like that, shouldn’t my “best friend” of half my life know that? What kind of friend does she think I am anyways, that I’d rather hear about her getting abused, then happy things? Then every time she’s come out here, she seems to see only one of our best friends, out of our “best friend” group. In fact, she has seen one of our best friends partners one on one, more than me.

I think the thing that worries me most, is that I’m not even sad about it. It’s just feels like one less responsibility and less person you owe something too, or in this case three people. Have I become so cynical and heartless? As I have been slowly taking myself out. It’s been kind of nice too to take myself out of these groups, nice and slowly. As every time something happens and I am hanging out with them, all I can think “Why does nothing change” and also “How stupid are these people?”.

Not being ‘stuck’ in a group has also meant I have had more time to get out there and discover things I am interested in and meet new people. These included having more time to write a Blog, or the stories I am currently working on. I also go for longer walks with my dog. I can go off and explore things around the neighbourhood when I want, I have more time for crafting stuff. I don’t know if it is also because I have a good boyfriend who I can muck about it and he has been a better friend than they have. Maybe that’s also why it’s been so easy?

I feel like I get do things that I want to do, I can go to places I want too, eat at places I want to, shop where I want too and not feel like I’m being dragged along, or dragging someone else along too.

Sorry, I think that this post is a bit all over the place.

Are any of you in the same situation though? Do you feel like without those people in your life, you are actually alright as well? Do you feel like you should be missing them, but you are hey okay without them?

What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man

LONG POST INCOMING! Once I started I couldn’t stop!lol

I also feel like I need a disclaimer here: *I like guys, I really do, some of my favourite people in the whole wide world are guys. Sometimes I prefer them over other girls. They can be just so much more fun than women. With both genders though, there are people within BOTH genders who make it very difficult for the rest of us. This post is NOT a “guys are jerks” post. As a straight girl though, this is what I have come up against…a lot. This is from my perspective.

I had an incident a few years ago that every now and then comes up for me and it still irritates me SO much. For two main reasons:

  1. I was tagged in a quote I have never actually even said. I own who I date and I don’t think all guys are jerks because I’ve dated a couple of jerks. Some of ex’s are even nice people as well, and they are good people. We broke up because they love wasn’t there anymore, or it was just never there. A lot of my ex’s are very charismatic and since I’m a shy person, I found them hypnotic almost. You know that saying about opposites attract? Either way I have never said it.
  2. If you’re going to tag me in something publicly on Facebook, you could at least have the courtesy to have…I don’t know…An adult conversation with me about why I had a one night stand, not that it’s even actually your business. Especially after I’ve turned you down 3 times. I really don’t appreciate having strange guys attacking me. While, ironically, in the quote, you call yourself a “Good Guy”. For future reference a good guy would NEVER get his friends to bully you into dating him.

Also though, to tag me in a post saying that calls all the other guys I have dated are jerks, is not just an insult for me, but some of my ex’s as well. I am actually good friends with a couple of my ex’s. You are attacking good people, who are good friends of mine. So be careful.

Personally, I don’t know what exactly they were trying to achieve and I clearly made the RIGHT decision, by making a personal vow to myself to never date anyone from this group, even before this happened …

Clearly the best decision I have ever made for myself!

Every time this situation comes up for me though, or when I think about it. I get so annoyed about it because I’ve had, one too many times, been attacked by a “good guy” when they’ve actually been complete douchebags. It’s something I want to know, what makes these guys think they’re goods guys WHILE attacking girls/women, sometimes they don’t even know? If girls are not dating you for the “jocks” ever thought, it might just actually be you? Just like the girls who go after the “bad ones” … Especially when I see SO many guys fawning over “mean girls” and girls that are constantly cheating on them, or using them. I have lost guys as friends AFTER they have broken up with their ex’s, who constantly cheated on them, because they are allowing the girl to still use them…I didn’t want to see them get used anymore, and not find a good partner, and I lost them as friend…They always come back though,lol

It goes both ways…It always has…I don’t know if you’ve noticed…

human-world-disney

BUT

You are NOT going to get the person you want, by attacking them and getting your “friends” to gang up on them either. (That’s just a general world lesson too).

Now I am actually going to get to the topic…A long way to come!

What makes a good guy a good guy, or what makes a man to you?

Too some of my “good guy” friends they all have the same characteristics. Beard, play the same guys, same music, do the same activities, give themselves all Superhero nicknames…Pretty much all the same. They think along the lines more of “Well there are 20 other guys who are doing the same thing, so it must be alright” -.- In a small town that can be toxic!

Too me a “real man” has values, has a backbone that he sticks too. They don’t change their values according to which girl (or guy) they want to have sex with more. They will actually grab themselves by their family jewels and have a conversation with me. Rather than just attack me on Facebook in a quote I have never said.

Some of the BEST  and good men I know wear dresses

 They’ve had to fight and have had to be brave to come out, so they just “get it”. They get to be real, they get to just be themselves and never to lower themselves.

amelia-bloomheart

Number 7

Number 7. A Friend Part…1

Uhh…So this is an interesting one for me because when I first saw the grateful challenge, I actually took a bit of a stumble. At first no one specific popped into my mind. Which clearly sounds terrible because it sounds like I have no friends, which isn’t even true at all. I have a lot, however, the last couple of years my friendships have taken some up’s and downs. Even though they may not realise what they’ve done, or what how much they made an impact. Too me, I’ve felt a little friendless lately. I don’t really trust a lot of my friends anymore. Some I’ve accepted that they will probably never been someone I can trust with my deepest darkest secrets with, but I can still have fun with them.

 For the most part I enjoy being friends with my friends.

When I started to think about it though there is one group in particular that I actually really enjoy chatting with, I look forward to sitting down and chatting with. I just wish that we could actually all meet up! Not have everyone so far away. I would definitely call my Safari Live friends…Well…Friends…We talk pretty much every single day and we are all friends one each other Facebooks and Twitter accounts, as well as having our own little Facebook group. When I think about it, they are one of the main reasons I keep coming back to Facebook. Just so I can see their screen shots of the days safari and chat about it.

So, rather than one friends…I decided to pick a whole group of people and just writing about them, makes me so happy.