I feel like this past week I’ve had too take steps and push forward.
The hardest thing to do is to take that first step forward. It can be the first step towards everything, sometimes just getting out of bed, can be that little push forward.
Sometimes it can be really hard to tell ourselves to move and push ourselves forward. All of us, here, are going somewhere and probably going somewhere different from the people round us.
It is great to have people around us who can help to support us in our endeavors. Ultimately, this is our life and it is our destiny.
Push for the positivity,
Push for the positive thoughts,
Push, knowing that you can do it!
Push, knowing that you can overcome!
Complete this sentence: I’m looking forward to….
the rest of 2018…After the start to 2018, I feel like it can only go up…right? I have the opportunity now to do something else with my life. Not panic and look at doing the things I’ve been putting on in the background and bring them to the front!
What is your favorite comfort snack food?
- Nacho Cheese Doritos
- Chocolate chip cookies
- Yogo Yoghurt
- Chicken flavoured Twisties
My favourite comfort snack food can also be dependent on what I need to be comforted about.
What was one of your first moneymaking jobs (other than babysitting or newspaper delivery)?
My first paying job was a call centre operator, and I never want to go back to that! I am serious, I would rather strip than go back to that!lol…People over the phone can be so nasty!
What inspired you or what did you appreciate this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
I went back to work this week. I haven’t been to work since I had my panic attack. The morning, I was a little wobbly…but as the day progressed I became better. My brain is inspiring me this week =D
33. Something you look forward too
I wish that I could honestly say that I wish I knew! There just seems to be very little to look forward too. I am trying REALLY hard, but I’ve had a horrible week. Without too much help or helpful words either. I keep getting horrible work shifts and I don’t understand why, and nothing much else to look forward too, other than working…terrible shifts…It’s really quiet depressing. I ended up saying no to a work shift because I was sick of getting certain ones and then just to be asked to do another horrible one -.- All people can say is “get your licence”…How is that helpful?! Even if I went and got my “L’s” tomorrow, I STILL CAN’T DRIVE BY MYSELF. Since they have all said they are not teaching me, it’s a pretty pointless thing to say. It is UNHELPFUL…I’m getting annoyed just writing all this,lol.
So quiet honestly, I pretty much have nothing to look forward too. No parties coming up, no events, nothing.
I have this friend…She’s what a lot of people who would call her “desperate” in terms of she REALLY wants to be in a relationship and because of that she has made some terrible choices. One of which was on and off and is, what I thought at the moment, off and had been for nearly a year. However, recently I’ve discovered through all her talk and Facebook statuses about not being able to move on and blah, blah, blah…I recently discovered she STILL texts him all the time and goes out with him on the weekend. I thought she was just hanging out with some friends and some of his family members…but now I’ve discovered, apparently, him too. Which was made apparent when she posted a photo with him…Which neither any of our friends liked.
Which part of this is her moving on, if she is still apart of his life in every single way?
It’s a mindset I just do not understand.
She’s not the only person I know who does it to an extreme either. I have a family member who doesn’t speak to pretty much all her family members except for one. Even then she only started speaking to her recently. Some she stopped speaking with for good reasons, but others are really stupid. For example, one of her brothers didn’t want to come to a party because he had just had a break down. BUT she has a friend who has taken tens of thousands of her dollars and retirement fund, not paying a single cent back for nearly two years, but gets hurt when they don’t want to hang out with her? Yet she keeps telling us that she’s moved on from all the other family members and she doesn’t care what they do or about their lives…YET AGAIN…She constantly stalks their Facebook and is always telling me or asking me about things on their Facebook. Things I haven’t seen because I am not stalking their profiles…But you know…She doesn’t care.
When I’ve had to let go of people, I admit, the first few months I am genuinely curious what is going in and I may go see their social media pages, depending on my mood. However, at some point I stop. I had once ex who I couldn’t even be in a pub or club with and I didn’t keep hanging out with their families and I have my own friends.
These are some things that I do when I want to move on:
- I will un-follow people to being with and then after time I might even unfriend and block them.
- If I block them I will always write to them beforehand why I’m doing that.
- I try to distance myself for a little while from any mutual friends we have. I find that people who genuinely wanted to be friends with you, will stick around.
- I will block their number from my phone and delete it. If I need there are other ways I can contact them most of the time.
Maybe not the best way to set up a Monday, but I felt like it was a point that I wanted to talk about, of something that happened to me over the weekend. I felt like I had taken a huge step back.
*Just warning…If you do suffer from a anxiety and you’re having a bad day, this post may not be for you today. Even though there is a positive message behind it. I don’t want to be responsible for any triggering.*
Friday morning i had the day off of work and with how well I had been on Thursday, I had decided to head out and do some shopping on the Friday morning. Lately I have been ordering pretty much everything online, because I don’t know how I am going to be from one day to the other.
Taking you back to last year, after an traumatic incident, I have developed an, well I think, a really odd form of anxiety. Too break it down, because someone, who will remain nameless at this point, decided that no, they could not pull over (even though we went past a McDonald’s, a gas station AND a public toilet) and let me out to get to a toilet. I spent 20 minutes basically trapped in a car, actually NEEDING to get out. After the person had left me hanging all day while I drunk tea all day and no food. We were supposed to go clothes shopping, but they had to do some things in the morning. Which was fine, but once it got to 3pm, I was starting to get annoyed. I didn’t know if we were eating, was I supposed to eat first. I was actually in the middle of a text to let them not to bother, when they finally showed up. Our clothes stores close at 5pm on the weekend.
So giving that they finally turned up, we basically run out of the door, which was a bad idea. I didn’t go to the toilet before we left and I had been drinking all day, to fill my stomach. I had been filling my bladder instead.Since then whenever I am in a car, or travelling. I get anxious and feel like I need to get to a toilet badly. I have been getting better with help of hypnotherapy.
I was actually getting better, until a couple of weeks ago. I had one bad night, where I don’t even know what happened, but my stomach hurt and I just had to go. Then it feels like it’s gotten worse, with a rare good day here and there, and just this Friday morning I nearly ended up crying in a shopping mall. It was horrible and I hate it.
I felt SO fed up, I’m tired of fighting it because it’s feels so stupid. When I do go, even in the woes of panic, nothing happens…I can’t even begin to tell you how frustrating it is, how tiring it is. I can’t just do things on a whim and even when I plan things, it still doesn’t always work out. I’m alright coming back and forth from work and sometimes travelling to my partners house I do really well.
Then I have mornings like I did Friday…
I try not to be too hard on myself, I’m doing well every well else, just more necessarily when I have a “duty”.
That’s the whole thing though, I am so tired of it, that I now have a plan. I had stopped doing all the things that had helped when I started to get better, because I swear just that one bad moment has seemingly ruined it all.
- So instead of doing it once a week, like I was before. I’m not going to be mediating and listening to my hypnosis tapes, at LEAST every second day. Definitely the night before long trips.
- I have to promise to myself to not be so hard on myself.
- When I go shopping by myself, if I need to leave, then I need to leave…It’s alright
- I have to start walking my dog again, because that was what honestly what started to heal me before. Whether that be a 5 minute walk or a 30 minute walk, I handle what I can handle. That’s what I used to do before. The walks got longer and longer over time.
- No coffee before long drives.
- Mostly, it’s okay to admit I am not okay, but I will be. I am not going to let this defeat me.
- Trying to figure out a way to calm my mind down before I get into a car, especially with those unexpected trips.
I would actually really like any ideas, or any suggestions about any of the above, or if you want to share…Please feel free…No judgement!
As I write this I am having a pretty sad day, so I thought that I would write something that would cheer me up a lot and that is to write about things I have to look forward too this year. Whether that be they are GOING to happen or I just WANT them to happen. Sometimes I feel like having something to look forward too. even if it’s far in the future, I always find something to look forward to cheers me up. After all, time can sneak up really fast! So I have come up with a little list of what I have to look forward to this year:
- Travelling to Melbourne and not just to see my brother for his birthday (since his birthday smack bang in the middle of Winter).
- Take some serious looking into doing a “side business” even if it’s something tiny. See, I am incredibly bad at believing in myself.
- Move in with my partner.
- Getting a job with PERMANENT hours, no more casual work.
- Do more writing…By that I don’t mean with my Blogging, I love to write Fiction stories, even if none of them get published. I have so many ideas in my head.
- Going to Sydney at some point this year.
- Instead of having a birthday party, looking into hosting a Winter Solstice party and what that might entail. They sound like fun!
- This may not be *fun* but I want to start eating healthy and doing some sort of exercise and some exercise I’ll stick with. I’m not overweight BUT since I hurt my leg a couple of year ago I have gotten lazy.
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What is the perfect pizza?
Without a doubt, when I’m in a hungry mood…or have had a few, I love myself a Domino double bacon cheeseburger…It is amazing! However when I want to feel a bit more “healthier”…As healthy as non-vegetarian pizza can be…I will have a Hawaiian type Pizza.
What is your favorite time of day?
Definitely that time of the day, when you’ve finally relaxed and not actually thinking. Just after you’ve made dinner and you’re sitting down to watch your favourite program.
Show us two of your favorites photographs? The photos can be from anytime in your life span. Explain why they are your favorite.
Only two?! I especially like the photos from when I was younger, but also all of my fur and feather babies.
Complete this sentence: I’m looking forward to….
Spending any time at all with my partner this weekend. He’s been on holidays for the past two weeks and we’ve spent little time together. Due to other people, which is funny because everyone has a go at as not spending enough time together.
So no more talking about ex’s…Except in terms of my “Single in a small city” page, even though, it will be at a minimum and only when it’s NEEDED!
I think the best piece of advice that I could give anyone is to believe in yourself the most. Everyone is going to give you those cliché type pieces of posts, but only you know what you truly need. I can’t tell you how many people would tell me that I was moving far to slowly with my new partner. I didn’t just break up with my ex, but I also was in a new job at a high pressure time. So I didn’t always want to go out.
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Delta Goodrem’s official music video for ‘Sitting On Top Of The World’. Click to listen to Delta Goodrem on Spotify:http://smarturl.it/DeltaGSpotify?IQid…