Forgive Yourself <3

Forgive Yourself – Nurture Thursday

The greatest lesson in life is not to love and be loved in return…

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As you can never make someone love you in return. 

The greatest lesson you’ll ever learn to forgive yourself and there, in turn, love yourself. 

Look in that mirror…Right now…

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Wanna be my friend?

I get asked a lot would I be friends with my ex friends if they came and apologised too me. My answer is always going to be a “Oh Hell No”.

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It’s not that I haven’t forgiven them, I have. It’s not only because I don’t think they ever would anyways. It’s more that when I think about it. I’ve come to realise that they were never my friends to begin with. That is sad to a girl, who even when I was little. At Christmas time I would make sure that all the decorations (that weren’t baubles) had to have someone else because “Everyone needs a friend” and the sad conclusion that I came too where I realised I’ve never actually had a best friend.

As sad as that it is and too much like a Robin Williams quote. It’s true and I’m fine with that. I just don’t want people in my life, who make me realise that ever again in my life.

I deserve better than that.

I do miss having a best friend, in the “traditional sense”. When my partner saw that I had written that I didn’t have a best friend, he got really upset with me. I think it actually hurt him. I think he knows now what I meant…I hope so! But I think you know what I mean? I can hardly talk to him about any of my dream weddings plans!lol

Forgive…Or just don’t care?

That is the question…

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I was just randomly thinking about this…and my current situation with some people.

My Mum has always said that the opposite to love is not hate, it’s indifference..and I agree with her.

I was talking about my situation with a few people and they said “I’ll bet it takes you a while to forgive them” and the thing is…I already had…the next day….I thought to myself I think a lot of it had to do with simple the fact, I just had stop caring.

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I was more shocked that not one of them mentioned that I had ended up in hospital and not a single one of them mentioned that they were glad to hear that I was alright.

However, that was just even more proof too me…It was always about them…Hindsight and all that…I have been more upset about losing jerks of ex’s.

But had I forgiven them so quickly, because I just did not care anymore?

So if you just don’t plain care anymore, is that the same as forgiveness? Or is it just easier to forgive because you don’t care either way.

The Grudge

I had an interesting conversation with a friend over the weekend and it made me think how people will view grudges differently, depending on which side you are on That’s not too say that everyone is like this, after all we all experience things in different ways.

Let me explain…

Very recently both my friend and I both had people from our past that sent us friends on request on Facebook. Both people had been very cruel to both of us, for no good reasons. They both sent us a friends request with no message, apology or reasons why they felt like we should be “Facebook friends” and we both said no. One of us then heard about how their ex-friend was telling everybody how my friend was holding onto a grudge, and I was told “it’s in the past, why can’t I just let it go”.

I also have been in a situation where someone who used to bully me in primary school, wrote a message to me on Facebook and apologised. I accepted their friends request and I do not have one single regret.

I am a big believer in letting things go and forgiving people…not for them, but for yourself. Both of us can honestly say that we hold no grudge or even ill-will towards these people. We just don’t think we have to be friends with everybody. Clearly, the fact also that these people can’t even understand and instead of sending us a message to ask us “Why”, they decided to talk about it with everybody else, except for us. Which to both of us, shows us that really nothing has changed.

So, how about yourself, do you hold onto grudges?Are you good at letting things go? Do you believe some people will just never change? Have you ever been in a similar situation and what did you do?

Blog Block

I am having a serious “Blog Block” today, I’ve been trying to look at all the new articles and things around social media sites to get inspired … and nothing. I put it down to a very long work week (we’re currently at one of our busy periods of the year).

So even as I am writing this I am thinking of conversation I had yesterday and I say that “I forgive myself”. I’ve made a promise to myself that I am going to start relaxing and worrying less, after I meet with a naturopath and they told that I had more stress than a Wall Street Executive.

Any-ways, the conversation that I was having with my new friend and one of things we know do is before bed is we say “I forgive myself”. It’s amazing how amazingly well it helps me fall asleep now. I would definitely recommend everybody try it for three nights in a row (everything seems to happen in threes) and let me know the results!

(p.s. the reason for my Buddhism tag is because, according to my friend, it was Buddhism idea).

I didn’t expect this…

I’ve only been on the online dating site for a couple of days and I already have two guys that I’m interested in and they seem interested in me too…

In the moments though when I am not talking to them and those silent few minutes before I asleep. I am suddenly reminded of the heartbreak that I have only recently endured and it comes all flooding back to me and then I am paralysed again by fear and I just want to go back to the beginning of the year and start all over again.

I don’t want to feel like this any-more, I want to be happy, I don’t want to be sad. It is easy to forgive, it’s hard to forget. I wish that there was someone who could just give me one big hug and tell me that it was all going to be okay and for once be able to believe it myself.

And that’s the end of that chapter (Credit: Homer Simpson)

It’s time to say goodbye,
It’s time to turn the page over and start anew.

It’s time to forget and move on,
It’s time to make you a fictional nightmare that will never happen again.

“I want to forgive you and I want to forget you”.

…And I will…You treated me like my life didn’t matter, I think it’s fair I treat like you never existed.

You were the worst mistake I have ever made and will never make again,
You taught me so much that was wrong.

Why…WHY can’t I just have one knight in shining armor, it is all that I have ever wanted,
Why do I keep the douche-bags wrapped up in aluminium instead?
Why is it only me they ever treat like the dirt beneath their feet.

I am tired of you making me feel like there is something wrong with me,
When it’s YOU who should be feeling like this, not me.

I will not allow you or any other “man” make me feel like this again,
I want to shine in the sun, where I belong.

“To live would be an awfully big adventure”

Published on 16 Jul 2012

S10E13

Random Thoughts…

I am at a school and I am in a prime spot in the Library to watch all the cars and people outside go by and since here it’s the beginning of Spring, you can probably guess that I am not actually doing any of the school work that I came in too do. Instead here I am, thinking about you…

I can’t help it I let my mind drift off and think about you and what you might be doing right now. It’s such a gorgeous day and I’m sitting here wondering if you’ve finished work yet, are you even at work, or are you wrapped up lying on some grass having a picnic somewhere with some another girl. I can’t forgive for how you’ve treated me after everything, but I can’t stop thinking about you either. About everything that could and probably would have been…and how we would have never have wasted a day like today.

I don’t want you back and yet I miss so incredibly much that it still saddens my every waking moment and although the nightmares have seemed to have stopped. I still have that 5 minutes before I fall asleep where I still think of you and everything that we could have been. I miss you with every beat of my heart and yet there’s just no way that I could tell you or let you back into my life.

I look really pretty today, I can tell by the way the guys are staring at me, but I hate it when they do it…Don’t they know I’m yours? Oh wait…No, I’m not. Well the sun seems to be going down and it’s getting darker, so I guess that I should thinking about you and my thoughts become as dark as the evening that is coming.

I miss you ❤

Day 14 – 21 Single Womans Blogging Challenge!

So here is my third instalment of my Blogging Challenge…I can’t believe that I am already up to the third week! January is nearly already gone…Damn!

15)   Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc.) What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?

Well there are so many people that I wish that I could do this with question! Especially since this is the year that I’m trying to get the toxic people out of my life. The thing is I don’t want to take them out, I never ever do. I have a Disney type view on the world in these matters. As I say though I am the most idealist realist you’ll ever met. I am always willingly to forgive and have people back in my life, as long as I believe that they are genuine in their apologises. I may need time, but I always want people back in my life…I’ll always make room again. You can forgive some, but you do not need them back in your life.

I wish all the time that I could have my Great Grand-Father back, and there are so many conversations with him I wish that I could have that I wouldn’t know what to start!  About me, friendships, my life, career…He was an extremely inspirational person in my life.

16)   If you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?

  • Doctor Who memorabilia and most likely with my fan letter to Matt Smith.
  • Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit memorabilia
  • The group photo of when my family went on our family vacation
  • A picture of my doggies
  • A copy of my Library Studies certificate
  • Probably one of my rockabilly dresses
  • One of my favourite candles
  • A recipe of Lasagne

17)   What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?

I am what is better known as an “Agonistic”. Meaning I don’t necessarily believe in a God, but I believe in other spiritual worlds. I do believe in Guardian spirits/angels, psychics etc. I do however love what the Dali Lama and what the Buddhist stands for. I also do Reiki.

So far with the Reiki/Tarot part of my life, my ex’s haven’t been judgmental of my life. It’s something that I do not force down their throats and so far they have been extremely open minded to it and one of them even asked me to do Reiki on him a few times. So when I am looking for a partner, they don’t have to believe in it themselves, they do have to be respectful that I do it and will continue to do so.

18)   If you could have a conversation with yourself in high school, what would you say? 

To believe more in myself! Take the trip to America it will change your life. Start studying Library Studies and not to wait till later! The right man is going to come along, so don’t worry about it even if it take years and too always remember that family is here for you no matter what.

19)   What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?

I think a lot of people are deceived by my sunny like nature. I’ve always been of the thought that if you haven’t done anything wrong to me. Why do I think I have the right to be nasty and bitchy just because I woke up like that? I know a LOT of girls who will literally say “I woke up in a bad mood, so I am going to be a bitch all day today”. So a lot of people think I am pretty much a walk over, which is completely not the case at all! I can easily kick people’s butts! Then they’re shocked I can stand up for myself.

20)   Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it

Well in case most people haven’t heard, it was definitely my last break up. Ironically it was the shortest relationship I’ve ever had too because I knew something was off, couldn’t figure out what it was until we broke up,lol.

However, I can say that I have learnt the most from it. No more toxic people, I can’t just put up with stuff anymore. I have been doing a lot more things that I was previously afraid to and I do things because I want too and not give a stuff what others thinks. It has been amazing! I’ve been having a lot more fun than any other time in my life and I am doing things that are proving to be extremely positive!

21)   How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network?

Ahhh…Well I have never done anything like that before. I guess the best kind of show I could pitch si a lady coming towards the end of her 20’s. No kids, no marriage and he quest as she enters her thirties looking for personal fulfilment. How is it to be a single women in her 30’s in this day and age?

No idea about the network, maybe the Lifestyle channel? No idea,lol

Once again if you want to learn more please check out: http://thesinglewoman.net/2013/10/04/the-single-womans-30-day-blogging-challenge/