Are You Okay? No…Really…Are you?

Just to start off with, I do really love the whole idea of the “R U Okay” day (which is an Australian depression awareness day). I think it’s great to see so many people getting into it and asking people on their Facebook, Social Media sites “asking” people “R U Okay”.

Find out more about R U Okay day (from Australia).

The only problem I have with this idea is that as someone who suffers from depression, I don’t necessarily open up to someone who just asks me “Are you okay?”. I’m not sure about others, but a lot of people (myself included) when we are in the time of being depressed, I have SUCH a hard time telling anybody anything. Then what about the other 364 days of the year? I never heard anyone talk about it again. Plus people tend to say it on their wall, or post some link and that’s it.

I literally woke up letting people know that I had an extremely bad night, full of nightmares and tears…Only one person asked me “R U okay”…So as far as I am concerned, the whole day was a failure. Then people went to posting cute animals videos and posting political links that no one really cares about. In fact the best responses I got today was on my status on how great Lasagne is =S So even on a day dedicated to making sure people are okay, writing two different statuses only the positive one got any responses…What does that say?

So even if you felt like “R U Okay” is a bit of a let down (like me). I think anyway to promote awareness of depression and suicidal issues can only ever been a good thing. I repeatedly tell people that I am always here day or night. I don’t need one day to tell people that.

Published on 16 Jun 2012

Michael Jackson- Smooth Criminal, The King of POP

Getting ready…

Take a deep breathe,
Look at the phone,
Nope…No change,
Look in the mirror and roll my eyes at myself…(why would he call)

Tried to take the shower,
But the hot water hasn’t scaled the pain buried deep inside away,
Look at myself in the mirror again,
A million thoughts of how this night will probably turn out.

Look at the phone,
Nope…No change,
Step by step I put the shell on, already to defend myself,
The shell that the rest of the world will call a dress and make-up.

Check my phone again..Nope, no change,
I guess it’s time to accept that I have to go out,
Take that first step out into the horde,
The horde that is single life.

 

newgirls

 

Last Friday Night…

Take me back to last Friday night,
where I was yours
And you were mine,
For that final time, though neither of us knew.

You’ve only just left,
My heart has never wanted you more,
Turn back around that corner,
Please don’t let me watch you drive away.

I don’t want you to go,
Please don’t go,
Please come back,
Take me back to Friday night…

I miss you, you don’t even know and I can’t tell you, not a bit, not a little bit…Not at all ❤

 

Seldomly the right thing…

The quote for this week isn’t actually from a well known author or a well known character…This is a quote that I thought of a couple of days ago while I was volunteering and it just resonated with my situation this week =)

“Very seldom does the right thing to do, feel like the right thing to do, and is usually the very last thing that you want to do”

Author – Lolsys Library 2014

Odd one out…

Last night my best friend came in from Interstate. I have about three female best friends and ironically I could probably pick a “Sex in the City” character for each one of us (I would be the Charlotte in the group…but probably more after being influenced by Samantha). The interesting thing about my little groups of girlfriend is…I am the only single one.

Last night was fun and we talked and giggled a lot, but it was hard to hear about the problems they were having, especially when their guys are completely nuts about them. They are mostly things that they knew could be an issue later. I think that’s the hardest thing about being single, especially when you are the only one, is listening to how bad a friends relationships is, when it really isn’t and that they knew this issue would be coming up later.

I would LOVE a man who was devoted to me, who had my back, who talked to me, who tried to cheer me up when I am down. I have always had the opposite in my life. I have always had the guy who never had my back, including watching me get bullied mentally and physically by his roommate, the one who’d rather play a computer game then take care of me the night my grandfather dies, would rather spend Valentine’s Day with his friends than me.

I don’t get into relationships a lot, in fact, after 30 years I have only been in three relationships. My main problem is once I find that guy, I jump right in, and instead of letting it build up slowly and making sure that I am not falling for a façade. Except if I knew about a major issue, like children, marriage, career plans are likely to become an issue later I would never get into that relationship. I seem to find a lot that I am the only one like that. A lot of girls will get into a relationship to be in a relationship and that’s when the problems start.

True, I have nights where I feel so alone that I hold onto that pillow like I never have before…but I also know that one of the worst feelings in this world is feeling completely alone while you have someone lying right next to you.

Am I the only one who might WANT a relationship, but don’t feel like I NEED one? Am I the only odd one out…I would rather be alone, than feel alone.