Music Appreciation

As I mentioned before in one of my recent posts “Blog Block” I have this thing for music when it comes to mood. Music, for me, is almost like a mood ring…You can tell how I’m feeling by the music I listen too.

“Jared Leto – Some people believe in God, I believe in music. Some people pray, I turn up the radio”. 

So I thought that I would make up a list of the general songs I listen to, depending on my mood, please feel free to share this list or tag other people in the list.

  1. Creative Block: Anything Celtic sounding
  2. Angry: Anything by AC/DC…Anything metal or rock
  3. Happy: (This may be a cliche) “Happy” by Pharell Williams
  4. Getting ready for fun/party/dancing: “Uptown Funk” by Bruno Mars and Mark Ronson
  5. General Happiness: Anything by Delta Goodrem
  6. Sadness: Wendy Matthews

Leftovers

One of the things that I absolutely hate about my last ‘relationship’, was that no matter how much I know I’m better off and no matter how much I love and adore my current boyfriend. I hate how the past can affect us and damage us for someone who has never done a thing to hurt us.

To make a long story short, my last “relationship” ended up being a disaster and have no idea why. The only way I can explain it to myself is that I honestly was just a bet. I am decade older than my last partner and he chased me for months (nearly a year) full well knowing that I’m much older than him, but we ended up dating…for a month. Now his reason was alright (after nearly a year he realised I was much older than him)…

But as all my ex’s seem to do, they just seem to turn on me? All my breakups have been “amicable” in that we’ve both realised it’s not going to work and somehow all of my ex’s, even when they not great friends with the person, they’ve all gone running to the person who hates me the most? It’s put some serious trust issues, deep embedded in me. My last ex, for example, using to complain about this “best friend” of his more than I did and I had more of a reason to dislike this guy, and does not respect the guy. Yet, the first person he goes to, out of all of his friends, is a guy he doesn’t respect and knows hates my guts?

The whole feeling though of feeling stupid for having such strong feelings for someone who thought me nothing more than a bet, still stays with me to this day and I just cannot shake it. It annoys me to no end. I am extremely happy with my relationship and I can tell it bothers my current partner that I seriously struggle to open up. I just cannot help it.

Any advice?

Quietly…

Quietly I’m sitting watching you,
I hope that you don’t find it creepy or weird,
I just can’t believe that we are lying here like this,
Six months ago, my life was completely different,

I can’t believe that I could feel like this,
Not so soon, not after everything else…and yet here we are,
In our little world, keeping the rest of the world shut out,
Who am I so lucky? How did this happen?

 

 

The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies…No spoilers!

Well…I finally got around to seeing the above movie title “The Hobbit…The battle of five armies”…What can I say? I am emotionally drained. While I don’t want to give to much away, I mean it must have affected me in some way, I feel really emotionally drained. The only other time that I’ve felt like this was after break ups. I guess though it is more than likely the end of an era. I keep randomly bursting into tears.

I realised a little while ago as well, all of these JRR Tolkien, Peter Jackson movies have been around in some form or another for HALF my life. I guess when something has been in your life for that long, I guess it does feel like a little like I have to “let it go”. I mean how often is anything these days in your life for half your life. I mean how marriages started and ended during 2001 and ?lol.

I have to say that I enjoy it, I did feel though like a lot of others it seems, there were just some scenes that should have been left as it had originally written. I don’t even mind the whole love triangle thing right up until it killed a scene that really should have been between two other major characters that were actually in the book.

It’s just so weird though! I feel SO drained, I think unless you’ve felt like this it is hard to explain. Can you be in love with a fictional character? Can a fictional character truly represent everything you want in a man…or dwarf in this case. Even with all of his faults, there is something about Thorin Oakenshield that I am completely and utterly in love, and that’s what it feels like, I can’t help it. I am a 30 year old women, it feels totally crazy to feel like this. Richard Armitage as Thorin Oakenshield makes me feel like somehow being human and not being apart of the world that is Middle Earth, I am lost here. I don’t fit in here, I fit in there…Yet, it is totally not reality.

On a completely different subject, completely loved Legolas!

*Contains footage from battle of the five armies teaser trailer.

Uploaded by: DarqueJackal

Published on 19 Nov 2014

Song: “Centuries” by Fall Out Boy
Clips from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The Desolation of Smaug, and The Battle of the Five Armies
Remember to watch in HD!

Wobble…Like Jelly…

So tonight I had a bit of a freak out and a bit of a wobble. Currently here in South Australia we are experiencing a major devastating bush fire, people lives are being lost, homes and property completely gone and we unfortunately had one well known kennel and cattery burnt down with many of the dogs and all of the cats still on the property.

Anyways this same night I had a date with the number one guy (there is no number two guy anymore). I heard that the suburbs that three different ex’s of mine are from, were required to evacuate. I couldn’t help myself, I got worried and I realised that I still cared. Not in love care, but worry something will go wrong kind of caring. Then I got angry at myself for caring at all. My mum told me it was perfectly naturally to still care and worry while not being in love with that person.

I hate though that I still care about these people who obviously never cared about me. I highly doubt that if they heard that I had to be evacuated that they would worry about me at all. I got so upset that I still care and I know that they don’t and now I’m frightened that it’ll happen to me all over again.

I can already tell it’s happening, everything that the number one guy did tonight bugged the crap out of me and yet I know in the back of my head none of it’s any of his fault, so I managed to fake a “sickie” and get myself out of the date earlier than anticipated and then collapsed in tears when I got home. 30 years of being treated like hell and I think that I broke tonight. I can feel myself cutting off and becoming cold.

p.s. I will be fine, I just can’t seem to stop crying tonight.

 brokengirl

This Matthew West guy seems to get it…

Uploaded by QueenGalaxii

Published on 14 May 2012

Lyric Video..

TWITTER: https://twitter.com/JessicarJiggins

Mind Flip

So I am going my first date with a second guy that I met on the online dating site and I have already set-up a second date with the first guy I met online. I’m a little worried because I still like the first guy that I met on the online dating and he was actually the reason that I joined the site in the first place.

I have never really had to reject someone where there has been the promise of dating before. I’ve had to reject people I’ve known for a while, but not someone I haven’t known for a while. I mean the second guy seems alright, but I am just not clicking with him and I do not want to lead him on. Oh the confusion of dating!

datingmeme

The other thing that I have been finding really interesting though is my total and utter mind flip on my ex, it’s been amazing! There is that saying though “Hindsight and 20/20” and they are cliches for a reason I guess! It just feels like my mind has done a huge 360. I really don’t care…Finding out certain things and really sitting down to think about it, I don’t think my ex cared about me at all!

Not in a vicious way, I just don’t really think that he ever really got to know the real me. He has no idea who I really am. Plus I think when you really can’t tell who a person is and who they genuinely like as a human being, there is no way that that is a good sign!

Feeling Good!

The Music in me…

I don’t believe that Music should be defined into which “genre” is better than the others. It needs to be defined by how it makes you feel. It needs to be defined by how it moves you…Music needs to be defined by YOU and no one else but you.

My dream is to walk down the aisle to “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallica, but dance with my father to “There you’ll be” by Faith Hill.

 

Random Thoughts…

I am at a school and I am in a prime spot in the Library to watch all the cars and people outside go by and since here it’s the beginning of Spring, you can probably guess that I am not actually doing any of the school work that I came in too do. Instead here I am, thinking about you…

I can’t help it I let my mind drift off and think about you and what you might be doing right now. It’s such a gorgeous day and I’m sitting here wondering if you’ve finished work yet, are you even at work, or are you wrapped up lying on some grass having a picnic somewhere with some another girl. I can’t forgive for how you’ve treated me after everything, but I can’t stop thinking about you either. About everything that could and probably would have been…and how we would have never have wasted a day like today.

I don’t want you back and yet I miss so incredibly much that it still saddens my every waking moment and although the nightmares have seemed to have stopped. I still have that 5 minutes before I fall asleep where I still think of you and everything that we could have been. I miss you with every beat of my heart and yet there’s just no way that I could tell you or let you back into my life.

I look really pretty today, I can tell by the way the guys are staring at me, but I hate it when they do it…Don’t they know I’m yours? Oh wait…No, I’m not. Well the sun seems to be going down and it’s getting darker, so I guess that I should thinking about you and my thoughts become as dark as the evening that is coming.

I miss you ❤