I don’t care

My partner and I had the television on in the background, while we were doing other things. An entertainment show came on. What’s that one that’s been around for forever? Entertainment Tonight? Anyway, the whole Deep vs Heard “court case” came on. Can I say I just do not care, lol.

Normally I don’t care one way or the other, but with this, I REALLY just do not care.

It’s not even to do with the fact there are literal Wars, transphobia, homophobia, rich white privilege going on. It’s just that, Depp in particular has now been taking people to court for longer than he even knew Heard for.

What don’t you care about at the moment?

Thursday Talking – Everything

Where do I even begin with this post? The last 24 hours have been…Well, easy to say a emotional rollercoaster, of very high and very low.

Woke up too hear that “Governor” Greg Abbott has made it so any parent who SUPPORTS their trans child, it’s automatically considered abuse. He is also making it so any teacher, Doctor, you know person suppose to help protect you, HAS to “out” that child.

Later in the day, I heard that Clive Palmer has been taken to hospital with COVID like symptoms. Now for pretty much anyone to get COVID in Australia, the irony (or karma) is so weird with this one. Think of Clive Palmer like Texas’s Ted Cruz. His “party” and himself, have denied that COVID is a real thing. It’ll be interesting to see if he changes from this, though I doubt it.

Too even later in the day, Russia has invaded the Ukraine.

Even a bit later, I got a package that I have been looking forward too.

I mean, when do the emotions end?

The best piece of advice that I can offer is to simply, come off the grid. Even just for a couple of days, rejuvenate and refresh. Remind yourself/ourselves what we’re fighting, remind ourselves what we should be grateful for. Just shake it out and shake it off.

Bully or Not a Bully?

Isn’t it great when you’re writing one post and then come up with another Blog Post idea?

I was writing about “something that I’ve created” and I mentioned about a person who let me know that I’m upset people better listen because when I’m upset, something must be really wrong. The irony is what she said was she ended being one of my biggest bullies that I’ve ever encountered before.

That’s when it struck me though, does she (and other one) even consider themselves to be bullies? I have few mutual friends with these girls, amazingly I lost a lot because of them as well. Since we have these friends in common sometimes I see them write comments that still, to this day, make me roll my eyes. However the things they say they don’t seem to think that they have ever done anything wrong in their life. Which perplexes me, clearly.

It did make me think though how many of our bullies actually even think they have been bullies themselves? There is that whole theory that bullies are bullies because someone bullied them. So maybe they don’t think they are because they’re not bullying like their bullies have?

Thoughts? Opinions? 

I thought…

I wake up again, the same life, everything the same.

I thought it was going to be different this time,

I thought that things were just about to change.

I thought that my life was about to begin,

I thought that this was it for me.

When is it all going to change?

I step into the warm night air, just to escape doing the same thing every night.

I thought that if I keep telling the world I’m alright, I would start to believe it myself,

I thought my heart would be full.

I thought life would be complete.

I thought something was about to change.

I thought that if I could just dream and truly believed, it would happen.

Belle GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

#1000Speak against Bullying…

#1000Speak

So about a month ago I participated in a “Blog Challenge” so to speak with a group of another thousand Bloggers to write a post about Compassion….On the 20th of March they are doing it again, except this time we are writing about a very hot topic, Bullying and Bullies.
https://lolsyslibrary.wordpress.com/2015/02/20/1000/

At first I was wondering if I even wanted to really participate this time, I have been bullied and just this week felt that at the hands of a family member for another time. It was interesting though because it started to make me think, why is it always me who feels ashamed? These people have treated me appallingly bad with no actual good reason. Many, when I have confronted them, avoid the situation altogether, which is slightly ironic.

Then that started to make me think, 30 years of feeling badly about myself because of the words and actions of others who are beneath me…I am tired of it! Physically, emotionally and mentally I am tired, this week was the first week I actually told a bully to “get lost”. Then I started to look back at all the years I’ve been putting up with being bullied…NO ONE should have to do this! NO ONE should have to “put” up with it. Then I started to worry about all the people that are just “putting up with it”…This is for you…

You are not alone,
You are never alone,
Please never think you are alone,
YOU ARE LOVED…BY SO MANY!

We are all here for you,
All you have to do is reach out and grab our hands,
Grab on, hold on tight and we wont let go,
You are beautiful, you are sweet and you are kind.

That is something that they can never understand,
They can never fathom the kind of strength it takes to care,
They cannot understand that you are so perfectly, wonderfully, different,
They are scared of what they do not understand and what they can never be…They don’t have the guts to be who they truly want to be.

They see something in you that they wish they had. After 30 years of being bullied, this is something I know, something that I understand.

 Bully
(Please click the picture above to be taken the #1000Speak twitter page)

The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies…No spoilers!

Well…I finally got around to seeing the above movie title “The Hobbit…The battle of five armies”…What can I say? I am emotionally drained. While I don’t want to give to much away, I mean it must have affected me in some way, I feel really emotionally drained. The only other time that I’ve felt like this was after break ups. I guess though it is more than likely the end of an era. I keep randomly bursting into tears.

I realised a little while ago as well, all of these JRR Tolkien, Peter Jackson movies have been around in some form or another for HALF my life. I guess when something has been in your life for that long, I guess it does feel like a little like I have to “let it go”. I mean how often is anything these days in your life for half your life. I mean how marriages started and ended during 2001 and ?lol.

I have to say that I enjoy it, I did feel though like a lot of others it seems, there were just some scenes that should have been left as it had originally written. I don’t even mind the whole love triangle thing right up until it killed a scene that really should have been between two other major characters that were actually in the book.

It’s just so weird though! I feel SO drained, I think unless you’ve felt like this it is hard to explain. Can you be in love with a fictional character? Can a fictional character truly represent everything you want in a man…or dwarf in this case. Even with all of his faults, there is something about Thorin Oakenshield that I am completely and utterly in love, and that’s what it feels like, I can’t help it. I am a 30 year old women, it feels totally crazy to feel like this. Richard Armitage as Thorin Oakenshield makes me feel like somehow being human and not being apart of the world that is Middle Earth, I am lost here. I don’t fit in here, I fit in there…Yet, it is totally not reality.

On a completely different subject, completely loved Legolas!

*Contains footage from battle of the five armies teaser trailer.

Uploaded by: DarqueJackal

Published on 19 Nov 2014

Song: “Centuries” by Fall Out Boy
Clips from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The Desolation of Smaug, and The Battle of the Five Armies
Remember to watch in HD!

Resolutions

It is no secret fact that the end of a year, any year, it makes people reflect and look back at the year and decide what they wish to improve on for the new year coming.

Last year what I did was instead of making resolutions for the year coming, I made a list of what I was going to leave behind in the past year. I actually found this was really a lot better than making promises into the future. Mainly because we don’t know what the future holds for us. So instead of promising myself that I would “lose weight” I worked on writing less emo-type posts.

I found that by making promises to myself of what I’m leaving behind, I could concentrate on that. I could work on myself and then I was able to work on things that were thrown at me in my future, things that I didn’t see coming. I have to say that personally it did work for me, so I shall be doing that again. Instead of starting new problems, I decided to work on old issues of mine so that I could leave them behind.

Here are a couple of things that I will be leaving behind in 2015:

  1. Less talking about my ex’s, so I can concentrate on my new partner
  2. Being unproductive and be more proactive on finding a job IN a Library, rather than just having a job.
  3. MORE motivation for meditation!

What are your “tricks” for the New Year? Do you make resolutions, or do you do something else instead, make a goal for the new year?

The Music in me…

I don’t believe that Music should be defined into which “genre” is better than the others. It needs to be defined by how it makes you feel. It needs to be defined by how it moves you…Music needs to be defined by YOU and no one else but you.

My dream is to walk down the aisle to “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallica, but dance with my father to “There you’ll be” by Faith Hill.

 

Are You Okay? No…Really…Are you?

Just to start off with, I do really love the whole idea of the “R U Okay” day (which is an Australian depression awareness day). I think it’s great to see so many people getting into it and asking people on their Facebook, Social Media sites “asking” people “R U Okay”.

Find out more about R U Okay day (from Australia).

The only problem I have with this idea is that as someone who suffers from depression, I don’t necessarily open up to someone who just asks me “Are you okay?”. I’m not sure about others, but a lot of people (myself included) when we are in the time of being depressed, I have SUCH a hard time telling anybody anything. Then what about the other 364 days of the year? I never heard anyone talk about it again. Plus people tend to say it on their wall, or post some link and that’s it.

I literally woke up letting people know that I had an extremely bad night, full of nightmares and tears…Only one person asked me “R U okay”…So as far as I am concerned, the whole day was a failure. Then people went to posting cute animals videos and posting political links that no one really cares about. In fact the best responses I got today was on my status on how great Lasagne is =S So even on a day dedicated to making sure people are okay, writing two different statuses only the positive one got any responses…What does that say?

So even if you felt like “R U Okay” is a bit of a let down (like me). I think anyway to promote awareness of depression and suicidal issues can only ever been a good thing. I repeatedly tell people that I am always here day or night. I don’t need one day to tell people that.

Published on 16 Jun 2012

Michael Jackson- Smooth Criminal, The King of POP

Just friends…

How those words rip through me like a bullet travelling through the very middle of my heart and exploding through my ribs, with a powerful so forceful feeling that it breaks through my ribs like steel smashing through a thin pane of glass…

How can you just stay “friends” with someone you thought was “The One” for you? If I am so “important” to you how can you find it so easy to lose me so willingly? How could you risk that, because I can’t see any other way out of this?