The Grudge

I had an interesting conversation with a friend over the weekend and it made me think how people will view grudges differently, depending on which side you are on That’s not too say that everyone is like this, after all we all experience things in different ways.

Let me explain…

Very recently both my friend and I both had people from our past that sent us friends on request on Facebook. Both people had been very cruel to both of us, for no good reasons. They both sent us a friends request with no message, apology or reasons why they felt like we should be “Facebook friends” and we both said no. One of us then heard about how their ex-friend was telling everybody how my friend was holding onto a grudge, and I was told “it’s in the past, why can’t I just let it go”.

I also have been in a situation where someone who used to bully me in primary school, wrote a message to me on Facebook and apologised. I accepted their friends request and I do not have one single regret.

I am a big believer in letting things go and forgiving people…not for them, but for yourself. Both of us can honestly say that we hold no grudge or even ill-will towards these people. We just don’t think we have to be friends with everybody. Clearly, the fact also that these people can’t even understand and instead of sending us a message to ask us “Why”, they decided to talk about it with everybody else, except for us. Which to both of us, shows us that really nothing has changed.

So, how about yourself, do you hold onto grudges?Are you good at letting things go? Do you believe some people will just never change? Have you ever been in a similar situation and what did you do?

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Happy Hot Cross Bun Day and long weekend to some

Just a quick little message, in the past I usually write a whole blog post about hot cross bun day and all the different religions and tradition behind it. This year though, I just wanted to keep it light. I’m going to keep it light by asking:

What is your favourite Hot Cross Bun flavour? Is it (I can’t find polls!)

Plain

Sultana/Currant

Fruit/Fruit Peel

Chocolate Chip

Other…

Please discuss in the comments!

Find some yummy recipes to make your own hot cross buns at Taste.com (Also if anyone could tell me where I can find polls, that would be great!)

How to move on

I have this friend…She’s what a lot of people who would call her “desperate” in terms of she REALLY wants to be in a relationship and because of that she has made some terrible choices. One of which was on and off and is, what I thought at the moment, off and had been for nearly a year. However, recently I’ve discovered through all her talk and Facebook statuses about not being able to move on and blah, blah, blah…I recently discovered she STILL texts him all the time and goes out with him on the weekend. I thought she was just hanging out with some friends and some of his family members…but now I’ve discovered, apparently, him too. Which was made apparent when she posted a photo with him…Which neither any of our friends liked.

Which part of this is her moving on, if she is still apart of his life in every single way?

It’s a mindset I just do not understand.

She’s not the only person I know who does it to an extreme either. I have a family member who doesn’t speak to pretty much all her family members except for one. Even then she only started speaking to her recently. Some she stopped speaking with for good reasons, but others are really stupid. For example, one of her brothers didn’t want to come to a party because he had just had a break down. BUT she has a friend who has taken tens of thousands of her dollars and retirement fund, not paying a single cent back for nearly two years, but gets hurt when they don’t want to hang out with her? Yet she keeps telling us that she’s moved on from all the other family members and she doesn’t care what they do or about their lives…YET AGAIN…She constantly stalks their Facebook and is always telling me or asking me about things on their Facebook. Things I haven’t seen because I am not stalking their profiles…But you know…She doesn’t care.

When I’ve had to let go of people, I admit, the first few months I am genuinely curious what is going in and I may go see their social media pages, depending on my mood. However, at some point I stop. I had once ex who I couldn’t even be in a pub or club with and I didn’t keep hanging out with their families and I have my own friends.

These are some things that I do when I want to move on:

• I will un-follow people to being with and then after time I might even unfriend and block them.
• If I block them I will always write to them beforehand why I’m doing that.
• I try to distance myself for a little while from any mutual friends we have. I find that people who genuinely wanted to be friends with you, will stick around.
• I will block their number from my phone and delete it. If I need there are other ways I can contact them most of the time.

Birthday Woes

Not so much woes…Just annoyances really. Not even really annoyance, just life happening.

My birthday is just in under a month away and it’s actually on a Saturday, so its not a “important birthday”, but because it’s on a Saturday, so I’d like to do something cool. I was thinking of having a games night…

None of that is the actual problem though…

The actual problem is at least half the group…have all broken up with each other, and I would consider myself a good friend to both parties. The other issue is none of them are getting back together, because within about two weeks to a month of the different breakups, one side was already in a new relationship. One can’t stop talking about her new partner, none of us have met him and she has no pictures of him on her Facebook, and they are already engaged. The other broke and the guys best-friend and his ex were dating within a month and they JUST had to make it “official” on Facebook straight away…Why…You’d have to ask them.

So I’m in a tad of a dilemma … Do I just invite them all and let them work it out, or another idea I had was to have a girls night and then a separate birthday party?

This or That? #83

This or That? #38

This week Bookmark Chronicles would like to know (and I would like to know as well)

Where do you get most of your books from?

Physical bookstores – Online – Secondhand book sales – Gifts – Book subscription boxes

(Can only give one answer!)

These days I buy a lot of my books online. I like to read the reviews of the book, all good and bad and then head online and buy them. I always feel so guilty though about it, because in my town, we don’t have the best economy in the world and over the last few years, we have had SO many book stores just close down. It is one of my goals though, this year, too actually get out and buy from actual bookstores…It would save a lot on shipping and postage!

I would love to know as well though where you all get your books from. See the different options out there.

In all honesty…

I was talking to my mum a couple of days ago and we were just talking about how which people know us really well and how much do people ‘think’ they know us. It started me thinking. I’m always pleasant to people, people always comment on how kind I am and how patient I always seem to be. I know I have a guard though and I know that I have a real hard time telling people…well…a lot really.

It’s not as though I wouldn’t open up, if someone actually ask me. If someone asked me a question about myself, I would tell them, but I just can’t willingly tell you about me.

It made me think about who are we really honesty with, who truly knows us…All of us. If I was to die tonight, who would be shocked to discover things about me, have I said all that I wanted to say?

What about yourselves? Do you think people know everything there is too know about you? 

Shipping

No, I don’t want to stat building boats, or start sailing…I get all of the motion sicknesses…That would be a VERY bad idea!

“Shipping” meaning by Wikipedia:

initially derived from the word relationship, is the desire by fans for two or more people, either real-life people or fictional characters (in film or literature) to be in a relationship, romantic or otherwise. It is considered a general term for fans’ emotional involvement with the ongoing development of a relationship in a work of fiction. Shipping often takes the form of creative works, including fanfiction and fan art, most often published on the internet.

 Shipping in the nerd type world, to break it down, is when you have two favourite people who you see as a couple. These can included people from the book, or sometimes you can even cross couple from different fandom and from completely different genres.

Some couple even get their own names, when you combine the two characters names together.

Except for brother and sister…or brother and brother, sister and sister, or parental with child…That’s just gross…Except in a purely familial way. 

So, for example, some of my favourite “shipping” characters are:

• Thorin Oakenshield and Morgana from “Merlin”.
• Tessa Gray and Will from the Infernal Devices.
• Mary and Gideon from Reign (I still like Francis, but Gideon seems a little more “grown up”)

 

Lets Share: Do you “ship” any couples? Even ones we may have not thought of before. 

International Women’s Day

Today is officially Internationals Women’s Day…I say officially because I got all confused last week when people starting talking about “World Book Day” every where has different different dates. So I thought that I had better double check. Seems like today is the official day.

Every year there is also a theme for that year, this year the theme is #BeBoldForChange.

International Women’s Day: #BeBoldForChange website

How will you be Bold for a Change?

This is a great day to reflect and take a look at those women who we admire and why we admire them. Too take a look at ourselves and question what we can do to make the lives of others better. Not just women, but for all. I think considering the type of people who are in charge of running our countries, not just the orange Oompa Loompa, we NEED to take a long hard look at ourselves and see what we’ve become.

11 Facts about Women around the World … Do Something. Org

23 Fast Facts about Women’s Oppression Worldwide (Blog)

10 Facts about Women in the World … World Food Programme . com

Did you know: There is also an International Men’s Day, which is held on the 19th of November

Which women do you admire and why? 

What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man

LONG POST INCOMING! Once I started I couldn’t stop!lol

I also feel like I need a disclaimer here: *I like guys, I really do, some of my favourite people in the whole wide world are guys. Sometimes I prefer them over other girls. They can be just so much more fun than women. With both genders though, there are people within BOTH genders who make it very difficult for the rest of us. This post is NOT a “guys are jerks” post. As a straight girl though, this is what I have come up against…a lot. This is from my perspective.

I had an incident a few years ago that every now and then comes up for me and it still irritates me SO much. For two main reasons:

1. I was tagged in a quote I have never actually even said. I own who I date and I don’t think all guys are jerks because I’ve dated a couple of jerks. Some of ex’s are even nice people as well, and they are good people. We broke up because they love wasn’t there anymore, or it was just never there. A lot of my ex’s are very charismatic and since I’m a shy person, I found them hypnotic almost. You know that saying about opposites attract? Either way I have never said it.
2. If you’re going to tag me in something publicly on Facebook, you could at least have the courtesy to have…I don’t know…An adult conversation with me about why I had a one night stand, not that it’s even actually your business. Especially after I’ve turned you down 3 times. I really don’t appreciate having strange guys attacking me. While, ironically, in the quote, you call yourself a “Good Guy”. For future reference a good guy would NEVER get his friends to bully you into dating him.

Also though, to tag me in a post saying that calls all the other guys I have dated are jerks, is not just an insult for me, but some of my ex’s as well. I am actually good friends with a couple of my ex’s. You are attacking good people, who are good friends of mine. So be careful.

Personally, I don’t know what exactly they were trying to achieve and I clearly made the RIGHT decision, by making a personal vow to myself to never date anyone from this group, even before this happened …

Clearly the best decision I have ever made for myself!

Every time this situation comes up for me though, or when I think about it. I get so annoyed about it because I’ve had, one too many times, been attacked by a “good guy” when they’ve actually been complete douchebags. It’s something I want to know, what makes these guys think they’re goods guys WHILE attacking girls/women, sometimes they don’t even know? If girls are not dating you for the “jocks” ever thought, it might just actually be you? Just like the girls who go after the “bad ones” … Especially when I see SO many guys fawning over “mean girls” and girls that are constantly cheating on them, or using them. I have lost guys as friends AFTER they have broken up with their ex’s, who constantly cheated on them, because they are allowing the girl to still use them…I didn’t want to see them get used anymore, and not find a good partner, and I lost them as friend…They always come back though,lol

It goes both ways…It always has…I don’t know if you’ve noticed…

BUT

You are NOT going to get the person you want, by attacking them and getting your “friends” to gang up on them either. (That’s just a general world lesson too).

Now I am actually going to get to the topic…A long way to come!

What makes a good guy a good guy, or what makes a man to you?

Too some of my “good guy” friends they all have the same characteristics. Beard, play the same guys, same music, do the same activities, give themselves all Superhero nicknames…Pretty much all the same. They think along the lines more of “Well there are 20 other guys who are doing the same thing, so it must be alright” -.- In a small town that can be toxic!

Too me a “real man” has values, has a backbone that he sticks too. They don’t change their values according to which girl (or guy) they want to have sex with more. They will actually grab themselves by their family jewels and have a conversation with me. Rather than just attack me on Facebook in a quote I have never said.

Some of the BEST  and good men I know wear dresses

 They’ve had to fight and have had to be brave to come out, so they just “get it”. They get to be real, they get to just be themselves and never to lower themselves.

Taking a step backward…Step FORWARD!

Maybe not the best way to set up a Monday, but I felt like it was a point that I wanted to talk about, of something that happened to me over the weekend. I felt like I had taken a huge step back.

*Just warning…If you do suffer from a anxiety and you’re having a bad day, this post may not be for you today. Even though there is a positive message behind it. I don’t want to be responsible for any triggering.*

Friday morning i had the day off of work and with how well I had been on Thursday, I had decided to head out and do some shopping on the Friday morning. Lately I have been ordering pretty much everything online, because I don’t know how I am going to be from one day to the other.

Taking you back to last year, after an traumatic incident, I have developed an, well I think, a really odd form of anxiety. Too break it down, because someone, who will remain nameless at this point, decided that no, they could not pull over (even though we went past a McDonald’s, a gas station AND a public toilet) and let me out to get to a toilet. I spent 20 minutes basically trapped in a car, actually NEEDING to get out. After the person had left me hanging all day while I drunk tea all day and no food. We were supposed to go clothes shopping, but they had to do some things in the morning. Which was fine, but once it got to 3pm, I was starting to get annoyed. I didn’t know if we were eating, was I supposed to eat first. I was actually in the middle of a text to let them not to bother, when they finally showed up. Our clothes stores close at 5pm on the weekend.

So giving that they finally turned up, we basically run out of the door, which was a bad idea. I didn’t go to the toilet before we left and I had been drinking all day, to fill my stomach. I had been filling my bladder instead.Since then whenever I am in a car, or travelling. I get anxious and feel like I need to get to a toilet badly. I have been getting better with help of hypnotherapy.

I was actually getting better, until a couple of weeks ago. I had one bad night, where I don’t even know what happened, but my stomach hurt and I just had to go. Then it feels like it’s gotten worse, with a rare good day here and there, and just this Friday morning I nearly ended up crying in a shopping mall. It was horrible and I hate it.

I felt SO fed up, I’m tired of fighting it because it’s feels so stupid. When I do go, even in the woes of panic, nothing happens…I can’t even begin to tell you how frustrating it is, how tiring it is. I can’t just do things on a whim and even when I plan things, it still doesn’t always work out. I’m alright coming back and forth from work and sometimes travelling to my partners house I do really well.

Then I have mornings like I did Friday…

I try not to be too hard on myself, I’m doing well every well else, just more necessarily when I have a “duty”.

 That’s the whole thing though, I am so tired of it, that I now have a plan. I had stopped doing all the things that had helped when I started to get better, because I swear just that one bad moment has seemingly ruined it all.

1. So instead of doing it once a week, like I was before. I’m not going to be mediating and listening to my hypnosis tapes, at LEAST every second day. Definitely the night before long trips.
2. I have to promise to myself to not be so hard on myself.
3. When I go shopping by myself, if I need to leave, then I need to leave…It’s alright
4. I have to start walking my dog again, because that was what honestly what started to heal me before. Whether that be a 5 minute walk or a 30 minute walk, I handle what I can handle. That’s what I used to do before. The walks got longer and longer over time.
5. No coffee before long drives.
6. Mostly, it’s okay to admit I am not okay, but I will be. I am not going to let this defeat me.
7. Trying to figure out a way to calm my mind down before I get into a car, especially with those unexpected trips.

I would actually really like any ideas, or any suggestions about any of the above, or if you want to share…Please feel free…No judgement!