I should probably start off with this one and saying that this is not a “sexy” secret desire type post.
I want to chat…if you will…about secret desires that we have and we don’t necessarily share them because we are worried about what people will think. Nothing sinister either…Maybe I should explain.
One of my “secret desires” is too be a housewife. I love to make meals and I love to clean, it is amazing how fast the day goes when you’re cleaning and making meals from scratch. I’ve also though wanted to run a business from home as well. I’ve seen so many amazing people running craft types of businesses at home, but I just do not believe in myself to make it happen. In this day and age you definitely have to be doing some sort of work. Take even my Instagram, for example, I cannot figure out a “theme” or some kind of system. I also get embarrassed taking photos of myself. I’ve got a tonne, but none that anyone would see!
We’ve all had one, haven’t we? That person that we want, that person we can’t have, the one that we can never have? You’re not in love with them and you’re not planning or are going to cheat on your current partner, but you can’t help but think about them. What would it be like to be with them, just one night with them? Even when you’re single and you still can’t have them, you want them, they’re the one you think of during the night, the one that “helps” you to get over your heart break.
I feel really terrible, with my fantasy guy, I could never have him. But I really want him, even for just one night. Even when we were both single and even before I met the guy I’m with now, I can’t have him and I really wanted him. You see, I woke up to hear him singing one morning and I don’t think he knew that I was there. He has the most beautiful voice I have ever heard and he plays the guitar…but I was lying there, completely falling for his voice, and at the same time I was lying right next to my partner, at the time.
I had laid there so still, as to not wake up my (now ex) partner and I just listened to this amazinginly beautiful voice signing one of my favourite songs of all time and strumming his guitar. Soak through the thin walls and into my mind and I haven’t been able to shake it out of their since. He’s been the one that I sing about in the shower, he’s the one that I think about in the darkness of the night and this will be the only time I ever tell about it to another soul.
There is nothing worse than a fantasy lover that you can never have.
The one who makes you feel like this… (the song that inspired me to write this post)
Uploaded by BeckGVEVO
Published on 3 Dec 2014
Download “Can’t Stop Dancin'” on iTunes:
I need to write this to you, but I can never show you, I can never open my heart up to you again. In the rest of my days, you can never actually know this.
It’s weird this feeling that I have. I hate you, I don’t trust you and now you have made me feel unsafe and unwanted. Yet at the same time, I am completely, madly in love with you still. Isn’t that weird? I know that I can’t ever be with you and with the attitude that you have seemed to develop over night I don’t want to, but yet here I am. Flirting, chatting with other guys and opening my heart to them, but still in love with you?
Yet, if anyone were to tell me that I have no self respect for myself, I know that they’re in the wrong. I don’t want you back, ever again. Not in a millions years would I ever, and sometimes I think it’s because I miss who I thought you were, not who you turned out to be.
You were the first person that I could really see myself settling down with, getting married, having babies, doing the whole grown up thing. I get scared sometimes that now I am far too damaged to feel like that again, yet there is hope. I can hear her calling in the back of my mind “Don’t give up!”