Thursday Theories – Those gross people (the dating life)

I want to put this in here, because the last couple of weeks my Thursday Theories have been quiet serious, with good reason. Let’s have a bit of a giggle instead!

Before I met my current partner, I was pretty much always perpetually single. I had long term relationships, but in my life I’ve only had 2 serious relationships. One was VERY long distance and the other, well I might as well have been single. Over all I’ve dated only 4 guys in my life, including my current partner. Between in relationships, I was probably single for at least a year or two inbetween.

So I spent a bit of being single, and I am relatively attractive, if I do say so myself.

However, what I want to write about…There was a guy, that one of the last time’s I spoke too him and he said, and I quote “We are going to end up having sleeping together”.

It was SUCH an awkward moment, like I kept trying to remind myself of a time where I “encouraged” him. As a human being, he was perfectly fine, well … not really … if I’m honest … For someone who was very into heavy metal, he was very judgmental. By that I mean, all the people I know into heavy metal, are quiet assured of themselves people. They’re great! Not one single sexual thought about him, lol

What happened to him? A couple of months later he unfriended me, lol

We had been friends for a while, and so I was highly disappointed in him. This has sort of happened a few times too me. Because I am one of those people who, when I have a crush, you know. So I’ve been asked out on a few dates and not realised it was a date.

Like this one guy, I was just talking about how I hadn’t been Museum for ages and he said, he hadn’t either. So we agreed to go one time, we did and I realised as he walked up too me that he thought it was a date. When he realised that I realised he thought it was a date, it got very awkward.

After that, he unfriended me too. But I started to notice that he was adding me whenever he had a girlfriend. Then when they inevitably broke up, he’d unfriend me again. At first I thought he was embarrassed, but I started to realise this was a “thing” of his.

Then there was one that ended up being a setup. Like people, do NOT do that if you like either person. I got left alone with someone I was not attracted too again, and not reasonable way to get out of it. I was left alone with a drunk angry “little” man. Who literally slammed his glass on the table when I didn’t want to continue the night.

Ghosting

Ghosting in the dating world, is a really sneaky and cowardly thing to do someone. I should know, the last guy I dated before my current partner, did it too me.

Ghosting someone in the dating world, usually means, that one of the parties just cuts off all contact with someone. Usually the people have known each other for a while, or at least, early dating for a while. It’s not like a couple of dates and that’s it. That’s ghosting someone is so frowned upon.

What made me unhappy about my particular situation, was that I had been friends with the guy for a long time, but because of the age gap (me being older) I kept saying no. Then within a month of me saying “Okay, let’s give this a go”. He ghosted me one weekend. It was the first time I had felt old and used, and an old fool. Funnily enough, a co-worker, younger than me was going through the exact same thing. She had known a guy for ages, kept saying no, she didn’t want anything serious. Within a month of them starting to date, he ghosted her too!

No one really knows why someone ghosts someone, there’s always a different reason. Sometimes it’s just the thrill of the chase, they actually met someone else and don’t want the drama. Sometimes it is just genuinely because they’re not interested anymore.

I can’t answer for my “guy”, there have been some theories. That I’ve even talked about with my current partner. Mainly because I want him to answer for all men (hahaha) totally kidding. He’s never ghosted someone before and he finds that behaviour odd, lol. It really is. It was just a coincidence that myself and another girl were going through it together.

Here are the good things about being ghosted:

EVERYTHING

It might hurt and they wont ever tell you what really happened. I still honestly believe that I was a bet, between him and his friends. YOU ARE LUCKY!

Get yourself a partner that will think it’s odd to ghost someone.

Remind yourself, that you have escaped a total and utter cowardly lion. Because you really have. What kind of person chases someone for months, sometimes nearly a year. Gets who they actually want, and I don’t mind humbling saying a lot want me, same with this other girl too. Just to essentially run away after a month?

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Single in a small city

For those who have been following my Blog for a while now, have probably seen my Category called Single in a small city. Now, the funny story behind this catgeory, is that I created it and the next month I ended up being in the relationship that I am in now, for 7 + years. It felt a little odd to be talking about dating, when I am off the market.

For the longest time, I didn’t know what to do with that Category, and now I think I know what to do!

I’m going to give out dating advice, dating advice and also how to help handle breakups. Sometimes, people need just the cold hard “yes or no”. Which is funny, because I’ve only had (have to count this on fingers) 4 real relationship’s in my life. Watching other people though, and having a now ex-friend obsessed with being in relationships, she was the reason I did not want to be in one, lol. Sometimes being an outsider, you can see things, that others cannot.

So I am changing the name of that Category =D Have a look … I don’t actually like the name, but it’s all I could honestly think of, without sounding totally creepy, lol

Summer lovin, had me a blast…

Well it’s actually Winter in Australia right now. But the sentiment behind this post is the same thing. What I have to write today is a very simple message.

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I know it’s hard during Summer and Winter to see happy couples out and about. Or during Winter to see couples all nice and cuddly cosy together. But just remember that at all times of the year, 24/7, it is better to be alone, than to be in an abusive relationship. Without a single doubt. I’ve seen relationship after relationship of people who are just in relationships to be in one. You end off being bruised more physically and emotionally than it’s worth.

 

Share Your World, March Wk3, 2019

Share Your World, 18-3-19

Share Your World

QUESTIONS

Do You Have Any Guilty Pleasures?

I have few…Don’t judge me! The world is a tough place! One is to just to sit and play “The Sims” for a couple of hours, I just cannot play any games for more than a couple of hours. Sometimes, if I’m alone I will watch…Can’t believe I’m going to admit this…Barbie:Life in the Dreamhouse…it’s hilarious! Don’t judge me till you’ve watched it. Ken and Puppies = funniest. I love tuna mornay and mac’n’cheese, my partner doesn’t love them as much as I do.

What Is The Worst Pick Up Line You Ever Heard?  

I LOVE huge hoop earrings, it might be a “thing” because I’m so small. One guy came up to me though and said … “Do Angels hang from those earrings?”.

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            For the guys: What’s The Worst Pick Up Line You’ve Used?

What Slang Or Trend Makes You Feel Old?

I didn’t understand the whole “planking” thing…That was just…weird,lol

What Do You Consider The Most Over-rated Song?

Don’t hate me…but I think that pretty much any song by “Fifth Harmony” was always over-rated. Now, it’s just my personal opinion, even now since they’ve split and are doing solo careers. Most of their songs could be done by anyone. Even Camila’s “Havana”, I love it, but it could be done by anyone.

Instead of a Tender Mercies question, here’s a philosophical one instead:

You Find A Book And Begin To Read Only To Discover That It Is Your Life. You Get To The Point That You Are At Now, Do You Turn The Page Knowing That You Will Not Be Able To Change The Events To Come?

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All the Lovers

All the loves, in all the world and I love you ❤

What I am really starting to “love” about Valentines Day (Get it…Get it) How people are embracing Valentines Days differently these days. You’ve got Library Lovers Day, Galentines Day (single girls getting together…I don’t think there’s one for guys yet, cause do they really care?lol).

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However you love, love…I love, love and I hope you do too! How are you going to spread love today? With people’s permission of course!

You are Enough – Mandy Hale – Days 8-14

You are Enough – Mandy Hale 30 Day challenge

Day 8: Also in Chapter Five, I talk about unanswered prayers and how they can often be the biggest blessings in disguise. Share an unanswered prayer of your own and how it helped you see that sometimes God’s “no” is the most gracious answer of all.

The thing is I think you don’t realise that he’s said “No” until you realise. If that makes any sense? Kind of like hindsight in a way. I’ve also though never really prayed, I feel like a hypocrite if I do. I’ve mentioned before that I’m not really religious, but am more agnostic. I guess in ways I do “Pray” when I hug my plushies, it’s usually because I am hoping for something, to feel better, for some kind of answer, or when I wear my “Pa” bracelet, I play with it when I’m anxious.

Day 9: In Chapter Six, I talk about the end of a relationship that sent me spiraling into a dark place. Talk about a heartbreak of your own that you experienced, and what it taught you, about yourself and about life.

In terms of relationship heart break I haven’t really had one. That’s part of the problem, I did most of the breaking up, mainly because as well I knew it was ending, but I didn’t want to get to the point of hating each other.

The weird thing every single one of them within 24 hours had back stabbed me in some way. That did break my heart, because I had, clearly wrongly, assumed that they had cared about me. I’m not kidding every single one of them. Every time they did it, it made me even more cautious in my next relationship. I wouldn’t trust them to begin with. A good example is it took me longer and longer each time to actually sleep with the next guy.

My current partner, I didn’t sleep with him for about 3 months. Even then, we had already gone through a lot together. I had developed sciatica and couldn’t really walk, so he was driving me to my Doctors appointments and didn’t judge that I was using my Great Grandmothers walking stick to get around. I didn’t even say “I love you” for at least 5 months and I was so scared to say it I had to get drunk first…and he didn’t say it back! But he did the next morning,lol…I was so embarrassed!lol

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Day 10: In Chapter Seven, I talk about my experience with spiraling into clinical depression. Talk about your own experiences with depression, anxiety, or any other mental health struggle. If you haven’t been affected personally, share your insights into how you stay mentally healthy.

I think it’s all about being aware of yourself and how your mind and body work, imo. You know when something is off with yourself and you learn what you can and can’t handle. I know now that I can’t handle flashing lights, I can feel them messing up my eyes and my brain does not like it. I don’t drink coffee anymore unless I know for certain I am not going anywhere, but I can still handle coffee ice cream and love it!

Day 11: In Chapter Eight, I share all the reasons why I think I’m still single, the good…the bad…the ugly. Talk about all the reasons why you think you’re still single. Don’t be afraid to be really real and raw and honest. If you’re not still single, talk about a time when you were single and lonely and afraid that love would never arrive.

The only time in my life I have ever felt bad for being single was honestly when my now ex best friend  blamed me that she only told us the bad things about her boyfriend is because I was single. She didn’t want to make me “jealous”, because when she’s single and we’re in relationships, she gets jealous. Now, I have never ever been like that in the whole of my life. For a moment I felt bad though that she sees the world that way. This was about 2-3 years ago now and it was start of the downward spiral, because whether or not I’m not single, has absolutely no bearing on someone else’s behavior? I have never felt bad about being single though. Let me put it to you this way, I’d rather be single than in a abusive relationship or a relationship where I feel alone. My ex friends are the reasons I prefer being single, that was the irony about the situation. I considered my ex friends to be “smart” and they were making horrible choices with their relationships (mine weren’t much better). But I’d see the abuse and the bullying and that their boyfriends are nearly 60 and we’re in our early 30s and I’d think to myself “If they are that smart and make such horrible choices, why chance do I have?”. Now I know better.

Also though, HELL TO THE NO was I about to get blamed for another human being bullying and abusing my friends.

Day 12: In Chapter Nine, I hit “rock bottom.” Talk about your own rock bottom moment, and how you found the strength and the courage to rise.

I guess it was ending up in Hospital after my first massive anxiety, because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was so scary! Probably the scariest thing I’ve encountered and I swear it changed my brain chemicals or something. I had always been a worrier and an incident a few months earlier had made me anxious travelling in well, pretty much everything. I ended up in Hospital because I was ignoring all the warning signs, because I thought at some point that I’d snap out of it. I did have a lot going on apart from just my own stuff, but I thought I was “handling” it.

After being let out of hospital and after I got home (well back to my partners place). I did not move from the chair for three days, just to go to the toilet and get myself something to eat and drink. I found it hard to walk and I didn’t change the whole time either (three days in the same underwear…Ewww! I look back now and have no idea how I did it).

What eventually got me up was though, I didn’t want to be frightened anymore…I WANTED TO LIVE AGAIN!!!and that the Cat needed me to let him in, then out, then out…then in again. We’re renting and there’s no cat/dog door. I honestly felt really gross too. I just didn’t want to lie down anymore. It was really a combination of those three things.

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Day 13: In Chapter Ten, I talk about how sometimes survival is about whatever gets you through the day. Share what has “gotten you through the day” or held you together during tough times: faith, family, friends, alcohol, food, TV shows…whatever your glue is, don’t be afraid to get real. 

It depends what’s happening that day. For example, at the moment my cat is not very well, so that gives me something else to focus on. I can’t control what happens with him, but I can take care of him. Some days I can go on social media and other days I cannot. Sometimes it’s just been my partner holding me, there was a time where I didn’t want to say I wasn’t okay (it was in the middle of the night) but I clearly wasn’t, so he just hugged me.

Day 14: In Chapter Eleven, I share some of my experiences in group therapy. Talk about your own experience with therapy…what it has taught you, how it has helped (or not helped) you, how it has helped you see how ENOUGH you are. If you’ve never been to therapy, talk about why. And what you would hope to learn from it if you ever went.

I have been very lucky with Therapy. I’ve had two different kinds of therapy, one has just been your usual go and speak with someone. I’ve really been liking it, I don’t like the thought of burdening others, and this is her job. She’s completely lovely too, she gives me great ideas and because she deals with people who suffer the same things I do, she has suggestions that’s she has come by, by people who are going through it too.

The other was hypnotherapy and I think it worked for me, because I was so open to nearly anything that wasn’t a pill. It was helping me, but trying to see him was getting complicated. It worked too a point, it worked when I had time to sit and meditate. It was weird what happened, I couldn’t go to a session, because I was working and just never heard from them again. I took it as a sign.

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You are Enough – Mandy Hale Day 2 – 7

Mandy Hale – The “You are Enough 30 Day Blogging Challenge””

Now Mandy writes

So….here we go!

Daffodil - Mandy Hale

Day 2: In Chapter One, I have a very special encounter with someone that felt almost like an angelic experience. Talk about a time in your life when you have been “touched by an angel,” or had a God wink moment that helped get you back on track or see something in your life through new eyes.

I think I get them a lot, honestly. I’m not really religious, I am much more of a Spiritual person. It feels to me it’s more of a “you just know” feeling.

Day 3: Also in Chapter One, I talk about how sometimes it takes losing yourself to find yourself. Share a time you felt lost, and how you got “found.”

I’d have to say that it’s after my huge anxiety attack and how frustrated I have been with my own mind. Its been a frustrating battle. Just a few weeks ago I got so down on myself, because my family had gone to an escape room. Just before we had to go in and couldn’t come out without forfeiting. I felt the panic come on and I didn’t go in. Everyone in my family said it was a good choice, because as they went in, the lights went out. But it’s the worse I’ve felt about myself for a while.

However, when I find that I am kind to myself and realise that perhaps I might have to just accept this is the way my brain is now and it’s okay. I am still a lot luckier than most. I’m still a good person, I still have people that take care of me. That’s what helps me get myself “found again”.

Day 4: In Chapter Two, a phone call one Monday morning changes the course of my entire life and my family’s lives. Share a time that you received life altering news, good or bad, and how it impacted your life.

I guess it was the time my Mum texted me to let me know that my Pa had passed away (I write about it a bit more below). I actually laid down and just cried. Wow…I am just opening up here,lol…It wasn’t crying of grief, it was crying relief. My Pa had emphysema, the last week or so was so horrible. I wouldn’t wish his death on my worst enemy, let alone him. My mum was with him when he died and he died the day just after Midnight AFTER my cousins birthday, she told him he could go now, and he did. He was in a morphine coma and he wasn’t coming back. One of the things I regrets was I didn’t break up with my ex that day. Not only did he “forget” that he was supposed to come over so we could take care of my Mums pets and my Mum could be with my Pa/her father. Then he said to no bother ringing him because he’d have no credit.

So not only did my Pa die that night, but I had to lie to my Mum so she wouldn’t get pissed off with my now ex-boyfriend because we never spent time together. It’s why she waited until the morning to text me, because she didn’t want to interrupt our time together.  Can you imagine it? Her father DIES and she’s still thinking about others? Then I had to lie again, because she unexpectedly rocked by up at the house and she realised he had never been there. She told me not to ring him, that he was to ring me and make an effort. So I rang him, so she wouldn’t completely hate him and tell her that he had reached out. I regret that to this day. I should have NEVER rang him.

Day 5: In Chapter Three, “Your Life Will Be Different, But It Will Be Amazing,”I talk about how life can be beautiful again, even after unimaginable loss. Share a time when you faced unimaginable loss, and how you came to realize that you were ENOUGH to handle it.

I would have to say that it was when my Pa (Grandfather) passed away. My Pa was probably the most positive male role model I had in my life. When he passed I was not in a healthy relationship. I remember being at the funeral and as they lifted his casket to take him away I felt my heart break and I made this really odd loud noise. It wasn’t that I thought my family are going to live forever…Well, maybe a little bit.

What his death taught me though life is too short to keep people around that aren’t worth it. A few month later I broke up with my then boyfriend and since then I have been so much more realistic in relationships. It made me appreciate my family relationships so much more as well, and although my Mum side may be small, we are mighty! I think, now, the reason, I kept holding onto my then relationship, was because I just didn’t want to lose anyone else. I don’t think I even really liked him. He was such a wuss.

Day 6: In Chapter Four, I share my journey of “Looking for Love,” and how a dating app helped shake up my romantic life. Share your thoughts about online dating or an experience you had while doing online dating that made an impact on your life.

Well, I don’t actually know how many people you read my Blog are aware of this. My current partner and I met online and it was the same for me and my first serious relationship. So I completely believe that it can be great, but you have to be smart about it. I met my first partner in an AOL chat room (showing my age) and my current partner on an actual site.

Day 7: In Chapter Five, I write a letter to a past version of myself to share with her the struggles she would soon face. Write a letter to a past version of yourself, at any time in your life, letting her know that whatever is up ahead for her/him, she is ENOUGH to handle it.

Dear Lauren,

It’s okay. You will be okay. Never forget it’s okay to walk away and it’s okay to say it’s that it’s not okay anymore and you need to leave. IT IS OKAY!

Never judge your friends or loved ones by how you think…Never Ever

Now you may be asking why have I placed this under “Single in a small City” category?

I feel like it’s important how you treat your friends when you are single and they are in a relationship.

Your friends are not dating someone to hurt YOU…If they are, then they are pretty terrible friend really.

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(I don’t like Lena Dunham by the way, this is just a really good quote)

I was told a few years ago by a friend that she extremely jealous of us (her “friends”) being happy in relationships when she is single. Which is why she only told us that her boyfriend was abusing her…I was the only one single at the time…This is just a bad way of thinking, this is not a mentally healthy way to be and to think.

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Everybody on this planet walks a different path, very rarely two people will follow the exact same path. How you are when you’re single will be different from how someone else would be single…Which is why you cannot put your thoughts onto somebody else. That’s not fair. Just because my “friend” gets jealous when she’s single and we’re not…Doesn’t mean I’m anything like that. It’s not always about you.

I would hope that my readers are not the type of people who would think this. I can’t imagine why my old friend would have thought I’d be happier to hear that she’s being abused, and since I lived in a different state, there was little I could do. Or that she even had that to talk about in the first place. I don’t think like that, never have.

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My point is, if you are the type of person who gets this jealous…That you’d rather hear your friend is getting abused, than hear that they are happy…Please work on this. This is not healthy. This is not a healthy way to think. There is nothing wrong with being single. There’s no shame to it, embrace it, enjoy the freedoms that come along with it.

Otherwise, you too, could end up with an abuser.

I personally would rather be single for the rest of my life, than someone who is abusive towards me.

Work on this before you get into another relationship.

Those “first” crushes

When I say “first crushes” I am not talking about your very first crush in your childhood, or later in life…I’m not here to judge!

I am talking about those first crushes after you’ve been through a horrible break up and you suddenly meet someone and you can feel all those butterflies and suddenly incredibly so insecure.

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You feel like you can’t talk again, you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing. You feel like you understand those “love songs” again. The songs that used to make you feel sad and depressed and missing your ex, suddenly  don’t matter anymore. You’re suddenly feeling happy again and sometimes you feel a little guilty, because surely you have to be miserable…Right? No Way! You just want to tell everyone!

Where you can’t sleep, not because you’re thinking sad thoughts, but because you’re too busy how you’re going to get them to notice…You start talking to your friends about the littlest details about them.